Chapter 5

Kaitlyn avoided Jacob for the rest of the day. Which wasn’t hard, considering Jacob seemed to be doing the same. Was he angry? Or did he simply sense that Kaitlyn needed time to think? That she needed to be alone?

After all he’d done for her, it made her feel cruel.

And it wasn’t the only thing that was making her feel so terrible. The nuns—they continued with their strange behaviour. Even Grace. Whenever Kaitlyn tried to catch her eye, the girl would turn her face or hurry away to go do something.

As for the rest of Kaitlyn’s angels—she hadn’t seen them. And Kaitlyn wondered if it was difficult or uncomfortable for them to attract so much attention from the nuns. She was starting to miss them, especially Zeke. It would have also been nice to have a woman to talk to, before Kaitlyn reminded herself that Catherine wasn’t a woman at all. She was an angel in female form—that was all. She’d be no help to Kaitlyn.

Kaitlyn gripped onto her elbows with a shiver. She didn’t really love Satan, she knew, but that didn’t stop her from feeling sick over it.

For the rest of the day, she locked herself in her room, tormenting herself, hating herself. She tried to remember Zeke’s words:

And yet it was so hard! How could she just stop making herself feel guilty? Zeke was an angel; he had no idea about human conflict, about human emotion. To him they were just words. For him, it was easy.

Kaitlyn didn’t join the nuns for dinner, preferring to grab something directly from their kitchen and eating on her own in her room. Her dirty sheets were gone and Grace had been nice enough to make her bed. She thought of the stain with a wince.

It was starting to get dark. Putting her plate aside, she got dressed in her nightie and sat in her bed with her back against the wall, her arms wrapped around her knees.

She was really missing Rachel right now. She thought of Felicity and her purple hair. What were they both up to? Had they heard the news? Did they think she was a murderer like the police did? Did they know she was involved in the assault on the police station? She imagined people out searching for her everywhere. She was walking on a knife’s edge. The angels surely knew the extent of it and had to be keeping it secret from her. Including Jacob.

Kaitlyn bit her lip. Maybe that was why the nuns were so unfriendly. Maybe they were thinking the same thing.

Murderer.

Kaitlyn’s heart skipped a beat. What if they told someone? She laid her cheek against her knees. No. Jacob had been certain that it was safe here. The nuns might not like her but surely they wouldn’t betray her.

Kaitlyn winced as she thought of Father Bartholomew. It was dark enough now that she was forced to switch on her lamp before the shadows grew too thick and her imagination ran wild with demons and monsters. Her chest felt heavy. Her shoulders seemed to weigh her down. A tear rolled down her cheek. How she ached. She was so sick of being alone.

She missed Jacob so much. What was worse was the thought that he might be missing her too, lying alone in bed, bereft of God’s light along with Kaitlyn’s warmth. What had he said to her?

Her heart thumped. Was he thinking about her? Just as she was thinking about him?

Kaitlyn knew she didn’t deserve him but it didn’t stop her from getting to her feet. Slipping on her slippers, she opened the door and left her room, creeping down the darkened hall. All the nuns’ bedroom doors were closed. It was so quiet she could hear the ringing in her ears. She could hear the pounding of her heart. Light glimmered faintly from the dimmed lights in the nave.

Kaitlyn paused as she entered the grand room. Unlike the hall, it was empty.

The angel lifted her head. She was sitting in one of the pews with her hood pulled off. Catherine—her magnificent dreads and clear crystal blue eyes gleaming within the light of her aura. Her smooth dark skin shone. She raised her perfect eyebrows. ‘You’re not with Jacob?’

‘I’m-I’m going to him now.’

‘Good,’ she said. ‘He shouldn’t be alone.’

Kaitlyn cleared her throat as a warm flush rose up her neck and spread into her cheeks. ‘You—you don’t mind my going to him?’

‘Why should I mind?’

‘Because I’m the one who made him this way.’

Catherine shook her magnificent head. ’

made himself this way. It was the path he chose.’

Kaitlyn swallowed. There were so many questions she wanted to ask, woman to woman. There were so many things she needed to lay bare. But the words wouldn’t come. So, all she said was, ‘Where are the others?’

‘Out keeping the abbey safe. We have many lives to protect.’

Kaitlyn grimaced. All it did was make her feel worse. Kaitlyn’s presence was putting Grace and the other nuns in danger. If Satan found her, what would he do to the abbey? What would The Fallen do to all these innocent women? She’d never forgive herself.

Catherine’s eyebrows rose higher. ‘Is something wrong, Kaitlyn?’

Kaitlyn took a breath. So many words on the tip of her tongue. So many feelings demanding expression. So much guilt to unload. She shook her head. Kaitlyn could feel the angel’s eyes on her back as she hurried down the hall towards Jacob’s room.

She raised her fist to knock but hesitated. What if he was already asleep? There was no light beaming from beneath the door. She stood for several moments, rocking on her heels as she bit her lip.

Quietly, she twisted the handle and opened the door a crack. It was dark—too dark. Darkness was where demons lay. Kaitlyn’s heart thundered as she looked around, seeing too many shadows, seeing too many figures. Sweat dampened the hair around her ears.

Taking deep breaths, she tried to control her fear—unsuccessfully. Lurching across the room, she fumbled with the switch of Jacob’s lamp but couldn’t find it. Her hands were trembling. Dizzy, she staggered. Where the hell was the damn switch!

She knocked something off his side table. A shadow stirred in Jacob’s bed. ‘Who’s there?’

Kaitlyn clutched at her chest as she started to wheeze.

‘Kaitlyn?’ Jacob sat up and turned on the lamp. His eyes widened. ‘Kaitlyn? What’s wrong?’

She waved him away as he climbed out of bed to help her. Bending over her knees, she gasped for breath. Just as the light chased away the shadows, so did it chase away her fears, and she started to think clearly again. ‘I’m-I’m fine,’ she finally managed between breaths.

Jacob frowned. Finally, Kaitlyn straightened. Resting her hands on top of her head as though she’d just run a race, she slowly caught her breath.

‘Hold me,’ Kaitlyn gasped.

Jacob pulled her against him wordlessly, without question, without judgement. Kaitlyn took a shuddering breath as she pressed her face into his shoulder.

‘I’m sorry for today,’ she said.

‘Don’t apologise. I understand.’

’No. I to apologise.’ She pulled back so she could look him in the face. ‘I’ve been weak and I’m sorry. I’m trying to be strong. I’m trying to control my emotions. But it’s hard. After all that you’ve done for me. After all that you’ve sacrificed …’ She shook her head.

Jacob’s eyes were bright in the light of the lamp. ‘That was my choice, Kaitlyn.’

‘I know! But it doesn’t matter. I can’t take this guilt anymore. Satan and I, we-we made love again, while-while I slept beside you. And I liked it. I liked it! Despite what I feel about you, I can’t resist him—and I’m sorry …’ She pulled out of his arms, disgusted with herself.

Jacob opened his mouth to say something.

‘No,’ Kaitlyn continued. ‘Let me finish. It’s not only that, but I told him I loved him. And I’m-and I’m not sure that it’s completely a lie. Despite the terrible things he does to me, despite the-the monster that he is, I have feelings for him.’ Closing her eyes, she wrapped her arms around herself. ’When all is said and done, I to see him. I want to see him so badly.’

Kaitlyn hung her head.

‘And there’s more.’ Kaitlyn swallowed. She felt herself blush. How could she tell him? How could she tell a man like Jacob that she could very well be pregnant with his enemy’s baby? And how could she tell him that it had happened right beside him in this very bed? ‘I-I don’t know how to-to tell you this …’

‘No more, Kaitlyn. I’ve heard enough.’ Kaitlyn sucked in a breath as he took her gently by the hips and pulled her close. ‘Look at me.’

Reluctantly, Kaitlyn lifted her eyes. ‘You’re angry.’

He was frowning. His forehead was deeply furrowed. Kaitlyn felt like a bucket of ice had just been unloaded on top of her.

‘I’m angry, yes—but not with you.’ He tightened his grip on her hips. ’I hate him, Kaitlyn. Just as much as I know do. Remember what I told you? That I loved him once too? Loved him enough to turn away from God Himself. You feel guilty about betraying me. Now you know a little of how I felt when I betrayed God.’

He touched her cheek, then leaned in to press his forehead against hers. ‘We will destroy him, Kaitlyn. Together. It is only a matter of time.’

‘Do you really believe that?’

‘Of course I do. We have God on our side. We have love on our side.’

She bit her lip. ‘Can I—can I stay with you tonight?’

He kissed her on the head, then lifted her face to kiss her on the mouth. ‘What do you think?’

Kaitlyn chuckled tearfully.

‘How have you been anyway?’ she asked, as he drew her to the bed. Though he looked better than yesterday there were still lines around his eyes and his shoulders were slumped.

‘Better,’ he said.

‘And your wings? Any pain?’

He shook his head as he sat on the edge of his bed. ‘No pain but they are awkward getting around.’

‘Have any of the nuns noticed?’

‘Most likely. My cloak doesn’t quite cover them.’ He nodded at it. It was hanging on the wall across the room.

‘Can I-can I touch them?’

He smiled. ‘Of course you can.’

Kaitlyn climbed onto the bed next to him. Tentatively, she reached out her hand. They felt so wonderful beneath her fingertips, like silk. ‘They’re so soft,’ she said. ‘Can you feel me touching you?’

‘No.’

She continued to stroke them. ‘Can they fly like real wings?’

He laughed. ’They real wings.’ He watched her stroking him with a smile. ‘Yes, I can fly, but not like I used to. I won’t be able to fly great distances and carry heavy weights. To be honest, they’re kind of useless.’

’They are useless,’ Kaitlyn huffed. ‘I wish I had them.’

Their eyes met. Kaitlyn felt a tingle at the look he was giving her. She shrieked when he suddenly pulled her into his lap. She shrieked again as he pushed his face into her neck and nuzzled her. ‘Jacob!’ It was such a surprise, not something she suspected from the likes of him. Grabbing at his hair, she playfully pulled him away. ‘Be careful! They’ll hear us!’

‘So what?’ He nuzzled her ear with a sigh. ‘I’ve missed you all day.’ He kissed her on the lips. Kaitlyn kissed him back. Softly, then desperately.

Kaitlyn pushed him flat in the bed. Lifting her leg over his hips, she pinned his shoulders down, straddling him. Then she pulled off her nightie, tossing it onto the floor. He didn’t seem to care one little bit about her imperfect body, about her lopsided breasts or the fat around her belly. Instead, he raked his glittering eyes over her hungrily. Her skin prickled as they trailed over every curve, every arch, every bump. When he next looked into her eyes, she saw his amazement.

Kaitlyn’s heart swelled. She couldn’t help but laugh. ‘You really have no idea about anything, do you?’

He grinned. Then his eyes fell to her breasts and stayed there.

‘Go ahead. Touch them,’ Kaitlyn said.

‘Are you sure?’

‘Of course I’m sure!’

‘It’s such a strange thing. Before my transformation I hardly noticed them. Now …’ He shook his head. ‘They make me feel things I’ve never felt before.’

‘It’s because you’re more of a man now. And men are obsessed with breasts.’

His forehead crinkled up. ‘Why?’

‘Maybe you should ask God that.’

He raised his eyebrows. Laughter filled his face.

‘What’s so funny?’ she asked.

‘I’m just imagining myself asking Him that question.’ Lifting his hands, he rested his palms against her nipples, spreading his fingers wide so that he could grip at her breasts. ‘They feel so good.’

Kaitlyn laid her hands atop of his. His cheeks were pink. His eyes were bright. And he was panting. Pulling his hands away, she wriggled in close enough that she could lean her breasts over his face. He didn’t need encouragement, kissing her on the nipples before taking her left one in his mouth.

With a groan, he grabbed her hips. Releasing her breast, he took in the other one. He was so gentle, so tender and yet a little frantic. His hands tightened further around her hips.

He released her with a wince.

‘What’s wrong?’ Kaitlyn asked.

‘My pants are too tight.’

Kaitlyn looked down between them.

He was so hard he was standing up like a tentpole.

‘Another thing I can’t get used to.’ He bit his lip. ‘I can’t control it. It gets so overwhelming sometimes. Especially-especially around you.’

Kaitlyn’s heart was beating madly. Leaning over, she mashed her lips against his and then they were tumbling in the sheets—as much as they could tumble in such a small cot. It was awkward and small and it made them both laugh.

Somehow they managed to get both their bottoms off: Kaitlyn’s underwear, Jacob’s thin pants. His wings seemed to be everywhere. There seemed to be more of him than the bed. She rolled on them, crushing their feathers. More feathers flew in the air. They were in her hands and mouth and eyes. The bed creaked dangerously but not dangerously enough to stop them. They tried to keep quiet but it was impossible. Jacob’s laughter boomed around the room. Kaitlyn’s squeals were so high-pitched they made her own ears ring.

Jacob pressed his lips to Kaitlyn’s throat. Kaitlyn arched her neck with a gasp, gripping his big shoulders as she spread her legs. He didn’t need help this time, gliding easily inside. Kaitlyn sucked in a breath as he started to rock against her, moving in time with her own hips.

She moved her hands to the base of his wings where they sprouted near his shoulder blades, finding a better hold. Gripping them tightly, she thrust up against him, arching her chest against his as she took him in deeply.

Jacob’s head was buried in her neck as he gasped and grunted and huffed. Kaitlyn pressed her face into his hair, gritting her teeth as she tightened her thighs around his hips. Then he quivered and she felt the hard pulse of his shaft deep inside her, sending her over the edge with a choking cry.

They held each other, panting, sweating, their limbs entangled. Jacob gave her an abashed schoolboy smile before nuzzling her cheek. He kissed her on the corner of her jaw, then slumped against her as he took a satisfied breath.

Kaitlyn wrapped her arms around his shoulders. ‘I love you so much.’

‘I love you too.’ Taking her face, he kissed her on the lips.

Slipping off her onto his hip, he rested his big hand on her shoulder as he gazed into her eyes. Kaitlyn kissed him on the chin, then buried her face into his chest. He stroked her hair. Kaitlyn stretched her body against him, letting herself enjoy it. She closed her eyes as one of his wings curved over her like a blanket. She felt so safe, like she was in a cocoon, protected from the rest of the world.

In the quiet stillness that descended, she noticed something unusual. She jerked her eyes open at the familiar but unexpected thudding against her ear. It was beating rapidly. A heartbeat. He had a heart! She knew he was more human now and yet it hadn’t crossed her mind that he would be a full man. Kaitlyn glanced up at him. His eyes were closed and he was smiling as he continued to stroke her hair.

Somehow it made her love him more.