Chapter thirty one

Sorry it took me so long to update guys!

I have been going through a lot of things in my personal life and it affected my writing here on Wattpad. Hopefully you guys enjoy the update(:

Oh! And sorry about the poor editing job. I didn't get a chance to go through it so I apologize.

Anyways, this is it!

Enjoy(:

-NickyMb <33

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(JULIO POV)

Everyone has a demon.

Something that they see when they close their eyes at night. Something that haunts their every being, their every move. Something that they kept hidden in places they hoped no one was able to open.

For me, my father was the demon that I kept hidden from the world.The one thing I never wanted to face again. He was the thing I feared becoming, and the person I see in myself.

Now, watching him eye Kelsey like she was some kind of toy he could play with, I realize I wasn’t afraid of my demon anymore. Fuck no. Because right now I wanted nothing more than to shove my fist so hard into my fathers face that he would have wished he stayed a few more night in the pen.

The pen might have treated him better.

He raises his pierced eyebrow, some new additon he decided to get in jail, when he sees the look on my face. Good, I wanted him to look. I wanted him to see the hate and the disgust I felt when I look at him.

Not bothering to waste another breath on him, I turn toward Kelsey and almost wince at the look that lays on her face.

Here was the girl who was tearing my world apart. A girl who was able to get a hold of my heart faster than I was willing to let it go. A girl who was showing me little pieces of at a time of the world I once thought was lost to me.

Last night something happened and I know she was scared that it actually did happen. I didn’t want her to be scared though.

I want her to be able to look at me and know that she could trust me with her life if she had to and even though it’s a foolish promise to make to myself, I knew from the moment she let herself go, I was never going to initially hurt her.

Not if I could fucking help it.

The only thing keeping me from giving this girl my all is the man standing in the room with us. He was a part of my past and my future. The one thing that could tear everything I was gaining apart.

He has made Pacho’s men come for me. He was what made me believe that I couldn’t bring people in because if I did, they would get hurt just like they way he hurt my mother.

His family.

Friends.

Like I said, this man is my demon and he has ruined my life in more way than one.

I feel something land on my cheek and my eyes jerk toward Kelsey. She stands on her tippy toes, her body flushing with my mine. Her golden eyes meet mine and she gives me a small, reassuring smile.

I don’t deserve to have her touch me like that. She needs someone who deserve the kind of tenderness that she was giving me. It was such a bullshit thing to think, I know it was, but when your whole life was as dark as mine, any chance of light was a frightening thought.

“I’m going to go,” She whispers, leaning closer. I can tell from the way she says it that she doesn’t want too. Deep down, I don’t want her too. But we both couldn’t pretend that we didn’t have other things too handle.

She needed to go to Mia’s and I needed to confront my father. While I would have loved nothing more than to take her hand and let us escape to our own peaceful world, the reality was far worse.

I close my eyes, my body tensing as she leans closer. She moves her nose along my cheek and her mouth meets my ear. “I can’t help you with this Julio, but if you need me, call me. I’ll be here with you the whole step of the way, you know that, right?”

And even though my father is in the room, his presence a constant reminder, I lean back and gather Kelsey in my arms, bringing her closer. Right now I needed her to know how much her words meant to me. How much last night meant to me.

She lays her head against my shoulder and I lay my chin on her head. I don’t know what was going to happen next and right now I was willing to hold on as long as I was able too.

I knew tomorrow I had to meet Pachos men and now that my father was out of jail that complicated things more. I think about the gun that laid under my mattress and I squeeze Kelsey tighter to my body, letting this tiny moment of hope thread through me.

I have so much I want to tell her. So much that I need her to know because at this moment it felt like my whole fucking world was spinning out of control and I have no idea how to stop it. But most of all, I needed her to know how much she truly meant to me and how, somehow over the past month, she has become my salvation.

I pull away first and I lean down and capture her mouth with mine. Her breath tingles my lips and I drink her in like she was the last thing the world was allowing me to have.

And maybe she was.

My hands find her hair and I pull her small body closer to mine and I wish things were different. I wish I could give her something more .... but I can’t and deep down I wonder if I ever will be able too.

A guy like me can’t have a girl like her and when I feel her groan against my lips it makes me think about last night and dammit, those are things I shouldn’t be thinking about with my fucked up father in the room.

I pull away first before things can get out of control. I slowly drop my hand from her neck and she gives me one last look before she pushes around me and heads out the door. I run my hand through my hair, wondering for not the first time in my life, why aren't things as simple as they seem.

Why, for once in my life, I couldn’t just be damn happy.

“You sure you don’t have a hard on boy? With a girl groaning like that, I don’t think your groin can come back to normal.” I drop my hand and jerk toward him, anger seeping through every fiber of my being. I let out a disgusted breath before talking. He needed to know exactly how I felt.

“Like I said, you have no right to talk about her.”

My father laughs suddenly, the dark sound wrapping around the small kitchen and filling it up. He takes a step toward me, flashing his crooked teeth. “Ah, I see. My little boy thinks he’s in love. Did you tell her about tomorrow?”

I stop in my tracks, my blood running cold. “How the fuck do you know about that?” I planned on keeping the whole thing from him.

I didn’t need him to make things worse. I was hoping I could just sneak out, leave a note for my mom, and do what I had to do.

The plan was suicidal at best. But I realized last night, while I held Kelsey in my arms, that that was the life I wanted.

I could say yes to Pacho’s and his men, make the drug deals they wanted me to do. It would be the easy way. It was what my father choose to do.

Last night though I wondered what kind of life that would be? In the future, if I ever had kids, did I want them to grow up and look at me the same way I look at my father? Did I want Kelsey to look at me one day and see the low life drug dealer that I would become?

No.

In that moment I came to conclusion. Either Pacho would let me out of the deal, out of their little gang, or I would get out myself. I also knew the minute the words ‘I’m not joining’ came out of my mouth, things were going to get bad.

And that was why I had my fathers gun.

Loaded and ready.

My father, still caught on my earlier words, narrows his eyes a little at my language but he has enough sense not to say anything about it. Why would he bother trying to be a father after so many years of not being one?

Instead, he reaches into his pants and pulls out a pack of smokes, He offers me one and I just look straight ahead. He shrugs like he could care less and pulls a cigarette out, bringing it to his lips.

“Got a lighter?” He asks amusingly and when I don’t answer he laughs, “Didn’t think you would give your ole man one even if ya did.”

He pulls a lighter out, cups his hand over the cigarette as he lights it, and shakes his hand out as he drops his lighter. He takes a puff before talking.

“Your moms outside calling the whole family. Apparently it’s exciting news I’m finally a free man. Anyways, she said you and me needed to talk before the rest joined us. For once I agree with the women.”

“Sure let’s talk, “ I spit out, my words colder than ice. If he wanted to talk, it was going to be on my terms.

“How do you know about Pacho and his men?” My father lets out a cloud of smoke and gives me a patronizing look.

“You think I’m fucking stupid? I knew sooner or later they would ask you to help them out. You don’t do the shit I do and not expect someone to take over. I’m just surprised they didn’t ask you earlier.”

“How did you know about tomorrow?”

He waves his hand in the air, the smoke scattering in front of him. I watch the smoke as my father answers me

“Pacho is a deliberate man as I’m sure you know. He got word to me. The question is though,” My father says, fixing me with a look. The bastard almost look proud. “Are you going to do it?”

Suddenly I’m pissed. For a moment I thought maybe prison changed my father. Maybe he learned something being behind bars for three years.

But I’m not a man who hopes for senseless things. My father is the same man he was going in and listening to him talk about Pacho makes me realize just how much he wants me to end up like him.

Usually fathers want something better for their sons, but not mine.

He just wants his son to end up in the business.

To be just like him.

I bring my hand into a tight fist, taking in a deep breath before I talk. Usually I could control my anger. But when your own blood was standing in front of you practically hoping you will end up like scum, that went past my breaking point.

“It’s not like you gave me much of a choice.”

“Stop being a pussy little bitch and appreciate the fact that you actually belong somewhere.” I drop my hand, stunned, and when I meet his eyes I say the one thing I have been wanting to tell him almost my whole life.

“Fuck. You.”

His hand freezes in the air with the cigarette halfway to his mouth. “What did you say you little shit?” I square my shoulders before I spread my feet apart. I know what’s going to happen next and I welcome it.

Maybe I do have my father's blood in me because when he looks over at me, anger vibrating through his whole body, a fleeting bit of excitement coils through me.

“I said fuck you.”

The moment I get the words out he comes at me. I feel a fist connect with my jaw and my body goes back with the blow. I land against the counter, my elbow banging on the wood, and I swipe my arm across my lips and I feel hot wetness go across my skin.

When I taste copper I know he busted my lip. I straighten out and when I see my father standing over me, all crooked teeth and tattoo’s. I smile and spit on the floor, blood staining the tile.

“That’s the best you can do?” I say quietly, running my tongue across my lip.”Maybe you lost your edge there pop. Maybe the pen made you a little loose around the edges. If you know what I mean.“

I’m pissing him off and he knows it. He doesn’t care though, I can tell from the way his face turns red. When he comes at me this time, I’m ready. When he goes to throw the punch I bring my forearm up and block the blow.

When he goes forward with his weight I turn on my feet and send my elbow up. I hear the crunch of bone and I step away fast and I see my father lean against the counter I was just at, blood running down his chin. He brings his fingers to his nose before looks over at me.

Then he laughs.

He wipes the blood away with his hand and gives me a little nod. “You good now? You got your anger out, is that it? Pacho is going to have his hands full with you.”

“He’s not going to have one fucking piece of me.” I seeth. My father pushes himself off the counter, his eyes flicking toward the door.

“That’s what you think. But, mark my words there son, you will be joining them. Theres no way you can say no.” Before I can get another word in, he picks up a dish towel and throws it toward me. I catch it reluctantly, my hand tightening around the edges.

“Now clean the hell up before your mother sees the blood. I don’t need to explain that shit to her.” He doesn’t say anything else as he swipes at his broken nose, shakes his head, and walks back outside.

I watch the door close behind him and my heart picks up. My father thinks I have no way out. He thinks this is going to be my life forever.

What he doesn’t know is deep down, I want to be a better man and no matter what I do, I’m going to be.

This person, this guy that I am is not who I want to be. I need out of this life and tomorrow was the first step to getting that wish.

Tomorrow everything changes.