Chapter 33: Our Secret Moments: Chapter 33

YOU CAN ARGUE ALL you want about what the best day of the year is, but we all know there is something extremely magical about New Year’s Eve. I’ll have a load of anxiety throughout the day until the next morning, but that doesn’t make it any less magical.

There’s something so comforting about being surrounded by my friends in a random house as we sing and dance along to Christmas songs and old 2000’s hits waiting for the ball to drop on the flatscreen in the living room. And this year, that feeling has grown tenfold because it’s Connor’s hand I have on my back as we move through the crowds.

I honestly didn’t think I would have ended up back at Jason Bassey’s party after the way the last one ended, but it’s given me a boyfriend, so I shouldn’t really complain. Not only that, but it’s given me the chance to hope again, to dream, to want.

We tried to time our arrivals so we would be the first two here out of everyone in our friendship group. Connor picked me up with Wes and apparently Archer has been on duty to pick up Elle and Nora twenty minutes from now. We got here over half-

an-hour ago, so we’ll have almost an hour to ourselves until they turn up.

Which is why I can’t help myself and when we’re deep into the crowded room, I lean up and kiss him deeply on his full lips. He stumbles slightly in surprise, but I tug on his shirt, keeping him close to me and he smiles against my mouth.

“What was that for?” he mumbles, pulling back from me, grinning. I absentmindedly run my hand through his thick hair, resting my hand on his neck.

“Just because,” I shrug, giving him another kiss before starting to walk beside him.

It’s not just because. Well, mostly it is, but it’s also the fact that the music is just right and I want him. There’s always that fear of someone catching us and I want to be a little reckless. Plus, he looks so fucking hot today. He always does, but today especially.

His hair is messy because the second he got to my door and I answered it, he pushed me against the closed door and kissed me like his life depended on it. He’s wearing dark pants and a white button down with his sleeves rolled up, showing off his huge tanned arms.

He’s got this new sense of confidence around him. Maybe it’s because I’ve stopped my weekly interrogations and the play-offs have been going incredibly well for the Titans. Either way, he looks happy and comfortable and I love that for him.

He slings his arm around my shoulder, tugging me into his side as we walk around. I’m surprised no one has said anything to us yet. Part of me has been waiting until we get caught and another part of me is too afraid to straight-out tell Nora what’s going on between us. Besides, Connor is one of the most popular guys on campus so I’m surprised people aren’t drooling at his feet right now.

It feels good having these secret moments between us and I’ve been resisting the urge to soft launch our relationship on Instagram. I know we have to wait a little longer until I’m fully comfortable with the idea of telling Nora.

“What would you do if I just blabbed and told every living soul that we’re together?” I ask when we get to a quieter corner of the house. We’re both leaning against the windowsill, using the warmth from the radiator beneath us. “Like, would you completely freak out, or what?”

He looks down at me, a lazy grin hanging off his lips. “If I could scream at the top of my lungs that you’re my girlfriend, I would do it in a heartbeat, you know that.”

“Do I?” I tease, unable to stop myself from curling my hands into the bottom of his shirt.

“Do you want me to prove it?” he argues, squinting his eyes at me. My heartbeat increases at the challenge in his voice and I nod, running my hand over his stomach, feeling him tense beneath me.

He steps away from me and I’m ready for him to do whatever he’s suggesting to prove it to me, but a brunette I have only spoken to in passing steps in beside us.

Hailey Dermont is known across campus as a playgirl. I never talk down on women, but this one makes me see red. If she was all up over someone else’s man I would have questioned her from afar, but having her this close to Connor makes my blood boil when there’s nothing I can do.

Hailey is a gossip, and if I tried to tell her to stay away from him, she would blab to every single sophomore at Drayton and that is not the kind of attention I need right now. I’ve had a public relationship before, and I know how easily they can blow up in your face. The last thing I want is to put us in the spotlight.

Just as I expected, she completely ignores my existence as she steps closer to Connor with her back to me, but I can still hear her whispering. “So, Con, it’s been a long time.” Just the sound of her voice makes acid pool in my stomach.

“Not really,” he replies, his tone clearly bored. “I saw you at the game. You know, when you had Oli’s number on your cheek.”

She laughs so loud I swear my eardrums almost burst. I know my man is funny, but he’s not that funny. Connor looks over at me, eyes wide and clearly apologetic.

“Oh, yeah. Don’t worry. You’re still my favourite player. Oliver is such a prude. You’d think he would want some of this–” She gestures to herself and her tiny dress. “But apparently not.”

Connor just blinks at her as I try to burn holes through her back, hoping she’d just disappear. Should I say something? I mean, what’s the worst that could happen. If she wants to blab, it would give me an excuse to tell Nora.

“Okay?” Connor says, his eyebrows scrunched. He’s clearly confused and doesn’t want to talk to her, but he can’t ask her to leave. “Look, Hailey, I’m kinda in the middle of–”

“I said you can call me Hails, last time, remember?” she teases. My temper goes from mild to fucking unbearable when she starts to trail her finger on his arm. I smile, holding my ground as I try to wait her out.

“Well, Hailey,” he bites out with more force and I watch her flinch back. That’s my boy. “I’m trying to tell you that I’m busy and I don’t—”

She cuts him off. “So, who are you kissing at midnight?”

He looks down at her. “Not you,” he replies. He looks at me and his eyes shine before he looks back down at her. “If you could open your eyes, you would have been able to tell we were in the middle of a conversation.”

He manoeuvres away from her to stand beside me, immediately wrapping his arm around me as she spins around and her mouth hangs open. “I’m sorry,” she says with disbelief. “You’re blowing me off for… her?”

My stomach twists. This is exactly what I didn’t want to happen. I’ve always been pretty confident with my looks, but it took some time to get there. Growing up, I’ve always felt like I wasn’t as pretty as everybody else because I’m not white, blonde and skinny, but that should have never been my thought process. Having darker skin and slight curves makes me beautiful and I’ve learned to love myself in every way that counts.

When I see the way Connor looks at me and compliments me, I feel even more special, so I should not be feeling insecure around her. She’s pretty, undeniably, but I can’t tell if she’s Connor’s type or not. It shouldn’t matter. His type shouldn’t matter to me, since I’m the one he’s chosen. I’m the one he wants. Sometimes I need to get that in my stupid brain.

His arm around my shoulder tightens. “Yes, is that a problem?”

Her eyes widen. “I– I mean…. You could have anyone you want, Con, and you’re with her?”

He lets out a nervous laugh. “I don’t remember saying you could call me ‘Con,’ Hailey. Let’s stick to first names only to make you understand this easier,” he says sternly. His face hardens and I have to hide my grin. I like this side of him a little too much. “When I’m talking to someone else – looking at them like they’re the only girl in the entire room – that should be enough of an indicator that I’m not interested in anything else. In case that isn’t clear, I don’t want to talk to you. Especially after you mentioned how you tried to sleep with my teammate and my friend whilst trying to make a move on me. I hope for all of our sakes that you find something better to do in your spare time, Hailey, because I really don’t think you can put this on your CV. And for God’s sake, leave Oli alone. The poor guy is probably frightened of you.”

Holy shit.

I can’t tell what is better: the look of pure horror and embarrassment on her face, or the fact that that is the most I’ve heard Connor talk to another person in months. I just want to jump into his arms and tell him how proud I am of him for sticking up for me when I lost the words.

“Okay, chill,” she scoffs, “that was not needed at all.”

“It was,” he replies. She just blinks at him, her head cocked and eyes still wide. “Come on. Don’t act like this is the first time you’ve tried it. You’re just annoyed that I’ve turned you down more than once and you’ve had your fun with everyone else on the team. Which, by the way, I’m not shaming you for. You do you, you know? Whatever. But when I try to get out of a conversation with you, that doesn’t give you the opportunity to be rude to my girl. I don’t ever want to hear you say a single thing about Cat ever again. Got it?”

My chest blooms with pride. As much as I know I can usually stand my ground, I like the feeling of Connor protecting me like this. I like the way he talks about me and defends me. It makes me feel like I could drop all of my trust into the palm of his hand and never have to worry about it ever again.

“Good to go?” I ask him as her mouth twists in disgust. Connor nods at me and we walk away, faster than we’d both admit, to the other side of the room.

When I turn to lean against the wall, Connor’s body coming closer into mine, I can’t help but laugh. Tears are springing to my eyes by the time he starts to laugh too. “That was insane. I mean, I knew you were popular, but I didn’t know people were that desperate for you.”

His face suddenly turns serious. “You know it’s only you for me, don’t you?”

“I know,” I reply. His eyebrow crunches as if he doesn’t believe me. “I know, Connor.”

“Good,” he says, leaning down to press a kiss to the side of my mouth. “What I said was true, too. You’re the only person I see when I walk into a room and you’re there. I mean that. The whole world falls silent when you’re near me, Cat. Do you know how distractingly beautiful you are? Like, I feel light-headed whenever I’m around you. Can you even comprehend how insanely maddening it is to just be in your presence?”

I suck in a breath. “All this talking practice has turned you into a poet, Bailey,” I tease to cover up the intense feeling I have running throughout my entire body.

“Tell me you understand that, Cat, or I’m going to start to feel like I’m going crazy,” he murmurs, his voice so low it makes my stomach summersault.

“I understand,” I murmur and I kiss him on his lips, letting his mouth linger for a second before pulling away. “Are you going to be my midnight kiss, Connie?”

“Yes, Catherine, I’ll be your midnight kiss and every kiss you ever have after that,” he responds, kissing my nose. I immediately scrunch it in response, shaking my head. “I’ll kiss you again at midnight on January first, the second, the third, the fourth, the fifth, the sixth.” He smiles wide. “Stop me, or I’ll keep going,” he murmurs and I shake my head. “Then a big, long one on your birthday, January seventh. Then the eighth, the ninth, the tenth….”

When he continues to list every day of the month until March, I’ve finally gotten sick of listening to him say numbers. We’re still against the wall and I look up into his brown eyes and I swear I see a future in them.

Our future.

Because there is no future I want to be a part of where Connor Bailey doesn’t recite days of the month to me, vowing he’s going to give me a kiss on every one of those days. That’s the future I want. With him.

“New year’s resolution, go!”

It’s a minute to midnight and Connor and I have managed to pull ourselves into the back of a crowd so we’re slightly hidden from the rest of our friends. It’s freezing out here, but Connor’s arms around my shoulder, pulling my back into his chest is all the warmth I need.

“I already told you my resolution,” I say, turning in his arms. His hands now find their way on my hips, rocking me into him as I sling my arms around his neck.

“You can have more than one,” he whispers, “Do you want to know what mine is?”

“Okay.”

“It’s to make you the happiest girl on the planet,” he says seriously. My chest pinches at his words. “I’ll wait for you, I’ll listen to you, I’ll take care of you. I’ll do anything for you, Cat. Anything you want, I’ll do it. Anything you need, I’ll give to you.”

“I’ll do the same for you,” I whisper, my voice shaking. “That’s how this works, isn’t it?”

“That’s exactly how this works.”

He holds my gaze when the fifteen second countdown starts around us.

I’m not afraid of falling, or jumping straight into this anymore because I know he’ll catch me. I know he’ll tell me that I’m okay and talk me out of my mind, or hold me when I want to stay there. He’s exactly the kind of man girls dream about being with.

And he’s mine.

Always.

Fireworks explode above us and his lips meet mine. “Happy New Year, sweetheart,” he murmurs against my mouth.

“Happy New Year, Connor.”