Chapter 30: Chapter 30

VANESSA Smoke. Leather. Juniper. Spice.

Callum’s signature scent barely lingers on this t-shirt anymore, but if I pull the collar up over my nose and breathe in deep, I can still smell it.

And yeah, I’m that pathetic girl right now lying in bed wearing my ex-boyfriend’s shirt. I wish I could say this is the first time, but that’d be a lie. I threw this t-shirt on to leave his place once, and when I rediscovered it lying in a crumpled heap under my bed a week after he left, I clung to this damn shirt like a lifeline. I’d put it on to drown myself in the illusion that he was with me; that he never left.

Flipping through Callum’s sketchbook has become like a compulsion over the past few days since he gave it to me, and as I paged through it again today, I put on his shirt to feel closer to him. My emotions have been all over the place since that day at the cabin. Seeing him was hard enough, but these drawings… they’re all done with such detail, such care. In handing over the sketchbook, it’s like he bared his soul to me through his art, and now I’m so confused that I have no idea which way is up anymore.

If he cared this much, why’d he leave? It was easier to think that he was just a jerk that didn’t care, but his obsessive illustrations of me don’t fit that narrative. There’s something else to it, something that I’m missing. That missing piece is driving me crazy.

My nose is still buried in the collar of his t- shirt when Vienna knocks on my door, pushing it open before I can respond. I quickly yank the shirt down, blushing furiously in embarrassment as I flip the sketchbook closed in my lap.

“Miles just stopped by again,” Vee groans, entering my room and padding over to the bed on bare feet.

“Don’t worry, I sent him away.” She flops down beside me, eyeing my attire with suspicion and pursing her lips. ”

You’re not really into Miles though, are you?”

Heat crawls up my neck as I lift the sketchbook from my lap, leaning over to slide it onto the nightstand.

“What makes you say that?” I ask, feigning nonchalance.

Vienna gives me a deadpan look, her eyes flicking down to the shirt I’m wearing, then back up to meet mine. “You should really wash that thing,” she grumbles, wrinkling her nose.

I roll my eyes and give her a playful shove. I should’ve known she’d notice the shirt right away. She’s seen me in it enough times.

“You wanna talk about it?” Vee asks, stretching her legs out on my bed and leaning back against the headboard.

I blow out a steadying breath. “I don’t know. My mind’s a mess right now.”

Vienna beckons me with a flick of her head, patting her lap. It’s a familiar gesture, and I twist around on the bed to lean back, lying down and resting my head in her lap. She strokes her fingers through my hair softly. Up until recently, our roles were usually reversed in this position. Vee’s life wasn’t easy, and I was always there to comfort her, but lately, she’s been the one to comfort me.

“I know I kinda pushed you toward Miles,” Vee murmurs, her fingertips gliding through my tresses. “I honestly thought that dating someone else would help you get over him. Maybe part of that was selfish, because I was so furious about the way Cal treated you that I wanted you to stick it to him by moving on. But now that he’s back, I think it’s pretty clear that wasn’t the answer.” She looks down at me, her soft brown eyes meeting mine. “It was like putting a band-aid on a bullet wound.”

I grunt in agreement, my eyes sliding closed as she continues to comb her fingers through my hair soothingly. “So what’s the answer then?” I mutter.

I open my eyes to meet hers again as she blows out a slow breath. “I want the best for you, Ness,” she grits out, “but it doesn’t matter what I think about Cal or Miles or fucking anyone. It’s not about me, it’s about you. What do you want?”

I dart my gaze away, chewing on my lower lip. Afraid to admit the truth.

“I miss him,” I whisper. Her hand in my hair stills, and I look up at Vienna again. “I know it’s stupid after everything he did, but…”

She shakes her head, cutting me off. “No, it isn’t. He was your first love. Of course you miss him.”

Though I’m ashamed of my own feelings, it’s somewhat redeeming to have her validate them. It reassures me that maybe I’m not going crazy- maybe it’s perfectly normal to still miss Callum despite the hell he put me through.

The past four months have been a nightmare, but before that, things were so, so good. We were happy. I’ve never felt so alive. He painted my world in vivid color, as if I was seeing it for the first time. I never imagined he’d become the villain in my story.

“Nothing’s how I thought it was,” I mumble.

She arches a brow. “How so?”

I sit up, leaning forward to grab the sketchbook off the nightstand. The pages inside feel private, like they should stay between Callum and I, but Vee won’t understand unless she sees them with her own eyes. I twist around, pulling my legs up underneath me and handing the book to her.

“What’s this?” she asks, glancing down at it warily.

“He gave it to me,” I reply softly.

Vienna sets it on her lap and flips the cover back, sucking in a breath through her teeth as her eyes land on the first drawing. She flicks her gaze to me, then back to the sketchbook, flipping to the next page. Then the next. Her eyes get wider as she continues on, and after the first ten pages or so, she looks up at me. “They’re all you.”

“I know.”

She returns her wide-eyed gaze to the pages and leafs through a few more, pausing on one that just happens to be a very detailed sketch of me nude from the waist up. She lifts the book, turning it toward me and waggling her eyebrows. “Damn, your tits look good here.”

I roll my eyes, snatching the sketchbook out of her hands and flipping it closed.

“What?” she laughs. “It’s true! The guy’s got talent. Think he’d let me pose for him so I can surprise Chase with a sexy portrait?”

I snort, shaking my head. “I think Chase would probably cut his balls off if you posed for him.”

Vienna shrugs a shoulder as a devious smirk pulls at her lips. “Maybe he’d deserve it.”

I roll my eyes again and whack her on the arm with the sketchbook, twisting at the waist to return it to the bedside table.

“So what does that mean?” Vee asks, nodding toward it.

“I don’t know,” I sigh. “That he missed me, too? Is that too much to hope for?”

My cheeks burn with embarrassment, but she doesn’t make me feel like an idiot for asking. Instead, her eyes round in understanding and she says, “That depends. Do you want him to miss you?”

I flop backwards on the bed with a heavy sigh, my head hitting the pillow. “I don’t know!”

I throw an arm over my face to shield my eyes, feeling the bed dip with her weight as Vee scoots down to lie beside me. When I open my eyes and turn my head to look at her, she’s lying on her side with her hands tucked beneath her head. “Let me ask you this,” she breathes, and I roll to my side to mirror her position. “Even after everything, would you give him another chance?”

“I don’t know how I can,” I reply hoarsely. ” I still don’t understand why he left. How can I even consider giving him another chance if he can’t tell me why? How could I trust that he wouldn’t just leave me again?”

Vienna bites her lip, pondering as the question hangs heavily between us. She’s got a funny look on her face that I can’t quite decipher. She darts her gaze away, and after a beat, she looks at me again, her eyes locking with mine.

“Chase told me something,” she blurts.

I sit up abruptly. “What?” I demand, my heart threatening to pound out of my chest as I stare at her with my mouth agape. ” What’d he say?”

She drags in a deep breath, sitting up beside me and holding up her hands. “Okay, if I tell you, you have to swear you won’t say anything.”

Instant, “I swear.”

Vee breathes in slowly again, prolonging my agony. My heart slams against my ribs. ”

Chase met with Cal the other day to offer him an enforcer position with the pack.”

I stare at her, blinking, not understanding what this has to do with me. “Okay…?”

She sinks her teeth into her lower lip again, pinning me with a serious stare. “He thought Cal would jump at the opportunity, but he was really weird about it. Then Cal admitted that his stepdad had been holding something over his head. Something bad.”

“What was it?” I ask around the lump in my throat.

She shakes her head. “Don’t know. But whatever it was had something to do with Cal leaving.”

If I thought my mind was spinning before, it’s nothing compared to now. My mouth. runs dry, it feels like the room tilts, and I’m suddenly so dizzy that I feel like I’m going to be sick.

It makes too much sense. After that dinner at his parents’ house, Callum was completely withdrawn. He wasn’t answering my calls, and though I excused his odd behavior given everything that had just happened with Chase, Vienna, and the rogue, I knew something was wrong. I felt it in my gut.

I wouldn’t have even seen him the night of the full moon if I didn’t wander over the border of Riverton into Norbury. He hadn’t invited me to run with him as I’d expected him to. All the drama of the mate bond snapping in and him leaving overshadowed the events the days before, but now I’m seeing all of it in a new light.

Maybe it had nothing to do with that night.

Maybe it had everything to do with the dinner a couple of nights before.

Why did I never think of that? I’ve only met Troy twice, but it was enough to know he’s not a nice person. Did he threaten Cal in some way?

Threaten me? Is that why he left?

“Chase started digging through his dad’s old files and now he’s waiting for Rob to get back from Denver so he can ask him about it,” Vee adds. “I guess whatever it was happened last year, and Alpha Vaughn was involved.”

I barely hear her words through the ringing in my ears. It’s as if my body is on autopilot as I turn away, sliding off my bed and hustling over to my closet to pull the doors open. I yank the first garment I see off a hanger- a light blue gingham sundress- then turn back around, stepping back over to the bed and tossing it down before tugging Callum’s shirt off overhead.

“What are you doing?” Vienna asks in alarm as I drop the shirt to the floor and pull on the dress instead.

I scoop my hair up into a hurried ponytail, smoothing the top down with a hand and securing it with a hair tie from my wrist. ” Going to get some answers,” I say, grabbing the sketchbook from the nightstand and clutching it to my chest. I meet her confused eyes, steeling my resolve. “I’ve waited long enough.”