Chapter 22: 21 • Two Different Hells

As if deliberately taunting her, Eva’s day seemed to drag out even slower than usual and she was beginning to feel restless.

She finally had just one more class to go and it certainly didn’t help that it was PE. Sports was definitely way, way past her capabilities —however limited those might be.

The PE teacher, Mrs Novak, who’s been there ever since freshmen year must have sensed for herself that Eva wasn’t the healthiest child by her frail stature and long limbs because she left her to her own devices and never really forced her into participation of any kind. Eva was, in a way, grateful for that. She didn’t think she could handle being part of a team; it was too much work. She much preferred sitting by herself on the bleachers and trying to decide what to cook for dinner once she got home.

And that was what she did today too —she made her way to the bleachers, no detours and definitely no hesitations. That was, of course, until she laid her bag by her side and looked up from her seat towards the entrance of the gym and saw a familiar girl whose face was literally radiating. Maite was like a tightly sealed bottle of everything happy and light that couldn’t help but reflect all that goodness into her surroundings.

“Perfect,” Eva groaned quietly to herself.

She quickly looked down at her shoes, letting her hair fall in front of her so that most parts of her face would be hidden from Maite’s view.

“EVA!” Maite’s voice boomed across the huge hall, her upbeat tone making a handful of students to stop in their tracks and stare at her in surprise.

“QUIET!” Another female voice thundered, though it was bolder and stern. Maite cast a sheepish smile at Mrs Novak and waved awkwardly.

“New girl,” Maite explained shortly, an apologetic look on her face.

Mrs Novak grimaced, “so they let you holler about in your old school?”

Maite’s cheeks flushed, “well, no, bu —”

“Then don’t give me that pathetic excuse!” Mrs Novak blew fiercely on her whistle, the shrill sound making Maite and everyone within a five metre radius wince.

“Yes,” Maite squeaked, “sorry.”

“Good, now get out of my face.”

“Oh, but —”

“Now.”

“Yes, Ma’am!” and with that, Maite scurried away like a terrified little mouse towards the bleachers much to Eva’s dismay.

“Wow, she’s a hard one, isn’t she?” Maite let out a huge breath from her mouth as she plopped down right next to Eva.

“Because she’s a PE teacher,” Eva found herself saying to the girl next to her, “her muscles must be more defined. I think that’s why she’s a hard one.”

Maite suddenly erupted into wild laughter. “Oh my —holy —oh my god!” She was still laughing, wiping a tear that had escaped her left eye. “You’re very literal, aren’t you?”

Eva just stared back, mildly offended but mostly confused.

Maite smiled before beginning to explain, “When I called her a hard one, I wasn’t talking about her body structure. I meant that she’s a tough person. You know, strict. A no-nonsense-will-be-put-up-with kind of person.”

“So why didn’t you just put it like that? Calling her a strict woman would have made me understand perfectly.” Honestly, this Maite girl was proving to be madder by the second and Eva couldn’t have been wearier.

“Yes but we don’t really speak in literal terms,” Maite shrugged.

“We?”

“Yeah; we. Us. Teenagers. This generation. Wouldn’t you have noticed when you talk —wait a minute, don’t tell me you don’t speak to anyone in school? You’ve got to have at least one friend!” The bewilderment on Maite’s face made Eva feel uncomfortable, as if it implied that Eva was doing something wrong with choosing to be by herself.

“Oh wow,” Maite let out a low whistle, apparently understanding Eva’s lack of response. “B-but that’s okay!” She had an excited gleam in her brown eyes, “you have me now —”

“No.” The word had left Eva’s mouth before she could realise that she was speaking. Her tone was decisive and a small part of her felt almost alarmed at how unhesitant her response was. She shook off the feeling, stamping down on that part of her that had always led her right into trouble.

“Yes,” Maite nodded reassuringly, “yes, you do have me. I am your friend, Eva.”

Eva frowned, feeling something ache in her chest but she didn’t know why. “No, you aren’t my friend. You can’t be.” She was shaking her head fast, but she also couldn’t help but wonder why that dull, faded tugging-at-her-chest feeling was there. Did she want the company of someone? Even if that someone was Maite?

Where were all these questions coming from?

She heard a scoff from beside her. “Why don’t you try saying that like you mean it?” Maite asked, a daring look in her eyes as she stared at Eva.

“I don’t want friends,” Eva bit out, word by word in a deliberate tone. “And —” Eva came to an abrupt stop as she heard a familiar high-pitched squeal come from the group of girls playing netball. She turned towards them and her eyes zeroed in on the same eyes that she’d accidentally made contact with earlier this morning.

Jessalyn.

Something flashed across Jessalyn’s eyes before she broke the stare by looking away and there was a mixture of emotions that swept through Eva but they were gone as soon as they had appeared; Eva had long since learnt to peel away anything she didn’t want attached to her —to crush to dust anything that brought up the part of her that Logan hated and punished her for.

Her eyes followed Jessalyn’s figure for a few more seconds, thinking back to the days of how that one girl had made it her life’s mission to get through to Eva, to befriend her, to form some form of rapport with her… and how all her attempts failed spectacularly.

And instead of the sweet-natured, friendly girl was someone else in those shoes. Jessalyn was still every bit of a social butterfly, but Eva could tell the warmth that Maite’s personality carried wasn’t present in Jessalyn’s —at least, not anymore.

Turning back to Maite, Eva noticed that the girl’s eyes were inspecting her.

“Do what you want,” Eva found herself saying, “follow me around, trying talking to me. It doesn’t matter.”

The final bell rang and Eva reached down to grab her bag, slinging it over her shoulder and making a move to descend the steps.

“What do you mean?” There was a look of pure surprise on Maite’s face, probably wondering what changed Eva’s mind from trying to put up a fight to giving in. “Why doesn’t it matter?”

“Because you’re going to give up,” Eva told her matter-of-factly, seeming completely composed. If anything, she felt the tiniest bit of pity towards Maite, because the poor girl was going to waste days, weeks and maybe even months on something that was never going to happen. Eva knew the drill by now; it was the same play, just a different script. A play she’d participated in one too many times now.

“And then you’re going to leave,” Eva concluded.

Because Pa did. Because Terrence did. Because… ma did.

Because Jessalyn did.

And Maite would too.

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“How was school?” Her driver, Benjie, asked.

Eva nodded, “Good.”

Five days a week he would ask her this question, and each time Eva would reply with the same word. She was comfortable in his presence now that he’d been her chauffer since she was eight but comfort didn’t always pave the path to full and proper conversations. Besides, Eva was a quiet, reserved child and the fact that Benjie knew this and didn’t keep pushing her like Terrence and Maite did was what made her like him even more.

She’d never really got around to addressing him as Benjamin and he’d never asked her to on the rare occasions she’d had to use his name to get his attention. Eva had a feeling he quite liked it and perhaps she did too —it seemed like a secret of theirs, something she didn’t have to share to the rest of the world and that gave her some sense of… of… of importance, she supposed. She wasn’t entirely sure, of course, but it was nice to have something that was hers and hers alone and couldn’t be taken away.

“I noticed Mr Walker is back,” Benjie commented as they waited at a red light, “I saw him leave the school just a few seconds before you did.”

Eva glanced at the rear-view mirror and a second later Benjie’s pale blue ones met her gaze. She couldn’t help but notice how his eyes had sunken into their sockets over the past few years and that wrinkles had formed by the corners of his eyes, but that his eyes itself remained the same as if no number of years could drain out the kindness that swam in them.

Some things and some people never changed; and when she wasn’t trying her best to bury the part of her that she seemed to always be fighting off, she found an unusual kind of solace in that one fact.

Benjie had become somewhat of a safe place —as odd as that sounded.

“Yes,” Eva said, looking away and out of the car’s window, “Terrence has returned.”

“Did he say why?”

Eva doubted Benjie really wanted to know why; maybe he was just trying to keep her talking. “Mm, he just wanted to come back to his home.”

“Ah yes,” Benjie nodded as he pulled the car into the familiar winding path that went through the acres of land that surrounded Logan’s house. “His parents didn’t leave with him so he would’ve wanted to come back and be with them.”

“Mm,” Eva murmured, any miniscule interest to keep the conversation flowing now completely vaporised as the huge house came into view. When she was at school, she was dying to be here and when she was finally here, she wondered if perhaps school was the better option.

They were two different hells, but the demons remained the same.

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Written on; 29th December 2016

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