Saturday
Dear Diary, or Journal, or whatever... I know I haven't wrote in this book in a long time. I feel like I'm disowning it or something. It's totally not a good thing that I haven't been writing in the journal because that means that I've kept my feeling to myself and one day they're just going to build up and up until I kill someone. Nah, I would never kill someone but you get point.
Now to ask myself a well wondered question... Why did I kiss Dillon Taylor? This question will haunt me till the day I die. Part of me thinks I did it because it was in the moment, he was straddling me and comforting me and he just looked so kissable and he was so warm and.... stop this Cait.
And then the other half thinks I did it because I was being dumb, I just wasn't thinking, my mind basically forced me to. But that's so far fetched. Of course I wanted to kiss him because he was being nice to me.
But what about the no-boy rule? Ugh. My life is basically in shambles. The only reason I'm babysitting tomorrow is because I have no money.
And hopefully nothing awkward happens. He'll just stay in his room and I'll stay in the living room with Michelle. Everything will surely be a-okay if that happens... right?
***
Sunday
"Thank you so much for coming! I know its a Sunday and all but we just really have to make it to this lunch with Greg's boss." Mrs. Danielle rambled as she held my arm in a friendly grasp.
"It's no problem! I wasn't doing anything today anyway!" I smiled.
"Well, Michelle is in her room right now, she knows you were on your way, and theres food in the fridge help yourself. Oh! And Dillon is in his room... He won't be a bother. Be safe, goodbye!" She and Mr. Greg waved as she closed the door in a hurried manner.
I sighed and started walking up the stairs to Michelle's room. Her door was open and she was on her bed, with a magazine in her hand.
"Hey." I smiled warmly, catching her attention.
"Cait! I haven't seen you in so long!" She jumped up and ran up to me. She wrapped her arms tightly around my torso.
"I've missed you too!" I chuckled as I hugged her back.
"Wow, I see you've gotten highlights in your hair." I looked in awe at her pretty brown hair that now had some blonde streaks in it.
"Thank you!" She gushed. "Dillon also said he liked it too!"
My body froze at his name. For a moment I forgot he lived in this house because I was so engrossed in the conversation.
"That's good!" I said through gritted teeth, but happened to care enough to add a fake smile.
Cait, you are not going to have a panic attack every time you hear his name or see him! He doesn't faze you!
"So... what are you doing?" I asked as I saw her walk back to her bed.
"Reading Seventeen." She said, her eyes glued to a magazine.
"Huh?" I asked shocked.
"I'm reading a magazine. All the girls read it at school!" She smiled at me.
I sat on the edge of the bed with her.
Wow. Not too long ago this 12 year old girl was telling me how girls at her school said she was too old for barbies, and now here she is, reading a teenage magazine.
"What made you change your mind?" I asked suddenly.
"What?" She cocked her head in confusion.
"A couple months ago... you were playing with dolls..." I looked around her room and there were no dolls anywhere. There were posters of pop singers on her wall instead of doll houses against them, "and now there's not a doll in sight!" I said slightly amused.
She giggled. "I guess I got over it... and Jessica also told me that she'd tell the whole school that I still played with dolls if I didn't stop." I heard a tint of sadness in her voice.
That little bitch.
I don't care if she is a child or not. Little girls can be the most evil ones of them all, trust me, I was one of them. I know I'm bad at pep talking little girls but I just felt my blood boiling!
"That's blackmailing! She can't tell you what to do Michelle! If you want to keep your dolls than you should." I huffed.
"I know but... apart of me is over it. I am 12 of course." She flipped the page of the magazine and on the front cover was a picture of a model who was apparently had the "perfect" body. She was in a swim suit and the caption said "HOW TO LOSE WEIGHT FAST FOR SUMMER."
My heart fell. I didn't want this little girl to read all that crap in magazines that make it seem like you have to have the perfect body shape to be someone.
"Hey! I have an idea! Let's go do something fun!" I stood up quickly.
"Okay!" She replied and stood up with me.
Well that was easy.
"What are we gonna do?" She asked as we ran down the stairs.
"Hmmm let's both brainstorm!" I said tapping my chin.
"You stay in the living room and I'll go see something real quick." I said walking in to the kitchen.
I need to find something that will keep her attention for a while.
I grabbed my phone and started googling things.
The first thing that came up for fun and easy crafts with kids was slime. Of course! Kids love slime! And you can play with it for hours!
First ingredient is borax. Hmm.
I looked in the laundry room and saw a box of it, great. Now all we need is liquid glue.
"Okay, I'm back." I walked over to Michelle.
"What are we doing?" She kicked her feet in excitement.
"We're going to make slime!" I cheered.
"That sounds really cool! What do we need?" She asked.
"Well we have borax, but we need liquid glu-"
"I have that!" She said quickly and ran up the stairs in a hurry.
***
"Do you have any food coloring or glitter to make it look cooler?" I asked as we scooped the slime into our hands.
"I think I have some glitter in my craft drawer." She said.
Ten minutes later we were sitting on the couch messing with the slime. It was by far the coolest craft Ive ever done.
"Want a snack?" I asked her.
She nodded.
I got up and started for the kitchen.
I didn't know what was coming when I turned the corner into the kitchen.
Dillon was sitting on a stool in the kitchen, he was against the bar and his head was in his head. He didn't see me when I walked in, but it terrified me. I was not expecting him to be in there... well this is his own house idiot.
Just ignore him Cait.
"Cait."
Don't do it Cait.
"I'm sorry I just ran away when... you know what happened."
He doesn't faze me.
"Cait, please don't just ignore me." He pleaded.
He actually sounded upset, but I wasn't going to go through it. He caused me enough pain already and I didn't want to do something stupid if I talked to him again. Something stupid like kiss him.
I went into the fridge and grabbed a string cheese and went back into the living room.
Good job, I smiled to myself. But I still felt sad.
Dillon POV
Fuck!
I really am angry with myself! Now she's ignoring me!
I don't know why every time Cait is around I turn into a sorry loser!
"Cait, please dont just ignore me" I remember myself saying.
I sounded pathetic! I angrily knocked over the paper towel roll and stormed out the kitchen.
Fuck her, fuck everyone! For once when I'm a nice human being, I get hurt.
Yes, I admitted it.
I'm hurt.