Travis.
8 years ago.
3 months after Ben's parents' funeral.
3 and a half months after meeting Cameron Casey.
12 years old.
Someone ruffled my hair as Ben and I walked into the Casey house. I swatted the hand away, pushing myself out of their reach and bumping into Ben's side in the process.
He looked over at me for a second and then fixed his eyes forward on Cameron's back as we went further in.
"Wait here," Cameron said. He glanced at Ben before looking at me.
I rolled my eyes.
"Got it?" he asked me.
I crossed my arms.
"Don't talk to anyone."
"Is that against your rules, too?" I asked. I hated this place.
Cameron opened his mouth to speak but then looked around at a few of the other guys around. I hated them. He grabbed my tricep and Ben's forearm and hauled us into the hallway.
"Hey. Hey! Hey, let go of me," I argued, pulling at him. I could protest as much as I wanted, no one here would care. He wasn't hurting me. I wasn't bleeding. So they expected me to be quiet.
Ben wanted to be here. And so many bad people - Casey and Dacostas - knew our faces already so where would we go?
I never let Ben out of my sight now if I could help it.
Cameron didn't let go of my arm until we were alone in the long, boring hallway I'd been banned from skateboarding down. Vik broke my skateboard when I ran into him before and threatened to set the next one I brought into the house on fire. I kept the new one I bought outside. But I cut up half his clothes out once I figured out which room was his in this dumb house. Eye for an eye.
My back thumped against the wall when Cameron let go of us, my arm brushing against Ben's but I didn't move away. I liked knowing exactly where he was and I think he did, too.
"Listen to me," Cameron hissed under his breath.
I clenched my jaw.
"Half the shitheads here are on their way out. They won't listen to me and they won't play by my rules so just buy your time and wait. Don't talk to anyone unless I give you the okay. Got it?"
I didn't say anything.
"Yes," Ben answered.
"I'm helping you," Cameron said looking at me.
When I didn't say anything, Ben leaned closer to me like he was trying to urge me to answer and obey and not care who these people were and I wanted to tell him I knew he was angry but I was angry, too. I was so angry about his parents but these weren't good people. I leaned my shoulder against his but I don't think he understood what I was trying to say.
"Unless you want to end up in a grave by the end of the month, you need to listen to me," Cameron said.
"No."
"Travis," Ben whispered, looking at me. His eyes were red but they always were now. He was either upset over his parents or it was from getting no sleep. Most likely, his eyes were red for both reasons.
Cameron grabbed the side of my neck and forced my head to look up at him.
"No." I repeated.
His grip tightened on my neck but I didn't flinch.
"What will it take to get you to listen to me?"
He was compromising.
My dad wouldn't even do that.
I wanted to laugh at him caving.
I shrugged, "You could start with apologizing to me."
Tighter on my neck. "For?"
"You could have asked me to walk down here instead of make me," I argued.
Cameron studied me for a moment, "Would you have agreed?"
We both knew the answer to that was no. I wouldn't have come down the hallway with him at all unless Ben went voluntarily. So instead of lying to him, I said nothing.
After a minute, Cameron finally let go of my neck and stepped back. "I'll be right back. Don't go anywhere. Don't talk to anyone."
He started walking further down the hall, giving us a second look as he went before he disappeared around the corner. Ben and I waited.
Ten seconds. Thirty.
At one minute, we pushed off the wall and went back to where everyone else was, hanging on the outskirts to listen in on everyone's conversations.
Someone was talking about girls which I didn't care about. Drugs, no. Training sessions, no. None of this had to do with what Ben and I were here for - the people who killed his parents. We tried to pick up any information we could about the Dacostas when others weren't paying attention to us.
Ben and I were at least listening when Cameron said not to talk to anyone. We were off in the corner of the room, just observing. I had my arms crossed again and Ben stood next to me. Every now and then I could feel my elbow brush his arm. It was reassuring.
"Hey, miniatures," Mack said to us. He was older. I hated him.
I glared at him as he walked closer to us with a few others.
"Heard you guys went out with Cameron again. When are you going to take the training wheels off?"
Ben and I kept quiet.
"Ignore them," Tom said, next to Mack. Tom looked like he was Cameron's age. "They're going to end up dead soon. Not worth your time."
Mack looked back at us. "That true? You guys gonna end up dead?"
Tom answered, "Probably, unless they can graduate from the kiddie table."
"We're not kids," I said, clenching my fists.
Tom laughed. "Look at you guys," he argued but he turned his attention to Mack. "They've been crying for weeks over nothing."
I felt Ben shift against me and I told myself don't look.
"Pathetic. They're gonna say they're not kids and sit here and whine and next thing you know, we're going to see them with a teddy bear and blanket while they cry out for their mommy. Fuck, we're not a children's center."
My heart beat started echoing loudly in my head. I could feel Ben's body trembling against mine.
Don't look at him.
"Cameron was stupid for bringing them on. He should've just left them alone and the Dacostas would've picked them off eventually," Tom said and Mack agreed.
After Mack's laughter died down, Tom added, "Then at least they'd join their dead parents."
I did it. I looked at Ben.
Ben stood there shaking, sucking his lips into his mouth as he tried to hold himself upright and I could feel him breaking.
"Worthless -" Tom droned on next to me.
The next thing I knew, I was shoving against Tom's chest. He fell backwards from the surprise and I fell forward with him, straddling him. My fists were connecting with his face again and again.
He reached up and socked me in the jaw and I almost fell off of him but I grabbed onto his arms to hold him to me.
White noise filled my ears.
I saw Ben's parents falling to the ground on repeat in my mind as I wrestled with Tom. He was just like them. He was bad. And the Dacostas were bad. They were all bad. If it wasn't for Tom and Cameron and every despicable person in this house, Ben's parents would still be alive and no one would know who we were.
We would still have our summer trip planned.
Ben would still have his old bedroom.
I would still have my sleeping bag and pillow tucked under his bed for when I didn't want to go home.
My chest ached and I could feel something dripping down my cheek. Maybe it was tears. Maybe it was blood. His fists kept finding my face but I couldn't feel it.
The pops of the guns firing at his parents that night were all I could hear.
Ben cradling his mom in his arms was all I could see.
I scratched against Tom's face as I yelled, "You son of a motherfucking bitch shit!"
There weren't many things my dad taught me but one of them was every cuss word he could think of.
Tom grabbed at my hands but I didn't stop. I could feel arms pulling at me from behind but I tightened my legs around his middle and grabbed his hair with one hand to stay on top of him.
Baby. He had called Ben a baby. They all had every day. We heard the taunts that we were going to die. Death and guns and they kept reminding Ben of that night and they needed to stop so I could breathe. So he could breathe.
"I hate you all!" I screamed as I pulled on Tom's hair.
"Get this psycho off me!" Tom's voice finally penetrated my ears along with the screams of everyone around us.
Arms got a tight hold of my middle section and yanked me off of Tom's body. Whoever it was was taller and stronger because I was suspended in the air. I jerked and thrashed against the arms holding me, my hands were pushing against them as I tried to wiggle myself out.
"Let me make him cry and see how he likes it!" I yelled as Tom wiped his shirt over his face to try to clean it up.
They put me on the floor but as soon as they let go, another set of arms wrapped around even tighter around me. I opened my mouth to protest and their hand flew up to cover my mouth.
Something from their hand fell into my mouth and dissolved. I tried to spit it out but their hand was clasped tightly around my mouth and they went to cover my nose. I couldn't breathe.
"Swallow it," Mack said from behind me. "And shut up."
This wasn't the first time this happened. I held out for as long as I could but by then, the drugs were already dissolved on my tongue. I glanced at Ben, who was being held back. When Mack felt me swallow, he let go.
"What the fuck did you just give him?" Someone asked but I wasn't paying attention.
I filled my lungs with oxygen, turned, and punched Mack in the face.
Ben was at my side, holding onto my arms as he stood in front of Mack before he could hit me back.
He didn't get the chance to hit either of us even if he wanted to because Cameron had him in a headlock immediately. Mack was older than Cameron but he wasn't able to budge in Cameron's grip as he yelled at him.
Then Finn was in front of Ben and I, a hand on each of our shoulders due to our huddled stance. "Are you okay?"
"Who cares if that little shit is okay, look at my face!" Tom argued.
I turned to go back for seconds but Ben held me still and Finn's hand tightened on my shoulder.
Finn grabbed my chin in his face and looked at my eyes, moving his head from side to side. Finn and Cameron were always gone when this happened.
"This is what they do," I said slowly, feeling the effects already. I think I liked Finn. "They say don't tell Cameron."
I didn't bother to finish what their threats normally were. Ben and I would be too loud to them, too much in the way. The last time they put something in my drink and said not to tell Cameron or we'd end up in the graves next to Ben's parents. They said they'd break us until Cameron didn't want us anymore.
I stuck out my tongue, sure whatever Mack put in my mouth had discolored my tongue some when it dissolved. They never did it to Ben, I made sure of it.
"How safe," Ben finally snapped at Finn because that's what he told us all the time. That's what Cameron told us. That we were safe here. And Cameron kept telling us we would get revenge on the people who killed his parents so each day we stayed. But now Finn and Cameron had seen it without us ratting Mack out.
My heart beat was slowing. Each time I felt like it might not start again. I blinked. And blinked. And blinked.
Everything sounded like it was in the next room over.
"Come on," Ben said and tugged us out of Finn's grip.
I let him pull me to the door as Cameron's voice boomed throughout the room but I couldn't focus. He kept pausing but I couldn't hear what Mack was answering with. I tried harder to hear.
"You have exactly two seconds to give me a better reason than that as to why drugging children is okay or I'll personally see you take your last breath," Cameron yelled at Mack.
Ben kept pushing me.
I blinked.
"Wrong," Cameron laughed to whatever Mack said but it rang in my head. A bad laugh. A mean laugh.
I glanced back at him still holding Mack in a headlock.
Finn blocked my view and pushed Ben and I the rest of the way out of the front door, shutting it swiftly behind us.
I looked left and right and left and right.
It felt like I was looking down a long tunnel.
Ben pulled us over to his discarded bike and my skateboard on the front lawn. He held my skateboard out to me.
"Will you be okay?" he asked. I focused on his lips.
I nodded.
Blinking felt weird but I couldn't focus.
He handed me my skateboard and walked with me and his bike to the street.
I wiggled my fingers, it took too much effort.
"Hold onto my bike so you don't fall."
I nodded. Placed my board down. Stood. Blinked. Grabbed the back of his seat.
Ben started pedaling us away from the house. Wind hit my face and I could feel it. It wasn't like a gust. It was like I could feel each millimeter of it hit my skin, like I could section it off and touch it.
I leaned to one side on my skateboard as Ben turned.
The wind felt fast and tickled my face and I laughed.
"Slow down," I said but it came out too softly. Any louder was an effort I couldn't find at the moment but my head was screaming it. My body wouldn't listen. It was like everything was in slow motion. Mack and his friends wanted quiet so they made sure they got it.
Usually not Tom.
Tom was usually asleep during the day.
Tom was a new taunter.
I hoped Tom was hurt. But I wished it had been Mack under me.
I had to turn my whole head to see to the side of me as we came up on our destination.
We got here fast.
Or maybe my thoughts were just slower.
I should blink.
I bent my knees to brace for the curb Ben pulled us over and grabbed my skateboard as he came to a stop. We walked through the gate and along the grass. Ben's bike chain was tick tick ticking along next to us as he pushed it. It was loud in my head.
"I'm sorry," Ben whispered.
I shook my head. It wasn't his fault. Those were bad people. He shouldn't say sorry for bad people.
"People shouldn't be bad people," I said, in an unintentionally soft voice.
We got to his parent's shared headstone and I dropped my skateboard, falling to my knees because my legs were heavy and here - here we were safe.
Ben was next to me not a moment later and was sitting against the headstone with his legs out straight. His hands buried themselves in the grass.
The graveyard was quiet. It always was.
"I'm so sorry," he whispered.
"Shh," I said and turned to lay down on my side. I put the side of my head on his legs, using them as a pillow. Sentences were hard to form. I patted his shin and smiled, "Don't."
I closed my eyes, no more blinking, no more tunnel vision. I wanted to turn off the wind but hadn't figured out how yet.
I knew underneath his quiet, Ben was angry. Ben was upset. But Ben was scared and I wasn't. Ben wanted someone to pay and I did too.
"So it's okay," I said, I think. I don't know.
"We should do something else. Go somewhere else, stay at your dad's," Ben suggested. "Would your dad take me in?"
"No, that won't do." My dad was a bad person.
"You're the only one I have left. I can't lose you, too. I'm sorry," Ben said.
I wanted to shake my head but I could hear the blood rushing through my veins, distracting me. "Ha, no. No. No, you won't."
"You promise?" I could hear the shakiness in his voice as he sniffed.
Thoughts spun in my head faster than I could grab a sentence and speak it. I tried to reach for them as fast as I could before they disappeared.
"Yes. Forever. I need to sleep."
His hand rested on my shoulder and I heard him sniffing some more and then he was listing all the bad people at the Casey house and every Dacosta name he knew that he wished was dead instead of his parents and I wanted to comfort him and wake up but I couldn't fight it. Darkness swallowed my mind.
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The next chapter will be uploaded this weekend as soon as I finish it because I don't want to leave you guys with this chapter for too long without something else. That would be too mean. The next chapter will also be in Travis' POV (:
It also feels mean saying have a good day after this chapter but I always say it so have a great rest of your day and I promise the next one will be up asap!