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Travis.
1 year, 8 months ago.
19 years old.
Bah-dum-din-din-din.
My hands smacked the stone I was leaning against in time with the song in my head. It was TNT by AC/DC to be exact.
"Travis."
Bah-dum-din-din-din.
"I really don't think..." Ben paused, looking at which headstone I was near, "Ms. Zeiger would appreciate AC/DC being drummed out on her headstone."
She wouldn't.
I paused. "Hell's Bells, maybe?"
Ben just shook his head and fixed the flowers we'd brought to his parents' grave. "That's a song better suited for you."
"Funny."
We both agreed Ms. Zieger's music taste was more The Foundations based off her age. The graveyard wasn't exactly overflowing with things for us to do on the regular and we spent way too much of our time here growing up over the last few years. It was one of the few places we grew to feel safe at, which, when you're a thirteen year old afraid to walk down the street alone, those places were important.
So we began to entertain ourselves by creating lives and stories and causes of death for the headstones around our usual camp out.
I started tapping out Build Me Up Buttercup out of respect for the Ms. Zeiger we imagined, mother of six, grandmother of eighteen, who died during water aerobics because what the fuck was water aerobics even? We didn't know but decided that's what got her in the end.
"I need you, I need you, more than anyone, darlin'," I mumbled the song to match my beats as I watched Ben.
I don't think enough people appreciated my musical abilities.
Hardly no one did, in fact.
It was insulting.
My phone went off and I looked at the text I'd gotten from the contact I had saved as 'Ugh'.
Ugh, 4:40 p.m.
Are you with Ben?
"Tom's looking for you," I said, not replying as I put the phone back in my pocket.
Ben groaned and waved his hand in the air, not caring about Tom's request either.
He stood, happy with how the flowers looked. I stopped tapping out the music in my head and silence surrounded us but it was comfortable.
"I miss them," he said quietly.
"Me too."
I abandoned Ms. Zeiger's headstone and went to stand next to Ben, throwing my arm around his shoulders. He leaned his head on the shoulder closest to him.
We stayed like that for awhile, until my phone buzzed again and assuming it was Cameron this time, yelling at me for ignoring Tom, I moved away from Ben. I looked at the screen to see if I was in fact, correct.
I was wrong.
The message was from a contact I had saved only as "N". It was my step-brother, Nate, who was my mom's new husband's kid. Our interactions were limited since we hadn't met until I was sent to live with my mom and even while I was there living in the same house as him, we didn't really run in the same circles. And then our bonding time was cut short when Lacey went and got kidnapped.
Every now and then we texted each other.
It was a quick and easy way to find out how my mom was without having to call her. It wasn't that I didn't want to call her but sometimes it was easier if I didn't. I didn't like to lie to her about how I was and I didn't want to worry her if she called a few times and I was too busy to pick up. Or unconscious.
So I only called her every now and then and checked in with Nate a little more often than that. It helped that he never really pried or asked a thousand questions like my mom would.
N, 4:53 p.m.
Yo your ex gf is in my group therapy class. Weird lol
My ex?
Oh.
My chest started pressing in on itself and my mind ran. I hadn't looked up anything on Lacey in ten months. I didn't usually find anything of substance and it wasn't doing me any good. I couldn't obsess over her when I left her to live her life. She could do better things than hang out with me and it had started to become too painful.
He knew I was dating Lacey when I was there and he must've assumed we broke up when I moved away. Wait. Had we?
The thought of Lacey moving on had occurred to me more than I liked when I was trying to check up on her and it was part of the reason I stopped because I wasn't sure I wanted to deal with that pain.
I stared at my phone like it was in a different language.
It'd been ten months of pushing every thought of her out of my head.
But here she was.
And I had a way to find her this time. I think I was shaking but I couldn't really feel my arm. It was like all my blood had left. Maybe Ms. Zeiger was sucking it out of me because I was cold.
"Where's Lacey?" I mumbled to myself.
She was in a group therapy class but where?
Nate was in therapy. He had always been since I met him for some stupid reasons, something about someone pointing a gun at him and ptsd. And now Lacey was there? My Lacey?
Oh.
Oh, no.
I could feel the feelings start to bubble up in my chest. I wanted to ask him where it was. Where was Lacey? How was she? Did she look okay?
"Cam just texted me, Tom needs help with a computer. You ready?" Ben asked somewhere in the distance.
Where was Lacey?
"Travis?" Ben asked me, now standing closer to me. I could hear his keys jingle in his hand.
I didn't say anything at first. Instead, I just shoved my arm out straight, putting my phone right up in Ben's face.
He stepped back just an inch and grabbed my wrist to hold my hand still as he read the message.
"Lacey," I explained. Ben was always using my phone and checking over it so I was pretty sure he knew who most of my contacts were. But I clarified just in case he didn't know it was Nate talking about my girlfriend.
"Okay..." he said slowly, looking around the phone at me.
I wiggled the phone in my hand again, shoving it back in his line of vision.
"Use your words, Travis," he prompted.
I didn't think I could right now. This was the first time someone outside of the Caseys had mentioned her. And even then it was usually just "Remember when Miller's girl shot Sterling in the arm?"
I felt like I was suffocating with the need to hold her and make sure she was okay.
"I need to find her," I pushed out of my mouth.
Ben squinted at me, brushing my arm out of the way again. "Lacey?"
Oh, God.
I hadn't heard her name from someone's mouth in years. It was always Miller's girl, or that blonde, or the tiny girl, or the one that got kidnapped, or the quiet one, or the one that shot Sterling. Never her name and I wanted to hear it again and again. It was my favorite.
"Please help me."
"I thought you stopped looking her up," Ben said.
"Ben..." I pleaded because Lacey was good and Lacey felt safe and looking at Lacey made me think that maybe I couldn't be so bad of a guy if someone that spoke like her could like me. She made me feel lighter, better, happy and I loved every bit of her.
He motioned with his head over his shoulder and then gave me a small nod. "After we shut Tom up."
I followed him out of the graveyard where he was heading to his car and I headed to my motorcycle. I didn't trust myself to text Nate back with any of my questions about Lacey because I didn't know where she was at in life. What if she was at therapy trying to get over everything that happened with us? What if she was trying to forget me? So I texted him back a single word and threw my phone on silent so I could drive without it tempting me.
Travis, 4:58 p.m.
oh?
The whole drive my mind was like a record on repeat: Was she safe? Where was Lacey? Was she okay?
Travis.
Current time.
I could feel the pillow under my head as I woke up.
Where was Lacey?
My eyes were still closed but I could tell I was on a bed.
Where was Lacey?
I couldn't remember going to sleep. Why not?
I couldn't hear anything. Was Lacey here? No. She left. Why?
All I could remember clearly were flashes of things that happened years ago.
My head hurt.
Scully flashed in my mind and then Dylan...Dylan dragging Lacey out of the bedroom we were in by her hair. Where was Lacey?
No...She made it out of the Casey house fine. I knew that but I couldn't remember where she'd gone only that I knew she wasn't with me right now and my body was screaming in protest about that.
I tried to gather more of my thoughts and memories from earlier today. Was it today? How long had I been sleeping?
I was pressed up against something on both sides of me. One was cold. One was warm. But why was it so quiet in here?
I needed to see Lacey.
"Ben," I groaned out without thinking, my voice sticking to my dry throat.
"Hm?" I heard from next to me.
I relaxed slightly at his voice and forced my eyes to open. It was dark in my room and I was sandwiched on my bed between the wall and my best friend, who was sitting against the headboard and playing on his phone. His legs were pressed against one side of me, contrasting the cold wall.
Ben next to me was a good thing. It was a reassuring thing. It meant that things couldn't possibly have gone to shit and Lacey was probably, most likely, hopefully okay if he was sitting here, like always.
"What happened?" I asked, flexing one of my arms to get it to wake up faster.
"You fell asleep."
I scrunched up my face as I recalled what I could remember. "Did I get a concussion?"
"You sure did," he said, not lifting his eyes from his phone.
"You let me fall asleep with a concussion?"
"You woke up, didn't you?" he asked with a bored tone but when I glanced up at him, I could see him fighting to smile.
"Just so you know," he continued, eyes finding mine for a second before he looked back at his phone, "I'm counting this as one of your nine lives used up. What number are we at?"
"This doesn't count," I argued, mad that I was even encouraging this. "You should have kept me awake."
"I'm talking about the whole day. Scully could've killed you."
"He didn't." I waved a hand over my body to show that I was still alive, obviously.
Ben pocketed his phone. "I'm counting it. I think you have two left?"
"No," I wanted to say it with force but my voice was too hoarse. "I'm not even bleeding so it can't count. Wait, am I?"
I lifted my head slightly off the pillow and tried to inspect my body. I couldn't see any red. I tried to turn my arm around as much as I could to see the back of it.
"You're not bleeding," Ben said, watching me.
"Give me back that life," I said stubbornly. Not that I cared about the nine lives thing. Because I didn't.
"Hannah checked you over and eventually she said it was okay if you slept for a little bit because you wouldn't stop asking her," he said. "Do you not remember that?"
"Vaguely. It hurts too much to think."
Ben started laughing. "We all knew that about you but I'm glad you finally agree with us."
"Fuck you."
He settled down and a short silence settled over us as I rubbed my index finger and thumb together on my left hand, the fingertips of both were feeling raw like I fell on them. Or more like I burned them but I couldn't remember touching anything hot. When I first started using a gun with my dad, my fingers felt like they were burning but I couldn't remember using my gun today.
"Are you okay?" Ben asked quietly.
"I think so. Do I look okay?" I was still on the pillow so I looked up at him to gauge his reaction.
His eyes scanned my face, hovering around my cheek and then zeroed in on my neck. He cringed.
"Fix your face," I said.
Ben's features softened, hiding the reaction he had to my bruises. I didn't want to see him worried like that and by this point, he knew that. Me worrying about him worrying about me helped no one.
"You've had worse," Ben finally said in a normal voice.
I nodded. I could work with that.
"Who's all here?" I asked. He mentioned Hannah. I lifted my head again and saw that the bedroom door was open so the quiet throughout the house made no sense.
"Hannah and Annabeth."
"Where's - " My voice caught in my throat but I didn't need to finish the sentence before Ben cut me off with an answer.
"She's out with Cam," he began and held up his hands in a defensive manner as soon as I opened my mouth to protest. "But she's okay."
I sat up, my head screaming to lie back down, "Why is she out with him? He can't even walk three feet."
"They're with everyone, including Finn."
I remembered Lacey leaving with Cameron but it hadn't occurred to me at the time that they were leaving the house. According to my memories, she was just going outside. I was going to blame Scully for this miscommunication.
I scooted off the bed and stumbled, dizziness hitting me like a brick. Ben grabbed my arm and steadied me until the wave passed and I could see straight again. After I felt confident enough to take another step without possibly face planting, I headed out with Ben hovering behind me in case I fell.
Hannah was in the living room watching something on television with the volume low. She seemed surprised to see me and before I knew it, I had a glass of water in my hand from her.
"How are you feeling?"
"Fine," I answered quickly and turned, gulping down the water as I walked. She wasn't who I was looking for.
I headed to Annabeth's room, not bothering to knock.
She was perched on her bed with her nose in a book, eyes glancing up at me for a second before looking back at the book. I stopped short of her bed and placed the empty glass of water on her nightstand.
"You let Lacey and Cam go out?" I hissed.
"I'm not his boss," she said.
"No, but he'll listen to you."
She sighed. "Finn and Jay are with him and Finn's been texting me updates to make sure he hasn't you know, passed out."
Her words flew in one ear and out the other, the only ones that stuck was that Finn was sending her updates. So that was good. Okay. She was safe.
"They should be home soon," Annabeth added.
I felt the panic that had been rising in me since I woke up start to settle and I laid down on Annabeth's bed, face first. She tucked her legs in closer to her body.
I closed my eyes, trying to get the remaining haze and confusion to leave my head but it still hurt a little.
"How are you?" I asked, glancing at Annabeth as Ben came and sat on the edge of the bed.
She didn't answer me but she wasn't yelling at me about how dumb of a question that was so I guessed she was somewhere in the middle. I'd seen her face when she came in the room earlier and saw her dad. It looked like she expected him to be dead rather than alive, breathing, and choking me the fuck out.
"Why isn't Finn here?" I asked because things were hard in this sort of life. And it helped if you had a tether of some sort to pull you out of your head. Ben and Lacey helped me with that. Finn helped Cameron and Annabeth with that.
And if I looked closely, I could see Annabeth's hand shaking still when she turned the page of her book.
"Someone had to give me updates on Cam."
I pursed my lips to the side because Lacey could do that. What were they even doing that he had to go? I was about to ask when she spoke up again.
"Don't let her go again," she told me.
"What?"
"Lacey. She's good for you and if she leaves Melkin again, go with her."
I didn't say anything to this, so she kept talking.
"She's here for you," Annabeth clarified. "Not because she has to be. Hold onto that."
I closed my eyes at her words rattled my insides. She was probably closer to not being okay rather than being in the middle if she was talking about stuff like that.
"I don't think I deserve her," I said because if Annabeth was going to be open about this with me, I could be honest back. I didn't want to lose Lacey. But I still thought she might be better without ever knowing me. I was selfish for keeping her.
"It's a hard burden to carry," she said.
She was right and she was experienced with that sort of thing. Finn had joined on his own. Most of the people here joined for money or they were pulled into it one way or another or it was following in family's footsteps. There weren't many Caseys that volunteered to be a part of the gang like Finn and Lacey had.
I knew Finn and Scully knew each other based on when Finn started seeing Annabeth but I didn't know everything that went down between them but I couldn't help but think that Scully's appearance was what was triggering this side of her. Was she afraid?
My thoughts were interrupted by a buzzing. I sat up slowly, the dizziness not nearly as bad as before, and looked at my phone.
'Ugh calling...'
I rolled my eyes as I answered, "What?"
"I need you to come look at something for me," Tom said.
I scrunched up my face. "Just go to the doctor. They'll give you a cream. I'm not looking at your sex rashes."
He hung up.
"Who was that?" Ben asked, looking confused.
My phone started ringing again before I could answer him and I smiled.
'Ugh calling...'
"Mmm, yes?" I sang happily.
Tom sounded more than annoyed, "I actually need your help with something, dickhead."
"Then don't hang up on me."
"Are you with Annabeth?" he asked.
"Gross, she's like my sister."
There was a sigh on the other end of the call. I smiled wider.
"She wasn't at the meeting," Tom added.
Hold on. "Which meeting?"
"The one you weren't -" he started but I tuned him out and looked at Ben and Annabeth, pulling the phone slightly away from my face.
"Was there a meeting?" I asked them.
"Yeah, Cam called everyone together," Annabeth said, "To regroup and go over the plans."
My eyebrows shot up in surprise at Cameron outing himself as alive. Suddenly, her words from earlier seemed to finally register in my head. Finn and Jay were with Cameron. Jay hadn't known Cameron was even alive before I passed out.
With that, my responsibilities just got cut in half. But that also meant this meeting was one of Cameron's errands and that Lacey was around the entire Casey gang.
Last time that happened, the Casey house was ambushed and I'd nearly gone out of my mind worrying about her until I saw that she was safe.
And with Cameron in the ranks again, that meant they most likely weren't going around staying hidden and the last thing I wanted was my girlfriend being around someone with a bigger target on their head than I had. It seemed mildly counterproductive to her having a long life.
"Hey, Captain Dickhead!" Tom's voice rang out through the air.
I put it back up to my ear, "Huh?"
"I need you and Annabeth to come down to the Casey house."
I frowned, "Why are you there?"
It wasn't that I was concerned about Tom. It was that I was pretty sure a few hours ago we'd left Scully and Dylan handcuffed to the banister. There was no reason for Tom to be there.
"Cameron sent me over to make sure there weren't any traces of your blood all over that they could pin on you."
"I wasn't bleeding," I argued. At least, according to Ben I wasn't.
He didn't care. "I need you to come identify someone for me."
"Why me?"
"I'm pretty sure you know him and I didn't want to bring Cameron out here if I'm wrong. You and your concussion aren't doing anything, right? No? Cool. Bring Annabeth."
He hung up and I narrowed my eyes at my phone.
With my legs over the edge of the bed, I held my head in my hands as I stopped to process everything and pray the pounding in my skull to lessen.
Cameron was alive. Which I knew, obviously. But now everyone else did. And if he was coming back was it like I had been in the beginning where only the Caseys knew or where everyone in Melkin knew? This wasn't in the plan before I passed out.
Annabeth's phone rang. No doubt it was Tom.
"What?" she asked, sounding panicked. I glanced behind me to see her on her knees, her hand grabbing Ben's shoulder in surprise.
"Slow down," she said to the other person on the line. "There's not anyone else there?"
She disconnected the call but the crazed look was still in her eyes and she climbed off the bed, hopping on one foot as she pulled on her boots.
"We have to go to the house," she instructed.
"It's just Tom, he can do his job," I said.
She didn't even spare me a look as she went to grab a few more of her things. "He thinks Lacey's boss is dead."
I stood up and grabbed the bed to steady myself. "Dylan? Why didn't he tell me that?"
"Yeah. He doesn't know what Dylan looks like though. Only that it's a cop and we left a cop there."
She rushed out of her room with Ben and I trailing behind her. Annabeth told Hannah we were going out and since Hannah wasn't about to argue with Annabeth, she just gave me a handful of pain medicine to take. Ben grabbed his backpack and I grabbed my stuff as we needed on our way out the door.
"Your dad isn't there?" I asked her as I tugged on my jacket in the driveway.
"He said it was just the one guy. Maybe it's my dad that's there..." Annabeth paused outside of the car and then shook her head. "Ben I need you to start looking up anything you can on how Dylan got Scully out of jail even if it's on a leash and how he did it this quickly."
I got into the passenger seat and Ben pulled his laptop out of his backpack in the backseat, getting to work.
"Tom thinks Dylan died?" I asked, not wanting to believe it.
My only answer was Annabeth's engine accelerating.
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