Chapter 23: Dinner.
Sabrina's POV.
"Don't you feel like you're too young to get married?" My mother asks me for the hundredth time.
"No, mother. I'm ready to be Zachary's wife." I tell her, also trying to convince myself that I am ready for a life long commitment with Zachary.
With anyone for that matter.
"I'm just checking because marriage is a different ball game from the dating scene." My mother says and I roll my eyes.
"I know mother." I retort.
"No, you don't know." She says, her thick accent shining through. "It's tricky. And these Americans don't know how to do it right." She tells me. "It's for better or worse." She adds.
"Like you and Dad?" I ask her and she glares at me.
My parents' marriage is so toxic. My father used to beat my mother everyday, now he has shifted to emotional abuse. There is currently another woman in my mother's matrimonial home, but she refuses to get a divorce. She says if she gets a divorce, that means they've won.
I keep trying to tell her that it's not about winning, it's about being happy, but she shuts me down each time.
"Marriage is pain. Marriage is also about being tolerant, because it will test you." She tells me.
"Are you going to make it to the ceremony?" I ask her.
"Of course, I would miss it for the world. My little girl's finally getting married." She says, caressing my cheek.
"Let's go get our hair and nails done." I tell my mother and she smiles.
***
"Sweet Caroline." My best friend, Shiela, sings into the microphone.
She's way way off-key.
I scroll through Instagram and I see a picture of Zachary's ex. It looks like she's on vacation with this guy. And she looks pregnant. It's good to see that she's finally moved on from Zach. At least that's one less person to worry about.
My wedding weekend is already off to a great start. I have my girls with me and we're currently at a karaoke bar in Zachary's hometown, Langston.
We arrived here yesterday.
Tomorrow is the rehearsal dinner and the day after that is my wedding. I still can't believe I'm getting married.
"Come on." Sheila says, grabbing my arm, pulling me to the stage.
The intro for "I Would Rather Go Blind" by Eartha Kitt plays and I smile at her.
"Something told me it was over. When I saw you and her talking." I start singing.
"Something deep down in my soul said, 'Cry, girl'. When I saw you and that girl walking around." Hannah sings beside me. Zachary introduced me to Hannah when we got here. He told me they've been friends since the tenth grade.
"Whoo, I would rather, I would rather go blind, boy. Than to see you walk away from me, child, no." I sing, belting out the words.
"Whoo, so you see, I love you so much. That I don't wanna watch you leave me, baby." We sing together.
"Most of all, I just don't, I just don't wanna be free, no." Courtney sings as she walks towards the stage. She's also a very good friend of the Henderson family.
"Whoo, whoo, I was just, I was just, I was just sitting here thinkin', of your kiss and your warm embrace, yeah." I sing as I stare at the lyrics on the big screen behind me.
"When the reflection in the glass that I held to my lips now, baby." Sheila sings.
"Revealed the tears that are on my face, yeah." Courtney sings.
"Whoo and baby, baby, I'd rather, I'd rather be blind, boy. Then to see you walk away, see you walk away from me, yeah." The four of us sing, ending the song as we erupt in laughter.
These girls are good company.
"That was so much fun." I say laughing.
***
"Good morning." I greet as I walk to the kitchen. Grabbing the coffee pot, I start brewing some coffee. Hannah and Courtney are awake, Sheila is still asleep.
"Hey pretty lady." Hannah says as she flips through a magazine on the island.
"My head hurts." I tell her and she chuckles.
"Yesterday was something else." Courtney says, walking into the kitchen.
"I have to get rid of this hangover before tonight." I tell them.
"Yeah. You can't be tipsy at your rehearsal dinner." Hannah quips.
"It's your will to still get married to that douchebag Zachary, for me. You know after he cheated on you." Courtney says, pouring a cup of coffee for herself.
Even though Zachary cheated on me, I still love him. Like a fool. Yes, I'll be foolish for him.
"Yeah. We're working through our problems. Love is tricky." I say, collecting the coffee pot from Courtney.
"Good luck with that one. You'll need it." Hannah says, still staring at that magazine.
"Is there something I should know about Zachary? I mean you guys grew up with him, you know him best. " I ask them.
"Just because we grew up with Zachary doesn't mean we know him best." Courtney says, laughing.
"Valarie does." Hannah tells me. "She's the only one he let close enough to see the real him. No matter how hard you try, he'll never show you what's inside. He'll show you what you want to see. You just have to live with that." Hannah adds and I nod slowly.
"Gotcha." I say, letting out a deep breath.
"I mean it's not a bad thing, right? He's marrying you. That's big. You're going to be his wife. Valarie doesn't have that. At least you'll have something she doesn't. Something that was specially made for you." Courtney says, giving me a side hug.
"Yeah, you're right. Today is going to be perfect and so is tomorrow. My two friends are coming in from Ukraine. I can't wait to see them again. My mother's coming. It's going just like I planned it." I say, somewhat relieved.
"Yeah. You see, things are looking up already." Courtney says, placing the mug she was just drinking out of in the sink.
"I have to go now, Sabrina. I'll see you tonight. Court, you coming?" Hannah says and Courtney nods.
"Yeah, I just need to grab my things." Courtney says as she walks out of the kitchen. Hannah walks out after her and I trail behind them.
"You guys are coming tonight right?" I ask them once we're in the living room area of the Airbnb I'm staying in.
"Of course. We're gonna be there." Hannah assures me.
"Okay, good." I say, letting out a sigh of relief.
They hug me before they walk out of the door. I stand in the middle of the living room contemplating my fate.
Is marrying Zachary really a good step for me?
When I know his heart is betrothed to another. Will I ever amount to her? I don't think so.
***
Zachary's mother hits her fork on a glass cup signaling the room to quiet down. I'm seated beside Zachary at this twenty foot long dinner table. We are currently in a tent right now. Violinists are playing a smooth tune as the chatter in the room dies down.
"I am so overjoyed to see this day. My only son, Zachary Justin Henderson is getting married. This feels like a fever dream." She says and I chuckle.
"Your middle name's Justin?" I ask Zachary and he groans beside me.
"Don't say it out loud." He tells me and I laugh.
"Feels like yesterday I was wiping his little bottom and now he's a grown man." His mother says and we laugh.
"Mom, stop." Zachary says, feeling embarrassed.
"I just hope that his sister Maddison can also get to experience this. Because it doesn't look like marriage is in the cards for her." She says and Zachary's sister, Maddison rolls her eyes.
"Tonight is about celebrating Zachary and Sabrina's love. So, I would like to make a toast to..."
"You guys didn't save me a seat?" A voice says and I look up and it's Valarie. She is dressed in a long jacket. The jacket is unbuttoned from her baby bump downwards. She paired the outfit with some tights and boots. She looks beautiful.
Zachary's hand that was holding mine is now removed as he stares at her. I stare up at him, but he refuses to meet my gaze.
"Valarie!!!" Maddison cheers as she leaves her seat and goes to hug her.
"Hi." Valarie says softly.
Maddison touches Valarie's baby bump and they discuss inaudibly.
"Somebody get her a chair." Zachary says beside me and I stare at him.
This man just dropped my hand and is ordering to have his ex seated. What am I even doing here? I feel so out of place.
Zachary's mother takes her seat and whispers something in her husband's ear. A seat is placed beside Zachary and Valarie takes it.
"Hey." Zachary says to her and I am just stunned. This man isn't even paying attention to me.
"Hi." Valarie says, blushing.
I tune their conversation out and my eyes find Courtney's. She notices my change in mood and she grabs her phone.
My phone buzzes in my purse and I grab it.
"Bathroom. Now." Courtney's text reads.
I nod at her and she stands up and heads to the bathroom.
"Zach, I gotta use the ladies room." I say, but he isn't listening. His hand is on Valarie's thigh. That image alone fills my eyes with tears. I excuse myself and I head to the bathroom.
"No, no, no. Don't cry." Courtney say as soon as she sees the tears on my face when I walk into the bathroom.
"I can't...help it." I say, sobbing.
"Don't cry, you'll ruin your makeup." Courtney says, fanning my eyes with her hands.
"He doesn't love me." I say, sniffling.
"He does, he just has a weird way of showing it, that's all." She tells me and I nod.
"Why did you want me to meet you here?" I ask her, wiping my nose with a tissue.
"The baby in Valarie's stomach is Zachary's child." She tells me and I feel all the color drain from my face.
"What? How do you know that?" I ask her, feeling my chest tighten.
"Just now, when Maddison was talking to Valarie. I heard her ask "How's my little nephew doing?" And then she touched Valarie's stomach." Courtney tells me and I shake my head.
"No, you have to be mistaken and besides Valarie is dating the president of Rome, so it's probably his child. Zachary would never do that to me." I tell her, refusing to believe a word she's saying.
"You'd be surprised." Courtney says, rolling her eyes. "I'm just trying to be a good friend." She says, about to touch my shoulder but I stop her hand.
"You're not...my friend." I tell her before I drop her hand and leave the restroom.
As I walk to my seat, I see Zachary and Valarie laughing and I take my seat.
"What's so funny?" I ask, but they don't reply.
I lean back in my seat and I feel tears coming on, but I stop them. The waiters start serving the food and I get ready to eat. They serve everyone and we all start eating. It's a steak and baked potatoes with a side of coleslaw.
I cut into my steak and start eating. From the corner of my eye, I see Zachary cutting Valarie's steak for her. He even feeds it to her.
I feel so neglected.
Why isn't he paying attention to me?
I eat my food in total silence until Zachary's mother asks me a question.
"Sabrina love, how many grandchildren am I expecting from this union?" She asks me.
I open my mouth to answer, but Zachary answers for me.
"None. Sabrina can't have children. She doesn't have a womb." He tells his mother bluntly and she stares at me in horror.
"Great heavens, that can't be remedied." She says, looking at me with judgment.
I place my fork on the plate as I stop eating. I don't have an appetite anymore.
Yes, it's true.
I don't have a womb.
I had to get it taken out when I was sixteen because of a life threatening tumor.
"Children aren't everything though, I'm sure they'll be fine." Valarie says and I feel like slapping her across the face.
"Says the woman who is currently pregnant." Maddison retorts and I roll my eyes.
"I'm just saying, if they don't want kids-" She is cut off by Zachary.
"Oh, I want kids, she just can't give them to me." Zachary says, his voice devoid of emotion.
I touch his arm in hopes that he'll look at me, but he doesn't.
"Excuse me." I say as I stand up from my seat, feeling embarrassed. I run out of the tent as tears fall down my cheeks.
This is not what I had planned.