The event started off with a bang, and not in a good way.
While the club looked amazing and people actually began to show up, protestors had gathered outside of the club. They wielded signs that practically screamed, "We are dumb assholes" and shouted angrily at anyone who approached the club.
I felt a knot tighten in my stomach as I watched them from the doorway.
I half expected to see my old friends appear at the front of the crowd like ghosts from my past, but I was (marginally) relieved to find I didn't recognize any of them.
Liv stood beside me, glaring out at them. "Ignore them, Con. They're just trying to scare people away."
"What a bunch of douchebags," Miles added. "Honestly, it's pathetic that they don't have anything better to do with their time."
The bouncers from the club, all large men, kept the protestors in check. They basically formed a barrier between the protestors and our guests, who had been arriving fairly steadily for the past twenty minutes or so.
As I watched them, nerves bubbling up in my gut, one protestor, a scrawny man with a red face and clenched fists, got particularly aggressive. "Get out of here, you freaks!" he shouted, pushing against the bouncers.
The bouncer standing directly in front of the man didn't even flinch. "Back off," he told the man in a calm voice.
The man, infuriated, swung a punch at the bouncer, his fist connecting with the bouncer's jaw. From both of their reactions, I knew it hurt the protestor a lot more than the bouncer. Served him right.
But after that, the protestors got even more up in arms, all of them shouting and trying to fight the bouncers.
I started panicking. "Should we call the cops?" I asked Liv.
She bit her lip, staring nervously at the scene unfolding. "Um, maybe. Yeah."
As it turned out, one of our attendees captured everything on video and someone else had already called the police. Shortly after, the police arrived, dispatched to disperse the protestors.
Once the protestors were forced to leave, all of the event's participants started cheering. Miles smiled and held up his middle finger to the protestors as they left.
Finally, we could actually relax a bit and take in everything we'd accomplished. Liv, Miles, and I walked around the club, which was decorated with rainbows, pride flags, and balloons. The dance floor was already packed, and the DJ was playing a mix of upbeat pop songs.
As I looked out at the attendees, Liv wrapped an arm around my shoulders, turning to smile at me. "You can relax, Con," she said into my ear. "Just enjoy it, okay?"
I nodded. She was right, but my mind was elsewhere. I pulled out my phone and checked for the hundredth time. Still nothing. The last I'd heard from Josh was his email saying he was coming home. I had called and texted him a bunch, but he hadn't answered.
As we continued to walk around, ensuring everything was all set, I tried to focus on the event. Everything was going perfectly (other than the asshole parade out front, which was over now). People were bidding on items, dancing, and having a great time. But I couldn't stop thinking about Josh. Where the hell was he?
"Connor, come on," Miles said, nudging me. "Let's get some food."
I followed him, trying to shake off the worry gnawing at my insides.
Just as I was about to pull out my phone again, Lois approached me. "Darling, there's someone I'd like you to meet," she said, a look of excitement on her face.
"Okay, sure," I replied.
She led me to a corner of the club where a tall, slender drag queen stood adjusting the hem of a sequined dress. They had bold winged eyeliner and a long, neon green wig.
"Connor, this is Ella Mental," Lois said, gesturing to the queen. "She's a rising star in the drag scene. Ella, this is Connor, one of the great young minds behind tonight's event."
Ella Mental turned to me with a warm smile. "Hi, Connor." She then looked at Lois. "And rising star? Honey, I think you mean falling star."
Lois tsked at her. "Your humility continues to astound me."
I laughed and told Ella, "Nice to meet you. You look amazing."
She laughed and threw her hair over her shoulder. "Thanks, doll. I've heard a lot about you from this old hag."
"Oh, very funny," Lois told her sarcastically. "I'm only 4 years older than you."
"That's a lifetime in this business, babe." Ella then turned her attention back to me. "You're adorable. You're from Clareview, too?"
"Um, yeah," I replied.
"My real name is Chris Hastings, by the way."
"Chris Hastings?" I repeated, trying to place the name.
Ella nodded, a rueful smile on her face. "Yeah, I've been away at college for the last couple of years. I finally came out to my parents last year, and let's just say it wasn't the best experience."
I finally realized who Ella was. Chris's family went to our church. I stared at him, trying to connect this confident person with the stories I'd heard about a boy who faced so much judgment. "Wow. Uh, I had no idea. You seem really..." I struggled to find the right words.
"Fabulous?" Chris, or Ella, let out a loud laugh. "Yeah, my parents don't know about the drag of it all. They tried sending me to some fucked up conversion therapy camp, which I ran away from. Clearly it didn't take." She and Lois shared a laugh, like they were a part of some inside joke.
"I'm done with that entire town and all the small-minded people in it," Ella continued, suddenly serious. "I found my true self in drag, and it's the best thing that ever happened to me. Don't let Clareview hold you back, Connor. There's a whole world waiting for you out there. You're meant to be someone special, I can tell."
"You're goddamn right," Lois said, nodding.
Lois and Ella moved on to meet more guests. I was in awe of both of them. It took a lot to care so little about what others thought.
I hung with the GSA group for a while as we ate cupcakes and sipped on mocktails. Soon, though, it was time for me to give a speech, a part of the event which I had been dreading.
I stood by the stage, nervously clutching my notes as I scanned the room, hoping to see Josh.
Lois climbed onto the stage, grabbing the microphone. The room quieted down, all eyes on her.
"Thank you all for coming to the Rainbow Gala! Tonight is about celebrating who we are, supporting our community, and raising funds for a cause that's near and dear to our hearts."
There was a round of applause, and she continued, "I have the honor of introducing someone very special. This young man has been instrumental in bringing this event to life. His passion and dedication are truly inspiring. Please give a warm welcome to Connor Hill!"
The crowd cheered as I stepped onto the stage. Lois handed me the microphone, giving my shoulder a reassuring squeeze before stepping aside. I took a deep breath, looking out at the sea of faces.
I looked out at everyone, once again searching for Josh's face in the crowd, but I didn't find him.
I took a deep breath and shakily lifted up the mic. I swallowed, afraid I'd lose my ability to speak like I had so many times before. But then I saw my friends smiling at me, and everything suddenly felt manageable.
"Thank you all for being here tonight," I began. My voice came out scratchy, so I cleared my throat before continuing. "The Rainbow Gala is more than just a party. It's a celebration of our community and our love for one another. It's a night to remind us all that we're not alone, no matter how isolated we might feel at times."
I paused, making eye contact with Liv, who gave me a thumbs up. "Each of us has faced our own battles. We've all had moments where we felt alone, misunderstood, or rejected by those we thought would always stand by us. But tonight, we stand together, showing that our strength lies in our unity and our support for one another."
The room was silent, everyone hanging on my words. It felt strange, surreal, to think that everyone there was listening to me, as if I were someone worth listening to. As if I had something worth saying.
More confidently, I continued, "For many of us, finding a place where we belong has been a struggle. It's hard to find acceptance in a world that sometimes feels determined to erase us. But let me say this clearly: you cannot erase us. We are here, and we will not be pushed aside."
I saw people nodding along with what I said. There was some scattered applause and Miles let out a loud whistle, which made me smile. "Tonight, we're raising money for LGBTQ youth who might be facing similar struggles. We want to be the safety net, the support system, for those who need it most. Let's remember to lift each other up and to never allow the world to silence us. Thank you all for your support, your generosity, and your love. Together, we can show the world that we are here to stay!"
The room erupted in applause and cheers. As I stepped down from the stage, my friends rushed to hug me.
As Liv pulled me into a hug, she said into my ear, "Don't freak out, but I just saw your mom."
I whipped my head around. "Really? Where?"
Liv nodded over to the side, near the entrance. I looked and saw my mom, a nervous, uncomfortable look on her face. She clutched her purse close to her, as if someone were going to try to take it from her.
My heart thudded in my chest. I hadn't seen her or heard from her in months. "I don't know what to say to her," I told Liv.
Liv gave my arm a gentle squeeze and smiled reassuringly at me. "Just say 'Hi.' It's pretty incredible she even came."
I nodded while taking deep breaths. "Yeah, okay. Alright, I'll go...see what she has to say."
As I wove through the crowd of people, my legs wobbling beneath me with each step I took, my mom noticed me. I couldn't decipher the look on her face, but I knew it wasn't anger or hatred.
"Hi, Mom." I stood awkwardly in front of her. Though I had never felt so unsure of myself, I kept my head held high and stared straight at her. She couldn't know how much I missed her and how much I wanted to come home.
A small, almost imperceptible smile appeared on my mom's face. "Hi, honey."
"I guess you, uh, got my letter."
My mom nodded. I noticed her eyes looked misty. "Yes, I did."
We looked at each other, in an uncomfortable silence, for a few moments. Finally, my mom broke the silence by saying, "I'm glad you're okay, Connor. You look...healthy."
"Yeah, I'm doing good," I replied, fidgeting with my hands. "How are you guys doing?"
Suddenly, my mom blurted out, "We miss you so much, baby. I'm so sorry."
"What are you sorry for?" I asked, wanting her to actually say it out loud.
"I'm sorry for how we reacted," she said. "For how I reacted. I still don't...completely understand, but I'd really like to find some way for us to move forward."
"What about Dad? Does he feel the same way?"
"I'll work on your father. I'll get him to come around." My mom gave me a sad smile. "And when he does, maybe you can consider...coming home."
Before I could respond, my mom pulled me into a tight hug. "I love you, Connor. I only wanted what was best for you. Don't ever doubt how much I love you."
Despite how much hurt my parents had caused me, I hugged her back, feeling my own eyes begin to well up. I quickly blinked them away as we pulled away. "I love you, too, Mom."
"Maybe we could get lunch together sometime soon," my mom suggested. "If you wanted."
I nodded. "Okay. Sure."
I didn't know if my parents could actually change, or if my mom could actually get my dad to come around. But it felt like she was trying, and that was all I could really ask for.
"I should go take a walk around," I told her. "I'll call you soon."
"Okay, sweetie. See you soon."
I gave her a brief wave and a small smile as she left.
As the drag performers began to take the stage, I tried calling Josh again, but he didn't answer. It was making me nervous, scared for him.
I looked around the club. An older couple caught my eye. They looked out of place amid the crowd, glancing around nervously. Then, they saw me and hesitantly approached.
"Are you Connor Hill?" the woman asked, her voice strained. A man who I assumed was her husband stood beside her, his posture stiff as his eyes scanned the room.
"Yeah, I am," I replied, my words coming out as more of a question than an answer.
"We're Josh's parents," she said.
My heart thudded. Josh's parents? They actually came? "Hi," I said, trying to mask my shock. "Uh, nice to meet you."
Mrs. Brooks wasted no time. "Josh was supposed to be with his aunt in Utah," she said, speaking quickly, her voice sounding worried and frustrated. "But we found out he left. We got your letter and thought maybe you knew where he was."
I swallowed nervously. "I haven't seen him. The last thing I heard was that he was coming home, but I haven't been able to reach him."
Mr. Brooks' eyes narrowed slightly. "So you have no idea where he could be?" he asked, his tone making it clear that he was being accusatory, like he didn't trust a word I said.
"No, I don't," I said, trying to keep my voice calm. "I've been calling and texting him, but he hasn't answered."
Mrs. Brooks let out a small, exasperated sigh. "We're just...worried about him," she said, her voice softening slightly.
I nodded. "Yeah, I am too. Josh is... he means a lot to me. Um...if I hear anything, I'll let you know."
Mr. Brooks looked like he wanted to say something else, but instead simply said, gruffly, "Okay. Thanks."
Josh's mom gave me her cell number. Then, they left, blending back into the crowd. I just stood there, my mind racing with worry for Josh.
Where was he? Was he okay? Was he coming here? He had to be.
As a million thoughts flew through my mind, I couldn't help but also wonder if we could fix things between us or if this was just another inevitable end. Were our good memories enough to outweigh the uncertainties? Could we find a way to merge who we were with who we were becoming?
And then, on the other side of the crowd, as if sent there to ease my mind, I saw Josh.
As our eyes locked and the crowd and the noise faded into the background, as though it were only us in the entire world, all of my questions were answered.
And I knew.