It had been 10 days since Advay left for US, but the memory of their farewell was as fresh in Chandni's memory as though it happened few moments ago.
"Chandu...! Bol na Kya Hai?"
All it took was one look from him, and few words of endearment, and she was melting like a snowflake in Sun, blurting out all her feelings towards Dev... Chandni cursed herself, recalling her weak moment.
The moment she heard that he was going away for a 10 day trip, she felt so lost and desolate, it was almost like a physical pain and she just couldn't control herself that day.
Why can't her stupid heart get this sorted, once and for all, that HE is not her Dev anymore whom she loved all her life. He is Advay Singh Raizada, multi-millionaire or billionaire or whatever, who can turn lives of people upside down in days, using his power, influence and wealth.
He manipulated and tricked her into marrying him, decided to dump her even, but at the last moment changed his heart and came back with this alternate arrangement. She still wasn't sure what changed his mind though.
And the way she reacted to him that day... as if she was pining for him... Oh what a shame!!
He doesn't love her, he was only offering this "arrangement" of marriage while he sorted out the court case and temple trust, and he wanted to look after her and her family till then. She should be, in a way grateful for it, because considering their financial condition right now, this was the best possible outcome for them. But why should she accept help from someone who had made it very clear, that she meant nothing to him but an obligation!
And that's why she fought hard to refuse his offer of protection and financial support. But only she knew the whole story of the "arrangement" while everyone else was happily assuming that she was married to "her" Dev, and all problems have now been resolved. She was keen to get a job immediately, but Nani and ACP Siddharth had her convinced not to venture out, till Advay was back from his foreign trip.
But Chandni knew all her reasons to resist or refuse help from Advay stem from one single fact.
That he doesn't TRUST her; never trusted her all these 16 years.
Her Dev, whom she blindly trusted and loved, had stopped trusting her, and even thought she was responsible for causing harm to him and his mother. That sliced her heart more deeply than anything else. Her Dev, who would fight with the whole neighbourhood, if anyone even tried to tease her or cause harm to her, now was the one who hurt her the most, and made her shed so many tears all these years and continued to do so even now.
Yet, she can't stop loving him. How pathetic can she be?? She swallowed the tears that were threatening to erupt from her eyes, and began to clean the kitchen surfaces all over again, to make sure they are perfectly clean. Doing chores like this kept her mind busy, and away from distressful thoughts of Advay and Dev.
Chandni made sure that she had a super busy routine, doing different jobs in the home to ensure this. In spite of protests from both Murli and Shilpa, she had taken over cooking duties, and allowed them to help her only with cutting vegetables etc. After Meghana and Shikha leave for the college, she would sit with Nani and read her some books or help Kajal Maasi with her knitting.
She maintained a calm poise in front of everyone, and never gave room for suspicion, but staying here in Advay's house was eating her away slowly.
And then the added burden of feeling like an orphan overnight, even though both her parents were in the same city, added to the trauma. They could no longer see their Baba everyday now. Murli or Shilpa would accompany the three sisters to visit their baba once every three days or so at the speciality hospital. From what Advay told her, her Baba was responsible too for his parents' death. But he was an invalid now, needing care, and her heart still ached to see him, even though he barely recognised any of them.
Her thoughts were interrupted by Chotu's cries. She rushed to Meghana's room next door. They have decided to call Meghana's son Chotu till his parents could decide a proper name, when Rahul was back in India.
Between Kaajal Maasi and herself they would look after Chotu all day, as Meghana was busy with her exams. Thankfully Chotu was an easy and happy baby, and didn't trouble his Maasi or Nani at all. In fact, as everyone agreed, he was the single source of solace and happiness to all of them in the household right now.
She took Chotu in her arms, rocked him gently and showered him with kisses. Once he calmed down, she changed his nappy and brought him to the living room, where Nani was sitting with Kajal Masi and Niru Mama.
After sometime Shikha and Meghana came back from university, and wailed how tough their exam was that day. As they were chitchatting, Nan's phone buzzed and Murli picked it up announcing to everyone that it was from Advay.
Advay called them just once since the day he left, just to inform that he reached safely, and another brief call to Murli to check that everything was running smoothly in the household.
Nani asked that the phone be put on speaker so that everyone could hear his voice.
"Advay, how are you beta?" Nani asked affectionately.
Advay's deep voice sounded tired as he replied that he was absolutely fine.
Chandni's heart beat sped up just listening to his voice. She slowly left the room, while everyone was busy greeting and talking to Advay. By the time everyone realised she was gone, she busied herself in preparing dinner and started to roll the dough for Roti's.
Murli walked into the kitchen.
"Achcha Advay Bhayya! Chandni Bhabhi is hiding in the kitchen away from all of us. May be she wants to talk to you in private. I will leave the phone with her. It is still on speaker though, Bhabhi's hands are full of dough." He chuckled, and left the phone on the kitchen table.
Advay cleared his throat nervously and tried to sound normal.
"Hi Chandni !"
Chandni was too tongue tied, and was dreading the prospect of speaking to him.
"Chandni... are you there?" he called again.
His voice soothed her somehow.
"Ji!!" she replied finally, her voice slightly more than a whisper, but it sounded so beautiful to Advay on the phone, sitting all alone in the hotel room, thousands of miles away.
It made him remember all the whimpers she made when lying on top of his chest, half conscious or when sleeping. Advay was finding it very difficult to sleep by himself in the hotel nowadays. He felt ashamed of himself, as to how quickly he got used to having Chandni by his side, cuddling up to him like a gilheri and he missed the feel of her soft warm body.
He forced himself out of his reverie and blurted the first thing that came to his mind.
"How is the weather there?" Advay cursed himself later... Seriously?? The Weather??
She was confused as to why he was asking about the weather, but answered him anyway in the most calm and detached voice.
"Weather...weather is fine. The Monsoon is almost set in now so we are getting frequent rains."
Advay finally composed himself and gave the news he was dreading to share.
"Listen Chandni... I am still in US now and flying to Dubai tomorrow, and I might have to stay there another week. Something urgent had come up. So... I won't be back in Allahabad for at least a week."
"But you said you will be back by now." She blurted out angrily, and bit her tongue immediately. Why does she lose her composure so quickly when she was talking to him!!!!
But to Advay listening at the other end, her angry retort made his dreary heart feel so much lighter with joy. She was missing him as much he was missing her!!!. At least she was angry with him not returning for some reason, and that was good enough for him, for now.
He chuckled slowly, which made her cringe at her outburst even more.
"I promise, I will be there after one week. I am terribly missing y.. yall of you." He hoped she didn't notice his slip up, but she did.
He waited if she was going to respond in anyway but found nothing but silence.
"Are you Ok Chandni? Why are you so silent?" he finally asked, unable to control himself... even though he very much wanted to ask if she was missing him!
"I am... I am good." She didn't know what else to say so repeated the same words he said.
"So you are back in one week, right?"
"Yes, One week. I Promise." He hung up, unable to continue, as for some strange reason he was sorely tempted to fly back to India right then and there, instead of Dubai.
Chandni looked thoughtfully at the phone, as Advay's voice and questions were still ringing in her head.
*****
That phone call was ten days ago and except calling Murli separately and informing that he got held up again, and was now flying to UK, Advay made no further calls.
Everybody noticed that, as days progressed, Chandni was definitely looking dull and lost in thoughts, and was even looking frail. For everyone who asked, she made different excuses, this cold wet weather never suited her anyway, she always preferred summer, and the new house and room meant she was not able to sleep properly etc.,
The last part was true though! Chandni never slept alone and after Advay left, she asked Kajal Maasi to come and sleep in their room, as Shikha and Megha shared their bed with the little Chotu sleeping cosily between them. But Kajal Maasi's loud snores made it so hard for Chandni to fall asleep, and the absence of her favorite pillowpet only made things even worse.
Within two weeks, there were dark circles under her eyes and her face looked quite drawn, and it only got worse as the time went on.
Niru Mama and Nani were very much worried about her state, but in spite of their best efforts to make Chandni open up about her feelings, or whether she was missing Advay, they hit a blank wall. Chandni wasn't ready to admit, either to herself or to anyone, that she was missing Dev.
When Advay abruptly decided to fly back to India, he made an urgent call to Murli and spoke to Niru Mama as well.
"Mamaji, I just spoke to ACP Siddharth as I got news here about Indrani's release on bail."
"Haan Advay Beta. We too came to know about it just this morning. I was about to call you anyway." Niru Mama replied anxiously.
"Mamaji please make sure that Chandni or her sisters are not left alone or out of sight, at any cost till I am home, Can you do that for me? " Advay implored.
"Of course beta. That is our first priority, please don't worry. What about the Haveli? Should we keep it locked?" Asked Niru Mama.
"Haan Mamaji, tell the girls to get all their stuff from there if there is anything left. Give them some excuse like, there is renovation going on or something. Don't let them know about Indirani's release. Chandni will get unnecessarily upset. Also, can you please not tell anyone that I am coming? I just want to give a surprise."
Mamaji chuckled, and promised that of course his secret is safe with him before hanging up.
He called the three sisters enthusiastically and informed them that the Haveli was undergoing renovations, and if there was anything they still need to get from the haveli, tomorrow is the last day.
Chandni wasn't interested in going anywhere at all, but Shikha and Meghu dragged her along, as she had been feeling so dull for so long now. Suddenly Chandni remembered something she forgot at the Haveli, but she couldn't remember where she put it either. So, making an effort to look energetic and cheerful, she dressed herself in her favourite red saree and joined her sisters, Shilpa, Mamaji and Murli as they made their way to the Haveli in the evening in two cars.
Murli made sure Haveli was fully lit and terrace lights were on too, and the sight itself made Chandni long to go back in and live there. This had been her home since she was eight. It was practically her home even before that, because she spent most of her time there with Dev and his family.
As she walked through the entrance and entered the Haveli, her heart was filled with all the happy memories of her running around with Dev there. Slowly she made her way to her room which was previously Dev's room. Now she understood why he insisted on taking up her room when he bought the Haveli, she silently chuckled to herself.
She kept searching the wardrobes, the desk drawers and everywhere she could remember for the thing she was looking for. It had been ages since she saw it herself, which made her very much doubtful if it was still there, or she must have kept it somewhere hidden and had now completely forgotten about it.
She was already feeling very tired and exhausted and was almost about to give up. Niru Mama was already hurrying them to go back to the bungalow.
Murli and Shilpa were patiently waiting for her to wrap up her search, so that they all can go back too. She suddenly remembered where it could be. Yes, it made sense as to why she hadn't seen it for so long. She hurriedly walked towards her destination, climbing up the stairs with difficulty.
Shilpa and Murli finished packing the last few things they wanted to take back to bungalow.
What was Chandni Bhabhi still doing in her bedroom?
Both reached there from different directions only to find the room empty.
They began calling for her and going through every room on the top floor, but she was nowhere to be seen. After 15 minutes of thoroughly searching the practically empty building, including the magnificently lit open terrace, panic set in for both of them.
Where was Chandni Bhabhi? Had she gone back to the bungalow with Mamaji? But Shilpa swore that only Shikha and Megha were there with Mamaji in that car, as she helped them load the stuff they were carrying.
Just then, to make matters even worse, Murli received call from Advay.
He was just calling to make sure everything was OK, as he was on his way home from the Airport.
Terrified of what his response would be, but as he had no other choice, Murli began to explain to Advay, as to how one moment Chandni Bhabhi was there in her bedroom, and then she just disappeared. Advay swore loudly and asked the driver to make his way to Haveli as fast as he could.
And in Five minutes he was there. He too looked quite weak and drawn, as if he hadn't been eating or sleeping properly. He hurried to their bedroom and looked everywhere just in case. Just then a pigeon landed on the window sill of Chandni's bedroom.
And then he remembered.
He asked both Murli and Shilpa to call the police, and keep searching the grounds and backyard, as he rushed upstairs to the terrace. There was a small window from one of two tall towers which opened into the terrace. Owing to his tall large build, he found it extremely difficult to slide through the small window which opened into a kind of anteroom.
Climbing the stairs further, he reached what was once called "Kabootar Ghar"
Long time ago in the age of a previous Mahant, it was used to be home to a large collection of pet birds and pigeons. Even after so many generations, the name still remained, even though the room and the terrace were no longer used for that purpose.
It was a medium room which had a huge window on one side and opened out into a separate terrace at the back, where all pigeons used to graze, and there was a small sit out area with a bench as well. This part of the terrace was separated from the main terrace through a high wall. The speciality of that room in the top tower was this large window with a deep sill, and this used to be his and Chandu's favourite sit out place in their childhood, from which they could see the whole of Allahabad city.
The shimmering lights from the terrace were illuminating the room softly, and he turned on his mobile phone torch to cast further light into the room. Chandni was nowhere to be seen here either, and Advay began to panic now.
Just as he was about to rush to the terrace for further searching, a dramatic and shocking sight caught him and he came to an absolute standstill. There were marking and notches on the lower portion of all the walls, as far as a child or a short person could reach, filling up almost every inch, marking days, weeks, months and possibly years.
All along were writings "Dev Kahaa Ho" "Dev Kab Aaoge." Written roughly by the tiny hands of Chandu. Some corners had marking of years and special days with tiny message.
It was as if Advay was looking into the childhood and early teenage life of his Chandu after he left. He almost forgot to breathe, as he felt someone had knocked the air out of his lungs.He was overcome by such a flood of emotions, that he had no clue of what he was doing or where his feet were taking him. He touched the walls everywhere, trying to feel the anguish and desperation with which those notches were marked.
Tears streamed down his cheeks as he felt terribly guilty, for doubting the purest soul and his most trusted friend Chandu. She was telling the truth when she said that she had no Idea what happened to him or his family. This was the proof, right in front of him of all those days and months she spent here, waiting for him, counting each day as it passed, for him to return back.
Whatever happened that day 16 years ago, however terrible it was, he now knew that she had absolutely no role in it, and he felt like he was the worst sinner on earth for doubting her.
His mobile phone rang, bringing him out of his woes, and it was Murli again asking for whereabouts of Chandni.
Dazedly, Advay made his way onto the terrace at the back, where he saw Chandni collapsed on the bench. He rushed to her while shouting to Murli on the phone that he found Chandni.
She was lying unconscious on the bench, and lying next to her, he noticed that there was an old Dancing couple snow globe that he gave her, many years ago for her birthday.
"Chandni!! Chandni!!" He gently made her sit up, tried to wake her up again, shaking her face gently, but she looked as if she had passed out. Looking at her innocent face made him hate himself even more.
What had he done to his little dove?
But this was not the time to reflect but make sure Chandni was safe and sound.He didn't know what to do. How to carry her to the main terrace through that tiny window? Just then he found a small door in the middle of the back wall, which joined this terrace to the main terrace. He cursed himself for not finding this earlier. He had no idea about it, as this might have been put up after the Vashisht family moved into the Haveli.
He swiftly pulled Chandni into his arms, and made his way to the main terrace and down the stairs, meeting Murli half the way.
Murli informed the police and the rest of the family that Advay had found Chandni and they were on their way back to Bungalow. He also called their family doctor and requested that a nurse be sent to their bungalow urgently to check on Chandni. As Advay brought an unconscious Chandni through the main door, Shikha and Meghana along with Niru Mama and Kajal Maasi rushed to meet them.
Advay took her to their bedroom and gently laid her down on the bed.
"What happened to her? Had she not been eating properly or was she unwell? " He asked them all, as they guiltily exchanged glances.
Anger rose in him, but he knew this was not the time to argue.
He requested Kajal Maasi and Shilpa to prepare some soup while Shikha rushed out to get some hot water.
The Nurse came in just then, and gave her an injection and some medicines, and advised complete bed rest for Chandni. Shikha and Kajal Maasi came back into the room and they wiped Chandni all over with the warm cloth.
"Shikha leave the soup and the wet cloth with me. I will look after her. Why don't you guys go and have some dinner. It's OK. Don't worry." He assured them and they slowly returned back, still feeling distraught.
Nani and Niru Mama walked in slowly inside.
"Advay, don't be angry on them. The Simple fact was Chandni was missing you very much Beta!! But she wouldn't admit this to herself or to any one. She is quite stubborn in some ways you know. She was making some excuse or other not to eat properly. In the beginning I was quite lenient too and was hoping that everything would be all right once you return, but this went on far too long now." Nani tried to explain.
"That's ok Nani. Now that I am here, I will make sure that she is not getting out of this bed until she is totally recovered. She needs to get better. I can't... I just can't see her like this." He replied controlling his tears.
"Cheeku what happened? You sound terrible. Something happened at that Haveli am I right? Tell me everything." She gently hugged him. Her kind and affectionate words were his undoing.
Haltingly, amidst anguish filled sobs he explained everything that he saw up in the Kabootar Ghar ... the notches on the walls that Chandu had marked, while waiting for his return.
Niru Mama gasped.
"Nani, how can I forgive myself now? How could I do this to my little Chandu? I have doubted and hated her all these years, and blamed her for everything bad that happened all those years ago. While she was praying and waiting for me with all her love, I filled my heart with hatred and revenge for her. I almost fulfilled my revenge by marrying her forcibly.
I had already began to doubt myself about her deceit just before the marriage, and the way she reacted to my parents death made me doubt my own beliefs even further. But still I turned a deaf ear to all her pleas of innocence. Mamaji, I am a sinner, there is no redemption for me. I am ashamed even to show my face to Chandni now." Advay's anguish was uncontrollable now.
"Dev Beta please control yourself. This is not your fault. Indrani was a master manipulator who used Chandni to cast doubts on the Mahantani, and even made her reveal your secret hide out. You saw your parents getting murdered. You have been through hell and survived, and it was only natural that you had completely lost trust in everyone around you. Please don't take it so hard upon yourself. Now that you know that Chandni is innocent, it is up to you to make up to her and look after her. And see to it that all this pain and turmoil that you both have been through is not in vain.
Make Indrani pay for this. That is where your redemption lies. Not by running away from Chandni or the situation. Please try to understand." Niru Mama implored.
"I will make sure that Indrani gets all the punishment she deserves, you can be rest assured about that. Once that is done, I will remove myself from Chandni's life. That's it." Advay stated firmly.
"Advay what are you talking about?" Nani asked anxiously.
"True Nani, I was telling this to Chandni even before, but in a different context. Once this mess is cleared, Chandni can opt for a job, live independently and lead a peaceful life. I will divorce her, and she can marry someone who can love her back and keep her happy."
"Dev Beta Yeh kya paagalpan hai? She loves you and she will never be happy with anyone but you. Please don't punish her like this. She is such an innocent soul and she has already been through so much trauma."
"Mamaji why don't you try to understand? All the trauma, all the pain she had ever faced in her life is because of me. How can I be the one to give her happiness now? A pure and innocent soul like her deserves someone who is just like her, not a hateful and spiteful bastard like me." Advay left the room wiping his tears away.
Niru Mama followed him anxiously while Nani collapsed next to the bed, feeling anguished and helpless at the turn of events.
Chandni slowly opened her eyes, trying to digest the meaning of all the things she just heard.
^-------------------^
Ok This is again a super long chapter although I didn't think it would be when I started.LOL
This is a very important one where we get to know
1.Chandni's POV on how she is feeling towards Advay and the whole marriage arrangement and then
2. Advay finally realises that his Chandu was always innocent just as she claimed to be.
Remorse, repentance, redemption all these have a place but right now, for some one like ADvay who doesn't consider himself worthy of forgiveness, it is a hard and long road.
What did you think of this chapter? Please let me know.. As you can see this is again very different to how the story shaped up in the show.
Lots of love
Sesi