Chapter 10 – Viewtube

Monday, October 5

“Good morning, master!” I barked as I jumped up on his bed. It was light outside, and I’d just heard him move in his bed. That meant he was awake. I knew I wasn’t supposed to wake him up, but once he was awake, he didn’t mind. I licked his face once.

“Ooh,” he groaned, and then he stretched. “You know you’re not supposed to be on the bed.” Master looked at me, but he wasn’t angry.

“C’mon, master. I know you don’t mind.” I whined at him.

“You know, this is pretty darn cool that we can understand each other. I’ve always wanted to understand your barks and have you understand what I wanted.”

“I kind of did,” I put in a little yelp.

“Yeah, but now you know exactly. Jump on the floor!”

I jumped. I knew Master was in a playful mood. I was always ready to play.

“Back up!”

Back on the bed, I hopped and wagged my tail. “This is fun,” my tail said.

“Race you to the kitchen!” We raced down the hall. My nails skittered on the slick floor, but I was winning! Then I had to turn. I skidded right past the kitchen while Master stepped in behind me.

“I won!” he laughed.

“Let’s do it again!” I barked.

“How about we get some breakfast? I’ve got to get ready for work.”

I’d forgotten about breakfast! I was always ready for food. “Yes!” I barked and ran to my bowl. I picked it up and carried it to Master and then dropped it.

“Very good! Now just wait, while I get your food.”

I was so impatient for the food. “I’m hungry!” I whined.

“I know.” Master loaded the food into my bowl. “Enjoy.” He put it on the floor.

Yummy! My tail wagged my joy.

I got a drink and went outside to go potty.

When I came back through the dog door, Master said, “Spot, do you want to go to work with me?”

“Yes!” I barked.

“Follow me to the car.”

I followed him to the garage and hopped in the car. I loved watching out the windows while Master drove. It was even better if he opened the window so I could stick my head out. Say, I wondered if I could open it? Master always pushed something on the door to open it. I pushed around with my paw until the window came down. Yay!

“So you learned how to open the window?” Master said. I barked, “Yes,” but I was confused. It seemed to be a question but he already knew the answer. Maybe he’d explain.

“Hmm, I wonder if you could drive a car?”

Another question, but he wasn’t asking me. I barked anyway. “Yes! I’d love to.” How hard could it be?

We stopped and got out of the car. “This is my HossFit gym,” he said. I ran around outside smelling all the scents, wagging my tail. There was Master’s smell and lots of other people.

“I thought I’d show you what we do, and you can help me make a Viewtube video.”

“What’s Viewtube? What’s a video?” I barked.

“It’ll be easier to show you than tell you.” We entered the building.

It smelled interesting. A lot of male humans had sweated a lot and some female ones. Master placed his phone on something like three sticks and then began lifting metal things. He talked, but not to me, so I didn’t pay attention.

Unauthorized reproduction: this story has been taken without approval. Report sightings.

“Hey Spot! Bring me those weights over there.” He pointed to some smaller metal things. They were covered with rubber and were easy to pick up. I brought one to him.

“Good boy! Go get the other one.”

I did so, and he started moving with them in his hand and talking again. Maybe he liked talking like I did, barking?

He finished talking and got his phone. He poked at it for a while, and then he said, “Spot! Come here. Take a look at this.”

I came and he showed me a little picture of himself on the phone. He touched it and it started moving and talking, just like he’d done before.

“Cool,” I yipped. “But why?”

“Everyone around the world can see and hear me talk about my business. You know how you like to exercise, don’t you?”

“You bet!”

“So do people. Now I have an idea for you to do a video as well. I have some customers, but not enough. They pay me money. That’s where your dog food comes from—and your ball.”

“Oh, no!” I yipped and whined.

“Oh, yes. Without money, no food for either of us—or toys.”

“What do you want me to do?” I wagged my tail a little, hoping I could help.

“Help me make this video,” Josh said, putting his camera on a tripod.

Josh’s girlfriend came up. She had light-colored fur on her head. I could tell he was interested in her by his smell. I liked her because of the smell of her sweat. She gave me treats sometimes.

“Why don’t you breed with her?” I barked.

“Wha—? Did he just talk? Did he say what I thought he said?” she said.

“Oh no! You shut up!” Master yelled at me. I whined. I didn’t know why.

“Are you talking to your dog now, Josh?” she asked him. “I know dogs can’t talk. Did you pull a ventriloquist joke on me?” She frowned and seemed angry.

“Yes!” I barked. Then I remembered I was supposed to be quiet. I whined to apologize.

“He’s talking! I understand him. Or is that you?”

“No!” Josh barked at me. “Not you, Bella. I’m trying to get Spot to quiet down.”

“I know that’s you, Josh. Your dog sounds like you. Why would you pull that trick on me? I like you okay, but we’re not that good of friends that you can get away with this.” She smelled angry.

“Uh, he’s really smart.” Master seemed uncertain to me.

“We’re not talking about the dog. We’re talking about you and me. If you can’t give me a good explanation or apology, we’re through.”

“Uh—“ Master looked stunned. He smelled afraid. I whined in sympathy. His girlfriend kept looking at him and she smelled even angrier.

“Okay. Bye.” She left the building.

“What am I going to do with you, Spot?” He knelt and petted me. I wagged furiously. “I love that! So you’re not mad at me?”

“Nah. I didn’t know where I stood with her. Obviously, she didn’t care enough to hear an explanation. Well, we might as well go for broke.”

“What do you mean?” I barked.

Then he said, “Okay, Spot. Here are three dog food bowls.”

“Food? This is getting interesting!” I spun around and jumped.

“Look carefully at the words on each. I’ll only tell you once.”

I sat and watched him.

He pointed to the letters on the side of the bowl. “This bowl says ‘Food’. Say that back to me, so I know you understand.”

“Food,” I barked.

“Good. This bowl says, ‘Good’. That looks like ‘food’ but is different. Say ‘good’.”

“Good,” I wagged my tail.

“And this bowl says, ‘Wood’. That comes from trees. You like to pee on them. Say ‘Wood’.”

“Wood,” I said. My tongue hung out in laughter as I yipped. This was getting pretty funny.

“All right. Stay here.” Josh crossed the gym while one of the other people in the gym watched him from the rowing machine.

Josh opened my dog food bag and put a scoop in one of the bowls. I could smell it, and I started drooling.

Josh put the bowls down, covered them with dishes, and then came to my side. “Now, Spot. One of these bowls had your food in it, but you don’t know which one. Right?”

“Right,” I barked.

“Listen carefully. You’ll only get the food if you follow my instructions. Can you see and read all the words on the bowls?”

I looked at the bowls on the ground. I could read all of them, but each was covered. I couldn’t see inside.

“Yes,” I barked.

“Go to the bowl that says’ Wood’ and fetch what’s inside back to me.”

I raced to that bowl and knocked off the plate. There was a stick inside. I grabbed it and raced back to Josh and dropped it into his hand.

“Good boy! What do you think of that, Bill?”

The man on the rowing machine said, “Pretty smart of him. How long did it take you to train him?”

“No time at all. He’s really reading the signs.”

“C’mon. Dogs can’t read.”

“I’ll prove it. You switch the signs around however you wish. Then you pick which one he goes to.”

“Okay, you’re on.” Bill jogged to the bowls. He rearranged them and switched the signs around. Then he came back.

“Which one do you want him to go to?”

“Go to the ‘Good’ bowl, Spot.” He looked at me.

I looked at Master. He said, “Go, Spot.”

I raced there and knocked off the plate. The ‘Good’ bowl was empty.

“Bring back the plate,” Bill said.

I grabbed it and brought it to Bill’s hand. “Good boy. Do you want your food?”

I wagged, “Yes!”

“Go to the ‘Wood’ bowl and eat what’s in it.”

I ran back. The ‘Wood’ bowl had the food! Yum! It was good. I ran back to Master and sat.

“I can’t believe it.” Bill shook his head. “You know, Josh, this kind of creeps me out. How smart is he?”

“I don’t really know. But I’m going to post this on my Viewtube channel. Maybe he’ll drum up some business.”

“Don’t forget us loyal members when you get famous. Will we still get the founding member discounts?”

“Of course, Bill. Don’t worry. All I need is about double the members I have now, and I’ll make a decent income. Do you think this video will help?”

“Oh yeah. People love smart dog videos.”

“I’ll put it on my HossFit channel right away, then.”