On Friday at 7:30 PM, I found myself in a car with Liv and Josh, thinking, What a crossover. I sat in the front passenger seat next to Liv because I didn't want her to feel like a third wheel. I also felt weird leaving Josh in the back by himself, though he didn't seem to mind.
I had opted to wear a white button-up shirt with little pineapples on it. And yes, I did make the joke that my shirt was very fruity. I also wore khaki pants, Vans, a green zip-up jacket, and a beanie because it was freezing.
Liv was dressed to the nines in a pink low-cut camisole, black pleather pants, and a black faux fur jacket. Meanwhile, Josh wore a t-shirt and joggers with a black winter jacket. I couldn't deny he still looked as hot as ever.
"Can we stop at McDonald's on the way?" I asked Liv.
"Didn't you just eat?" she asked, glancing over at me.
"You're never too full for a McFlurry," I protested. "Please?" I looked back at Josh. "Do you want something, too?"
"I'm good," he said. Josh had been very quiet since we picked him up. I thought maybe it was because he felt weird, since he didn't really know Liv. We were in uncharted territory for him.
"Actually, I kind of want fries, so fine," Liv said.
Ten minutes later, we pulled into a McDonald's drive-thru.
The neon lights cast a warm glow through the car windows as we waited in line. I ordered a McFlurry and Liv got her fries, while Josh declined to get anything.
With me as the DJ, I scrolled through Spotify, settling on "good 4 u" by Olivia Rodrigo.
Liv and I belted out the lyrics off-key. I turned around occasionally to share a grin with Josh, who silently mouthed the words along with us.
By 8:45 PM, we reached Mayford. We had to park a few blocks away from Comet Haus due to the lack of parking. As we stepped out of the car, the cold hit us. I zipped up my jacket tighter and glanced at the club's neon sign ahead, anticipation bubbling up inside me.
I saw a guy in the entrance checking IDs as people entered and pulled out my fake. Josh and Liv did the same.
I let Liv and Josh go first. As the bouncer checked my ID, he looked up at me and smirked. I thought he was about to tell me to get lost, but then he waved me inside. There was a staircase just inside the entrance that we had to walk up.
With each step, the music became louder. A club remix of a Dua Lipa song was playing when we entered the space with the dance floor. It was larger than it looked like it would be from the outside. There were two bars on opposite ends of the dance floor, and there was a small stage at the front.
Don't show up, don't come out.
Don't start caring about me now.
"Let's find a spot!" Liv shouted over the music. I nodded, and we navigated our way through the throng of people, eventually settling near the edge of the dance floor where we had a good view of the stage.
At first I just kind of stood at the edge, but I accidentally made eye contact with a guy, maybe in his early 20s, wearing booty shorts and a crop top that said, "Less cops more tops." He smiled while dancing and made a motion for me to follow him. So I did.
I smiled back at the guy but was suddenly very aware of my body and the fact that I was dressed way too warmly for a club. He grabbed my hand and lifted it up into the air, spinning me around in a twirl. I felt incredibly awkward, but I also started laughing.
The guy leaned into me and said into my ear, "Your first time here?"
"Yeah," I said and nodded because I didn't think he could hear me.
"You're in for a fucking show." Then, he said something about someone named Molly, but I couldn't hear him over the music.
So, I stupidly replied, "Who's Molly?"
He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small bottle with pills inside, winking at me, and I understood: he was offering me drugs.
I politely smiled at him and shook my head. He shrugged and nodded, putting the molly back into his pocket.
The song transitioned into an Ariana Grande remix. I felt a hand on my back and turned around to see Josh and Liv approaching me.
"I don't know how to dance," I practically screamed into Liv's face.
"Just move your body to the beat," she yelled back with a grin. Then, seemingly effortlessly, she began swaying and moving around to the beat, her lips singing along to the lyrics.
A little less conversation and a little more touch my body 'cause I'm so into you, into you, into you.
I looked at Josh who was looking back at me, a smile dancing on his lips. I grabbed his free hand and pulled him towards me. He rested his hand on my waist and we began rocking our hips, awkwardly at first, and then as we started shouting out the lyrics, we just melted into the music and the chaos of everyone dancing around us.
After a couple of songs, the music stopped and a voice in a microphone said, "How are we doing tonight, girls, gays, and theys?"
Everyone on the dance floor cheered. The voice said, "Alright everyone, this gorgeous gorgeous queen drove 5 hours to put on a show for you all tonight. Get ready for Lois Carmen Denominator!"
A spotlight shone at the far side of the stage. I had to crane my neck to see a drag queen dressed in a red latex bodysuit and a giant blonde wig began walking on stage. She stopped at the edge in a dramatic pose. The music began playing.
I am so fab.
Check out, I'm blonde, I'm skinny, I'm rich
and I'm a little bit of a bitch.
I was completely mesmerized by her. I watched as she lip synced, every word punctuated by a pose, a head turn, or a leg kick. Her confidence was contagious, making me feel braver just by watching her. I watched as people at the front of the stage handed her dollar bills. At the end of her performance, she landed in the splits and everyone erupted into cheers and applause.
She performed one more songâ"disco tits" by Tove Lo. I found myself clapping along, caught up in the infectious energy of the moment.
Two other drag queens performed after her, in between intermissions of club remixes and dancing. The first, Gloria Hole, lip-synced to "Vogue" by Madonna, and the second, Robin Banks, lip-synced to "Toxic" by Britney Spears and "Proud Mary" by Tina Turner.
After the last performance, I told Josh and Liv I was going to find the bathroom. The club was still going strong as I weaved my way through a sea of people, looking for a bathroom. Finally, I found a set of stairs that led down to a hallway. At the end of the hallway was a bathroom.
When I walked inside, one of the drag queens, Lois Carmen Denominator, was fixing her makeup in the mirror.
"Um, you were really good," I blurted out to her, my voice coming out louder than I expected. My ears were ringing from the loud music.
She turned to me and smiled. "Aw, thanks, cutie." She inspected my appearance for a moment before saying, "Are you even old enough to be here?"
Heat rushed to my face as I stuttered out a "Y-yes?"
The drag queen laughed. "Don't worry, baby face. I won't tell."
As she turned to leave the bathroom, I quickly said, "I think it's awesome how, uh, um...unapologetic you are. Like, how can you just put yourself out there. I wish I could be like that."
She gave me a look of sympathy before saying, "Baby, there are always people who will try to force you to be somebody you're not. This world will make you feel like you need to change. The only way through it is to never apologize for who you are. The more you say sorry, the more people will expect it. You are perfect and worthy as you are. So fuck the rest, because as soon as you let go of all the other bullshit, the closer you'll be to finding happiness."
I didn't know what to say in response, so I just responded, "Thank you."
Then, she added, "I'll be performing here again in a few months. You should listen to my advice and when I see you again here, come find me and we can chat. Okay?"
I swallowed and nodded, and then she exited the bathroom.
It was about 11:30 when I made my way back to Liv and Josh. We decided it was best to leave so that we would get back at a somewhat reasonable time.
I wiped the sweat from my brow as we grabbed our jackets that we'd set on a chair off to the side and headed back out into the cold. I felt giddy as we walked back to the car.
"That was awesome, right?" I said, grabbing Josh's hand.
"Yeah," Liv said, smiling at me. "You looked like you were having fun."
"Did you like it?" I asked Josh.
"It was definitely interesting," he responded. "I liked hanging with you guys. I've also never really seen you so confident before."
I shrugged. "I don't know. I guess it was, like, a different environment, you know?"
We kept walking, the ground crunching under our feet. Josh slowed down and gave my hand a little tug, making me stop. Liv walked a few steps ahead, giving us some space.
Josh took a breath, looking like he was trying to find the right words. "Connor," he started, sounding a bit nervous. "So, tonight was...cool. And, um, I was thinking...maybe we should make this, us, you know, a thing?"
I blinked, my heart thumping. "A thing?" I asked, not quite sure if I understood.
He nodded, a little awkward. "Yeah, like, I like you. A lot. So maybe we should just...make it official? If you wanted, obviously."
I felt a huge grin spread across my face. "Are you asking me to be your boyfriend?"
Josh smiled and rolled his eyes. "Yes, that's what I'm asking. Or trying to."
I pulled him closer to me and kissed him. With my mouth against his lips, I said, "Yeah, I'd like that."
He laughed and, as we pulled away, he grabbed my hand. "Okay, good."
Liv turned around, her eyebrows raised. "You guys coming or what?"
I squeezed Josh's hand and nodded. "Yeah, we're coming."
We got into the car, me in the front and Josh in the back. The happiness bubbling inside me felt almost surreal, like I was floating. I felt drunk even though I was completely sober.
The fact that Josh Brooks was officially my boyfriend, combined with the fact that there was something so freeing about seeing so many people, well, free, I suddenly felt like I belonged somewhere. All the shame that had been eating away at me for years seemed to disappear, if only temporarily.
As we drove back home, I tried to forget that I had to go back to reality. For that one night, everything felt right with the universe. I wanted that feeling to last forever, but I knew it wouldn't.
~*~*~*~*~
Lois Carmen Denominator will be back! ;)