Chapter 7: 06 • Promise of a Change

Eva was dressed completely in black the next day; except for her frilly socks of course.

Those were white.

She didn't know why, but Eva felt like there seemed to even be a black cloud hanging over her and following her around since that morning.

Contrary to everyone's belief, Eva quite understood what happened.

Her father was gone — he was no more.

She understood.

It meant he would no longer be around and when she saw a few people from her neighbourhood look at her with what she thought was sadness in their eyes, she frowned.

Why did they look at her that way?

What did they seem to be sad about? Because Eva didn't feel any bit sad. She felt odd and something else she couldn't put a name to... but she wasn't sad.

She didn't particularly miss her father either. There wasn't really anything she could miss — or long for. She'd grown used to his presence — whether it was him watching a game on the TV late at night with a glass bottle of that smelly drink in his hand, or him punishing ma, or even him shouting during each meal while sitting next to her on the dining table — and perhaps she'd miss that familiarity.

But other than the sudden absence of her father in her home and in her life sinking into her senses, Eva didn't feel anything.

He wasn't there. He wasn't there. He just wasn't there.

And Eva didn't know what to make of it.

Did she miss him? She didn't know. She remembered one of her classmate's father dying of some disease last year and everyone patting the boy's back with the same sad expression they gave her now. She could remember that boy crying and looking so sad.

She recalled someone asking him if he still missed his dad a few days ago.

Eva wondered why she herself wasn't crying... or looking sad... did she even miss pa?

She clenched her eyes shut, the confusion and feeling of not knowing anything beginning to overwhelm her all of a sudden. She swallowed audibly and pressed her lips together instead, deciding to not make any eye contact with anybody else.

The funeral was quiet and only two or three people showed up. For the most part of the day though, Eva and her mum were left to themselves until they had to return home.

And when they did return home, Eva strode towards the rickety stairs that always creaked when she ascended them, heading towards her room to shed off the uncomfortable dress. She hated dresses.

•••

“Eva?” her mother's voice caught her attention when she'd been sitting on her bed and staring at the wall blankly.

“Hmm?” Eva responded, turning her head away from the wall and towards the door through where ma was walking towards her.

“Do you want something to eat?” her mother asked quietly, as if she didn't know what she was doing.

Eva shook her head.

“Drink?”

Eva's mind suddenly flashed with the image of her father's big, scarred hands wrapped around a glass bottle of golden-brown coloured liquid and its familiar smell seemed to hit her nose even though she was sure it wasn't real because pa wasn't there.

Eva shook her head, a little vigorously this time.

Her mum sighed and sat down next to her on the bed. “Everything's going to be okay, love,” she said softly and Eva's stomach clenched at the tone. NO! she thought furiously. Only Miss Dorothy spoke to her that way. And coming from her mum, Eva didn't like the sound of it.

It didn't sound like ma.

And when her mother moved to place an arm around her shoulders, Eva shrugged away involuntarily. What on earth was going on with mum? She'd never done anything of this sort before.

What was happening?

First pa died, and now ma was behaving strangely. Eva just wished it could go back to how it used to be. Everything seemed to be changing too fast and it made her feel funny in her stomach.

“We're going to be fine, Eva,” her mother told her again in a soft tone and a small smile. Eva just stared back wordlessly. “I promise, okay? things are going to change—”

“No.” Eva said quickly, unable to hold her tongue and she suddenly wished she had shut up. She shouldn't have disagreed. Pa would always get angry and ask her to obey, and then he'd punish ma for it even though it was Eva herself who made a mistake.

But... but pa wasn't here anymore... so was it okay then? For her to speak back now?

“What do you mean?” her mother asked, pulling her eyebrows together.

“I don't want anything to change,” Eva spoke, her tone even and steady but void of emotion.

Her mother smiled again, her eyes softening. “Oh, but honey! It'll be good, just you wait and see. Things are going to get better, okay?” she raised her hand towards Eva's face and the little girl recoiled on instinct, thinking she was finally going to be punished for telling her mum she didn't like what she was saying.

Her mother's eyes seemed to widen and she instantly drew her arm back, holding it to her chest as if she'd just burnt it. “Oh, Eva! No, love, no! I would never hurt you!” Eva thought her mother was going to cry by the look on her face and the way her voice shook. “Here...” her mother said gently, slowly stretching her hand towards Eva's face again. “Its alright...” she was speaking so softly, it was like the wind whisting during the evening. And then when her hand came near Eva's face, ma's thumb stroked her cheek and pushed a lock of her almond coloured hair behind her ear.

Eva had been still the entire time, not sure what to expect but her mother's tender actions took her by so much surprise, she almost dropped her mouth open.

She'd never, ever, ever been embraced this way before. Something in Eva seemed to break... or tighten... or — or... Arrrrgh! Eva wanted to scream at the top of her lungs. She didn't know how to describe what was happening on the inside of her.

She slowly pulled away again from her mother's gentle yet foreign touch and sunk back into the headrest of the bed, pressing her lips tightly together.

Her mother sighed again, “it's okay. We're going to be okay. You'll see. We can do whatever you want, alright?”

Eva's ears perked up at that, something like excitement stirring in her. “Whatever I want?” She repeated questioningly.

Ma's smile seemed to widen as if she was happy that Eva responded. “Yes, yes! Whatever you want, darling! We could go to the park — or— or for a walk and ice cream if you want. Anything — anything at all! Whatever you want okay?” her mother's excited tone seemed to lower until it was back to the soft tone. She then dipped her head low and gazed up at Eva tenderly, “things will get better, I promise. We'll be alright, Eva, don't you worry. We'll be okay.”

And for the first time, something began shifting in Eva. She felt something grow inside and fill her up until a smile was appearing on her own face without her knowledge.

For the first time, Eva felt something making her calm and spread through her in a comforting way.

For the first time, Eva felt hope.

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Written on; 13th February 2016

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Thank you for giving this book a shot :)