19

19

An Accident

"JESUS CHRIST, you look terrible," Phoenix said as Kendall opened her apartment door. It was Sunday, and also an entire week since Kendall broke up with Ryan. Kendall was dressed in one of Ryan's plain black t-shirts and baggy gray sweatpants.

"Thanks," Kendall said sarcastically.

"Why are you dodging my calls and texts? I've been trying to tell you all week that Maria said yes."

"Congratulations," Kendall said sincerely with a weak smile.

Phoenix gasped. "What the hell happened to your wrists?" She took Kendall's arm and observed the yellowish-brown remnants of the bruise that was now fading. "Did Ryan do this to you?"

Kendall remained silent. "I swear to God, I'm going to kick his ass," Phoenix said. "What happened?"

"I kept telling him to leave, and he got so angry with me," Kendall recalled, sitting on the edge of her bed. "I should've listened to him. God why didn't I listen to him?" Kendall put her head in her hands. "I broke up with him because I was scared. I mean, the way he looked at me . . ."

"Kendall," Phoenix interrupted, "it's not your fault. I, for one, think you're so much better without him."

"I know, but . . . I don't even know why I miss him. He hasn't texted or called since it happened. Is it wrong for me to miss him?"

"No, not at all," Phoenix replied. "You can't stop caring for a person right away; that's just how these things work. But you are Kendall-fucking-Morgan, and you can get through this."

Although Kendall knew that Phoenix was right, it still felt like the emotional pain Kendall was going through would last forever. Kendall wasn't even sure if she loved Ryan, and she wasn't sure why she cared so much. Ryan was the type of guy to get into your head and drive you crazy whether or not you were around him.

"Now, you need to submit that song to GSR and drag your lazy ass to the airport, because you have a flight to catch."

Kendall fell backwards into her pillow. "I'll send the song, but I'm not in the mood to go home right now."

"Bullshit." Phoenix pulled the pillow out from under Kendall and hit her with it. "Get up before I drag you to LAX myself."

Reluctantly, Kendall stood up. "Fine."

★

For some odd reason, home was something that no longer felt familiar to Kendall. Everything had remained the same since she left Georgia, but at the same time everything looked different. Maybe it was because she had gotten used to California. LA was her home now, and everything that she had grown attached to was there. Here new life was there.

Although she didn't know why, Kendall was anxious. She had no idea what her mother would say to her once she opened the front door, or how she'd react. Kendall didn't know why her mom wanted to see her. She had tried to rule out all of the negative possibilities, but they kept worming their way back into her mind. Not wanting to think about it any longer, Kendall takes a deep breath and rings the doorbell.

Not long after, Kendall's father opened the door. "Hey, Ken," he says with a smile as he pulls her into a hug. "How've you been?"

Kendall released her father and gave him a warm smile. "I've been okay, I guess. What about you?"

"Pretty good." He stepped aside to let Kendall in.

"Where's Mom?"

"She's upstairs. She'll be down in a minute." Kendall's dad coughed awkwardly. "So, tell me about this actor you're dating."

Kendall sat on the couch, wishing the cushions would swallow her whole. "I'd rather not."

"Hello, Kendall."

Kendall stiffened at the sound of her mother's voice. It was one that she had heard all her life, but it felt like she would never get used to it. Her mom's voice had a natural condescending tone. Even if she wasn't trying to be rude, it would still seem like it.

Kendall turned to look at her mother. They were complete opposites, aside from a few features. Her mother's straight, blonde hair fell neatly on her back.

"Hey, Mom," Kendall said, standing up from the couch.

"You could have dressed like you wanted to see me," Kendall's mom said, scanning her daughter's attire with her dark hazel eyes.

"Kelly—"

"Could you not insult me for five minutes, Mom?"

Kelly exhaled. "All right." She turned and began to walk up the stairs. "Follow me. Robert, please stay down here."

Sighing, Kendall followed her mom up the stairs and into her old bedroom. It almost felt surreal being in the space where she had spent most of her time growing up. She could barely recognize the room because all of its decorations had been removed. Kendall found it funny that a room could seem so empty once all signs of life were taken away. You'd never know if someone had lived there before.

Kelly sat on the bare mattress and patted the space next to her, so Kendall sat. "What'd you want to talk to me about?"

"I'm divorcing your father," Kelly said abruptly, causing Kendall to nearly choke. "I'm also sick."

Kendall's face morphed from confusion to concern. "You're sick?" she repeated hoarsely.

"Breast cancer, but it's small. I'm getting a mastectomy next month."

"Does Dad know? About anything you just told me?" Kendall managed to choke out.

"No. That's why I've asked you here. The news might be easier to hear with you around."

"How long have you known about the cancer?"

Kendall's mom shrugged. "About two weeks, now."

It would be an understatement to say that Kendall was devastated. But she didn't want to cry in front of her mom because Kelly believed that there was no use in crying. She had said countless times that tears brought nothing but salty cheeks. That's the way it always had been with Kelly. Kendall had always seen her as a bold, strong woman. She couldn't even imagine her mom sick in bed, and she didn't want to.

Kendall felt her heart break a little as she pulled her mother into a hug. "Why do you want to divorce Dad?"

"Because I can't trust him. He let you run off to Los Angeles and completely disregarded my thoughts."

Kendall stood up, her eyes narrowed. "You're still mad about that? God, get over it, Mom."

"Of course I'm still upset, Kendall," Kelly replied, standing up to meet her daughter's eyes. "You threw your entire future away, and for what? To work in a coffee shop and date an actor who's bound to break your heart?"

Tears welled up in Kendall's eyes and her blood boiled. She didn't understand why her mother couldn't just nod and support her. She couldn't even begin to comprehend why her mom could never be proud of her.

Nothing Kendall did was ever good enough, and she was tired of it.

"What the hell do you want from me? I've lived my entire life trying to live up to your expectations, but I'm done. I'm going to live my life the way I want to. Moving to LA was the best thing I've ever done, and it wasn't a waste. Maybe if you just picked up the goddamn phone, you'd know that I am so close to a record deal."

"Kendall, I—"

"Stop. I don't need you to be fucking proud of me anymore, because I'm proud of my-fucking-self. Now, please, leave me the fuck alone."

Kendall's mom remained silent for a moment, a look of shock imprinted on her face. She gave Kendall one last glance before exiting the room, making sure to close the door softly behind her.

For the remainder of the day and most of the night, Kendall stayed in her bed, thinking of how good it felt to finally tell her mom how she felt. It was a weird, yet somehow powerful feeling to tell someone off. But Kendall knew that she'd apologize the next day.

It was around midnight or so when Kendall fell asleep. And it was exactly 4:56 a.m. when her phone rang beside her.

Still half asleep, Kendall picked up the phone and mumbled: "Hello?"

"Sorry to be calling so late, but this is Ryan's mother."

She paused.

"He's been in an accident."

©2019 Brianna Loriston

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