Pronouciation/Glossary
Mamaidh - mum/mummy (ma-may)
Athair - father (ah-her)
Cailleach - Scottish goddess (Call-yoch)
Danu - Celtic Goddess (Dan-oo)
Nirribhidh - Norway (Nir-i-vig)
Ãirinn - Ireland (ai-rin)
Helheimr - Hel's domain (hell-hame-er)
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Chapter 24
An upset Oighrig was led away by a gently murmuring Eirny. My aunt was more upset than Niamh who was now sound asleep on my mother's lap, blissfully unaware of the tension in the room that caused my father to pace in between his mate and the other wolves intruding in his den. It wasn't his fault. Instinct demanded he keep us away while his mate was vulnerable in heat, her scent calling out to any unmated male who caught a whiff - and to any mated male who would tarnish his mate bond.
Thankfully, the other males in the room were mated, happily so, and Fionnlagh was reacting to my mother's mating scent with not so subtle boking that had my mate casting him a look.
Glumly, my cousin padded from the room to return to his own with his mother, now being shared by Anndra too until my parents could. . .return to normal.
I found ignoring my mother's mating scent easy. I was more unnerved by the red marks on my father's skin that no amount of pretending I couldn't see helped me avoid thinking about just how they got there. After two days in seclusion, mother's eyes still held a bright and wild quality they usually only did when she was in fur. Though her finger stroked evenly through Niamh's thick curls, there was a tremble to her form. She would need us to go, and take Niamh too, once she was satisfied her pup was unharmed.
"I want to know exactly how she got a hold of Niamh," my father demanded in a hushed growl, hazel eyes whipping accusingly to me. "How could this have happened! Your siblings were meant to be under your charge, Eabha."
"And then they were under mine," Caldar cut in, shifting his body so his shoulder nudged me back. "It is I who seeks your forgiveness, father-wolf. I made the mistake of thinking they would be safe in their Alpha's bed when I should have brought them to their Aunt."
I myself was plenty angry with Caldar for that too. Then again, I should have thought to ask who's charge he had left them in when he arrived to help us make sure we put an end to Sköll's minion.
"If they were safe in their beds alone, I never would have had need to give them to their sister in the first-"
A growl silenced my father's retort, my mother lifting her chin to cast us all under her gaze. "Enough! Placing blame is futile. Both of our female's could have been gone tonight, Tabhin. Three of our young gone before us. Be thankful we continue to only mourn one."
Mother's grief softened his hackles and he sat beside her on the bed, thick arms wrapping around her frame as he offered a deep rumble. She sank into him, careful not to jostle Niamh.
What use were any of my powers if I could condemn my enemies to death with it, but not bring back or at the very least keep safe, the ones I loved?
Despite their concerns for my wellbeing, I could see it festering in the depths of their eyes; blame. I was sure of it.
Because of me, my father's brother had died, my brother had died, and my sister had been closer to death than many could boast of. I was Alpha Female, oldest daughter, older sister, I should have made sure Niamh and Anndra were being watched.
A soft moan of pain, or building frustration brought my gaze up from the floor. Mother's eyes fluttered shut and she hunched in on herself. We were out of time.
Father picked Niamh up from his mate's lap and handed her limp, sleeping body to my mate, though his eyes were on me. Lips pursed, he gave my cowed form another sweeping appraisal before uttering harshly, "When will you start giving a damn about your safety over others?"
I could have burst into tears and flung myself into his arms. He wasn't upset about my not watching the pups, not really, he was upset that once again I'd had to put myself in between the pack and danger. Remaining a respectful distance away, I bowed my head. "Only when I no longer have you and Mamaidh to do so for me, Athair."
His lips twitched but his expression remained stern. I bowed my head again before following my mate out of my parents' room. Eirny waited outside, giving a strained smile at our approach.
"Your Aunt is sleeping now but she said she'd take Niamh," she said, holding out her arms to take my sleeping sister from Hati. "Fionnlagh promised not to let them out of his sight but I told him to get some sleep too."
Hati, who didn't look at all eager to let Niamh go, hesitated. Golden eyes swept over my sister's face, searching for something, but we'd seen for ourselves she was mostly unharmed; the cut on her neck would be but a scratch in a few days thanks to Eirny. Yet to see my mate so worried about my family had me certain I'd chosen well, it also made my insides clench and instinct run wild as I imagined what he'd look like holding our pup; maybe a dark haired beauty with vibrant golden eyes. . .
"She won't come to harm again," Caldar assured his friend. "The spy is gone. Sköll's control gone. We have patrols running tight around the castle and dens outside, and no one is allowed to wander the halls tonight apart from our chosen warriors."
"My Aunt is a fierce protector," I added, nuzzling my sister's warm cheek. In my youth, watching my Aunt as Alpha Female had been awes inspiring. She fought off encroaching wolves at my Uncle's side, used her speed and sharp claws to catch-up to and hobble many prey for us. She might have sworn she could hear the singing of spirits in the river, but she was strong and sure in protecting her pups.
Hati handed Niamh over to Eirny, leaning down to brush his cheek to hers. I smiled. Niamh and I may fall out in future over who got more of his attention
"You all need rest," Eirny advised, giving each of us a stern look before entering my Aunt's chamber to lay Niamh down to sleep.
We did all look exhausted, and defeated despite our victory. Sleep, however, was unlikely just yet.
"I still think we should put someone on Loa's door," Caldar said as we began to make our way down the cold stone steps.
"It does seem implausible she was completely unaware of what her daughter was doing," Hati agreed.
I wasn't so sure. "I think she had her suspicions, but I don't think Loa knew quite what about. Vali said he saw her - at least I'm now assuming it was her - sneaking off when wolves in the hall were gossiping about who the traitor could be, that she looked troubled."
"Troubled because she knew her time was running out for her nefarious plans?" Hati arched a brow.
"No. Troubled because maybe she started to piece together who the traitor was and she was as shocked as the rest of us."
That left us all in an uncomfortable silence. Someone would need to break the news to the yet another mother-wolf to inform her that her female, her pup, was dead. And at my hands. Nobody would be volunteering for that job.
There was no conversation about where to go, but somehow the three of us silently agreed sleep was not an option and we ended up in the kitchens. Hati kept himself busy by brewing his famous hot milk while Caldar and I sat at the table. Despite the fire crackling away, a chill lingered in the belly of the castle that deterred any of us from wanting to be the one to shatter the silence.
Thankfully, we weren't the only ones struggling to rest after such an evening.
"Territory is locked up tight," Farrin said as he entered the room, eyes red and blurry but expression determined to fight any sign of tiredness. . .until he sat next to Caldar and allowed his body to droop forward, his forehead resting against the table top.
Astrid chuckled at his back, pressing her body against his, but when her gaze met mine, she grew sombre. "Linnea's remains have been taken care of as well. Respectfully."
"How?" I asked.
Farrin grimaced but forced himself to straighten up, sharing an uncomfortable glance with his mate before answering for her, "What was left was wrapped up in a shawl, and the ashes were gathered too so they can, well, what should we do with them? Bury them?"
"Give them to Loa?"
We all gave Astrid a horrified look. Her face creased in hurt at first, a huff leaving her lips as she rounded the table to sit beside me, her arm brushing comfortingly against mine. "I didn't say it to be cruel, I'm not suggesting we leave them at her door, but they are her daughter's remains. She should have them, or at the very least decide what should be done with them."
I nodded at her explanation. She was right, once we were sure of Loa's loyalty, it was her decision what to do with her pup's remains.
"We must rebury Yamin and his family with the respect they deserve first and foremost," Hati said softly, the ache of regret in his tone hardening to anger as he finishes, "Linnea's remains have no place on our land. We should send them to Sköll, or toss them in the river to wash away."
"Hati," I chided gently, shocked at the venom in his voice, unsettled by the furious way he stirred the pot so drops of milk splashed out and sizzled on glowing logs. "I agree that it is only right to clear Yamin and his family's names, as we have done for Gerlac, and while Linnea did indeed warrant what came her way, I believe we have all been taught that remains should always be treated with respect, no matter who they were in life but for the most heinous of crimes. . . There is yet need to let our anger boil over to Loa."
It was clear my mate didn't much appreciate being lightly reprimanded in front of some of his high ranked, but he did take a deep breath, his shoulder loosening as they fell on a slow exhale. I ignored Astrid attempting to gain a smirk from me. Tonight was not the night to test our Alpha's patience.
"We'd have better luck speaking with Sköll to find out the extent of what he had Linnea do, since we cant question her now," Caldar said, being a good beta and taking the attention away from Hati sulking.
I cringed at first, for not being able to properly integrate Linnea was my fault. However, when I met the dark eyes of Caldar, I didn't find the snide judgment in his expression that I'd been expecting. In fact his expression was thoughtful, inspecting me the way one might survey a herd of deer before a hunt.
Hati proved he and his Beta were well in tune, despite having his back to us, he bit off one word, "No."
"She's survived it before," Caldar said. "A few times before. You wouldn't have escaped Sköll's grasp if she wasn't capable.
"No. Last time, she was pushed out of Helheimr by Hel herself. My answer is final and it remains, no."
Ah.
I sat back, looking between the pair.
That's what they were arguing about, as ever; me. Caldar's idea should have struck me first. Maybe it would be a chance to see MÃ nas again. "We need answers, Hati. This could be our only way to get them from her."
"She's dead," he snapped, whipping round to face me with blazing eyes. "What does it matter? Help will arrive soon, the pack is safe for now. We don't need answers we need-"
"You didn't know about Yamin, about his innocence, there could be more," I argued, rising from the bench. "I know you want to wash your hands of this, I know the guilt is eating you up and you'd rather push all that happened away, but we can't let this go, my love. Listen. We need to know what else she did, we need to know what Sköll might have told her, what else she might have done that could still play out even with her gone. She tried to escape tonight, well planned too." Sighing heavily, I forced myself to soften my tone. "Before I wouldn't have thought Linnea capable of being so conniving but now I worry she may have left something for us."
Hati clenched his jaw then turned back to the fire, tense and still for a moment before he began to fill mugs with warm milk and passing them out to each of his, even Caldar who looked uncomfortable being served by his Alpha. The he took a seat next to me, placing a large mug between us to share, before adding, "How do we know Linnea is even in Helheimr? Loa was the wife of a devout Christian Jarl."
Fidgeting with the sleeve of the plain linen dress I wore, I felt a knot grow in my stomach as I slowly sat again. "I know she's there."
"How?"
"Because. . .because I think that's what I did to her. I think I sent her there, to Náströnd specifically."
Howling wind rattled the shutters as if to confirm my statement.
The faces of my friends grew tense, unnerved, Astrid avoiding my gaze as that fact settled over them; the truth of what I was capable of. Hati was the only one who studied me intently with what might have been awe, his fingers stroking up my arm to catch my chin.
"My mate," he declared. "If you did send her there, you were right to, it's where she belongs. Do not fear your power. You wielded it for justice, just like you were born to."
That he'd used born instead of created brought a small smile to my lips. He was right. Without realising, I'd done what Freyja told me I would. For a moment, I'd never felt more myself, more powerful, and yet so out of control at the same time; the living, breathing personification of Ragnarök. Of Judgement.
I'd managed to pull myself back, but that didn't make me feel any better about the fear I could sense radiating from the other wolves at the table. That was alright though. I'd scared myself too.
Surprising me further, Hati dropped his hand and inclined his head towards his Beta. "Very well. If we are to visit Hel's realm then we will do it with the respect she deserves this time, and her permission." He turned back to me with a smile, murmuring, "You're right, we can't take the risk that Linnea left a trap for us."
"We? As in you and I?"
He nodded. "She is my Aunt, she might be more amenable if I come too, and I am not letting you out of my sight if you are not within these castle walls."
I shuffled closer, nuzzling into his shoulder and breathing in the sweetness of his scent now mixed with delicious spice from what he added to the milk. If only the others weren't here, maybe I could have convinced him to make up for our fight right here. . .though the wolves who cooked probably wouldn't appreciate it. Instead I distracted myself with the hows of one getting into Hel's realm without being dead, a question I was about to voice before I was startled by Caldar's fist slamming against the table.
"Linnea. Linnea. Of all the damn wolves in the pack. . ."
"No one is more shocked than me," Astrid agreed, turning her mug in her hands. "At least, not until Ingrid finds out."
"I should have realised when we found Bruadar's body." Farrin rubbed a hand over his face. "Using a blade was not to cover her tracks alone, they used a weapon and waited for his back to be turned because she knew if it came to brute strength, she would most likely lose."
We could all play the blame game. I shrugged a shoulder, taking my share. "And I should have figured it out too. I was with her when she was asking Bruadar questions about how long he'd be gone, when he'd get back. I misread the hunger in her eyes for attraction. Of course only Linnea, a female he thought was interested in him, would be able to convince him to forgo rest after a week of travelling to meet someone outside in the middle of the night in the freezing cold. Not to mention she was someone close enough to Ingrid and her father to know about the letters they wrote to burn at the chapel, and close enough to the council to be privy to our every move. Loa wouldn't have thought twice about confiding in her own pup anymore than Gerlac would have with Ingrid."
"There's no point in punishing ourselves for what we missed. Linnea played meek and mild too well." Astrid gave me a tight smile. "We won't be fooled in such a way again, and the damage she's caused has been avenged."
Had it been avenged? A family executed, a pup exiled and later killed, Bruadar's murder, Gerlac's poisoning, Niamh's trauma. . .taking the life of the perpetrator hardly felt like making things even. Not when others would feel both grief and betrayal when it was made known.
"I don't know about meek and mild." Caldar shifted before explaining, "The more I looked into the rumours flying around about Eabha, the more it appeared some of the more dangerous might have actually been started by Linnea, and not Ingrid. She was greatly upset when Ingrid and Eabha made peace. I think she was stirring the tension between both of you."
That did surprise me a little. Linnea had been the one who'd made the effort to smile and talk to me when Ingrid would rather turn up her nose, and her relief when Ingrid and I had called truce had been so believable. Was she truly that skilled a liar?
"How do you know this?" Farrin elbowed Caldar in the ribs, a slow curling smile tugging at his lip. "Did Ingrid tell you?"
"Why would Ingrid tell me anything?" he snapped back, straightening up and folding his arms over his chest.
I had to have a drink to stop myself from sniggering. Hati glanced between a grinning Farrin and his Beta with a pinched brow while Astrid openly chortled.
Another bout of wind battering the shutters on the windows cut our moment of light-hearted amusement short. The flames of the fire flickered and hissed wildly, accompanied by the wet pitter patter of snow being tossed mercilessly against the stone walls of the castle. A storm was the last thing we needed; it would halt our progress rebuilding, and the pack would only tolerate being cramped together so long now the dens outside the walls weren't deemed safe. Not yet at least.
"If that storm keeps up, we might have to dig ourselves out the snow by morning," Farrin joked.
"We are truly in the grip of The Cailleach now," I agreed.
Astrid tipped her head. "Who's that?"
"The hag," Caldar answered tightly. "She's a goddess from home; Winter is her domain, while the warm months belong to Brìde."
"The Cailleach is an ancestor," I corrected.
Caldar sneered. "To you, maybe. My family hail from the west with heritage from Ãirinn. . . Danu would not take kindly to my worshipping the remnants of an older deity than she."
He grimaced when his words gained my curiosity. Oh I really was just dying to know of Caldar's life before Hati, before being in Nirribhidh.
Indeed though, he was correct on one point - my mother told me The Cailleach was the distorted image of an older goddess, the creator of the very mountains and glens we hunted in Alba, that she worshipped as a mother figure by ancient people who's history was nearly all lost now. But we remembered, we still looked for her in the trees and rivers.
"Tell us her story, about her grasp on winter," Hati requested, and Astrid nodded too. "I doubt any of us will be getting any sleep tonight."
Telling a story felt a strange thing to do after all that had happened, but maybe that was just why we needed it. Between Astrid's wide blue eyes and Farrin settling into his spot on the bench across the table like eager pups, it did feel like the long winters when my family would gather round a fire in a cave or burrow to hear a tale of old. Even Caldar who hid any interest with a scowl, yet didn't get up to leave, was acting much like Fionnlagh did trying to pretend he was too old to be entertained by simple stories.
That was when it hit me, that these wolves here were family now. Smiling, I leaned against Hati's arm and began to attempt to weave the story as expertly as my mother did.
"To some she is known as the Winter Witch, to me she is known as the creator Beira, and like Thor she is said to possess a mighty hammer which she used to shape the valleys and hills of my homeland. . ."