Grief

LAKE

My legs give out from underneath me, and I cling to the molding of the doorframe.

My father is wearing his signature polo shirt and khakis. The shoes I picked out for his birthday last year are on his feet.

My father’s hair is slicked to the side, and his eyes look just like my mother’s. His stance is one of dominance and purpose. Craving for my blood shines behind his eyes.

“Dad…,” I choke. “What are you doing? What happened?”

A smile grows slowly on my father’s face. A contorted laugh screeches from his mouth. I notice the axe has dried blood on its handle.

“What did you do…” My words are filled with fear. Derrick steps between my father and me as he inches closer.

“You…,” my father groans. “You and that witch… I’ll kill both of you… Then all of this will be over…”

“Dad, it’s me, Lake!” I exclaim. “Don’t you remember?!”

“Oh, I remember.” My dad holds the axe up in his hands, and he glances down at it. “You’re the mistake that should’ve been dealt with the day you were born!”

My father charges at me. His expression is filled with hate and rage. Derrick catches him just before the axe is able to be lifted above my father’s head.

“You need to die!” my father yells. “This is all your fault! You filthy rogue!”

Before I can say anything, Derrick struggles and breaks my father’s neck. My father’s body falls limply to the floor. I just stare at him.

My heart is pounding as my body convulses again. My vomit splatters the wall opposite me. I continue to dry heave as Derrick pulls me into his arms.

“Firefly… I’m so sorry…,” he says. “I didn’t mean to…”

My chest is filled with pain. I hold Derrick’s arm tightly and just sit, staring wide-eyed at the wall. My mind is racing, and Lynne is nowhere to be found in my mind. She’s silent in her own corner.

“I need to see my mother…” I push away from Derrick and wipe my mouth. Emotions run rampant through me as I stand and walk to my parents’ room.

The door opens easily, and I step inside. Derrick trails closely behind me. The bed is a mess and smells like it hasn’t been washed in decades.

There’s an old glass of water sitting on the side table where my mother stores her magazines for house renovation ideas.

The once sheer curtains that let in the natural light my father loved have been replaced by dark blankets. They’re molded and smell of sewage. Derrick covers his mouth in disgust.

The scent of blood faintly comes from the bathroom on the other end of the room. My heart hammers against my chest as I run and try to open the door. The knob refuses to budge. My mother locked it.

“Mom!” I cry and bang on the door. “Let me in!”

“Oh, my love,” she sighs. Her voice sounds happy and content. “I’ll be with you and Landon soon.”

“Move!” Derrick kicks the door off its hinges just as I look at him. I rush into the bathroom and begin to shake.

My mother is lying on the floor with a razor in her hand. Blood seeps from the horizontal lines slashed in both of her wrists.

I gather her in my arms and look over her from head to toe, trying to think of something to save my mother. My tears fall on her cheeks as she looks up to me faintly.

She places a hand upon my cheek. “My little girl. I’ve missed you so much…”

“Mom, you’re going to be okay!” I smile and grab her hand in mine. “I’ll fix you somehow…”

“Lake, I’m so sorry I failed you as a mother.” My mother begins to tear up. “Your father and I just wanted you to have a secure future… It’s not your fault… It’s ours…”

“Shh… It’s okay… Don’t talk…,” I whisper.

“The details about t—the witch are i—in your father’s o—office.” My mother’s eyes begin to droop, and her breath becomes shallow. “I—I love y—you, my s—sweet Lake…”

“Mom?” I ask as her hand slowly falls out of mine and onto her stomach.

***

Derrick places the last cross over my family’s grave spot and sits beside me on the back porch stairs. I breathe out deeply and watch my breath disappear in the air. My cheeks are stiff from the frozen tears.

“Lake…” Derrick puts his arm around me. I lean into his body and begin to cry again.

I weep. “I did this to them.”

“No, neither your family nor you did this.” Derrick kisses the top of my head. “Your parents wanted you to be happy. They didn’t want this for you or their family.”

I shake my head. “Landon… We fought, and I broke his neck the day I left… And Riley… She must’ve barricaded herself in their room like that and starved herself…”

“Firefly, they’re together and happy.” Derrick puts a hand under my chin and brings me to his gaze. “So are your parents. They would want you smiling and honoring the memories you have with happiness.”

“I just don’t understand what happened to my parents…” I bury my head in Derrick’s chest. He smooths my hair back and holds me tightly.