DARKNESS
There were bodies everywhere.
Some recognizable, some not.
Some didn't even have bodies to mourn.
Cries filled the air everywhere I looked. I didn't know how I reached the Coven amid that. I only remembered staring at Zed as his body was taken away by the Moon clan. Even now, I couldn't believe what just happened. How did I never saw it coming? How was it possible that my friend, my master was now six feet under without me?
"You ok?" Rose asked timidly, wavering between staying beside me or leaving. When she didn't get an answer, she nodded. "I understand, Alexei, it's must be hard on you-"
"You know nothing." I couldn't feel anything but anger. Even my shadows refused to come forward to take my pain away. And right at that moment I never felt this alone. "You didn't know him hence you don't deserve to feel grief for him. You were gone, he was all I had since then and I lost him."
"Alexei, listen to me-"
"Leave." I spat out, unable to meet my mother's knowing eyes. "I'm not in the mood to rekindle today. I want to be left alone if you please."
"No! I'm not leaving you alone. You need someone with you after everything that happened today." Did I really need someone? I couldn't even be there for my beloved, so why did I deserved to be consoled? No, Rose was wrong, I didn't need anyone. I needed to feel the guilt, the things I did that brought us here today. I needed to remember what I was.
Darkness.
And a creature like me could never bring anything but pain and chaos.
"I was such a fool." Laughter trickled through my mouth, bitter and careless. "I did this, I couldn't shut my stupid mouth and it led to his death."
"No son, never say that! You are not the reason for anyone's death. You didn't know. It's their fault, not yours."
I gritted out, hating how small I sounded. "Then why do I feel like it?"
Like empty.
Detached.
And so lost.
"Because that's how fate works. You never know who you are going to lose."
Rose might be talking about Zed but the fact that my child was also one of the people I lost had me undone. I breathed in and out before my fists raised to hit the wall repeatedly. Rose yelped, clearly shocked at the furious way each hit brought out my pain. Before she could say something though, we both heard a small voice.
"Can I come in?"
Emie looked way worse than me. Bruises marred her skin, her eyes delivering just what she wanted to say. It's not just me who was hurt, she lost someone too. So, I silently tucked my bloody hands inside my pocket and nodded. She didn't need to see just how I was handling my loss.
In a minute, she was near me. But unlike every time, her steps were almost wary as if she didn't know how she ended up there. Rose only glanced at us once before she was leaving us to our own world.
For a second, there was nothing to talk about.
We stared at each other with everything we couldn't say aloud.
Only when I couldn't take it anymore that I opened my mouth. "How are you?"
"We only have twenty clans at most. The others...they are gone. Children, babies, all dead. How will we ever get over that, Alexei?" Her voice broke. "This isn't what we envisioned. This isn't how it was supposed to end. Death is everywhere, even now I can hear him breathing down our neck."
I suspected as much but to actually hear that...
"I don't want to talk about that."
"Then should I talk about something else? What about a funeral?" Emie looked away, more interested in looking at the wall than me. "They wanted you there, Lex, no, they needed you. You refused to go, you didn't even pick up anyone's phone."
"How are you?" I asked again, desperate to hold onto something. "Tell me."
"I'm not ok, Lex. God, I'm not ok, I am trying hard to stay put together for everyone but I don't think I can anymore." I understood, of course. That's the main reason I skipped the funeral, for them. The Moon clan didn't need to see me unhinged. And I would have if I saw his body again.
"You don't have to put on a mask, little soul. It's me, you can cry if you want." The moment I said that tears prickled into her eyes, matching my own. I raised my hands to touch her again but an unwanted flinch had me step back with a sigh.
"I'm sorry! I don't know why-"
"Yeah, no, I get it." I chuckled, giving her even more space. She couldn't even bear my touch. "You blame me for what happened."
"No! I don't-Lex, Lex, listen to me." Her voice raised the more my eyes flashed cold before even that left, making me look emotionless. It's me now that couldn't bear to see her face. Though I couldn't even let her go without a word.
"I feel robbed, little soul. And I don't know how to fix that, fix you."
She smiled, a bittersweet one. "I don't want you to fix me. I just-I don't know what I want. I want you with me at the same time I can't breathe if another person looks at me like you are doing right now. Like everything's over."
My fists clenched in anger. "Everything's not over."
"But it feels like it." Her eyes shot to mine. "You are not the only one who is angry. I am too. It's my fault as much as it's theirs."
I couldn't be anymore quick as I grabbed her face. How could I let her down? "It's not your fault. Fuck, it isn't! Get that into your thick skull."
"If only I listened to you and waited, maybe I could have saved this baby." Her voice cracked, catching on a dangerous edge. "And, Zedkiel..."
I didn't want to talk about Zed. Not when the pain and guilt were still there.
"I am sorry. I have to go."
I pushed past her who called my name out in despair. But I only heard those words, if only, if only...I didn't know where I was going neither did I care that I was making a scene. Out in the hall, everyone paused when I flew past them. Only when Zach stumbled into my path that I slowed down.
"Hey, Alexei, I was looking for you-"
Zach's words sounded like drunken slurs suddenly. I could feel pain in my temple. Even my eyes felt hazy as I tried to look for the nearest way out. Was I having a panic attack? No, creatures like me didn't get one so why was I feeling like that?
"There's have to be a way out! I can't let her do this to me, to our clan, master!"
Zed stood above me, scared for me but refusing to believe my words. "You are hexed, Alexei. You don't know what you are talking about. Let me check your health."
"She hexed me because I know of her true color!" I clutched my throat in an attempt to lessen the pain but the more I tried to breathe, the more I felt like I was going to die. "Why don't you believe me?"
No.
My eyes widened, the memory so old yet so painful, I almost forgot our native tongue...why did I have to remember that today? Why couldn't my eyes open?
"Keisha didn't hex you, Alexei, someone else did. Here, take this." He fed me something but all I could see was Keisha standing not far away from us, waiting for my demise. Time and time, I kept rambling to him of her wrongdoings but as if he was the one hexed, he said nothing. When I could almost feel my last breath wanting to be escaped that Zed shook my shoulder urgently.
"This is more powerful than I thought. Your soul...it's absent. I have no idea how but I have to do this, Alexei. I am so sorry, my friend. Do you have faith in me?"
"I found this on Zed's desk-" Zach kept talking but I couldn't hear anything. Past and present mingled together and I had no idea what was happening to me. I could only ask for help silently as my past flashed through.
I opened my eyes, once, too blurry to see anything clearly. But I could most certainly say this without any hesitation. "Yes, I have."
I felt a hand running through my hair and a soft rumble of someone's chanting. Was Zedkiel going to save me? One minute, I was in Zed's chamber, lying on his floor in a heap of blood and the next, I found myself in a cemetery. I had to hide a shudder.
"Shhh...it's going to be alright. You'll be avenged. I promise." I heard him whisper before a hand wrapped around my throat and I had no choice but to thrash out. Why was Zedkiel doing this to me?
"No, master, no!"
"Goodbye, my friend."
"Alexei!" I clearly heard Zach's scream of terror as something rolled down my lips. Finally able to open my eyes, my hands reached out to wipe my mouth only to come up with red drops of blood on my skin.
Fuck, what was happening to me?