Chapter twenty nine

Before you start this chapter I have to give a warning.

I don't know if the warning is needed, but I need to lay it out there just in case, you know? So this chapter gets a little intense. I keep it all PG, PG-13 trust me. I don't cross any boundaries!

Anyways, here it is and I hope you enjoy it <3

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“I don’t want you seeing that young man.”

I stare at the picture of my father on the fireplace and let my mothers words wash over me. In the picture, my father has his hand wrapped around my shoulder and Kayla was sitting on his shoulders, laughing.

The photo was taken when we were ten and things looked promising. Give it another year and everything would go to hell.

I look away from the picture and I see my mother wrap her hand around her wine glass tightly. She stares at the fire currently blazing away and I almost feel sorry for her. How must it feel living in a lonely house, your own mistakes the only thing to keep you company?

“And why is that?”

I sit my hands in my lap and twine them together, trying to keep more words from leaving my mouth. It was the day after Thanksgiving and after telling Julio I would call him later, here I was.

Sitting in the den with my mother while she lectured me about my decisions.

I knew the moment she saw Julio she knew who he was. We didn’t make it obvious at all. We actually, quite frankly, didn’t even touch for the rest of the night yesterday. I wanted to though. He was all I could think about and that scared me.

What scared me more was this feeling that was taking place deep inside me. A feeling I didn’t want to acknowledge. What I did know was that this new me didn’t want to take a day for granted.

I wanted to live in the moment and instead of sitting here, listening to my mother talk about how disappointed she is in me, I want to get the hell out.

She sighs, sitting the wine glass against her forehead. She shuts her eyes and her voice is clipped and short. “You have no idea how disappointed I am in you, dear. Why would you care for some felon.”

“Don’t talk about him like that.” I seeth, my hands tightening. If there was one thing Julio wasn’t, that was a felon. He was frightened to become like his low life father. If there was one thing he prided it was the fact he didn’t scumb to the life that was throwen at him.

I was not going to let my mother sit here and talk down about him.

She shoots me a disgusted look and drops her voice. “You are defending him now.” I was and when I don’t answer her, that seems to disgust her even more.

“What do you think is going to come out of it Kelsey? You have only knew this young man for how long? Two months? Three? You think you can make a family man out of him? You think he will change everything about himself for you? Don’t be naive child, scum changes for no one.”

“You don’t know him.” I say so quietly I’m surprised she even hears me. She lets out a small laugh, but it is the most evil thing I have heard in a long time.

That laugh promised me that was came next was going to be worse.

“Look at you! My daughter the felons whore!”

That’s it.

I jerk from the loveseat and spin around to face her. Not once has my mother ever said anything so uncivil to me in my life. Pain throbs behind my eyes and something bitter twists in my gut. This is what Kayla must feel like.

I don’t know why I haven’t done this sooner. This women has been dictating my life since the beginning and I was more than happy to end it. Right now at this moment. It was one thing to lash at on me, but to say something so cruel, it makes me snap.

I bring my hand to my chest and I drop my voice. My next words are like venom on a flesh womb. I want her to hurt as much as she has hurt me.

“I would rather be a felons whore than a non loved housewife.”

The minute the words leave my mouth I want to take them back. I wanted to reach out and snatch them from the air before they have the chance to cause damage. But it’s too late.

Too late for me to take anything back.

When I see hurt flash through my mothers eyes, all the anger pent up in me vanishes. “Mom, I didn’t-” She raises her hand. She slowly lifts from her seat and stares straight ahead at the fireplace.

“What has he done to you? This isn’t the Kelsey I know. The Kelsey I know would never want to hurt someone so harshly.”

I close my eyes, my throat closing. Was she right? Was this truly me? I didn’t want to hurt my mom. I realize that now. She was what she was, but she was my mom. The woman who was there when my father wasn’t.

“I didn’t mean that. I’m sorry. But, mother, you have no right to judge someone you haven’t even met. And,” I let out my breath and look away. “This Kelsey isn’t his or anyone elses doing. This is me mother. This has always been me.”

I watch as she takes a small sip of her wine, the red staining her teeth. “No, you’re wrong again dear. I know my little girl and this isn’t her. “

“How would you know?” I ask, “When was the last time we actually talked about something other than what you wanted? When was the last time you took a notice in my life? Let’s be honest here, this has been coming for a long time. I hate to see it happen like this, but one day you will thank me. And I will thank you.”

My mother lays the her wine glass on the mantel and turns to me, a determined look on her face.

“If you continue this behavior, than you are no daughter of mine.”

I flinch at her words as if they physically hurt me. And maybe they have. Something squeezes in my chest and suddenly I feel like I can’t breath. I take a step back and stare at her, wondering what she was trying to say.

“What?”

I can’t bring a good breath in. My mouth feels like it’s so dry it could soak up a whole lake if it wanted too. I want my mother to look at me. I want her to take it back. Instead, she stares into space ad says very calmly, ”I want you out of my house. I will not tolerate this under my roof. At least Kayla has enough decency to stay away. I want you out.”

“Mo-”

“Now.”

Her voice is harder than ice. She refuses to turn around to look at me and I feel something wet hit my cheek. I bring my hand to my cheek and I scrub away the tears I didn’t know I was crying.

I take another step back, my heart breaking, and I shake my head.

“One day,” I say so quietly I’m afraid she won’t hear me, “You will see the person you have become. I feel sorry for you. But don’t expect me to come back this time. You pushed dad out, you pushed Kayla out, and now you are pushing me out. Remember that when you need someone in the future, mom. Because sometimes not even love is enough to bring someone back. Sometimes it’s not enough.” I repeat as I run out of the room.

I make it to my room with my heart shattered on the ground laying at my mothers feet. There is no way I or she can fix what was just said. And deep down that hurts more than anything else.

I angrily wipe the tears away from my face with my palm and I grab a handbag out of my closet. I push a few things into the bag before grabbing my phone and slamming the door behind me.

I bond down the stairs, pulling up a number I wished I never had to call for something like this. I could have went to Mia, but I was sure she was with Aiden, enjoying their moment. Kayla was still out and my mother was someone I didn’t want to see or talk to anytime soon.

“Ello?” The voice on the other side says lazily and I choke on my tears. Just perfect. Can the embarrassment never end?

I pull my keys off the kitchen counter and head to the door, the sound of something getting clicked on over the phone fades into the background.

“Kelsey?” The voice says, clearer now. There's something almost urgent in the way he talks now. “What’s wrong?”

He moves around and I’m too scared to say anything. I’m afraid if I open my mouth, everything I have been holding in will come rushing out. I just don’t know who I am anymore. I don’t know where I belong anymore. These past months has done something to me and I’m scared.

I’m so scared.

What if my mother was right? What if this isn’t who I am? What  if...

I wipe at my tears again and put my keys in the ignition before laying my head against my steering wheel. What did I do wrong? Why did this happen? Why was it so hard to just live with who you wanted to be? Why did life throw things at you you aren’t prepared for?

“Kelsey fucking answer me!” The voice on the other side says frantically and I slowly ease my head off the steering wheel, taking in his scared voice. I put the car in reverse and I finally talk.

“Julio.”

It’s the only thing I can get out before I start to cry. For real this time. The kind of crying that’s all snot, tears, and weird noises. I know I need to hang up because I’m sure I would be embarrassed about letting Julio hear me like this, but I can’t seem to make myself hang up.

He waits patiently on the other side and that makes me like him even more. He seems to understand that I need this moment and I needed to get through it on my own. When I finally am calm enough to talk without going into a  sudden fit of tears, Julio talks calmly on the other side.

“Tell me what happened.”

And so I tell him.

I tell him every demon that’s ever haunted me.

I tell him about my father, about how I feel like somehow it was my fault he left. How I feel like he left because I wasn’t perfect enough. I tell him about my mom. About how despite how naive she is, I can’t help but love her.

I tell him about everything she has ever said to me and I to her. About how I never questioned her motives before recently. I tell him about how I felt I owed my life to my mother. I felt like she needed someone to be there for her, no matter how hard she was, and I felt like it had to be in the end to give that to her.

I tell him about how I needed to be the perfect daughter and how I was tired of living for everyone around me. Everyone but myself.

I was tired of not living for myself.

I tell him about how I’m scared for Kayla. How I was scared that she was ruining her life, about how I was too hard on her at times. I tell him I wished I could take back the all the things I have told her, the things I’ve ever done. I tell him about how I just wish, for once, she would tell me what she was actually feeling.

And last but not least, I tell him about him. I tell him how I’m scared to let him in. That I have been living my whole life in this hard shell, this shell that I was so confident in, and how he broke it and now I was a mess because of it.

I tell him that  before I met him that I avoided this kind of shit everyday but for some reason he has was able to let all this out. I tell him I care for him more than I should. I tell him I’m scared to be in a relationship. I tell him I want a relationship.

I tell him every ghost of my past, every demon in my closet. I bare everything to him in a matter of minutes and there’s nothing left for me to tell.

He has every part of me now. He knows things no one else knows and when I finally stop talking, I lean back in my seat and close my eyes.

For once, in so long, I finally felt like I was actually breathing.

Julio doesn’t talk for a long time. I’m scared I might have scared him away, or worse, that he hung up. I’m about to say something, to break the silence, when he finally talks.

“I want to see you Kelsey. You don’t tell me shit like that and not let me be there to touch you, to comfort you, afterwards. Do you understand?” I nod my head, but I realize he can’t really see that.

“Yes.” I say out loud and I hear him take in a deep breath. Then, he whispers over the line.

“The world is a fucked up place Kelsey and there is nothing I can do to fix it. That’s on you. But I promise you that I will be next to you the whole way. Now start that damn car, back the fuck out of the driveway, and meet me at my house.”

“Technically,” I say, realizing I was on my way to put the car in reverse before I went total ape shit on him. “I have already done two of those things.”

“Good. But it’s the last thing I’m more worried about.” I don’t say anything for awhile, and then, “Thank you, Julio. For listening and for not telling me everything is going to be better. I needed that.”

“Anytime, angel. Anytime.”

And then I hang up the phone, throw it in the back seat, and high tail it out of my driveway. Right now there was only place I wanted to be.

And I was heading there at this very second.

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Julio meets me at the door.

I push my gear into park and my hands shake as I unbuckle my seatbelt. I’m about to open the door when he is suddenly there, opening the door and wrapping his warm hand around mine. He pulls me out gently and for some reason that makes me want to cry all over again.

How long has it been since since I let someone in? Julio now had a full range advantage to breaking my heart.

I start to wonder what I am doing here when Julio gently tugs on my hand, bring me closer. The smell of something spicy hits my nose and I want to wrap myself in the familiar scent.

He leans down and pushes my hair off my wet face, the gentleness in his touch making my heart pick up. When he finally meets my eyes I wonder if he feels it to?

I wonder if he was falling for me the same way I was falling for him?

“Are you okay?” He asks and I shake my head, swallowing the lump in my throat. I turn my head slightly and nod to the back seat of my car.

“My mom-” My voice breaks and I close my eyes, take a deep breath, and turn around to look at Julio again. “My mom kicked me out. Said she didn’t want to see me.”

Julio searches my face before bringing his hand up and cupping my cheek. “And why did she kick you out?” I flinch and Julio’s eyes harden a little. I look down at my feet and repeat my mothers words.

“She said she didn’t want to be around a felon’s whore.”

Julio doesn’t say anything and I look up and see that his gaze has turned from pissed to downright furious. I got to take a step back but he won’t let me.

“You’re mad.”

It wasn’t a question, more like a statement. God, I knew it was a bad idea to come here. Why did I expect Julio to care about what my mother had to say to me?

Before my mind can work up other stupid things, Julio drops his hand from my cheek and just as fast cups the back of his neck. He locks his jaw, a muscles ticking. Oh yeah, he was pissed.

He looks over my shoulder and says in a quiet voice. “I could give two shits about what the women has to say about me. But damn, do I want to march right to your house and do something stupid for what she said to you.”

“Well...” Hmm, was that hot? Maybe a little too much, but damn does it make my heart pick up even more.

He lets out a breath and finally goes back to looking at me. “Come on,” He takes my hand and starts to tug me toward the open front door. I obliged by following behind him.

“My families not’s here. They are going to go meet my dad. He’s getting out in a few hours.”

I look up at the dark sky, surprised. “This late?” Julio looks up too, still walking toward the door.

“Yeah, well, even  behind bars the man can make people do what he wants.”

Bitterness fills his voice and when we step through the door, I pull my hand from his. He frowns at me a little before stepping behind me and shutting the door.

I take in the rich red painted walls, the dark furniture, and the pictured of all the Hernandez’s filling up the walls. The house smelled like cinnamon and something else. Unlike my mothers spaced, clean house, this one feels more like a home with it’s cramped space and a touch of love at every turn.

I cross my hands over my chest before turning around to look at Julio. He leans against the door, his hand resting lazily on the door knob. I shift from one foot to the other as he analyzes me. He doesn’t say anything so I decide to break the silence.

“What?”

I watch as he searches my face before letting his gaze run the length of my body. If he kept looking at me like that, I wouldn’t be responsible for what happened next.

He leans his head against the door and folds his arms over his chest like I just did. He narrows his eyes a little before talking.

“Why are you here Kelsey?” Instead of answering the question, because I seriously didn’t have an answer, I uncross my arms and let out my breath.

“Why aren’t you with your family Julio?” He continues to look at me, his eyes narrowed. He runs a hand over the back of his neck and I see him swallow.

“Because I don’t want to see that bastard. Now or ever.” I open my mouth to say something, but he cuts me off.

“I know what you are doing angel.”

“And what is that?”

I raise my eyebrow and the corner of his mouth lifts slightly. He kicks off the door and takes a step toward me, I take another one back. His eyes seems to shine with mischievousness.

“You are changing the subject. That won’t work with me.” One step forward, one step back. I see us make our way into the kitchen, the whole chase and flee thing continueing.

“Oh, I don’t know,” I say, a light tease to my voice. “I saw your grade in chemistry. It doesn’t take a lot to full you.”

“Cute,” He comments and when he takes another step forward I realize he has more cornered. Somehow we have ended up in his kitchen and I was between a counter and the fridge.

Hell.

“But back to the subject at hand. Why are you here Kelsey?” He stops in front of me and the teasing drops from his face. He was now serious and I muster up my courage to tell him the truth.

“Because right now there is no other place I would rather be.”

He doesn’t say anything and I realize that maybe this was a mistake. What if he didn’t want me here? God, I would feel like such an idiot.

I don’t look at him as I reach out and push on his upper arm, trying to move him out of the way so I could make my great escape.

“Maybe this was a mistake.” I try to push again but he won’t budge. Before I can have the chance to blush, yeah freaking blush, he lays his hand over mine that was on his arm sealing me to him.

“I asked why you were here. Not that I wanted you to go.”

I look to our hands together on his upper arm and I realize my hand landed on the snake tattoo. I move my hand a little and he drops his. I bring my fingers up and push his shirt sleeve up, exposing the whole tattoo.

Since the day I met him this tattoo has been the one I always went too. It coils around his bicep, flexing whenever he moved. It was colored green a litte if you looked closely, but mostly it was fully black.

The eyes though, that was what was so beautiful about it.

I trace my finger tips around the snakes golden eyes and Julios shivers a little, reaching up and wrapping his hand around my fingers. I look up to find him already staring at me.

“Why did you get it?” I whisper, going back to look at the snake. It was seriously the most beautiful tattoo I have ever seen in my life. It was most definitely better than mine.

“About a year ago my father called and my mother and father got into it,” His voice startles me but he doesn’t seem to notice.

“He told my mother that if I kept being the fuck up I was I would end up just like him. That pissed me off more than anything. I left and somehow ended up at this tattoo parlor.”

He stares off into space and I realize he was remembering that night.

“I had twenty dollars in my pocket. That’s it. The guy in front asked me if I was there for a tat and too pissed to even care, I walked up, shoved the money at him, and walked in telling him to do whatever the hell he wanted.”

He laughs a little under his breath. “I think he realized I was there just for the pain other than the ink itself. He could have put a rainbow on my ass for all I cared. I just wanted someone to distract me from what my father said.”

“I sat there for six hours having no idea what the guy was doing. When it was over I realized my mistake. Twenty dollars doesn’t get you a good tattoo and when he held up a mirror to my arm and I saw the tattoo, I was speechless. There this guy was, giving me a tattoo that obviously cost more than I gave him, and somehow he made it seem like that was exactly what I wanted.”

He reaches for my hand and lays it back on the tattoo, my palm covering up half of it. He meets my wondering gaze and smiles a little.

“He says a snake symbolizes transformation and somehow he sensed whatever demon I was battling was transforming me. That whether it was good or bad, I would always look at the tattoo and remember that sometimes it’s the hard shit in like that can transform us into something good or something bad.”

His skin is warm under my hand and I smile a little up at him. “The guy seems like a wise man.” Julio laughs, dropping his hand. I leave mine where it is, not wanting to stop touching him.

Somehow I could never get enough of Julio.

“I found out he was a heroin user later on but that didn’t matter. That night he was right and the snake symbolizes who I am in a way. There is no way I could thank him for that.”

Our eyes end up locking and somehow the air changes. What was once solemn is now charged with something else. Something electric. His bare skin blazes under my hand and something tingles along my neck.

Anticipation, wanting, and something downright hot makes my stomach twist. I lick my dry lips and his eyes follow the motion, his dark eyes growing darker.

Before I know what’s happening, we somehow end up crashing into each other, a sort of desperation in our sudden movements. I know what’s going to happen next and I’m not going to stop it. Right now, there was nothing I wanted more than this. I want to feel his pain become mine, my pain becoming his. I want to take away his hurt with every touch and somehow I think he feels the same way.

Julios mouth meets mine with a hunger I never expected and the more he kisses me like this, Like he was starved for air, the more I want his mouth on every inch of my body.  He pushes me back hard, his mouth working mine open, and my back hits the counter roughly. I bring my hands up to his lower back, going under his t-shirt and feeling his muscles constrict under my fingers.

When I touch his bare skin, he makes a sound in the back of his throat and soon he thrusts into me, bringing me closer. I gasp into his mouth, my nails digging into his back. Soon the kisses turn even hotter, if that’s even possible, and I feel myself get set aflame from the inside out.

He’s kissing me like he was starving for air. Like I was his salvation and the kiss was the thing that could save him. I push my hands higher, running my fingers over his shoulders, back and forth. With the shirt in the way, it’s not enough and I lean back a little, breaking the kiss. “Off,” I mutter against his lips and he chuckles before kissing me hard and stepping back.

My lips are swollen and I wait impatiently as he brings his hands to the hem of his shirt. He meets my eager gaze and smirks slightly before pulling the shirt over his head, throwing it over his shoulder.

The minute the shirt is gone, my eyes drink him in. I take in the words inked into his side and the other tattoo over his right shoulder. Taunt muscles make up his stomach and dips to the V that ends with his pants hanging low. My eyes roam every tattoo, every piece of tanned skin, and let me tell you... Julio could have been any girls sexual fantasy.

“Your turn.”

My eyes jerk up at his gruttraled voice and I realize what he wanted. He won’t let me look away and I don’t want too. Mustering up my courage, I grab the bottom of my shirt and pull it off before I can lose my nerve.

I feel cool air hit my skin and I hear a sort of growl leave Julio’s mouth. Before I can figure out what the hell the sound was, his mouth his on mine again and were nipping, kissing, and exploring each other's mouths like we were about to die. It’s more than I can handle.

I feel his hand move down to my thigh and even though I still have my pants on, I can feel his touch scorching my skin. With his mouth still on mine, he brings his other hand to my waist and he pushes me up. Soon I feel myself boosted onto the counter, my legs wrapped tightly around his midsection.

He trails kisses across my jaw, down my neck, around my bra and down my bare stomach and up again. My breath is coming out fast and when I bring my hand up and lay it on his smooth chest, I feel his heart beating fast under my palm.

The fact that I affected him as much as he affected me made me want to never let him go.

He pulls away, but still so very close. He comes forward and pushes my shoulder lightly with his fingertips. Demanding. Soon I feel my back hit the counter and there he was, half hovering over me. He lays his hand on my bare stomach and leans forward, his lips lightly touching mine.

“Tell me to stop.” He says against my mouth and instead of telling him to stop, I run my hands up his neck and dig my fingers into his hair. When I  pull him forward and I crash his mouth to mine, he groans in my mouth.

Yeah, there was no way in hell I was saying no.

He jerks his mouth away suddenly and lays his forehead against mine. His breath is coming out in short little gasps and I’m sure mine was too.

“You deserve better than this.” He says softly, his eyes closing. “I’m not going to fuck you on a counter Kelsey.” I bring my hand out and lay it on his cheek. I rub my thumb across his bottom lip and smile.

“Okay.”

His eyes fly open and he searches my face for some kind of answer. He must take my answer as to stop so he starts to lift away from me. He doesn’t get far. I wrap my arm around his neck and pull him back to me, his bare skin brushing against mine.

“Oh no, that’s not what I meant. I meant,” I whisper, reaching up and laying a light kiss on his chin. “I never said anything about disliking a bed. Or the couch. Theres also-” My words are cut off from him reaching down and pulling my hands up and over my head. He leans closer and his eyes meet mine.

“Are you sure you want this?”

“Yes?”

“Fuck,” He mutters, running his thumb back and forth across my wrist. “I hope you know what you are getting into angel.”

“No, I hope you know what you are getting into.” He skims his nose along my collarbone slowly and he mutters against my skin.

“I’m done being polite.”

Suddenly I’m being lifted from the counter. Julio cups the back of my neck as he steps backward, my legs still wrapped around his waist. He walks, never breaking the kiss, and soon I feel something soft prickle my skin and Julio breaking away.

I gasp a little when cool air hits me and I lift up on my elbows, looking up from Julio’s bed too see him hovering at the edge.

His hair is flying every which way from my hands running through it and his lips are bruised. His eyes score the length of my body and for some reason that makes me want him on me all over again.

Before I can blink, he’s suddenly over me again. I lean back and he lays his hands on either side of my head. He looks down at me and the look was more that just that. For some reason I felt like he was looking through me and right to the part I kept hidden from the world.

He lifts one hand and threads his hand through mine. He lifts our joined hands up and he presses his face against my arm, running his nose from our hands all the way to my elbow and back.

“You don’t know how beautiful you are to me.” He says, kissing a freckle. My breath catches at his words and I need him to look at me. I need him to know how beautiful he was to me too.

I push my body up and Julio drops my hand. I feel him bring his arm out and wrap it around the small of my back and bringing me closer. I kiss his neck, his chin, and his bare chest.

“You are beautiful too Julio. Every single part of you.” I whisper against his chest and when I start to trail another kiss up his neck, he pulls me closer, his arm tightening around my waist.

“Kelsey,” He breathes into my shoulder. “If you keep talking like that, this won’t take as long as I hope it would.”

I laugh against his neck and lean back against the bed. He wraps his fingers around my chin and brings my mouth to his again. This time it’s more gentle, more like a exploration. My hands run the length of his body and his explores mine. Soon, my pants end up somewhere on the floor along with Julios.

When I don’t think I can take anymore, he breaks the kiss, his breath coming out faster. “If this wrong,” He breathes, his fingers playing along the edge of the one thing keeping us from taking that extra step. “Then I never want to be right again.” He smiles a little and my heart pounds out of my chest from the secret laying there.

“Now I can finally see the tattoo I have been thinking about.” I laugh and soon everything in the world falls away and everything seems perfect.

And before I know it, we somehow become one, and I know deep down that this was right. This is the boy I was giving myself too and even if he didn’t know it in that moment, or maybe he did,  what he just said did something to me.

I was falling in love with him.