Chapter twenty one

I’m scared.

But not the kind of scared that makes you want to hide under the covers and never face the world again.

No, this was the kind of scared that came with caring for someone. The kind of feeling that you just can’t explain.

The scariest thing in the world is putting your heart in someone's hands. Once you do, they have the right to tear you down from the top and up again. It’s like you hand them a knife with a map to all the places where they can make you bleed the most.

To hurt you the most.

This feeling is something that can drive someone crazy. It can come fast, it can come slowly, either way when the feeling of knowing you have put all of yourself in someone's hands, the prospects of what will happen next can be scary.

Or exciting.

Julio is the last person I should trust. Sadly, he is the only person I want to trust. I close my eyes, my head snuggled into Julio’s left shoulder, and I wonder if I was going crazy.

My whole life I have prided myself in building this wall around my heart and Julio has done more than just knock it down. He was like a little thief, coming in and stealing little pieces of my heart one at a time.

Sooner or later, he would have the whole thing to himself.

And that little thought, that was what scared the living shit out of me.

The idea of letting another guy in my life who was willing to hurt me all over again was just plain crazy.

I inhale, bringing in the spiciness that was Julio. The taste of leather follows and I thank the Gods he actually had a shirt back on.

I’m sure if he was still shirtless, things would be going differently right now.

The wind blows my dry hair in my face and my legs tighten around Julios hips, the fear of falling off his bike still fresh in the back of my mind.

I close my eyes as I feel him take a sharp turn, coming to an abrupt stop. Jerking away from him, I swing off the bike as fast as I can.

No matter how many times I went on the thing, I would still be afraid of falling.

When Julio told me back at the field that he wanted to show me something, I had no idea what he had in mind.   Now, staring at a neighborhood that was not even ten minutes away from my home, I was confused.

The neighborhood wasn’t one I ever ventured into before. It was mostly the poor side of Michigan and while I’m not trying to be a brat about it, I never had a reason to drive this way.

I turn my head and look at the street we were on.

Small houses line the street, a few people outside. Evening was now setting and the small group of guy’s hanging a little further down from me and Julio looked like the night was just getting started for them.

I watch as a few kids run past me and when they stop to give Julio a wave, I swallow the lump in my throat.

This was where he lived.

Julio never hinted at his life so I never assumed anything different. Sure, he had that rogue, rough look to him, but that didn’t immediately scream out his lifestyle to me.

When I look up and meet his eyes, I try not to show sympathy. I’m sure Julio wasn’t the guy who took kindly to someone feeling bad for him.

Even though I tried my hardest to mask it, something must give me away. He narrows his eyes a little, leaning against his bike. “I don’t need you to feel sorry for me. If that’s the case, we can leave now.”

I shake my head, him reading what I was thinking the wrong way. “I don’t feel sorry for you.” And I realized, I didn’t. Julio lived the life millions of people live every day. While he might wish for better, he survived. He had a house. He knew this life and who was I to judge that?

“Really Chica? I feel the sympathy pouring off of you in buckets.”

I take a step closer, watching him tense up a little. He was letting his guard up, the one Julio wore so well. Tonight, I didn’t want that.

I wanted the real him.

“Like I said, I don’t feel sorry for you. What I do want, more than anything, is to understand you. Don’t shut me out Julio, you have no reason too.”

I watch as he scrubs his hands through his hair, his hands falling over his face. I knew how it felt to let yourself go. The thought alone made my heart pick up and my skin prickle. Before I know what he’s doing, he grabs my hands lightly, tugging me closer.

“I don’t-” His voice breaks a little, the only sign that opening up for him was as hard as he made it look. “This isn’t something I want to get judged on, Angel.”

He was worrying about being judged?

His hand is still hot in mine and I bring it up slowly. He watches me, his dark eyes on fire, as I turn his hand over. I bring his palm to my mouth and lay a kiss on it softly.

“You can trust me.” I see the emotion in his eyes, followed by the look of hunger. I drop his hand fast, taking in a shaky breath. Caring for Julio was one thing; wanting him was a whole other complication.

I open my mouth, about to say something to cut the tension in the air, when I hear a blast of music behind us. Looking over my shoulder, I realize it’s coming from the back yard of the driveway we were standing in.

“Where are we?” I ask, spanish words filling up the silent night. I hear Julio’s soft chuckle behind me as I take in the house.

“Lets just say I’m not the only Mexicano on the block.” I’m about to ask him who, indeed, were the other so called Mexicano’s on the block, when I feel his hot breath at my neck.

I go to turn my head, but stop when I feel his finger come out and lightly touch the soft spot behind my ear. When I do finally humor him and turn toward him again, his hand softly skates across my skin until his whole hand cups my cheek gingerly.

“You told me I have to earn the right to kiss you,” He says softly against my skin, his lips not even a breath away from mine.  He makes the butterflies in my stomach batt their wings furiously.

“T-that’s right.” I want to curse myself for stuttering, but I can’t think straight with him so close. If this was what it was like being with Julio, that I can’t even form a coherent thought, then I never want to think again.

“If that’s the case,” He comes forward, his lips skim up and down my neck, silent promises for what was to come. I try not to arch my neck, to welcome the fire he was so easily able to produce, but I can’t help it. “How about I kiss you now and make you forget about ever sayin’ something so stupid?”

I feel his hands lightly go to my waist, tightening slightly and pulling me toward him. His mouth leaves my neck and he looks down at me. His eyes run over my face, landing on my lips.

They open slightly, the need for air being the only thing I can remember. My thoughts become scattered while he looks at me like that. I have no doubt in my mind that when Julio kissed me, I would be forgetting a lot of things.

His hands tighten on my waist, my tank top rising a little. His warm hands scorch my cold skin. His thumb creases the exposed skin and from the way he was staring at me with such passion and hunger, I knew he wanted this as much as I did.

You see, this is what I want.

I want to lean into him, feel his whole body on mine. So close that not even a breath could separate us. I want to reach up, dig my fingers in that wild hair of his, and bring him close. I want to make his body mine and my body his. I want to feel his lips touch, skim, and set fire to every single inch of my body.

I want to trace that stupid snake tattoo that I seem to be mesmerized by. Actually, no. I want to trace every tattoo he had, running my fingers over his tan skin so many times I don’t know where he ends and I begin.

I want to know this boy from the inside out and no matter how much I knew I needed to be on guard, to make sure I didn’t lose control to fast, I wanted him to kiss me right her like I have never been kissed before.

Damn it.

This boy was driving me insane.

I see his mouth come closer to mine and I know I’m not going to stop him. I don’t want him too. To hell with the whole ‘he needed to earn the right to kiss me.’ He earned it by just looking at me.

A look that said he wanted me right here and now.

I’m about to let go when I hear Julio’s name get called. Julio stops, midway to my lips, and curses under his breath.

He pulls away, the cold hitting me by surprise. My oh so smart side comes back and I realize I was just about to kiss Julio. And , to be honest, I didn’t mind one little bit.

Maybe I have been hanging around Mia to long.

“I never get a break, do I?” He mutters under his breath. I try to hid my smile behind my hand as Julio turns to the new incomer. I follow his stare and see someone around our age making her way down the driveway.

Her long black hair was in curls and her chameleon like eyes raked Julio up and down, a slight smile tugging at the side of her mouth.

Like I said, I wasn’t a jealous girl, but if it wasn’t for what just happened not even five seconds ago, I might have been a little nervous at the look she was giving Julio.

Julio nods his head, a slight smile on his face. “Cameron, I didn’t know you were going to be here.” She shakes her head, laughing.

When she gets closer I notice a piercing in her nose, one matching my sisters. She gives Julio a quick hug before stepping back and looking over his shoulder at me.

“You know I can’t miss a good party. So, tell me, who’s the Gringa.” She looks me up and down, her eyes falling on my white shorts and black tank-top.

She was probably wondering why I was wearing something so little in fall and to be honest I was wondering the same thing. Instead of meeting her scrutinizing gaze, I look at my hands.

Basically, the look said I didn’t belong here.

“Cameron, cut out the shit. She’s with me.” I hear her make a noise in the back of her throat before they both switch to Spanish. I look up as Julio’s eyes grow colder his her words.

Obviously, something was going on without me knowing.

From all the time I knew Julio, I never thought I wouldn’t be accepted among his peers. Obviously the people he hung out with kept their culture at the highest of praises. I never took the time to worry about what people would think if Julio and I ever started dated.

Actually, it never crossed my mind at all. I mean, Julio was like a wild card to me. I didn’t think he cared much about what people thought and when I see him say something back to Cameron, in a voice like ice, I realize as much.

I know we looked crazy together.

Me, the put together girl who needed to find logic in everything. Him, the dangerous guy who didn’t care if trouble came knocking at his doorstep.

The thing is, no matter how much I try to tell myself him and I could never work, we just do.

He knew me better than anyone. He knew about how I loved control and how I needed to break away from it. He knew I needed my life to make sense and he was willing to show me that life was about chances, love, and ultimately happiness.

The girl says the name Pacho and I see Julio tense up notably. I eye his posture and wonder who this Pacho guy is. Whoever he is, Julio obviously had a problem with the guy.

Cameron must notice that too because she backs off and switches to English, giving me a quick look before continuing.

“Not tonight. I trust you Julio to know better enough to not bring people into something not even you can handle.”

Julio leans forward, dropping his voice with seriousness. If I wasn’t listening for his next words, they might have been carried away with the wind.

“If it came down to her or me, you already know who I would chose.” Something about his words sent a shiver down my back. Was he talking about me? Or was he still on this Pacho guy?

Realizing I have no idea what they are talking about, I decide that by the end of the night I would. I didn’t want to pry my way into something Julio didn’t want to share with me, but I didn’t want to be on the fence about it either.

Cameron must realize the resolve in his voice because she lays a hand on his shoulder. “You are crazy hombre.”

Before Julio could say anything more, she drops her hand and turns to me. She leaves Julio standing there and takes a few steps toward me.

“On normal circumstance, I wouldn’t want white people like you at my party. That’s not me trying to be racist. You have your rich town and this is what we have. Granted, not all of us, but this is the one place where we feel solitude at.”

I meet her eyes and she continues.

“For some reason, Julio sees something in you. What? I don’t know. I decided he was loco a long time ago. But hell, as long as you aren’t a preppy white bitch, we will get along just fine. “

She brings her hand out, smiling a little smile. “The names Cameron.”

I grab her hand, trying to muster up my courage. When I do, I finally speak.

“Kelsey. And if I was a preppy ‘white’ bitch, I wouldn’t have gotten on the back to his motorcycle in the first place.” I hated the fact she associated preppy, white, and bitch as the same thing, but I realized correcting her wouldn’t get me anywhere.

Her smiles grows and she drops her hand, thrusting her thumb behind her shoulder. “Well, welcome to my lack of a better word fiesta.”

Before I can say anything else, she turns on her heel and makes her way to the back of the yard. She yells over the music at someone, in Spanish, and continues on her way.

I shake my head and when I look up, I fine Julio looking at me. When I meet his eyes, he looks a little solem.

“If you need me at all in there, you yell. You want to leave? We go. I’ll hop on my bike and take you wherever you want to go. If you don’t want to be here, we won’t bother even staying. No matter what, I’ll get you out of here.”

The effect his words have on me is enough to make me lose my breath. But, thankfully, I’m not as love struck as some might think. Without saying anything, I walk toward him and grab his hand. He looks at our intertwined hands and then back up at me.

“Tonight, I want you. All of you. I want to know the things you don’t want  anyone to know Julio. I told you you needed to earn the right to kiss me. That’s my price. Show me your world.”

“As long as you are giving me yours in return.”

I smile tentatively. “There should be doubt.”

And before I can think, Julio whisks me away, telling me with every step toward the party that tonight he was going to show me the kind of world he lived in.

For once in my life, I couldn’t have been more happy.