Chapter 16 – Viral

Tuesday, October 6th

I woke up before Josh, went out my dog door, and peed. A raccoon had been in our yard and I peed on its scat. After scuffing the grass, I went back inside and jumped on Josh’s bed. He didn’t mind when I did that in the morning.

I curled up next to him. He moaned and said, “Is it 6 am already?” He turned on his phone and groaned again. “I’d better get moving. Wait. What’s this?” He peered at his glowing phone. “One thousand nine hundred and eighty-three notices from Viewtube? What’s going on?”

I knew that was a big number, much bigger than three, or even ten. I couldn’t understand why Josh cared about big numbers. But that’s why he was the master and I was a dog. He fed me, played with me, and petted me. What more could I want?

“Spot! Those are comments on our video! We’ve got over a hundred thousand views! We’re famous!”

Josh smelled excited and I got excited too. “That’s great!” I barked. “What does ‘famous’ mean?”

“That means a lot of people know us and like us.”

“Oh,” I whined. “So does that mean we’ll get food and toys?”

“You bet! Let’s see how this has monetized.” He poked his forepaw at the phone.

“So, somewhere around five hundred dollars, so far. That’s enough dog food for a year.”

“Wow!” I barked.

“Not so loud. But it might be more. We don’t know how many views we’ll end up with. It’s just been over twelve hours now. Let’s have breakfast.”

I had my morning dog food, which filled the hole in my stomach. Josh’s food smelled better. I knew the smell was ‘bacon’. I whined until he gave me a piece. Then I licked his plate.

“You know, for the world’s smartest dog, you still act like a dog.” Josh looked down at me.

“I AM a dog,” I barked proudly.

“Crap, we’re already over a hundred and fifty thousand views. Let’s get to the HossFit gym and see if it brought in any real customers.”

“Right.” I wagged as I followed him to the car.

A line of people waiting to get in greeted us when we got there at 7 am.

“Sorry to keep you waiting folks!” Josh opened the door.

“Is that Spot? Ooh, could I pet him?”

“Sure.”

A female ran up to me and rubbed my ears. She was a new customer. I hadn’t smelled her before.

“She’s new,” I barked to Josh.

“A lot of you are new here. Let’s get you registered.” A line formed at Josh’s office.

“Yeah, I saw your video with your dog. I wanted to get into shape and you’re right in town, so I thought I’d check you out.” said a man as he swiped his credit card.

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“Me too.” said the woman who petted me. “I brought my boyfriend along. He didn’t believe me or the video.”

“I’ll join too if your dog does something smart.” He crossed his arms across his chest and looked aggressively at me and Josh. I looked to Josh for a clue.

“Sure. Spot, go out and bring the sign with ‘Food’ on it from yesterday.

I got it and dropped it at the desk.

“That was probably luck. Bring a sign without the word food on it.”

“Spot, go get another sign.”

I got the ‘Good’ sign and dropped it at the man’s feet.

“Hmm. So you can fetch signs. But can you read them?” He laughed.

“Food!” I barked at the first one and I made sure he understood me.

“Good!” I pawed the other one and looked at the man. His mouth hung open.

“Squee! He TALKS!” His girlfriend squealed. All the people in the office were talking at once.

“I guess I have to sign up. I understood his barks. That’s a new one for me.”

“I knew you’d believe it if you saw the dog Chet.”

“You’re right, Thelma. I’ll get my money back.”

“How?”

“I’ll bet with Leroy and Fred about this dog. They love to bet and will fall for it.”

The new members got signed up and Josh began training them in basic HossFit exercises.

New people came in all day. I got lots of petting and showed off my talking and reading to them. We closed up at seven that night and we got in the car.

“Let’s go and celebrate, Spot. Do you want a hamburger, chicken sandwich, or fish fillet?”

We pulled up to the food building. “You mean to eat with you?” l yipped doubtfully.

“Yeah. You’ve brought in almost half a million views on Viewtube and we have fifty new members. We’re in the money, Spot! You can have whatever you want.”

I smelled the great smells coming from the food place. “Let me have the fish!” My bark rang loudly in the car, but Josh just laughed.

“Once fish fillet for you and a double quarter pounder for me with cheese.”

“Cheese for me too!”

“Okay.”

The next day there another line of people blocked the door, even bigger than the day before.

“Woah, I’m going to have to hire someone to manage the new people and enter them in.” Josh looked at me. I waited for him.

“Or, I could train you. Just watch me and repeat what I say.”

We went into the office. “Okay, I’m training my new employee here, Spot.” Everyone laughed.

“Say ‘hi’, Spot.”

“Hi,” I barked.

Heads snapped toward me. “Did he say ‘hi’?”

“He sure did.”

“I think you’re just imagining it.”

“Not all of us.”

“Yes, Spot makes himself understood when he barks. Now, pay here by passing your credit card through the reader. Repeat that, Spot.”

It didn’t make much sense to me, but I yipped, “Pass your credit card through the reader.”

People gasped. But Josh said, “Good boy, Spot.”

“After you’ve paid, put your name and email address down on this list, and indicate which session you’ll join, 7 am, 9 am, 11 am, 1 pm, 3 pm, or 5 pm. We close at 7 pm. Repeat that, Spot.”

That made a little more sense. People were saying when they wanted to get sweaty. I repeated it. I had no trouble remembering Josh’s words, even if I didn’t understand them all.

“Your dog is even more amazing in person Josh.” said one guy.

“You should call this ‘Spot’s HossFit gym’. That’s what my friend called it. I didn’t believe her, but Spot is fantastic.” a young female spoke.

I wagged my tail because of their attention.

Josh looked at me. “You like that, Spot? Maybe I’ll do that. There’s no sense in fighting the rising tide.”

“What?” I whined at Josh.

“The rising tide. A flood of water. You can’t fight it. You just swim with the current.”

I understood swimming with the current. I had swum in a river while Josh canoed. “I got it!” My yip came out as almost a howl.

Everyone laughed. Josh went to teach his classes and I got people registered for the rest of the day.

On our way home that night, Josh said, “Whew! What a day! You got a hundred and five people registered. You’re a good employee!”

“Is that like a good boy?” I barked.

“Just like it. Do you want a fish fillet again?”

“Let me have that hamburger with cheese.” I couldn’t keep the excitement out of my yip.

“You got it. I’ll have two chicken sandwiches. I’m hungry.”

While we gobbled our food in the parking lot, Josh looked at his phone. “Huh. This gal sent me a video of you registering people. Let’s watch it.”

There I was, in front of a line of people, barking at them. The words didn’t come through, but the people understood me. The girl who took the video translated my barks, while she giggled.

“That was pretty good, wasn’t it Spot?”

“You bet!”

“She permitted me to upload it to my video channel. Here goes. Our last video’s at a million and a half views. I wonder what this’ll get?”

The next morning Josh said he had a voice message from Jimmy Fellon.

“Who’s that?” I barked.

“You’ll find out. We’re going on his nighttime TV show.”