Chapter 21: Chapter 20

"Quick word, lovey, before we go?"

We've said our goodbyes and my mom is already in the car. Dad has just done this awkward thing where he pretended he was ready to leave in order to make Mom get in the car, then dashed back to where Neea and I are standing at the bottom of the front steps, clearly not wanting my mother to hear what he was going to say.

It's a Tuesday morning that threatens to rain. Mrs. Hammond across the street is doing some pre-winter tidying in her garden while Bigley sits bored on the sidewalk.

"Darwin, sweetie," Dad says in this conspiratorial half-whisper, "you'll be glad to hear that your mother and I have started seeing a marriage counsellor."

I don't know what I expected him to say, but it sure as hell wasn't this. I'm as blindsided by what he's saying as I was when Kodi punched me. I stare stunned at him for a second, then, "What? Why?" I say. "Why the hell would I be glad to hear that?"

I'm almost yelling and Geoffrey shoots a quick, nervous look back at the car with Mom in it. "Should I go?" Neea asks quietly.

"No, it's quite all right," Dad says to Neea, then turns back to me. "Well," he goes on, "I know that, um, for a long time you've felt that there were... issues..."

"Yeah with her!" I shout, pointing toward the car and not caring if Pat hears me.

"I know, sweetie, I know. We're trying to work it out, and I'm certain we will. Please don't worry."

He wants me to calm down, not make a scene here out on the street, but I don't want to calm down. "This is the first I've ever heard of this, Dad! What the hell's going on? I don't understand why you guys are doing this! And why now? Why does it have to be right now?"

I'm shaking and I start to cry and I don't even know why. I think I might be about to collapse when I feel arms around me and a soothing voice in my ear. I don't know what Neea is saying but it calms me and, though my instinct is usually to push everyone away, this time I sink into her arms.

"It's OK," Neea says firmly to Geoffrey. "She'll be fine. You should get on your way. Feel free to call us later."

She takes me inside before my dad can say anything else.

• • • •

"It's just that I'm really into movies, right? You got that. It's not that I, you know, like you or anything."

C. J. Stover had a big grin on her face.

"Um, sure," Teddy said.

"No one wants to go to a movie alone, right? You're just a movie companion. Could be anyone. Doesn't matter."

"OK."

"In the least."

"Right."

She laughed, and when she was finished laughing she just smiled at Teddy. This was like those times in high school when a girl was obviously into him and he still wasn't sure what he should do or say, as if taking any action at all might make her change her mind about him. Even though light rain had begun to fall they were walking over to the Arts Building because, C. J. assured Teddy, the coffee shop there was better than the one in the Schuler Building.

"So when?" she asked. "Is tomorrow night too soon? I don't want to wait and give you time to reconsider... Oh damn. I really meant to not do that."

"Do what?" Teddy asked, dodging someone's umbrella.

"The self-deprecating humour thing. I'm always doing that. Joking with people... well, guys generally... that I'm not worth their attention. It's obviously a coping mechanism to prepare myself for the inevitable rejection."

Realizing C. J. was also a little nervous put him more at ease. They went in through the main doors of the Arts Building. "Why inevitable?" he asked. "You mean you get rejected a lot?"

"Me? No way. I'm talking purely hypothetical. If I ever got rejected, then I would do that but of course that would never happen to a goddess such as myself. What are you having?"

Teddy asked the bearded guy behind the cash register for a latte.

"Small Americano," said C. J.

A bored Asian girl operated the big silver espresso machine. She wore a loosely fitting wide-neck t-shirt that slumped so far off one shoulder it casually revealed much of her sports bra as well as a colourful sleeve tattoo of flowers and bugs that ran down most of her arm. Her long bangs made her tilt her head to the side in order to see what she was doing as her hands expertly worked knobs and levers, cups and mugs while steam, steel and hot coffee threatened to burn her at every turn.

"Medium latte and a small Americano!" she yelled out when the drinks were ready even though Teddy and C. J. were waiting just a few feet away.

Teddy added some sugar to his latte while C. J. just put a lid on her Americano. "Not even milk?" Teddy asked.

"Nah, milk's for babies," she said.

As they walked away from the coffee stand C. J. said, "I want to learn barista-ing to help pay for college. I think it would be cool. Guys go mental for barista girls. Did you think she was hot? She's pretty hot. I think her name's Angie. Should I get a tattoo like that? I go back and forth on the whole tattoo thing but that one is really pretty. Did you like it? I like the bugs..."

She stopped talking and looked over at Teddy. "Sorry, rambling," she said.

Outside it was raining harder. They decided to stay by the doors under the wide overhang to sip their coffees and wait for the rain to let up a bit. Teddy wondered if he should tell C. J. that he liked what she was wearing. Her style was cool and she looked good, at least as good as the barista, he thought. But if he said that, she might question his motive, think it was more like sucking up. Was he overthinking things?

A group of girls ran toward them, laughing as they tried to cover their heads with jackets and books, then stopped under the overhang to brush rainwater off their clothes and hair. Teddy turned to C. J. and said, "Tomorrow's good I guess."

"Huh?"

"For the movie."

"Yes!" C. J. said, doing a little dance of joy.

• • • •

So I guess you'd call that a setback. It certainly wasn't good. Why did it bother me so much that my parents are seeing a marriage counsellor? Why would I care if my parents' marriage is on the ropes, or even if it ended? My reaction doesn't make any sense, even to me, but I just couldn't control it. Meth-brain.

And I was doing so well.

I nearly ditched too. I mean, like, nearly left Neea's to go and find the guys and score some meth. Came this close.

I haven't thought about doing that for days, but right after my parents left we were inside on the couch, Neea consoling me as my crying and shaking finally settled down. Out of the blue I thought, it would be so easy. So... damn... easy.

But obviously I didn't. I don't even really know why I didn't. I'd love to say it was strength of character and a determination to get well, but I don't think so.

Lazy? Not wanting to give up all this comfort? Or maybe it's Teddy? I've started to like being around him but, more than that, I've started to want him to like me. I guess subconsciously it's a kind of test for my physical recovery and my general worth as a human person of the female variety, wanting this guy to be attracted to me. Is that pitiful or normal? Maybe it's pitiful and normal.

But even more than that, I think it was Neea that kept me here. I'm determined not to be dependent on her, but she's been totally amazing. I've never met anyone like her, willing to sacrifice so much for a stranger. I know there might be reasons for it related to her grief from Sienna, but she has followed through and has cared about me more than anyone else in my life besides my dad. Neea and Teddy are my new family—a temporary proxy family, maybe, but family anyway—and I don't want to mess that up. Homelessness looks a lot less attractive when you have a family you want to be with and a home you love, you know?

And then maybe I've changed too, I don't know. Maybe I've actually grown up a little.

Imagine that.

• • • •

Teddy's phone chirped as he, Neea and Darwin were finishing up dinner. He checked to see who was texting and then quickly excused himself and got up from the table.

"Is it a text from a girl?" teased Darwin.

Teddy said nothing but went upstairs to his room and made a call.

"I'm so stupid," C. J. said. "I thought she was coming next week, my aunt, I mean, but she's here now and only in town for two days and this dinner is all arranged and my dad would freak if I didn't go cuz my aunt lives in L. A. and we only see her, like, every two years. Do you hate me? You should hate me."

"No, no. It's fine, really."

"Oh, you're so nice. Thank you! How about Thursday?"

"I can't Thursday, sorry. I have a paper due on Friday."

"Friday then?"

"No. I've got a... a thing."

"Yeah, OK," she said with a tinge of sadness.

"No, I really do," said Teddy. "I'm not blowing you off. Hey... you should come with me! It's sort of an art thing. My friend's cousin is a photographer and we're going to see his exhibition. Why don't you come with us?"

"Really? Are you sure? Or are you just being nice?"

"No, it's fine!"

"Fine?"

"It's totally fine. I mean great! It would be great."

"Are you sure?"

"Well, actually it could be really boring, I don't know. Shane's a super-cool guy, but I've never been to an exhibition, like an opening thing like this so I don't know what to expect."

"OK, that makes me feel better. I thought maybe you typically went to these beautiful-people-type events so I was getting nervous."

"Me? God no. Well, my dad is an artist and I've been to these sort of release event things that he does for his art, but this won't be anything like those. Those are definitely boring."

"Hmm. Still, this thing sounds pretty chi chi."

"Don't worry. It won't be that bad. And if it is we'll just leave and get some pizza or something. You have to come. You can meet Jello. Remember I told you about him? And Byron. They're my buds. They're totally not artists. They're normal. Well, they're kind of insane, especially Jello, but normal."

"Hmm..."

"Just come!"

"Friday."

"Yeah."

"Art."

"Yeah."

"OK."

"Cool!"

• • • •

Neea has been quietly urging Teddy to include me when he goes out to do things with his friends. I'll hear them whispering in another room and I realize what they're talking about and then I can kind of gauge Teddy's current level of discomfort at having me around by how loudly he refuses.

This time I know exactly what it's about because Teddy was telling us when he got home from Songhees that he and a bunch of friends were going to this art thing on Friday night. Somebody Byron knows, I think. Anyway, Neea wants Teddy to take me with him, get me out socializing and meeting people because it'll be good for me, she says. Teddy, of course, wants none of it—why would he care what's good for me?—but, oddly, this time he isn't refusing quite as loudly. Is Neea finally wearing him down? To my absolute amazement I hear a grudging "OK".

That was unexpected. Is he just saying that to stop his mom from nagging and has no intention of actually doing it? That's my guess, but then, after a little more whispering, Teddy comes into the living room where I'm sitting on the couch.

"Hey, uh, Darwin," he starts, hesitantly, "do you feel like coming out to this thing on Friday? Byron's cousin Shane's thing? He's a photographer, like, an artistic one, and this is, like, an exhibition of his pictures. There's a bunch of us going..."

I feel a little guilty because Teddy was so obviously coerced into asking me, but I just can't say no. It seems like a milestone that I can't let pass without making the most of it.

"That sounds cool. Thanks!"

Wow, I'm going out with Teddy and his friends!

Anyway, in other news, my dad called. Well, he called three times and I finally felt up to talking to him on the third call. By then I was getting over whatever it was that set me off about all this in the first place. Anyway, he told me how the counselling is going and why they decided to go. He said things had gotten pretty bad, but to me it didn't sound any different than it's been for the past, well, my whole life. Maybe he just finally started seeing it? As for the counselling, I can tell that Dad's the one who's more open to it. From what he tells me, Pat just gets defensive and stubborn.

"What if nothing changes?" I said.

"It'll get better," said my dad, the eternal optimist.

"Maybe it won't, Dad. What then? What if you go through all this and in the end she just twists things around the way she always does? I bet she'll make it sound like the problems are with both of you, like you're equally at fault, when you're absolutely not! It could actually make it worse. That's totally possible. You know how she works!"

For a while Geoffrey just listened to me breathing over the phone, then said, "She's making an effort, Darwin. You should appreciate that."

He changed the subject. "Dan is really concerned about you."

Dan, my oldest brother, the family's other lost sheep.

"He thinks he should come over there to Victoria to see you," he went on.

"Dan says a lot of things," I said.

"Yes," said Geoffrey.

"I'm sorry, Dad," I said. "I know I'm being really negative. The meth does that to you. I've actually gotten better if you can believe it."

He laughed a little. "Good, sweetheart. You keep that up."

____________________

If you liked this chapter I hope you'll kindly consider giving it a vote. Votes really help to increase a story's reach and my little tale could use a boost. Thank you for reading!

— D.B.