It was now my turn to ask a question in Truth or Drink. I wasn't ever very good at thinking on my feet, so I went with an easy target: "Liv, what's your most embarrassing fear?" I laughed because I already knew the answer.
"You're so mean," Liv said jokingly. "Okay, okay. I have this fear of, like, doll eyes." When everyone started laughing and saying, "What?" she clarified: "I used to have this American Girl doll, and she sat on a bench in my room facing my bed. So when I would go to bed at night, her eyes were just watching me and I swear I saw them blink once. It was so scary!"
Everyone laughed harder, and Liv scanned the group looking for the next victim. I turned slightly to get a glimpse of Josh, and he was kind of standing near a group of people but not really participating. He just stood there, looking almost sad and taking sips of his drink. His eyes looked unfocused, his cheeks red.
"Jake," Liv said, forcing my attention back to the game. "How many people in this room would you be willing to kiss?"
After a moment of silence, Jake replied, "Seven."
Everyone did a little math, which took longer than it should have, and realized there were only six girls in the room.
"Jake's a homo!" Isaac blurted, causing several people to laugh.
"You wish, flamer," Jake replied. "She didn't say I couldn't include myself."
About half of the people playing the game rolled their eyes simultaneously. Liv punched Jake's arm, and the sound her fist made when it connected was definitely harder than just a friendly smack.
Jake rubbed his arm, grinning cockily. "If I were any of you, I'd gladly make out with me."
Sophia, who was sitting next to Jake, said, "Jake, I'd make out with you, but you'd have to stop talking about yourself for a few seconds."
Suddenly, all of the girls began ganging up on Jake. I almost felt bad for him, but then I remembered he was definitely a homophobe and just enjoyed the show.
"Yeah, Jake," another girl, Chloe, said. "You're cute, but you'd definitely need a bag over your personality."
"Does Olivia hitting Jake count as animal abuse?"
"What's it like thinking you're the main character in everyone else's lives?"
"If we had a dollar for every time Jake complimented himself, we'd all be rich."
To this, Jake simply responded, "I already am rich."
"Well, I guess we know that money can't buy everything," Sophia clapped back.
"Guys, can we get back to the game?" Liv asked, interrupting the roast. Everyone quieted down, and then she added, "Jake's ego is only feeding off of the haters."
Everyone laughed, but we did eventually get back to the game. I was, once again, impressed with Jake's inability to be embarrassed. He still sat in the same spot, a stupid grin on his face, looking as arrogant as ever.
Since it was his turn again, Jake turned to Ben and asked, "Ben, are you into Lydia?"
Ben hesitated before looking at Lydia and answering, "Yeah."
Everyone playing lost their shit. Lydia pretended to be embarrassed but it was obvious she liked his answer. She playfully pushed Ben, causing him to spill his drink on me.
"Shit, sorry, Connor," Ben slurred, kind of patting my sweatshirt, like that was going to do anything.
"It's okay," I said. I couldn't go home reeking of alcohol, so I went to find the bathroom to try to clean it off.
I took off my sweatshirt and wet it in the sink. While I was doing that, someone walked into the bathroom.
"Oh, sorry," the person mumbled, and I recognized the voice to be Josh's.
I looked up from the sink. Josh stared at me and kind of stumbled backwards into the door frame. I opened my mouth to speak but no words came out. Instead, we just looked at each other in silence.
Finally, I found my voice and said, "I'm done...if you have to...get in here."
As I turned to leave, Josh shut the bathroom door. He took a step towards me, but then, in his drunken stupor, stumbled again. I tried to grab his arm to help steady him, but, you know, he was a pretty big dude, so he ended up taking me down with him.
We landed on the floor, with me on top of him. We stared at each other with wide eyes. "Are you okay?" I asked. I went to get off of him, but he grabbed my waist, pulling me back on top of him.
I was too shocked to say anything. I could barely process what was happening when Josh suddenly lifted his head up and pressed his lips against mine.
And, in case you haven't been paying attention thus far, that was actually my first kiss. So of course I was in my head the whole time, worrying if my breath smelled, wondering if I was even doing it right, stressing that he could hear my heart pounding, and anxious that Josh would wake up tomorrow with absolutely no memory of any of this.
We really only kissed for a few seconds before I pulled away. "This isn't a good idea," I said, getting off of him. "You're really drunk."
"Who cares?" Josh groaned, closing his eyes. His body was basically limp as I pulled him into a sitting position. "Does any of it even matter anymore?"
"Does any of what even matter?" I asked, sitting next to him.
"Anything," he said. "Everything." Tears started to well in his eyes and he hid his face in his hands, sniffling.
"Shit, are you okay?" I asked, moving a little closer to him on the floor. "Uh, what's happening?" I placed a hand on his shoulder and gently patted it, feeling uncomfortable and confused.
Josh began full-on sobbing, and then he started coughing, and then he leaned over the toilet and vomited.
I rubbed his back in what I hoped was a comforting manner. When he was done throwing up, he turned and leaned against the wall. I grabbed his empty cup, filled it with water from the sink, and handed it to him. He drank it while I sat down next to him.
"It's all my fault," he said, his voice cracking as he started to cry again. Tears and snot dripped down his face. "It's all my fault."
"What?" I asked, concerned. "The kiss? It's fine. It's all good."
He just shook his head and kept crying. I didn't know what he was talking about, but I knew it was definitely time for him to go home.
Someone knocked on the bathroom door. "Josh? You in there?" a guy's voice asked.
I whipped my head towards the door. Josh just continued quietly sobbing. Would it be more suspicious if I opened the door, revealing the two of us in here together, or more suspicious if I just said nothing? I waited a bit to see if the person would go away, and it seemed that they did since they didn't say anything else.
"Do you want me to give you a ride home?" I asked Josh.
"No," he said. He took a few shaky breaths, trying to regain his composure, and started hiccuping. He still had tears in his bloodshot eyes and his face was blotchy, but he was finally starting to calm down. In between hiccups he slurred, "I want to keep drinking."
"Well, that's not gonna happen," I replied. I refilled his cup with more water and forced him to drink it.
Afterwards, Josh sniffled. "I don't want to go home."
In this state, I pitied Josh. He was clearly going through some shit, and really wasn't as intimidating as I had previously thought. "I gotta go home," I said, "so I can give you a ride on the way, okay?"
I helped Josh up, a much more difficult task than I had anticipated. I groaned as he leaned what felt like half of his body weight on me, unable to steady himself on his own. I opened the bathroom door, supporting Josh as we stumbled right into someone.
"Josh?" It was the voice from before. I recognized him to be one of Josh's soccer buddies, David. "You good?" He then gave me a look of confusion. "What's going on?"
"He's really drunk," I said through strained breaths as I tried to keep Josh from tumbling over. "I can give him a ride home. He lives close to me." The last part was a lie; I had no idea where Josh lived.
"Shit," David said. "He was drinking quite a bit but I didn't realize how drunk he was." Then he paused. "Sorry, who are you again?"
"Connor," I told him. After he stared blankly at me, I added, "Connor Hill? I'm a senior at Clareview, too."
"Oh, yeah. Okay. Well...thanks for giving him a ride." He gave Josh a pat on the back. "Feel better, buddy."
Josh and I made our way towards the front door. "Con!" I heard Liv call out. "You leaving?"
I turned to see Liv coming up to me. She gave Josh a weird look. "Is that Josh Brooks?"
"Um..."
"Are you okay?" she asked Josh, who was half-slumped on me. He mumbled some garbled words in response. From the loud music, all I caught was "shit," "drunk," and "home."
"He's really drunk," I said. I gave the same excuse I gave the other guy: "He lives near me, so I'm just gonna give him a ride." I was pretty sure Liv didn't know where he actually lived.
"Oh, okay..." she said, frowning. "I wish you could've stayed longer."
"Yeah, but I gotta get home soon anyway or my parents will kill me."
"Alright, well text me tomorrow!"
"I will," I said, leading Josh outside. I had to practically shove him into my car. I walked around to the driver's side and climbed in. "Where do you live?"
"My house," he replied. I really didn't want to laugh at that because he looked so miserable, but honestly the entire situation was a little bit ridiculous. "Why are you smiling?" he asked, his eyes only half open.
"Nothing," I said, trying to wipe the grin off of my face. "What's your address?"
Josh gave me what I hoped was his address, and it actually wasn't that far from mine. While we drove, I tried to make some light conversation in an attempt to cheer Josh up, but he stayed silent the entire drive. I pulled up in front of his house and saw that no lights were on inside. "Are you gonna be okay?" I asked him.
"I'm fine," he responded. I didn't believe him, but it was getting late, so I got out of my car and walked over to the passenger's side. I helped him get out and walk to the front door.
"I'm sorry," he mumbled, still slurring his words.
"For what?"
Josh looked at me with his unfocused, glazed-over eyes. "That I can't...give you what you're looking for."
I wanted to ask Josh what the hell he was talking about, but then he went inside and closed the door behind him.