Chapter 14: Chapter 14: The Siege of Praedones

I sat one of the lumpy lemons onto my desk, carefully picked up one of Thomas’ wires, and inserted the metal tip into the fruit. The lemon’s mushy skin gave way with little resistance, and I spooled wire into the lemon until I reached what I guessed was the fruit’s center. Then, grabbing the other end of the wire, I inserted the exposed metal bits into the opening of my laptop’s charging port. I held my breath, not sure what would happen next. My laptop didn’t immediately explode, which was a good sign, but the computer’s charging light didn’t flick on either. I stared impassioned at the mushy lemon, willing its electrical goodness to flow into my laptop. However, the charging light remained stubbornly lifeless. Yeah, that would’ve been too easy.

“Your witchiness, it’s time for your daily rations.” I perked up, food! Rushing over to my door, I opened it and saw Thomas’ smiling face on the other side. I’d been worried about him after last night’s battle, but thankfully, all his injuries seemed minimal. The only sign he’d been in a scrap was a sling holding up his left arm. More importantly, in his free hand, Thomas was holding a giant turkey leg.

“Oh boy, a whole turkey leg,” I said, salivating at the thought of eating actual meat again. I didn’t care that it was probably from the turkey those trappers had caught almost a week ago; I was hungry! I reached greedily for the food, ready to fill my mouth with stale turkey goodness.

“Unfortunately, I’ve been tasked with delivering food to everyone in the castle,” replied Thomas, nimbly sidestepping my grab at the turkey leg. “So we’re all gonna have to share.”

“Wait,” I replied, my stomach feeling like it was completely hollow, “everyone in the entire castle is sharing a single turkey leg?”

In response, Thomas whipped out a ruler and stepped into my room. He sat down at the desk and, after measuring out the meat, cut off the tiniest sliver of turkey I’d ever seen. It was so thin I feared a slight breeze might blow it out my window.

“Is that it?” I took the slice from Thomas and placed it in my mouth. For a few brief moments, my taste buds were ordained with the ambrosial flavor of actual food, but it was gone just as soon as it came and I was somehow left feeling even hungrier.

Thomas nodded. “That’s it. Sadly, we are in the middle of a siege after all.”

I groaned. “Don’t remind me.”

I patted my poor stomach and stuck my head outside a window. Beyond the kingdom’s walls, maybe half a mile away, a massive army encircled the entirety of Praedones. Although I may have scared off the Boujie Boys with my sick dubstep, they appeared more than willing to wait for everyone inside the castle to starve to death, something that seemed like it would occur much sooner than I had expected.

“How’s your spell going?” I turned away from the depressing sight of the Boujie Blockade and back to Thomas; he was peering inquisitively at my failed attempt at a lemon charger.

“Not great,” I admitted, “Lemon magic is unfortunately beyond me.” Thomas nodded like this was the most sensical-sounding sentence in the entire world.

“Do you think you can come back later today and help wire my lemons,” I asked, motioning towards his turkey leg, “Y’know, once you’re done feeding the castle?”

Thomas’s face lit up but quickly turned into a frustrated frown. “I’d love to study more magic with you,” he said, “but King Cassian has all the knights on double duty right now.

“Double duty?” I asked, trying not to snicker like a five-year-old.

He nodded. “Everyone’s either tending to the castle or on patrol. We gotta be ready in case the Boujie Boys attempt another attack.”

“Hold up,” I said, confused, “The first day I was here, didn’t you say that King Cassian basically made you my bodyguard? Why can’t you just stay here with me?”

Thomas blushed, “I may or may not have assigned myself that role without the king’s knowledge,” he said, staring up at the ceiling.

“FOOD!” Cried a chorus of hungry voices from elsewhere in the castle. Thomas jumped to attention, grabbing the turkey leg and ruler with his good arm.

“Sorry, Piper,” he said, rushing out the door, “I’ll see you later, maybe!” And with that, my greatest chance of returning home sprinted away to deliver stale turkey to the rest of the starving populace.

XXX

I suddenly found myself with an abundant amount of free time and nothing to do but stare at my lumpy lemons and dead laptop. I briefly considered locking myself in my room and having a panic attack but decided to be a tad more productive and go dress shopping instead. I’d been wearing my yellow top and shorts for over a week now and felt beyond disgusting. Now, the kingdom of Praedones was hardly the pinnacle of medieval fashion, but after some searching, I found a tailor selling a super cute blue dress. The outfit was a bit scratchy, but at least now I was wearing something not caked in a week’s worth of mud and sweat. I was wondering how I was supposed to pay for the outfit, but the tailor gave it to me for free. She said to consider it as a thank-you gift for stopping the Boujie Boys the night before, so I guess you could call that a hero’s discount.

Even though I had a new outfit, I was still stinky from over a week of not bathing, so after asking around, it turned out there were actual baths in the castle! Unfortunately, plumbing wasn’t a thing yet, but I got a couple of buckets of heated water to pour into the tub and got myself the rough equivalent of a modern bath. I even snagged a bar of soap to wash myself with. I soaked in the warm bath water, watching the week’s worth of grime peel off my skin, and for just a few minutes, I was able to relax and forget that everyone in the kingdom, myself included, was in mortal peril.

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After my bath, I donned my new dress and swung by the Smith’s house, realizing it had been a while since I’d checked in on the family. The house smelled markedly cleaner than the last time I’d been there, and Mrs. Smith had me wash my hands with soap no less than three times during my brief visit. I took a peek at Mr. Smith while I was there, and while he didn’t necessarily look any better, he didn’t look worse either. It was probably another week until the Oregano disinfectant was ready, so I hoped Mr. Smith could remain stable until then.

With my errands completed, I decided it might be fun to hang out with Ellie. After that kiss the other night, I assumed she and Thomas were officially an item and wouldn’t mind a rousing girl’s night of spilling the tea. Unfortunately, I was informed by one of her servants that she was busy. Apparently, she was doing hardcore crochet, whatever that meant.

Having nothing else to do but ruminate on the fact I was stuck in a siege, I turned to the one friend I could always rely on in thick or thin: theater. I headed back to the town square, to the makeshift stage Thomas and I had created, and went over my lines from Hamlet. Yeah, I know I’d just acted out the entire performance yesterday, but I needed to do it again in Swahili to ensure it was fresh in my memory.

I wasn’t performing for anyone in particular, but a small crowd slowly gathered in the square to watch me as I acted out my lines. I guessed that, like myself, they didn’t have anything better to do; plus, to these medieval Europeans, Swahili probably sounded like I was uttering some sort of magical language.

“No hakuna mtu aliyekula bacon usiku huo.” I said with a flourish, bowing to the audience. The crowd applauded, not with as much enthusiasm as the night before, but in their defense, no one had any idea what I was saying. With the performance over, the citizens dispersed back to their homes, and I sat on the edge of the stage just to think. When I was acting, it was like all my worries disappeared, but as soon as the curtain dropped and it was time to go home, my problems tended to bubble back up to the surface. What the heck was I gonna do to get back to my own time? I had no idea how to make electricity, Thomas wasn’t free to help, and the entire kingdom appeared to be on the brink of starvation. How could I turn things around?

“You really are a talented actress, Miss Piper.”

I looked up, surprised to see King Cassian exiting the crowd of dispersing people and heading toward me.

“Thanks,” I replied, realizing guilty that I hadn’t even thought to ask whether or not Cassian had been injured during last night’s attack. “Are you and Princess Melanie doing okay?”

“As well as we can be,” replied the King with a yawn. “While I wouldn’t call our current situation ideal, we’re safe at the moment, and we have you and the brave knights of Praedones to thank for that.”

I appreciated the platitudes but suspected Cassian was here for more than shooting the breeze. “Is there anything I can help you with, your majesty?” I asked, hopping off the stage to stand level with him.

“I wanted to check in on you,” replied the King. “I understand only the most basic fundamentals of magic, but I do know that the larger the spell a witch or wizard casts, the more strain it places on their body. How are you feeling?”

“I’m fine,” I said with a shrug, “But magically, I’m quickly running out of tricks.”

Cassian visibly deflated. “I was afraid of that.”

I nodded. The two of us lapsed briefly into an uncomfortable silence. “How much food do we have left?” I finally asked, wanting to break the quiet.

“We have enough lumpy oatmeal and stale turkey legs to last us maybe another week, but after that-.” He tapered and lapsed into silence again.

“Isn’t there anything we can do?” I inquired, doing some mental math and trying to figure out what I could do in seven days to either end this siege or make it back home.

Cassian must’ve seen my hopeless expression. “Don’t worry, Piper, he said, placing a fatherly hand on my shoulder. You’re not the only one trying to find a solution to this siege.”

“You don’t happen to have a legendary Arthurian sword lying around, do you?” I asked, cracking a smile.

“Nothing that dramatic,” chuckled the King. “I initiated a brief cease-fire with Lord DripBussin earlier today. He’s no longer interested but agreed to send over one of his kingdom’s most eligible bachelors to meet with Princess Melanie. In fact, they should be meeting as we speak.”

“Another marriage proposal?” I asked in disbelief. “Don’t you remember how the last one went?”

“Believe me, Piper, I’m well aware,” replied the King, suddenly looking more world-weary than usual. “But I really think my daughter will come through for us this time.”

“Uh-huh,” I said, crossing my arms, not the least convinced.

“I know she’s been uncooperative in the past,” admitted Cassian, “But after last night’s attack, she’s starkly aware that if this siege continues, she’ll end up dying along with the rest of us. So maybe, just maybe-.”

“I wouldn’t marry you if you were the last man on earth, you pig-nosed Philistine!”

Cassian and I shared a look. A few moments later, we spotted a well-dressed nobleman stomping out of the city towards our hastily repaired front gate.”You’ll rue the day, Cassian, shouted the man in anger. “Lord DripBussin and I will starve out your city and dance on your corpses!”

We just stood there for a few seconds, watching our best shot at survival make death threats against us. I don’t know who looked more disappointed, King Cassian or me. “Soooo,” I asked, “Any other Hail Mary’s you’ve got cooking?”

“Piper,” said the King so suddenly and sharply it made me subconsciously stand at attention. “How goes that special assignment I gave you?”

It took me a moment to realize he was referring to me becoming friends with Princess Melanie. “Well, you didn’t exactly tell me it was a special assignment,” I said slowly, “Just to try and befriend her if I had time.”

Cassian grunted in disappointment. “No progress then?”

I thought back to last night when Princess Melanie had gotten all worked up from my performance. “Maybe a tiny bit of relational advancement,” I admitted, “But I think she considers me more of an annoyance than anything.”

Cassian frowned. “I guess progress is progress, no matter how little, but moving forward, please consider befriending my daughter as your top priority.”

Top priority? I didn’t like the sound of that. I needed to spend my time charging my laptop and escaping the Middle Ages, not trying to become friends with a knife-wielding psychopath.

“It’s clear you’ve already seen how difficult Melanie can be,” continued the King, looking back towards the castle, “but if you can connect with her, if you can become the Princess’ first ever real friend-.” Cassian trailed off, seeming to search for the right words. “Maybe she’ll realize there’s something in this kingdom worth saving.”

There was a bit too much cheese in that speech for my taste, and I was all but certain a serious attempt at making friends with Princess Melanie would result in a knife in my back. However, even if I didn’t understand why Operation Friendship was so important to Cassian, this was a golden opportunity to ask for something in return.

“I need Thomas,” I replied. “If I at least attempt what you’re asking, can you assign him to be my full-time bodyguard?” Of course, I didn’t need Thomas as a bodyguard; I needed him as a science nerd, but I figured asking for protection would be more likely to result in a yes from the King.

“If you can secure the Princess’ friendship,” replied Cassian, reaching out and grabbing my hands, “I’ll owe you 1,000 Thomas’.”

“Thanks,” I replied with a smirk, “but I just need one.”