That night, I was lying in Travis' bed with him sleeping beside me. We were both on our sides facing each other and I had my hand linked in his, resting on the mattress between the two of us. I don't know if it was adrenaline from earlier or not but I couldn't sleep. I ran my thumb over his gently, careful not to wake him.
When we had gotten home, I filled everyone in on what that happened that day - from the meeting that morning, everything Scully said, and then what happened later with Dylan. After, Finn, Ben, and Travis went into Cameron's room to talk and they shut the door. I don't know why they had to go all the way over there to talk because it wasn't like I was going back to my old job anymore to possibly tell on them but I didn't press it. Finn and Travis left the house shortly after, not saying a word to anyone. I had asked Ben where they went because all I wanted to do was hug Travis but Ben said they had to go sort some stuff out. It didn't reassure me any because Finn and Travis anywhere together, alone, sounded like a recipe for trouble but I figured I was gone for three years - what did I know? So I went to bed eventually, trying to get my mind off things.
It wasn't until late into the night that Travis came back smelling of smoke. Once he knew I was still awake, he flicked the light on in the room and half of his body looked charred, but it was just covered in ashy soot. He left to shower, came back, and collapsed on the bed.
He held my hand immediately and with how tired he looked and the warmth drifting up my arm, I figured that was good enough. I smiled and kept any questions about what destruction he seemed to be suddenly causing to myself.
At least an hour passed by. I looked over his face which looked peaceful in the dark. I tried to focus on that, skimming over every bit of him that I could see to distract myself and maybe I would tire myself out until I fell asleep. My eyes wandered from the tip of his messy hair to his eyes, the few freckles coating his cheeks, and I was just following down his jawline, about to head up to his lips. I was tempted to reach out and trail my finger along his jawline, a five o'clock shadow of stubble showing on it, but I didn't want to startle him awake.
I was pulled out of my daze when he squeezed my hand so hard I nearly yelped.
At first, I thought he was awake and caught me staring but when my eyes snapped to his, I saw that his were clasped shut. His breathing started to get faster and I worried he was having another nightmare.
I reached my other hand out to tap his shoulder but right before I did, he took a deep gulp of air in. Again, I thought he'd woken up and didn't want to disturb him by poking him for no reason. However, he stilled and didn't let the breath back out, just holding it in his chest. I furrowed my eyebrows and grabbed onto his shoulder.
"Travis," I whispered, pushing lightly with my hand.
He didn't stir which only worried me more because I knew he hadn't taken a breath since earlier. I shook his shoulder harder.
It must have worked because Travis turned over onto his back and let go of my hand. He sat up and immediately started having an intense coughing fit. He was trying to catch his breath while doing so and the coughing wasn't helping at all. After a few seconds, he stopped and just took very deep, almost labored breaths and his hands reached up to cradle his throat. With his hands still in place, he fell backwards down to his pillow, his eyes darting around the room for a few seconds before landing on me.
His breathing was the only thing that could be heard and his eyes didn't look away from my own questioning ones.
"A bad dream?" I asked even though I already knew the answer.
He nodded.
"Are you okay?"
He paused for a second but then nodded yes again.
I glanced at his hands still clutching his neck like he was worried it was going to close at any moment. He wasn't okay.
"What was your dream about?"
He shrugged.
"Are we not talking now?" I asked.
A small, innocent smile found its way onto his face.
I relaxed next to him while he looked up to the ceiling and took deep breaths, his eyes closing in the process. I reached forward to pull one of his hands away from his neck slowly. He was reluctant at first but eventually gave up control and his arm fell down heavy by his side. I held his hand in both of mine and pulled it up to my lips, giving his knuckles a soft kiss.
We stayed like that for awhile, neither making any attempts to move or talk and even though his eyes were closed, I could tell he was still awake.
"Do you think I'm a bad person?" he eventually asked.
I looked at him like he was crazy but he wasn't looking back.
"Absolutely terrible," I said sarcastically.
"I'm serious."
I furrowed my eyebrows. "Is that what your dream was about?"
"No."
"I don't think you're a bad person," I answered.
He scrunched his eyelids together with a bit more force and sucked his bottom lip in, like he was thinking hard about something. I wanted to push his face back to normal, rubbing out his forehead with my hands but I just held his hand tighter.
"Do you think I do bad things?" he asked.
This time, I hesitated before answering. He did bad things, they all did and there was no denying that. But they didn't just run around doing the things without a reason, it was usually just to stay alive or to keep others alive.
He took advantage of my hesitation, continuing on with his questioning before I had time to answer.
"Do you think Annabeth's dad is a bad person?"
"Yes," I said, anger seeping into my voice as I pictured his face, the chipped tooth in his mouth every time he would smile.
At this, Travis' head lolled to the side to look at me, his eyes finally open and it felt like he was staring right through me. His eyes, though intense, were sad and my gut flipped.
"You're not like him," I reasoned. "Travis, he went to jail for murdering Cameron's brother," I whispered.
Travis nodded, "I know."
How he couldn't see the difference at that alone was blowing my mind and I scooted back slightly on the bed just from the shock alone.
"I've done just as many shitty things as he did," Travis tried to explain but I didn't care. "I've killed people."
"Yeah but that's different, you're different. Alex was his nephew and you go above and beyond for the people you care about." I squeezed his hand again. "Where is this even coming from?"
"When you were telling us about him, you sounded like he was one of the worst people you'd ever met and wanted him to burn alive for the rest of his sentence," Travis said.
"Maybe not burn alive but I only met him for a little bit. If it had been any longer, maybe."
Travis paused, looking at my hands wrapped around his before back to my eyes. "I don't want you to think of me like that."
I practically threw myself on him in my attempt to hug him as quickly as possible. I cupped his face in both of my hands and smiled at him, as the top half of my body rested on his. He looked back up at me with sad eyes, like a puppy when he knew he was about to be left alone all day while the owner left for work. It was hard to picture just earlier today, those same eyes were filled with rage and fury directed at my old co-workers. Now it looked like if you accidentally squished an ant, he would have a breakdown.
I leaned forward and kissed him as passionately as I could. It didn't take long for him to respond and eventually, he unwrapped his fingers still that were around his neck and moved his hands instead to my sides.
"You make me feel safe," I said pulling away for a second before kissing him again. "And happy." I kissed him again. "And I'll never, ever think you're like Scully."
"Promise?"
I grinned, feeling his lips graze against mine. "Yeah. He doesn't smell as great as you do."
Travis groaned but it was mixed with laughter so my heart swelled at the small sliver of pep he was showing. He wrapped his arms around my back and still half on top of him, I rested my head on his chest.
"What did you and Finn do?" I finally asked.
"Mmm," Travis drew out like he was thinking. "Sent a message."
"With explosives?"
I felt him shrug against me.
"I thought you guys were trying to stay quiet," I said.
He was silent for some time. "That was before we knew everyone was working against us. We're not just going to roll over."
"Just ask to get handcuffed twenty-five time," I joked, rolling my eyes.
Travis scoffed. "That's for a completely different reason."
I sighed, slightly amused at him. But still, my chest hurt as I thought again about Dylan and any of the others helping the Dacostas. "You guys are all the way out here. We're not even in Melkin right now. Why bother?"
"We have others in the gang that live in Melkin that would be targeted and some deals that we haven't gotten out of yet that we can't ignore or it'll be even more hell to pay."
I felt him start to play with the tips of my hair and I relaxed even more. A few of his tattoos were peeking out below the sleeve of his shirt so with a light touch, I began tracing the lines. Eventually, my arm got heavy and I dropped it to rest on his arm and closed my eyes, feeling sleep starting to take over.
The next morning, there was a sudden and overwhelming surge of contact hitting just one side of my body. The bed bounced along with my stomach. My eyes popped open but all I could initially see was my pillow that my face was shoved into.
"Holy mother shit," Travis swore loudly in the middle of all of it.
Laughter followed.
"Fuck," Finn swore.
I looked up from the pillow quickly to see Finn plopped down in the middle of Travis and I on the bed. He'd managed to poorly sandwich between us but his legs were sprawled out over the both of us. Whatever emotion he had coming into this was now replaced with a glare as he held his shoulder closest to Travis like he'd been hit. Travis was staring at Finn, not amused in the slightest.
"It's time to wake up," Finn argued.
"We were up late," Travis said.
Finn looked between the two of us and wiggled his eyebrows. "Oh yeah? Late night, huh?" He winked at me.
Travis punched him again a bit lower on his arm.
"Stop doing that, bitch!" Finn yelled.
"Then get out of my bed."
Finn just snuggled in more, getting comfortable with a content smile on his face.
"Fine, I'll get out of bed then," Travis decided, throwing the covers off of himself and hopping out. I didn't think he was actually going to do it but sure enough, he was up and out of the door.
"You didn't shut the door," Finn whined, still next to me. "How are Lacey and I going to get it on if you don't shut the door? This isn't a barn!"
I yawned, ignoring what he was saying because I knew he was just trying to annoy Travis. I'm pretty sure Annabeth would kill him if he actually cheated on her ever.
"You can go back to sleep, I just need him," Finn said kindly.
But I was up already. "It's fine."
Finn left and I got dressed before exiting the room. Finn and Ben were in the kitchen and Annabeth and Hannah were in the living room watching some tv show. I couldn't see Travis so I walked in the living room to ask them if they knew where he was. As soon as I passed by one of the couches, I saw him curled up underneath a blanket on the couch. He was on his side and facing the back of the couch with the blanket pulled up as far as he could get it over his head with it still covering his toes.
"Coffee," Ben called from the kitchen.
Travis mumbled incoherently, his words muffled by the couch cushion. I, on the other hand, walked into the kitchen with a grin on my face.
"Can I have some?" I asked.
Ben nodded as he sat down at the counter and pointed to the cupboard with the cups in them. I poured myself some and sat down next to him. Finn was on the ground, drawing on the whiteboard with things to do again.
"What's going on today?" I asked.
"Nothing," the half asleep body yelled from the couch.
"Shut up," Annabeth said because she was busy watching the tv.
"If you want to be a part of the kitchen conversation, you need to be in the kitchen, son," Finn scolded.
Travis trudged into the room, sitting down at the counter with us and the three boys quickly began arguing. Travis didn't want to do anything today while Ben and Finn said they should get some business taken care of.
By the time I had finished my cup of coffee, they were still arguing. Not eager to listen to them bicker anymore, I rinsed out my cup and left the room, walking down the hallway.
Taking one glance behind me to make sure no one was going to stop me, I opened the door to Cameron's room and shut it quietly behind me. I hadn't been in here since the first day and barely got a second before Travis dragged me out. The voices were muffled and I could hardly hear them from here with the door shut. Instead, just silence greeted me as I turned around.
Some of the machines that were in here previously I noticed had been moved out entirely and instead, a pair of crutches rested next to one of the windows. My eyes stuck on them as I wondered how much Cameron was progressing.
Was he up and moving? Staying awake? Were they going to leave for good soon? Was it almost time-finally?
My eyes glanced over at his sleeping body. His leg was still in a cast but instead of is entire leg, it was only from his knee and down that was in a cast. Hannah must have just put a new one on. He didn't have the IV hooked up to his arm but that machine was still in the room, pushed off to the side.
I sat down on the chair next to him, hesitantly.
On the nightstand next to him, there was an opened spiral notebook. Maybe he couldn't talk and was having to communicate this way. I leaned over to look at it and picked it up to get a better view. However, as soon as I sat back in my seat, it was obvious it wasn't being used to communicate. It was a bunch of lists of times, items, people, locations. I didn't really know what it meant as I flipped through it.
"Good morning."
I jumped, not only from not expecting to hear his voice but because I'd been caught snooping. Clutching the notebook in my hands, I looked over to Cameron to see his head turned towards me and eyeing me curiously.
"You're awake?" I accused, not knowing what to say because it was like every thought I had was suddenly bombarding my brain.
"Last time I checked."
I opened my mouth and stared at him for a few seconds while he just stared back at me, before glancing down at the notebook in my hands. I quickly put it back on the desk the same way I'd found it.
"Since when?"
"Around when you came in to look at my things."
I didn't even care about what he was saying. He was awake and I shouldn't have been this surprised because Travis even said he was in and out but it was different actually seeing it.
"I thought you died," I admitted, almost breathlessly.
"Alive." He motioned with his hands to his body.
I stood up, standing next to his bed and my arms hovered awkwardly by my side.
"Are you in pain?"
"No."
"Can I hug you?" I asked anxiously as my heartbeat quickened.
"No."
"Just once," I reasoned.
Cameron only shook his head like the idea repulsed him. "Not once."
My shoulders slumped at the rejection and he seemed to relax a bit more when he realized I wasn't about to. I didn't want to die by hugging him. Instead, I sat back down in the chair and put my hands in my lap.
"I heard you quit your cop job," Cameron said after some time.
I looked at him in confusion because that only just happened. "You were up last night, too?"
"I tend to do that."
I had done absolutely nothing but lie in bed last night while Travis was out doing who knows what and Cameron was up. It wasn't that big of a deal but I still felt like I missed out.
"Yeah, I did," I finally answered, fidgeting with my hands slightly.
"Good."
A small smile tugged at my lips as it got his stamp of approval. Not to mention, I wasn't getting yelled at for joining or the evil eye like Finn and Ben had given me at first. I wondered if he was just too tired to do any of that, though.
The door opened, interrupting the silence that fell over us.
"Don't be a shithead," Travis said but he had his back turned to us as he entered, talking to the person behind him.
Ben shoved him the rest of the way in and Travis almost fell to the floor, his fingertips grazing the floor to keep him steady.
They both looked at me but Ben recovered first.
"You're already up," he said to Cameron.
"What are you doing in here?" Travis asked me, ignoring the other two.
"You guys could've told me he was awake," I said.
Ben shrugged.
Travis pointed to Cameron with an outstretched hand, "He's awake."
I rolled my eyes.
"What do you want?" Cameron asked.
Ben grabbed the notebook I had peeked at earlier and started going over things with Cameron, all of it going right over my head still. They kept talking about shipments and locations. Travis didn't say anything as he started to play around on the crutches.
Just as soon as they barged in, they made moves to leave the room, letting Cameron know they'd stop in after and I looked at them.
"Wait, where are you going?" I asked, springing to my feet.
"Work," Ben answered, grabbing the crutches from Travis before he left on them. He put them next to Cameron's bed. "Hannah said she'd be in here in a minute, by the way."
"Can I come?" I questioned.
Travis looked between Cameron and I.
"I don't want to sit here all day like I'm getting babysat again," I added. "I can take care of myself."
He sighed. "Fine, as long as you promise not to die."
I grinned, excited to join and actually do something instead of just sitting around all day. Travis extended his hand and I took it as he pulled me out of the room. Walking down the hallway, we passed Hannah who was heading into Cameron's room.
It was relatively quieter once we got to the kitchen.
"Where's Annabeth and Finn?" I asked, looking around.
"They already left," Ben answered as he grabbed some of his gear from the counter. Travis let go of my hand to grab his gun and a few other things he had there. Realizing we were leaving this second, I ran to the bedroom to get my jacket and made sure to put the small knife I had in the pocket. I didn't know what we were doing but I didn't want to let Travis down.
When I came back, they were waiting by the door for me. I noticed Travis still had his newer leather jacket on I'd seen a few times and I wondered if he was ever going to ask for his old one back. On top of that, he just had his jacket on. No gloves, no mask, no hoodie.
I followed behind Ben as we exited the house, heading to his car. However, Travis whistled and my head turned as he stood next to his bike. I stood in between the two boys, Ben who was getting into his own car and Travis who was waiting not so patiently. I should've asked what we were doing because I had no idea where to even go, I realized as I ran over to Travis.
"What are we doing?" I decided to ask as I put on the helmet.
"Going into Melkin, nothing too bad."
I got on the back and soon we were off. When no one was on the two lane road, which was pretty often because the house was in the middle of nowhere, Travis would pull over to the other lane and drive beside Ben. The two would race, both going well over the speed limit and I squeezed Travis so hard out of fear something was going to go wrong. Neither boy seemed worried.
As we pulled into Melkin, it smelled uncharacteristically warm. Like a bonfire at a campground. I wondered if that had anything to do with Travis coming home covered in ashes yesterday and what exactly him and Finn burned if it was enough to coat the city.
We pulled up to a stop and went into a decrepit building. I scrunched up my nose and Ben laughed, catching my face.
"It's not exactly five stars anymore," he said.
"I settle for nothing less," I joked as we followed Travis up some stairs.
"I know the feeling. Last week I stayed at a place that didn't give me chocolates on my pillow and my handrags weren't folded into swans," Ben stood a bit taller, pushing his shoulders back and it looked like he had an air of fake entitlement around him. "I was forced to review them with one star."
Travis turned around while he walked for a second, just long enough so we both saw him give us an unamused face.
"He can't afford it," Ben whispered to me, causing me to laugh. "He's living that three star life."
I put a hand to my mouth to try to quiet my laughs as we exited on a floor and Travis was closer, still not amused. He was all fun and jokes when I was trying to be quiet to spy on my boss but the second the tables were turned, he couldn't handle it.
Ben dropped the bag he was carrying by a full length window and Travis started taking a gun out of it, setting it up. He took off his jacket and set it on the floor before sitting on it. I stood silently and watched as he assembled the gun, finally getting a full view of his muscles.
"What are we doing?" I asked when the gun was put together. Ben was by the next window over, just looking lazily out. I sat on the ground next to Travis.
"Waiting," Travis answered.
"For?"
"What did you and Cameron talk about?" Travis asked, apparently assuming that was more important than my question.
"Just life," Ben answered. "You know, the birds and the bees. What makes a man. Sunsets."
Travis leaned back to look around me at Ben. "Would you shut up?"
Ben chuckled and Travis' eyes were on me.
I shrugged. "Nothing. I said you're awake and he said yeah."
Travis nodded.
"Someone's jealous," Ben whispered under his breath.
"I'll shoot you," Travis warned.
"Do it. I dare you."
I groaned at the pair of them, they spent way too much time together.
"Stab him, Lacey. You're closer," Travis advised.
"I'm not going to stab Ben," I said.
Travis gave me an impatient look while Ben seem unaffected. "I'm technically your boss."
"No, you're not," I said.
"Cam's the boss," Ben added. "Not your sorry ass."
Travis shook his head and looked through the scope on his gun.
"Why do you use a knife? We have guns you can have," Ben offered.
"She doesn't need a gun," Travis answered and I pushed his leg for answering for me.
"I don't need a gun," I repeated. "If I have a gun, I might kill someone."
Both of them laughed lightly.
"I don't want to kill anyone," I defended.
"Why do you care if she has a gun or not? You know she has to get up close and personal with people to even touch them with a knife. A gun she can shoot them from far away," Ben said, talking to Travis.
"Okay, again," I started to tell them that I didn't want to shoot anyone.
"She seems to do fine sneaking around people and I can shoot people coming at her," Travis reasoned, leaving me completely out of the conversation.
"You know, I decided I was going to use a knife before I even came back to Melkin," I tried to interrupt and get it through to them that it was my decision.
"Yeah," Ben started.
"So?" Travis finished.
I sighed and rested my hand on my cheek as I looked out at the city.
Travis suddenly sat up straighter and started firing with his gun. It wasn't as loud as I thought it would be, so I figured he had a silencer on it. I tried to figure out what he was aiming at.
"What are we shooting at?"
"Shipment trucks coming in," Ben answered, looking out his own window.
"Oh, cool, cool," I nodded my head even though I still had no idea what we were doing, "What are they shipping?"
"Drugs," he said easily as Travis kept shooting.
"Oh, boy," I said under my breath.
"Oh goodness gosh," Travis mocked. "People are going to be very upset, very soon," he said, sounding more pleased by it than anything else.
He moved back from the gun and started to take it apart, putting it back in the bag.
"That's it?" I asked.
Travis nodded. I thought it was going to be a lot more intense than just sitting in a building, but I guess that was a lot of what Travis was doing lately.
Ben grabbed the bag and Travis got up, holding his jacket in his hand. We all walked back to the staircase and I started to follow Ben down when Travis whistled again.
"Why do you keep following him?" Travis asked, placing a hand over his heart.
"I thought we were going."
He nodded his head for me to join him as he started walking up the stairs. I followed and we kept going up until we reached the roof. My joints were protesting by that point. He held the roof door open and grabbed a nearby rock, using it to prop the door open.
"Wow," I said as I walked closer to the edge of the roof.
From up here, I could see blocks and blocks of Melkin. It looked like something out of an apocalypse movie, with all of the buildings destroyed or boarded up with bars on the windows or wood planks. Some windows were smashed out in the higher buildings and rust was claiming the metal framework. Once upon a time, it was probably a beautiful city.
"You can see so much," I pointed out.
"Yeah," Travis said from behind me.
I looked to the side and the building next to us was right up against this one, making that roof accessible from this one.
"So this is how you got around Melkin before?" I asked even though I'd already had an idea.
He nodded. "No one looks up."
Travis grabbed my hand and led me to the other side of the roof. There was a field in the distance, possibly a football or soccer field but from up here, the vantage point made what was written on it clear as day.
'COME FIND US' was burned into the field.
I punched Travis in the arm but he barely moved.
"Are you crazy?" I half yelled.
He looked off to the side, guilty.
"Is that what you did with Finn?"
"That, and the Casey sign in front of the hotel you were staying at for your friends to see, and some fuck offs by the Dacosta house," He grinned, like he was proud. "We were rather productive, if I do say so myself."
My eyes widened at the fact that they were practically teasing the cops and the Dacostas and asking them to find them. This wasn't some game of hide and seek where you just had to sit out and watch from the sidelines if you were found.
My mouth opened but no words came out, too angry. Travis, who saw absolutely nothing wrong with how loud of a message that was, took my hands in his and twirled me around under his arm. It was uncoordinated and stiff and I could tell he was thinking about it too much. But I was too busy freaking out in my head to correct him.
"Travis," I started, "They're going to follow through with that, they're going to come find you."
He grinned and took my other hand in his so I would stop pointing at the scorched field.
"Show me how to dance," he said.
I shook my head as I pictured Dylan's face as he looked at the Casey sign burned into the grass in front of the hotel. It was such nice grass, too.
"There's no music," I shot out quickly, trying to get him to drop it because there was more important things to focus on like the Dacostas trying to come back for round two after seeing their own grass and having an angry Dylan to back them up.
Travis let go of my hand. "I always have music," he tapped his head.
I sighed.
"You were asking what we did last night," he pointed out, grabbing my hand and moving from foot to foot as we moved around in a stiff circle.
"I know. I just don't want them to actually find you."
Travis rolled his eyes. "Nah. Don't worry."
I let out a breath, trying to push my worries out with it. He seemed to notice I was loosening up some because a beautiful smile coated his face, directed right at me. My stomach leaped.
"You're too tight. You need to relax," I said, realizing he wasn't going to stop.
Travis nodded and let go of my hands. Was that all it took to get him to quit dancing around? However, soon enough, he was jumping up and down slightly, wiggling his arms. He stopped and stood in front of me with his hand extended.
"Okay, I shook all the serious out."
I started laughing and he winked.
"See? Cam and Ben aren't the only ones who can make you laugh."
"Are you kidding me?" I asked rhetorically, throwing my head back.
Travis just chuckled under his breath and took my hand in his. He pulled me close to his chest and I moved us around in circles. He was still stiff but not as much as before. His arms didn't feel like planks of wood that refused to move now.
"This is what you used to do," he stated.
"What?" I asked, confused.
"When I used to go to dance practice with you, you would dance like this sometimes and I always thought it was pretty."
Travis pulled me closer, getting the hang of it as we went and leading every once in awhile. My heart warmed as I snuck a peek up at his face as he focused on the steps and I realized he didn't ever have to say I love you. I could tell, I was starting to feel it in my chest whenever he looked at me or held my hand. Whenever he did something to keep me safe, it was like he was screaming it.
"Oh shit, sorry," he said as he stumbled and I took the lead, putting us back on track.
"I love you," I stated, not having to focus as much on what I was doing as he did.
He looked up from the ground and grinned for a second before looking back down but I could feel it in my chest for just that moment as his eyes met mine: I love you, too. I was sure of it.