Chandni closed her eyes feeling such a mixture of emotions. When she woke up hearing the voice of Advay, she felt such joy that it was hard to describe. He was back, almost after a month. But as the meaning of his words began to sink in, she felt so lost. She didn't dare to open her eyes and disrupt the discussion, so she lay there listening, as Advay poured his heart out.
She didn't feel like talking to Nani or anyone at the moment. So she just lied still on the bed, as she watched the ceiling, immersed in her own thoughts. So Advay finally realised that she was telling the truth, and was feeling guilty that he didn't trust her all along.
Should she feel happy and relieved now? Should this erase all the hurt and heartbreak she felt from the moment she knew his feelings towards her? A lone tear escaped from her eyes...
Why does she need to go through this whiplash of emotions in her relationship with Advay? He hated her all this time, blaming her partially for his family's ruin, and then, the moment he realised his mistake, he turned all remorseful, talking of walking away from her life altogether, because he doesn't deserve her anymore.
As she remembered every significant moment she spent with him, one thing was evident to her... He was such a bundle of contradictions even then. One moment he would try to insult or intimidate her, but the very next he would go out of the way to protect her against everyone else's manipulations, including PP and her own mother.
So much happened all these years, and so much was happening right now, that she was losing her own balanced way of looking at things.
But perhaps she was looking at everything the wrong way.
Sighing deeply, Chandni slowly turned in the bed towards her right.
There on the side table, besides the night lamp, she found her musical snow globe, for which she went into all this trouble, to get it from the Kabootar Ghar. Someone, obviously Advay, had wiped it clean and placed it for her. Her face relaxed and she smiled happily looking at it.
This was present that Dev gave her, with so much love for her 8th birthday . What happened to that loving Dev? Why did he even think that his best friend betrayed him? She needed to understand her Dev first, as a mature Chandni, rather than depend on an eight year old Chandu's recollection.
Once she understood Dev, she would understand Advay too.
Perhaps then she will be able to forgive him, for all the hurt and pain he gave her.
And it was up to her, to make Advay realise that she is Chandni, a mature woman, who went through so much pain and hardships just like him, and was still willing to give this marriage a chance rather than walk away from it.
And she might begin by making him go back to his true self. Make him realise what he truly felt towards her. Her Dev was highly possessive even when he was young, and from whatever she observed, Advay was even more possessive. She recalled all the incidences with PPji and Advay. She didn't know it then that he was acting out of jealousy, but she knew better now.
Exactly how he was going to happily get himself out of her life, so she could find someone else for herself, she had to see it to believe it. A small smile filled her tired face. When the time comes, she would definitely call the bluff on Mr ASR on this. She knew her heart too well, and there had been only one person that she pictured her life partner to be.
She picked up the snow globe and slowly sat up, careful not to make any noise.
Advay walked in just then, carrying a tray and stopped midway, noticing that she was awake.
But she put a finger on lips, signalling him not to reveal her state to Nani. Advay narrowed his eyes but went along with her.
"Nani! Please go and have your dinner. I will sit with Chandni here. I got some emails to check anyway. I will work from here."
"But Beta, you too haven't eaten anything. And you must be tired after such long journey. Let Shikha or Kajal Maasi sit with Chandni." Nani protested.
"No Nani, you know I won't feel happy, unless I look after her myself. Please try to understand. I have got some soup for myself too. So don't worry, I will eat that." Advay helped her to stand up and walked her back to the dining area, where she joined the other family members for Dinner.
Wondering why Chandni didn't want Nani to know she was awake, Advay rushed back to the bedroom and closed the door.
"How are you feeling now? Do you want something? Water or may be Tea?" He asked anxiously. He kept staring at her, as if she was the most precious thing to him.
Chandni felt heartened to see the relief and joy in Advay's face.
"I am feeling much better now, thanks. I just drank some water; I don't want anything right now." She assured him.
"But Chandni, you look so weak, you must eat or drink something. I have got soup here. Please have some." Advay brought the Soup bowl towards her.
"Soup?? Yuck!! I hate Soup!!"Chandni scrunched up her face.
"Stop being so childish Chandni!! Soup is good for you right now, in this condition. Please stop arguing and have some. Come on I will feed you." He pushed the bowl forward and moved closer to her.
"What condition? I am just weak. I am not being childish and stop being so bossy OK?" Chandni's nostrils flared in anger.
"I just don't feel like eating soup right now. I want something spicy and sweet and sour... like Chaat. But I am not lucky enough to eat all that so..." Chandni made a long face and took the soup bowl. But the bowl being quite heavy and Chandni still feeling weak, the bowl almost slipped from her hands, and Advay now moved himself closer, and started feeding her the soup.
"And can you tell me why you became so weak and why you haven't eaten properly all this time?" Advay's voice barely concealed his anger and frustration.
"Because you weren't there." Chandni bit her tongue for the slip up, but made up to it immediately.
"Because bossy people like you weren't there, who force feed me things I don't like.... so I was happily eating whatever and how much ever I wanted." She added with a smirk.
Advay was tempted to wipe it off her face but controlled himself, and continued feeding the soap.
"Waisey, tum bhi bahut weak lag rahe ho!" she added concernedly.
Advay froze and looked at her; his face softened, and eyes sparkled with the warmth her observation evoked in him.
"Badon ko aap kahte hai" He made his face expressionless again and reminded her.
"I won't eat any more of this soup unless you eat yours first." Chandni folded her arms against her chest and pouted.
Advay rolled his eyes in frustration, and started on his soup. Both of them finally managed to finish their soups.
Chandni went to the washroom to freshen up, and when she came back, Advay was talking to someone on the phone.
"I am not taking any chances, security wise, my guard will be with me, yeah ....but what is the best place to go at this hour? Oh!! Is it healthy ?? Hahaha OK. Thanks a lot Sid" He hung up the phone and looked at her.
"Still want to eat that Chaat you were so craving for? Let's go." He prompted her with a smile.
Chandni's eyes widened like saucers as her mouth watered. But her face fell again as it meant she needed to go out of the house.
Advay immediately understood her anxiety, and reached her in two strides. He gently held her hand.
"Chandu don't worry. Nothing will happen to you, I am with you right? Your Dev!!" He assured her.
Chandni looked into his eyes, and tried to gather all the courage she needed. Slowly both of them made their way out to the car waiting outside for them. Advay drove the car with Chandni seated next to him, while the security guard followed them in another car.
Chandni kept pointing to Advay the various places they used to visit as kids, and how they have changed now, talking non-stop all along the way. Just watching her talking to him, without any reserve and in such happy mood, made Advay so content. Half the time he just kept looking at her face, without taking in any of the stuff she was explaining to him.
They went to the famous Shiv Chat Bhandar in Bairana. Even at this late hour the place was crowded. Chandni ate a variety of Chaats (popular Indian street food) on offer while Advay refused to eat any. He didn't trust his foreign returned stomach would be able to withstand this kind of spicy food. But Chandni made him taste every one of the Chaats she ate, and that itself made his mouth burn.
He literally had to drag her away from there after the 4th round of Pani Puri she had, and they made their way back home. But Advay took the long route, driving through the old city, and Chandni was ecstatic to view and revisit all the familiar sights.
Finally, as they made their home through the Yamuna Bridge, it began to drizzle slightly. Chandni suddenly squealed and asked Advay to stop the car, and he managed to stop it in the corner owing to the scanty traffic at that hour. The security guard's car stopped too.
There was a street vendor selling roasted corn on the cob, and Chandni wanted to have one.
Advay chuckled loudly in exasperation, but asked the vendor to roast a couple of them. While the vendor got busy, Chandni grabbed his hand, and walked over to the edge of the Bridge to look at the Ganges River flowing peacefully underneath.
As the shimmering lights on the Bridge cast a warm glow on her face, Advay unashamedly stared at her beauty, and thanked his lucky stars for deciding to come out tonight.
Chandni caught him staring at her couple of times, but didn't say anything. For some reason, it made her feel very special and beautiful. She smiled at him awkwardly and looked away.
"Advay you don't know how happy I am. This moment, right now.... it's probably the happiest moment of my life." Chandni mused happily.
Advay turned his body sidewards to look at her properly and asked her "Why?"
"Hmm...I guess because I never come out much nowadays, and I haven't seen all these old places for so long." Chandni reflected.
"I don't think so. If I can make a guess... You are happy because you are finally spending sometime, not being Chandni, the responsible daughter of Mahant Yash Narayan Vashisht, away from the impositions of your mother or society. You are just being yourself, doing stuff that you want to do."
All that was true, Chandni thought, but she wanted to add that she was happy simply because she was with him, but stopped herself. Let's not go there, she told her wavering heart, and decided to take the argument back to Advay.
"Aren't you happy today Advay?" I haven't seen you smile so much in ...I don't know. I have actually never seen you smile so much." She observed. Advay looked thoughtfully at her and the Ganges flowing underneath, not trusting himself to answer her honestly. The vendor walked over to them just then and handed over the cobs. The perfect bubble they were in till then, seemed to have finally burst.
"I am happy because you are happy. That's all." Advay stated curtly, signalling to Chandni that it's time to go back to the car. They walked slowly, feeling suddenly unsatisfactory and restless.
Chandni looked lost and forlorn and barely touched the corn cob.
Advay observed her from the corner of his eyes as he was drove. He knew he upset her with his answer, but how could he say all the tender feelings he had in his heart for her, when he had decided to leave her after few months.
They reached home after the silent drive and entered the bedroom silently, not wanting to disturb the rest of the household.
As he closed the door, Advay couldn't hold back any longer, as he turned to her and asked
"What happened suddenly? What did I say this time that upset you?"
"You didn't say anything that upset me Advay, and I think you know that very well." Chandni retorted tonelessly. It's what you didn't say that matters, she thought inwardly.
She decided to come clean instead.
"I heard everything you said to Niru Mama and Nani few hours ago."
Advay looked stunned and taken aback.
"Chandni!! it's not how you think it is, and it's definitely not the way I wanted you to find out." He began awkwardly.
"But I am glad I heard it that way, otherwise you would have never revealed all that to me on your own." Chandni retorted.
"Chandni I am so sorry, I have already hurt you so much, I don't even deserve to ask for your forgiveness. But trust me when I say that I was intending to tell you all this very soon."
Chandni finally snapped.
"You know what your problem is? You look at everything only from your perspective. All those years ago, you have decided I am guilty, and hated me for it and even worse, kept that hatred going for 16 years. Now you realised your mistake, you feel so guilty that you want nothing to do with me, and move away. Have you ever stopped to ask what I want in all this?" Chandni couldn't help as tears finally escaped from her eyes.
"Chandni!! I admit I was completely wrong assuming all those things about you 16 years ago. In my defence, I can only say this. I was just 16, I just saw both my parents being murdered, and I literally had to throw my brother away, possibly to his death. I still don't know if Miku is dead or alive. You were my best friend and the person I trusted the most.
I warned you not to, but you still went ahead and blabbered about seeing my mother fly in air, and revealed our secret hide out to the town folks. What would that make me feel? I was burning with rage, ready to burn everyone responsible for my fate and I saw you as the most likely person. All that love I had for you just turned its head and became hatred.
I wasn't wise enough to realise that, a word of a single child could not have made the whole town go after a respected family, it would have needed an elaborate conspiracy, and as I began to investigate more, I realised that your parents were behind all this."
Advay's voice took a different turn.
"But my hatred for you still remained, and shamelessly, I let it grow. I couldn't love you anymore, but you were so much part of me that I couldn't let you go at all. So I had to keep you, and to keep you, I had kept my hatred for you. Baseless as it was, I could never keep up the hatred either. Whenever I saw you in trouble, my instincts would automatically kick in, and I would try to help you. But all that is bygones now. I have manipulated, hurt you so much and that's why I want you to lead your life peacefully now, away from me." Advay choked.
"So I don't get to decide what is good for me even now?" Chandni demanded furiously.
"No Chandni! All I am saying is that I am not good enough for you," Advay said desperately, trying to make her understand that she deserved someone better.
"Well... can you promise me one thing? Don't make any rash decisions regarding our marriage, or any aspect of our life, without asking my opinion first." Chandni's firm tone left Advay with no choice.
"Sure Chandni, I promise." Advay said sincerely.
They both changed into their night wear and reached their bed.
Chandni moved to the farthest corner and showed him.
"Look, this is where I am sleeping, don't say later that I have come to your side, or used you as pillow pet."
Advay chuckled loudly, and wished that somehow she would drift all the way towards his side, and sleep next to him. But aloud he said
"Ok. I won't. Good night Chandni!"
"Good night!"
Chandni hugged a big pillow next to her, and prayed she won't slide over to his side. But as she dozed off, remembering all the wonderful moments she spent with Advay that night, a content smile spread across her face.
Advay tossed and turned trying to get some sleep, but he was too tempted not to cuddle his katto gilheri. He longed to cuddle her, something he imagined and dreamt of, ever since he left for his foreign trip.
Finally tossing all his guilty feeling aside, and after making sure that Chandni was fast asleep, Advay gently removed the pillow that she was holding on to so tightly. She immediately cuddled up to him, and Advay hugged her even closer and dozed off happily.
*****
Next day, it was almost 9 am, and everyone in the household was awake except Advay and Chandni, who were sleeping peacefully snuggled to each other. Everyone decided to let the exhausted couple rest and have a lie-in that morning.
Advay woke up first, his body clock still not adjusting to the local time, found Chandni peacefully cuddled on top of him, and kissed her tenderly. He gently freed himself and moved away, so as not to make her feel guilty and went into the washroom to freshen up. As if on cue, and deprived of her warm pillow, Chandni woke up too after a short while. They both greeted each other awkwardly, and walked into the living room and realised the lateness of the hour. Shikha and Megha have already left for their university, and everyone had finished their breakfast too. Murli and Shilpa have gone to the market to get the groceries and vegetables for lunch.
Chandni showered quickly and tied a towel around her wet hair, as she tried her new sari that Nani gave her few days ago. As she tried to put on the blouse, she had lot of trouble tying the numerous doris at the back. She loved the saree very much, as it was in her favourite soft gold colour.
After hurryingly draping the saree, she entered the kitchen to make breakfast for herself and Advay. Nani was in the prayer room, while Niru Mama had taken out Chotu for a stroll in his pram.
She made Aloo Parathas quickly as the dough was already made, and ensured that the spice is less so that Advay can eat them without fuss.
The Kitchen had a small island bench with stools. She called Advay over, so she can serve the Parathas hot from the pan.
Advay walked in lazily and stopped, as he saw Chandni busily making Parathas with her back towards him. Desire shot through his veins, as his gaze roamed over her almost bare back and curvy waist. When she turned around though, he averted his gaze immediately, and refused to eat the Parathas, trying to walk away from her as fast as he could.
"I made them especially for you without any spice. Why don't you just try them?" She asked, frustration evident in her tone.
"Why can't I have some hot water and noodles instead?" He acted grumpy, to cover up for his awkwardness.
"I ate that ghastly soup for you yesterday; can't you eat the Parathas for me today?" Chandni demanded. Having nothing else to say against her, he seated himself on one of the tall swivel stools as Chandni served him the Parathas.
She too joined him shortly eating spicy Parathas, still standing.
"Why don't you sit here on the stool?" Advay offered.
"It's too high for me, I hate getting up and down on it." she pouted.
Advay chuckled loudly.
"Serves you right for being so short" He mocked her.
She was mad at him but was in too good mood to argue. She offered him one more Paratha, but he flatly refused.
"But you made me eat so much soup yesterday..."
"And you made up for it by eating 2 plates of aloo tikki, samosa chat and dahi papdi and what not, and not to forget the Bhutta later." Advay retorted angrily
Chandni gasped loudly.
"Were you keeping a count on all the food I ate? You think I eat too much?? that I am fat? I am so short that, even little bit of weight shows clearly on me that's all." She fumed.
She took off her towel angrily and started to and whip her semi wet hair, as if taking out all her anger on her hair, and finally left it to dry.
"Chandni you are not fat at all. You are perfect, you look so se... I mean you look exactly the way a healthy woman should look. And please!! You girls shouldn't take this body image issues so seriously." Advay cursed his current hormone driven status, and prayed silently that his slip up would go unnoticed by Chandni.
"Look I will help you sit on this bench. I hate to see you standing." He changed the topic and helped her hop on to the island bench, so she sat facing him and finished her Paratha grumpily.
Once they finished their tea, Advay making faces not liking the taste of it, while swivelling on the stool slowly, Chandni wondered why Advay had been behaving like a grumpy bear all morning.
Advay was waiting patiently for her to finish her tea, so he could escape from there. Her flowery aroma and such close presence was making him so turned on, and he wanted to keep a safe distance from her.
Chandni was oblivious to his discomfort, and assumed happily that her grumpy bear would be in a better mood, now that he was properly fed and watered. She thought it would be safe to broach the subject of their last night discussion again.
"Advay, can I ask you something?" She started hesitantly.
Advay was about to rise, but sat down again and asked her to go ahead.
"You remember how you said, you will be happy to see me settled with someone else. Do you realise what that means? I will be sitting like this in front of someone else, serving him the Parathas I made, cosily chatting up to him...." She never got to complete the sentence.
Advay pulled her towards him roughly, and she landed in his lap, winding her arms around his neck for support.
His hands grabbed her waist and moved up lazily, matching the hunger in his eyes, as they roamed across her face.
As his heavy breath fanned her face, he muttered, "You are mine Chandni"
She felt scared at his sudden change of mood, but soon realised where she went wrong, as she looked into his possessive, lust filled eyes. He wasn't a grumpy bear at all...In fact he was a hungry beast, keeping his dormant desire at bay.
^---------------------^
Hi Everyone
Again Chandni shows her maturity in trying to get through to Advay by understanding the Dev inside him better. She is already aware that Advay is too possessive and wouldn't be able to let go of her at all.
So Advay and Chandni finally go on what would be normally called a date... But is it? you decide.
But most importantly they have the heart to heart talk where Advay finally gets to explain why he mistrusted his best friend and kept that hatred burning all these years.
And the last bit.. I welcome your comments and feedback on it.
Love
Sesi