Chapter twenty two

Please excuse the grammar mistakes <3

( JULIO POV )

I was used to living on the edge.

It was like a second home to me.

A second nature if you will.

I loved to take risks and do things that would scare the shit out of even the most crazy person in the world. I realized, if I lived on taking risks I could forget my fucked up of a life style.

I could lose my mind in the adrenaline and I wouldn’t have to worry about the father that sat in jail or a mother who was too busy to even notice anyone.

But when I grew up and learned I needed to be there for my family, to support them the way my father never did, I learned living on the edge was a dangerous game.

Which meant Kelsey Mays was purely lethal for me. She made me believe in things that never could be. I was the guy who couldn’t handle commitment for many reasons.

I admitted that a long time ago, but with Kelsey here in front of me, a Goddess here to steal my cold heart, it’s enough to make me rethink everything.

Her hand is hot in mine and I can’t help but squeeze it tighter, making sure she is real, not some image my mind has created.

The last time I held a girls hand, other than my little sisters, was probably way back in middle school.

I watch as she turns her head slightly and sends me a small. private smile. A smile that could make any strong man fall to his knees. I don’t smile back. Instead, I think about her words in the parking lot.

She wanted to see the real me. The Julio I liked to keep hidden from the world. I don’t know what she expected, but I knew I couldn’t give it to her

. I didn’t need her to get involved in my fucked up life and I knew her just being here with me, holding my hand and sending me private smiles, was a blessing in itself.

I shake my head. What the fuck was I doing? How has this girl gotten under my skin? How was she able to wrap her hand around my heart and squeeze it?

If this is what Aiden felt when he was around Mia, like any moment the sky could catch on fire, then I knew I was on a dangerous road.

I knew I shouldn’t give this girl anything from me. She deserved so much better than what I was offering. But, when I spilled my soul to her in front of the girls dorms, I wasn’t thinking about what she deserved.

I was only thinking about what I wanted.

And Goddamned did I want her.

I’m going loco. I know I am and no matter how many times I try to tell myself to remove my hand from hers, I don’t.

Instead, I pull her closer toward me,scared she might realize she can do way better.

When her sent hits me, something like lillis, it makes me wish we were somewhere more private. But it didn’t matter where we were.

She made it more than clear that I needed to earn the right to kiss her and fuck, if it took me all night, I would get a chance to show this girl just exactly what I was made of.

“What are they saying?!”

Her voice snaps me out of my own hidden monologue and it takes me moment to realize she was talking about the group of guys hanging out by the outlet porch. When I catch that name again, Pacho, I want to curse under my breath.

“Nothing important.” I say, trying to hide my now turning feelings. I knew Pacho could show up tonight if he wanted too and it was a stupid risk for me to take bringing her here.

He was still on the outs for me and when he called a week ago, again threatening my family, I agreed.

I never wanted to go on the road that was my father. That was the one thing that scared me more than I was willing to admit. I wanted to be a better man, a better person. I didn’t want to devote my life to something I couldn’t get out of.

But, what my father didn’t know, is when he left to go to the pen, he also left all his plans behind. And, since I was the next Hernandez in line, it meant it was my job to follow in his footsteps.

Pacho said I was making a smart decision, that it would be for the better, but I didn’t buy the bullshit he was feeding me. What I did know was sooner rather than later he was going to contact with me again, telling me just when and where this little drug trade was going to go down.

And the moment he did, I had other plans.

The one thing I wasn’t expecting though was Kelsey. This was the reason I never got close to a girl. I knew what my life offered a girl and I wasn’t willing to bring someone down to hell with me.

But, fuck, I was thinking of my happiness for once back at that fucking field. And damn, this girl made me feel like the happiest bastard in the world.

“So, what made you change your mind?” We’ve stopped close to where people were dancing in the middle of the yard. Spanish music pools through the silent night and the fast beat makes everyone smile, dance and move their hips to the words.

I look away and meet her light eyes. Ever since the first moment I met her I noticed how if you looked close enough, you could notice a little gold. It was intoxicating.

“About what?” She lets out a small breath, looking over my shoulder and then back at me. Her eyes meet mine again and I can’t help but think about that gold.

“The event at school. I thought you had work.”

I did. But, when I told Becca I couldn’t make it, she demanded to know what the hell honored me the right to skip out on the job. When I couldn’t think of anything, I told her the truth. Over the past month she kind of grew on me, so when I told her I needed to tell a girl how I felt, her face fell into one of knowing.

Like I said before, the best way to get the girl to do anything was to tell her the truth. And when I saw that look pass over her face, I knew she was in the same predicament as me. So when I untied my apron and threw it on the counter, jumping over it, I looked back and told her the same thing I was thinking.

“You should tell him how you feel.” She looked at me oddly and I didn’t wait to hear what she had to say. I heard around school Kelsey was going to the even with some asshole from some other country and I was going to make sure the little prick didn’t think to much of it.

When Kelsey fed me that friendship bullshit, I wanted to grab her hand and tell her what she was saying was a mistake. But, I saw the fear in her eyes. The fear that I caused. So, I agreed, the whole time my mind telling me I was a damn fool.

I played the game. Played the friendly friend. But every time she wasn’t around, I thought about just telling her. Telling her that I cared for her more than I liked too.

I wanted to tell her that if anything went wrong in her life, that I wanted her to come to me. That I would be there to support every decision she ever had, good or bad.

I wanted her to know that even if she only wanted friendship, I could do that too. That even though I wanted more, to able to touch every portion of her skin, that I would be the best fucking friend she ever had. I wanted, no I needed her to know that.

You see? I was going crazy. I only knew this girl for so long and I was willing to pour my heart out to her. I was willing to do the unthinkable and actually try a relationship with her.

So when I saw her face when that chick kissed me, I knew. I knew she felt the same way too and she was just too scared to admit it. She was too scared to take that extra leap and when I caught up to her and trapped her against the side dorm, I was going to tell her she had no reason to be scared.

That I wouldn’t be the one to cause her pain like all the past relationships that she told me about did. I wasn’t going to be like those bastards. I wasn’t going to use this girl for my own use and leave her fend for her own.

Even though I said it, I knew my words weren’t all the way true.

Not with Pacho’s men behind me.

Before I know what I’m doing, I reach up and cup her white cheek in my hand. I guide her head up till her eyes meet mine again. When I see I have all her attention, I smile. “For you. I went there just so I could tell you that I felt the same way you do.”

I see her smile turn a little teasing and she comes closer, dropping her voice. “Yeah? And how do you know I feel the same way?”

I love the way she was able to throw the challenge out at me and when she did that, the old calculating, needed everything to go her way, Kelsey was gone.

My smile gets bigger and with her cheek still in my hand, I bring her head a little to the right till her neck was exposed. When I bring my lips to her warm skin, I can feel her heart pick up.

I smile slightly against her neck.

“You see,” I mutter, her sent hitting me again. “ I can tell from the way your heart won’t slow down that you can’t resist my charms.” I knew my words were going to have a repercussion and when she jerks out of my grasp, narrowing her eyes, I laugh.

Damn does it come easy.

“That’s what you think. But,  you see …” I know she is about to go on one of her little rants. I see her eyebrows furrow in the middle of her forehead and I shake my head, reaching forward and grabbing her by her waist.

That stops her words and when I hear a slow song come on, I pull her closer until her body was flushed with mine.

I thread my fingers through her left hand and bring it up, her eyes on me the whole time. I finally meet them and I tighten my arm around her waist before I start to move to the music.

At first, we say nothing. I was too focused on the way her body was against mine and the way she was looking at me. I knew I needed to back away and let go, but I my mind wasn’t thinking right.

Because at that moment all I wanted to do was pull her closer.

Her breath glides against my cheek and my heart picks up. She lightly moves her fingers over the back of my neck, teasing me the same way I teased her earlier.

The difference between her and I is that when I did it to her, she was able to stop. With her touching me that way, It was almost my undoing.

“Tell me about your family.”

Her words are like ice water hitting me in the face. I take a step back, about to disconnect her from me, but she doesn’t allow it.

She tightens her hold and her face turns to one of resolve.

“Don’t,” She whispers, her voice light and pleading, “Don’t run away from me.” Her eyes turn pleading and hell, with her looking at me like that, I decided to give her a little bit of the life she wanted to know.

I take in a breath and step back toward her, my hand squeezing hers tightly.

“ My dad got locked up three years ago and he has been in the pen ever since. My mother was devastated and when he left, she had to take care of her three kids all on her own.”

I think of my mother, her willow frame and her sad, tired eyes. I told her I would help her and no matter what, I would never do what my father has done to her.

“What did your dad do?”

I laugh, but it doesn’t hold any humor. “ He was a deadbeat drug dealer. I don’t remember a time when he didn’t have his little possy behind him. It was his life. His everything. Apparently having a family didn’t change much with him.”

While my dad was what he was, he did try his best. He paid the bills, even if it was with drug money, and he kept my mother happy.

But, it didn’t matter how hard he tried, he always went back to his old ways.

Kelsey hand stills on my neck. She searches my face and shakes her head, making her tangled hair fall in her face.

“I-I had a dad like that. Well, I still do, but it doesn’t matter. He left us when me and Kesley were younger. He just couldn’t handle my mother. Hell, half the time I can’t even handle my mother.”

I stop moving and I bring my hand that was holding hers and bring it to her face. I sweep her hair behind her ear and leave my hand there.

“From your words I assume your mother wasn’t the best of mothers.”

She bites her lip, something she never does, and I realize she was trying to hide her sadness. The last thing I wanted to do was bring back unwanted memories.

“You don’t have to tell me,” I start, but she stops me. She reaches up and grabs my hand that was behind her ear and holds onto it.

“No, I want too.” She takes a deep breath while her eyes turn down.

“My mother tried. I think that’s the hardest part. She thought what she was doing was right. She thought perfection was something we all had to be and when my father couldn’t take her controlling nature anymore, he just left. He wanted to take Kayla and me with her, but my mother wouldn’t have it.”

She shakes her head, the whole lip biting thing happening again.

“I- I didn’t want to go. He was the one who was leaving. I couldn’t handle having my mother lose her whole family in one day. So, I stayed. Kayla didn’t want to leave me, so she stayed too. I think she resents me for that. My dad was the one who supported her the most and when he left, she just … gave up caring. She didn’t want to be a part of my mothers perfect little world and that’s why she is the way she is.”

I need her to look at me. I need to tell her that it wasn’t her fault. Her sister was her own person and she made the decision to stay, not Kelsey.

Before I know what I’m doing, I cup her whole face in my hands.

I rub my thumb back and forth over her face and when she looks up, I see a tear start to fall out of the corner of her eye.

I go forward and kiss its path.

“No,” I mutter, my mouth leaving her face. But, I don’t move too far way. “You shouldn’t blame yourself for what your father did. It wasn’t your fault.”

She smiles sadly and reaches up, her hands wrapping around my neck. I drop my hands from her face, them going back to her waist.

“Then you shouldn’t blame your father. What he did was his choice. You will never be him.” Her words do something to me and before I can think to much of it, I bring her so close that I feel her breath hitting my lips.

“I really want to kiss you right now.” I say under my breath, my eyes searching hers. I feel her hands glide from my neck to my hair. She tugs on the dark ends, bringing my face closer to hers.

“And I’m not going to stop you if you do.”

And before I can breath, I , Julio Hernandez, was kissing Kelsey Mays with every ounce of breath I had in me.

And damn did it feel good.