"Are you really not gonna talk to her?" Macy pursed her lips, divided in whether to remain there as I pick my stuff from my locker or go where Norah'd disappeared rounding the corner through the crowd.
"She betrayed me, Macy. She settle me up with him when you know how uncomfortable it is after everything and now he won't take the hint to let it go."
Ever since the week started and Brett picked me up because of Norah he'd been all over the place, being my ride no matter what I have to say about it and even coming our table to lunch. Hunter tagged along as well and I had to say that was the only good thing out of this mess. I was mad at Norah for forcing my hand, mad at Brett for... well for everything. And if it wasn't for Hunter and Macy constantly breaking the tension someone would had ended up murdered by now.
I couldn't wait 'til I recovered fully so I could take the bike even if Norah keep playing dumb at picking me up. That way I'd only had to endure Brett on lunch and economy.
He hadn't brought up what happen Monday and neither had I. Nor he'd taken my hand again and despites the butterflies in my stomach at the thought I couldn't had been more greatful. I needed time to process evrything. I couldn't with him blowing my nerves every now and then.
In his defense, he was kinda... sweet during those rides. Making small talk but not pressuring it too much. Most of the times we ended up in silence... but a good silence and that was bad. If I couldn't decided whether I wanted to forgive him or not, having nice moments was definitely a big distraction. I needed to make up my mind already. Pronto.
"I just don't like it that you're not talking anymore." mubled Macy bringing me back from my thoughts. "I know Norah's having a hard time."
The knot in my throat tightened as I swallowed. "Then maybe she shouldn't had done it."
"Oh, come on. Brett's trying for you to forgive him. And Norah was just trying to help. She knew he wouldn't harm you nor anything."
"I know she had good intentions, but I was doing things my way. At my pace. I didn't needed to be thrown into the lions because she thought it was the best. She should had let me have it my way. At least in this one."
Macy bit her lip, taking her books from her locker as well. It was obvious she wasn't okay with our current situation but I felt like I need to stand my ground. I'd been already on the edge about coming back and all, Norah should had supported me step by step, not forcing me to jump into a maraton first thing.
Macy shook her head, dropping it and we moved to the canteen. I still not feeling totally comfortable there, especially the first day back when a lot of eyes were curiously on me, but now that Jade was gone and my friends urged me to began acting normal again I kinda forced myself to. But crossing those doors it always felt like a panic moment for me.
"I'm not really hungry..." I stressed, not actually lying but Macy sighed.
"Come on."
I followed the dark skinned girl gingerly towards the line, bitting my lip and wondering what would I get. The options weren't that large when you're vegetarian, unless you want a salad or some smelly vegetables you were pretty much screwed. Apparently I'd been staring for too long and didn't noticed the girl before us was done 'til Macy tugged my arm forward, smirking at the lady and ordering french fries for me. Well, that's something I'll definitely could eat.
But the small smile I was forming was quickly wiped when as we turned to head to our usual table my eyes caught the ones I've been avoiding this whole weel. Noel's.
He was so nonchalantly laughing at something his soccer friends, but in the moment we somehow connected eyes something dark passed under his. Something that twitched in my stomach like a blade and made me wanna crawl in a hole and hid there forever and ever. Even worst when he sent me a fleeting yet menacing smirk, lips curling dangerously and winked. My heart dropped, as if I'd just been given a dead threat. As everytime since that party, whenever I saw him memories drowned my mind and I felt like throwing up. It was like I was feeling his touch all over again, his mouth on my neck and helplessness filled my lungs like acid.
I couldn't do this.
A part of me knew he wouldn't do anything, but I have to pass too near to get to my table... and I wasn't at all ready to do that. To be that close. To remain there knowing he was there and just so comfortable...
I couldn't.
"Alyson?" Macy frowned when she realized I was there, standing like a moron a few feet after her lead. Amused at my sudden apprehension he used one fist to hold his chin, raising one mocking brow and making me even more nervous.
I gulped painfully. "I-I just..." but any attempt to excuse I was making fell when Noel's smirk again, enjoying my discomfort and after a brief word to the guys in his table he stood, striding this way. I could felt all blood draining from my face and muscled tensing the closer he got.
"Long time not talking to you, uh?" I would had winced just by the mocking in his tone, but I couldn't do anything other than stare at him wide eyes, remembering all the awful things he'd done so far and especially that party... What else was he going to do now? I felt sick.
"Leave her alone, Whickman." Macy stepped closer again, glaring the bully but he only sent her an innocent lopsided grin.
"What? I was just checking how the freak was doing? You know," before any of us could react he took another step, lowering his head so he spoke directely to my ear, only for me to hear and immediately sending chills of repulse down my spine. "Rumor has it your nudes are out there." his words knocked all the wind out of me and I felt like I'm about to have a panic atack. Nudes?! More flashbacks of that party made my skin crawl when his hand curled in the small of back keeping me in place. "Didn't know you were that desperate. But guess I should had expect it from a whore like-" a force peeled him from me before he could end the sentense but leaving the helplessness sank deep in my soul.
"Don't touch her, you imbecile baboon!" spat Norah that now stood before me as Noel laughed taking another step back at the pink haired shove, sending me another disgustingly smug look that made me shiver as it lingered down my body and up again, worsening my crumbling insides with a sneer.
"As if. Not even with a stick. Who in their right mind would?" he scoffed, clearly satisfied with my reaction. "But you'd like it, wouldn't you, freak?"
"She certainly won't!" kept barking Norah but I was still stuck in what he'd said to even realized she stepped out for me.
My mind felt like on fire.
My nudes? What nudes? Who had them? What if they took a picture that day? When they leave me under the rain shirtless? Could that be the nude he was talking about? Oh God. Do they really took a picture of that? Do they-
Also, I was still feeling the burning in my back where his hand had been and in my ear and neck where Noel's disgusting breath had caressed my skin... It made me sick. It made me feel dirty. As if I was back in the party. A shudder climbed down my back and weak limbs. I felt disgusted at the memories of that night that were coming all at once, numbing the reality.
I heard the girls voices annoyed but it was like I was underwater, I couldn't understand a word. All I felt was his hands on me, his mouth... A powerless sensation filled me. I couldn't think straight. I couldn'd breathe.
Not when I was under the stare of so many people in the middle of the canteen.
Talking about my nudes.
With Noel taking whatever he wanted whenever he wanted it.
As always.
Next thing I knew I was already bolting towards the door, holding down my vomit and feeling my knees weak in my rush to get out of there.
I can't I can't I can't-
Stormy thoughts bombed my brain, making it impossible for the common sense to kick in. All I could focus in the moment was to get away from there as fast as I could. Going against the tide of students coming in and bumping into several that scowled at me but I couldn't hear any of their complains nor care at the moment.
"Hey," next person I collided with held my shoulders to settle us both but I was far gone. I barely registered the blue eyes that connected with mine, nor the concern in them. "What's wrong?"
Brett went to cup my face but I shook my head, pushing his hands away and sidestepping him out the hallway. I couldn't breath, feeling filty all over. As soon as I passed the river of people I bolted down the corridor, turning right with the only though of getting fresh air. I was suffocating and I needed to 1) put as much distance as I could between me and Noel Whickman and 2) get a grip on myself.
I pushed the fire-door and came out to the back yard, lonely as ever, and as soon as the coldness of the February's weather brushed my face and tickled my skin with chill I finally managed to take a deep breath, swallowing the freezing oxygen that felt like a balsam inside me.
Good, this was good. The cold made all traces of his touch that my memory was bringing me felt numb.
I squeezed my lids closed, forcefully. No. I won't cry again for them. They already took too much.
But they have my nudes...
Really? snorted a voice from the back of my mind, If they really had them and were to use them they would already had been out.
True.
They can't have anything like that from me and even if they did now I kinda have direct line with the principal. I could snitch on them just like that and they know it. Jade's the proof.
My guts twisted further at the thought of the blond but I forced myself to even my breaths and thought it through. Noel was bullshitting. He was trying to get under my skin. As usual in him. I just keep making it so easy for him.
Again that party came to my mind and I shuddered disgusted.
That won't happen again.
Uh-Uh. Not in a million years. Now calm the heck down. You've been doing good this week avoiding him, just keep it up.
Bringing one hand to my frantic heart I realized the other was still holding the french fries... well more like crushing their plastic pack. It did an awfull sound as I unclenched my fist and it came back to its original shape. Well, I though to myself, still french fries either way.
Someone cleared their throat behind me and I spun around immediately, only preventing the heart attack when I met some dark eyes lately I've been getting acquaitanced to. Connor Mendley. I hadn't seen him there. He stood from his kneeling position facing the wall and only then I noticed the spray on his hand and the paint in pitch black letter all across the brick wall saying 'Slave-Maker'.
"O-oh. Hi." I discretly brushed under my eyes any possible moisture I could had there. It seemes like lately I always ended up being a mess in front Norah's brother. I looked at the wall to distract his attention from my messed up situation. "I-is that how you see school?" his dark orbs remained on me another painful moment before he shrugged nonchalantly and turned to draw a big exclamation sign at the end. Inwardly, I sighed in relief he didn't prick further. "Well, that's not a colorful point of view, is it?"
He kept vandalizing the school's property and I shifted my weight, unease. I didn't want to go back there. Not at all. But now that I knew this place wasn't as empty as I expected I kinda felt bad messing it up for Connor.
"That c-could bring you problems, you know?" I found myself saying insted, fiddling nervously with the food in my hands. "If anyone see you..." I let the words hang int he air but it seemed as if the more I warned the less he care. He even go on and drawed a creepy smiley in the end of his declaration. I bit my lip shaking my head. "You're seriously asking for trouble. Let's pray no one saw you... but judging for the rest I bet it's not your first time, uh?" I murmured glancing to the rest of paints all over the wall. Some even less friendly than the current one. As expected, Connor didn't respond. But he didn't made it openly obvious he wanted me to leave so I gulped and took one hesitant step towards the only miserable table back here. "I-if you don't mind, I'll just be there or something... Won't bother you. I-I promise."
His shoulders lifted unbothered as he took another can of spray from his backpack. I sighed.
The back yard was a narrow, sloppy garden. With brownish grass too high and unkempt structures, like the table I carefully sat in. It groaned, making me flinch but stays up so I let it slide.
Still uneased by what happen I let the french fried in front of me, not finding the hunger to eat them. Watching it all repeat over and over in my mind. How could Noel be so crude? So cruel? I'd never done anything for him to hate me this much, have I? And not only that but he feed in my misery as well. I was as if he-
My thoughts were abruptly cut when a bag dropped harshly on the bench at the other side of the table. Baffled I rosed my eyes to met Connor's impassive ones as he sat carelessly by his backpack, across from me. As chill as if it was normal for him to willingly approach someone.
"You're not stalking me, are you?"
"What?" my eyes widened and I almost choke on air. "N-no, of course not."
He hummed, leaning back lazyly and making the whole table squeak. "You're everywhere lately."
"Oh Gosh noo!" my cheeks flamed. "I-I just happen to get out here. And the other day it was you who came to the place I told you about. Of course I'm not stalking you... you..." the train of my thoughts drifted away again when I saw that small, tiny twitch in the corner of his lip. He was 'smiling'. Realization hit me like a bucked of cold water, along with startlement. "You were joking, weren't you?" I sighed when instead of denying it the tug in his mouth remained, humor swirling under his dark orbs. My shoulders sunk, relaxing for the first time since I came out here. "Ha, ha. Really funny. Didn't know you were capable of, tho. Impressive" Connor rolled his eyes but he too looked more chill than usual. As if his shield was more of a ordinary wall and not the Great Wall. "Want some?"
I dragged my snacks to the middle of the wooden surface and after a second of hesitation he took one. I hid an involuntary smile at the small victory and took the chance to observe him closely. Just like Norah, I could tell by his eyebrows that he was a natural dark-haired, but had lightened his hair to a blond and his flocks fell untidy 'til almost his shoulders. He usually wears dark clothes and in the hem of his collar I could see the hint of a tattoo.
Connor wasn't at all creepy, nor scary or any of those things they say about him. In fact, he was kinda attractive. Not handsome, but definitely good looking. In a dark way, tho. Not my type but I was sure girls would fall at his feet if he just opened up a little and stopped being this impassive ice facade.
He caught me staring and I felt my face burning but cleared my throat to cover it. "Y-you know? An actual smile won't kill you."
"I won't risk it."
A giggle escaped my lips. "Yeah, I see that." I carefully took one fry, fiddling with it more than eating. "So, this is where you disappear during lunch? I mean, I don't usually saw you in the canteen. N-not that I Iook for you. I was just noticing. I... You know what I mean." Why don't I just shut up? I bit the snack. It tasted like sand in my mouth but I forced myself to swallow.
Connor shrugged, no surprise here, but then picked another french fry too and asked: "You?"
"Oh, I guess it depends. Usually I go to the library." he frowned and I
felt the need to explain further as my chest tightened. " I mean, I know it sounds... pathetic and that it makes me a loser but after Jade-" his eyes shot up and my throat closed, unable to voice it. I lowered mine and carefully picked another. "Well, lets just say she made sure it wasn't my place."
"Jade's not here anymore."
Noel's malicious act crosses my mind and I shuddered, but only mumbled. "Yeah." and bit the fry, barely feeling its taste, and in my struggles to divert the topic I found myself rambling about the graffities I saw him draw. Boring him with unstoppable waffle but the guy endured it with his stoic face.
Connor let me nervously talk and talk to no end, gaining small confidence through it; only nodding or shrugging from time to time while eating my fries. Guess we made an exchange. When the bell rang I found myself startled at how he'd managed -without practically uttering a word- calm my panic moment from before. Usually Macy and Norah got this effect as well, but I guess making a run to the most lonely place must had misleaded them. Now I felt bad for leaving like that.
"Norah missed you." Connor said all of the sudden, snapping my gaze to him while he hang the bag on one shoulder, confused that he actually brought that topic up.
I remembered again how Norah stepped for me with Noel and the pang in my chest throbbed again. I really missed her too.
I looked down, fiddling with the strands of my own bag.
"Me too." I confessed lowly. "But... she set me up with Brett." it felt like I repeated that -to myself and out loud- thousands of times, and each it loose strenght. But I cleared my throat. "Did she also tell you this? She knew I wasn't prepared. She knew I wasn't ready and she force me to... to-"
"Talk to him." my eyes widened as Connor rolled his. "He missed you too. Trust me." and this time the twitch of his lip reminded me more of a grimace. "They both mean good and they both'd apologized, so why keep up with this shit?"
My mouth hanged open, not only because of the natural rudeness that seemed to drift out each word Connor utter, but also because this was probably the longest speech I'd heard from him.
"I-it's not that easy, you know?" but it came out weak and pitiable.
Connor noticed it too and rose one brow. But right after it, he turned around and disappeared into the building. Not waiting for me nor saying goodbye. He just left. And yet that was the less baffling thing he'd done since I stepped out here.
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QUESTION: Is she right to be careful or is being too picky?
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