Two days.
Two entire days had passed since that horrendous night and barely a word has been spoken since.
Eva was only more withdrawn than ever, always on the edge and tensed. She no longer seemed to have the energy to mouth off at Jessalyn or Terrence, simply choosing to turn a deaf ear to their attempts at conversations and keeping to herself.
Her mum seemed to be functioning like a robot â with blank eyes and barely any words. Eva couldn't place it, or describe it, but something about her mother seemed... off. Like some major change had happened that Eva didn't know about and she was scared of it.
"I don't want to go to school today." Eva said bluntly though there was a trace of pleading in her voice.
"That's what you told me yesterday." Ma replied tonelessly as she packed Eva's lunchbox.
"Well â"
"And the day before too," she continued, turning around and Eva noticed her mother wince before gently rubbing her broken arm which was now in a cast. "And my answer is still the same; no."
"Why?" Eva demanded, angry now. She hated it more than ever to go to the wretched place. She wanted to stay cooped up in her room, under her sheets. She didn't want to see Jessalyn's stupid smile or Terrence's annoying grin. She loathed how happy and carefree they were.
"Drop it!" her mum yelled and Eva recoiled, taking many steps backward, an unwelcome coldness washing through her insides. Ma's eyes widened as if she was shocked with herself for raising her voice in that manner.
Eva's eyes seemed to instantly pool with tears and she rubbed at them furiously âshe didn't want to cry. She hated it. Pa had always said he didn't like it when ma cried; he'd always said it was so weak of her.
And Eva didn't want to be weak.
"I-I'm so sorry... Eva, I didn't mean to â"
To Eva's immense relief, Benjie arrived just then, the crunchy noise of tyres against the gravel marking his presence.
She grabbed her lunchbox, stuffed it into her bag and fled out of the house. Benjie, as always, was holding the door of the car open for her. She got into the vehicle eagerly for the first time ever since she began attending the stupid school.
---
"Here," Terrence shoved a lollipop in Eva's face as she was about to enter the classroom and she came to an abrupt stop, the action catching her completely off guard.
Terrence seemed to notice what he'd done because his face broke into an apologetic smile, "sorry, didn't mean to scare you."
"I wasn't scared," she muttered. She'd successfully avoided replying to anything he or Jessalyn said for the past two days but somehow she couldn't let this one pass. She needed him to know that she wasn't scared so easily.
"Right," he looked at her funnily. "I thought you were going to ignore me again."
Eva didn't respond to that, and instead made her way to her usual seat and in a few seconds, he sat down next to her just like any other day.
"You know, Jessalyn really wants to be your friend..." he started before frowning. "Why don't you like having friends?"
"I just don't," she replied shortly before fixing her gaze towards the front of the classroom, effectively putting an end to their conversation.
She didn't want to have to say anything. She felt... tired. Almost drained of all energy. She just wanted to stay still, not have to do anything and just breathe.
Her mind wandered back to her mother yelling at her this morning. There was a pang â a sharp one â in Eva's chest.
Ma had never used that tone on her before. Ever.
Everything seemed to be going so bad. First it was Logan turning out to be a complete monster that made her pa seem safe. And then this morning, it was her mother lashing out on her.
For a brief second â for a brief, scary second, she wondered if perhaps her mum was going to become like Logan too.
Today she yelled. What if Eva angered her again tomorrow? Would that make ma raise her hand to Eva?
The grip on her pencil tightened.
Eva tried to block the thoughts away. No, she thought, no ma wasn't like that. She wasn't like pa.
But Logan hadn't seemed like pa too at the beginning... Eva blinked furiously, as if that would force the unsettling thoughts away.
---
When Eva got back from school that day, she found the large doors of the even larger house opened halfway.
She took unsure, tentative steps towards them before inhaling deeply and entering it. At first, she was greeted with dead silence. Everything looked neat âeverything was in perfect place yet... something felt oddly off.
And then the sudden sound of heavy, rushed footsteps down the stairs reverberated throughout the entire house, piercing the silence painfully and startling Eva. She thought her heart could've very much jumped out of her chest.
When her mother's face came into view at the foot of the stairs, Eva visibly relaxed.
"Oh my god, Mum â you gave me a scare!" Eva breathed out, her hand involuntarily reaching towards her heart, trying to calm down its racing beats. But all relief faded away at the sight of her mum's sad expression and the bulging backpack that hung over her left shoulder.
"Are... are we going somewhere?" Eva asked, frowning in confusion.
"Well â no. Yes. Not like â" ma sighed heavily, and it was like she aged ten more years within that split second. She moved closer to Eva, taking a hold of her daughter's arms and gently shaking them. "I need to go somewhere, okay? Ma needs to leave for a while, Eva. You understand, don't you?"
No. Eva didn't understand. She didn't understand anything. But nothing helped pop the bubble of horror that was gradually inflating in the pit of the little girl's stomach.
"Why can't you take me with you?" Eva was asking, the words tumbling out her mouth before her mind could process them.
"Because you need to go to a good school, sweetie. You have a life here â"
"I hate this school!" Eva yelled, blinking back the water that had gathered at the corner of her eyes. "And I hate everyone in it! I don't want to be here, ma! Take me with you â"
"I can't â"
" âwe can go back to our old house. I liked it there, ma! We were..." Eva choked but managed to get the words out anyway, "we were happy there." The word sounded so foreign on her tongue, like sand that she needed to spit out right away.
It was close to happiness anyway, what she felt back in her old home when her mother had taken her to the park and they'd had ice cream. That was all she wanted. All she ever wanted.
Not Logan. Not this ridiculously large house. Not this school. Not stupid Jessalyn and definitely not even stupider Terrence.
Her mother's eyes dropped. "It'll all be okay," she was mumbling more to herself than her daughter. "It'll be fine, Eva. You'll be okay here. You'll learn to be happy here too. It wasn't a life we had back at our old place."
"But I had you," Eva's lips quivered, her voice trembling slightly now. "Take me with you, ma, okay? Take me with you. Please? Please. Don't leave me here." She was shaking her head vigorously, horrified at the thought of being left behind.
Ma wiped at her own eyes roughly, though they still looked red to Eva. "Please don't make this harder on mum, Eva. I'll be back, I'm telling you right?" her voice was hoarse, sounding as if it was a painful effort for her to speak coherently. "I'll be back soon enough, alright? And when I'm back, I'm gonna take you away with me and we can go do whatever we want wherever we want yeah? I promise," she gazed into her daughter's eyes intently. A pair of pale green meeting a pair of cornflower blue. "I promise."
"Don't leave me," tears were escaping Eva's eyes but she couldn't care anymore. They streamed down her cheeks in torrents. "Don't leave me â don't leave me, ma! Don't leave me. Please. I'll be good, I promise. Just don't leave me here. Please don't leave me here..."
She kissed the top of Eva's head, fighting back tears of her own, "I'll be home soon."
---
Eva was still perched on the topmost porch step when Logan returned from work.
He furrowed his eyebrows at her in curiosity. "What are you doing out here?"
She didn't respond.
He stopped walking when he realised she wasn't about to answer him. "I asked you a question, you silly little girl," he sounded slightly irritated now.
She didn't respond.
His scowl deepened and opened his mouth to shoot something at her when his eyes landed on the widely open doors of the house behind her.
He blinked at first and then slowly turned his head back to Eva. "Where the hell is she?!"
Again, she gave no response. But what was she supposed to say really? What was she supposed to say when her mind was still going over what happened? When she seemed so at a loss for words, for thoughts... When she was just lost.
Ma left her behind.
She barely registered the sound of Logan rushing into the house and frantically yelling her mother's name at the top of his lungs.
She'd watched her mum walk away with the backpack swinging behind her whilst sitting on this porch step.
She was sat there while Logan tore apart the whole house as if her mum would materialise out of the floorboards or walls.
And she remained there the entire night, and for several nights after that, wondering when her mother was coming back for her.
Nights turned into weeks, which turned into months and eventually, the years begin to slip by... until the hope that had once perched itself on the little girl's heart had now begun to snuff out the light in her.
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written on 08th October 2016
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If you're wondering why Care left, it might be answered at the end of the book. For now, i need you to have Eva's mental state of confusion and unanswered questions.
Also, this chapter marks the end of her childhood stage.
We'll be seeing a sixteen year old Eva next chapter onwards :')
Thank you for reading, you beautiful person, i know this isn't the easiest story to read â¤