"Are we sure about this? I'm all good with just snacks." I muttered looking forward at the little grocery store behind the park, the newest one from all town; humble and open 'til late hours at night. Also where most teens bought their alcohol and, judging but Norah's maschivious gaze and the not-so-likely-jokes she'd been doing al the way here; I was afraid those might be her intentions as well. The street was already dark so its tenue light stood from the chilling of it's surroundings.
"Sure we are." Norah frowned unbuckling herself but Macy hesitated as I gulped and fixed her gaze there too.
"Why?"
Because people drinking always always seemed to turn sour for me. My guts twitched making me flinch. But this were the girls. Just a chill sleep over at Norah's. I guess if they had a little wouldn't be that bad. Swallowing the bad memories from my last party dryly and instead gave them a smile. "Never mind."
"Oh please." Norah scoffed, rolling her eyes and opening the car's door as if urging us to do the same and hope out the Jeep. "You wanted those crackers, didn't you? And I'm in terrible need to get a drink. Come on, we hadn't had a girl night since forever I really want to get shit faced." today she was moodier than usual since apparently her and Connor'd gotten into a fight before the girl picked me up from work.
Macy pursed her lips, not really liking her solution. "You really need to get drunk?"
"Well, do you have any other idea on how to get my mind off? 'Cause I'm all ears."
Even through my unease in the back seat I noticed the sudden intensity when they locked eyes and how the air around them changed as the seconds stretched . One, two... five, and finally Macy blushed, looking away. "No. Nothing that I can think right now."
What looked like disappointmet and hurt crossed Norah's gaze but she was quick in hiding it with another smile. "We're on the same page then. Lovely."
But the tension as she got out the car was anything but 'lovely'. Macy sighed, shaking her head to her self and I knitted my brows together. They clearly had something going on that I wasn't aware of. Did something else happen after that almost kiss in Lydia's party? Our eyes met through the rear mirror and suddeny my previous anxiety didn't feel so overwheling, melting in the background as my lips curved upwards.
"Do I want to know?"
Her blush deepened. "There's nothing to know."
"Riiight."
"Are you coming or will I have to chose our snacks by myself?" Norah called for us from outside, whining like a little child and we finally slipped out the vehicle. She smiled beamingly right after locking the car, sliding her arms over our shoulders. "Finally. Shall we?"
I almost snorted, rolling my eyes amused at her cheerfulness I let her pulled me towards the grocery but soething stopped us before we get to enter it: "Alyson?" we all turned at the new voice and saw a little group gathered on the bench by the bench by the bark's limit. They were from Clayton High, I recognized most of them from our course. They were all chatting animatedly, laughing and passing around a bottle I could only asumed they got in the same store we were about to enter.
But what startled me the most was that they were openly greeting me. And a bad feeling unsettle my guts as I met some known brown eyes of the boy who spoke and the remains of my good mood clouded for good.
Jace Tormunt.
The guy that spread the first rumors about me.
Sweet.
And apparently he was as shitfaced as he seemed despites the night still being young. The jerk drawn a half smile and slurred: "Hey. You girls wanna join us?"
My brows knitted together, not pleased by his presence. Considering what Jace made out of our walk on the park back in eight grade I didn't want to stick around and gave him more material for his sick stories. My chest clenched. Past experiences with parties in general and him in particular didn't exactly settle the best scene for me to feel comfortable.
"Not really." I strenghtened my hold on Norah's waist urging us to keep moving forward but it seemed like he wasn't done
"Wait." he called before we'd walked away and steped closer and far from his friends who for the first time noticed and send him confused looks. "Wait, I need to tell you something."
Anxiety spiked in my stomach. "I-I don't wanna hear it."
"Oh come on-"
"She said no." spat Norah narrowing her eyes at him, scanning up and down as if trying to asset who was he.
"I-I know. I'm sorry." he bit his lip, unsettled in his own feet and making it obvious he was buzzed. Maybe that was the reason why he was approaching me for the first time after all this years. "I need to tell you-"
"Jace," sighed Macy. She did know what went back then and her dark gaze pierced through him, not as harsh as Norah, tho, who was still glaring, as if waiting the right sign not attack. "It's better if you go back to them."
"Fuck!" he stumbled forward and hold on wall for support. My God, he's wasted. "Sorry, I've drunk a little..." he chuckled hushkily, his unfocused eyes met mine and I knew he was speaking the truth. "Please, just hear me out. Five minutes. I need to get it out."
His words baffled me further and I watched him carefully. Need to get it out? We literally hadn't talk ever since eight grade. What can he possibly need to tell me? But the look in his eyes was raw and apologetical. Call me naive, but a part of me felt sorry. I bit my lip, "Two minutes." I finally agreed to the baffledment of everyone and he straightened again, sighing in relief.
"Thank you."
"Are you sure?" wondered softly Macy, not that sure and I shrugged one shoulder. If it was that important for him, maybe it was something worth to be heard. Even if it made the small hairs of my nape stood.
But I paid no attention to that. "What do you need to tell me?"
He opened his mouth, as if to answer, but cose it again, eying the girls beside me. "In private?" I had to supress the urge to protest, bitting my lip to supress my anger the more we stood with him and nodding to Norah and Macy. They didn't look impressed by my decision, sharing a glance before slowly giving in. Well, Macy did, Norah glared at him all the way as she let the dark-skinned girl pulled her towards the grocery.
And then it was just Jace and I. And it was as if the air held a lot more weight now as he guide us to one side, more discreet than plainly in the middle of the street. "Alyson, I'm sorry." he bursted out, as if the faster he said it the less it would hurt. My muscles stiffened at the sudden apology and I crossed my arms trying to make it less evident.
"What for?"
"For those- Ugh, those rumors." My fingers dug in my biceps. It'd been several years but here it was. The apology. Was it because he was drunk? Whatever it was I refused to feel bad for hearing it on such a vulnerable state. He gulped brushing his face stressfully. "I never mean to."
Really? "Why did you spread them, then?" I spoke through clenched teeth.
"I never meant to." he repeated shaking his head. "I never thought it would be such a big deal. Everyone was pushing and pricking..." he blinked, as if trying to clear his mind, which, considering his state, I bet it must be confusing mess of thoughts. And then looked up at me, looking sad and apologetical under that boozed exterior. "I liked you, Alyson." my stomach flinched. "I really did, but it was useless because you only had eyes for Brett."
Whoa. My cheeks flamed at the sudden turn this took. "I... I did not."
"Of course you did." Jace huffed and I glanced around to make sure nobody was listening, but the several people out here were too far to hear. Jace kept going. "You did, and everyone knew it. It was so frustrating. So when we hanged out and didn't do anything... in the moment it was fine but then my friends kept asking, and Brett kept sending me those glares and I thought... I don't know. I didn't want to be that guy, you know? The friend-zoned. It would be so lame. So when Jade asked I just followed her lead."
My blood run icy-cold. I hadn't seen that coming either and just at her mention that episode in the changing room flashed in my mind sending chills down my spine.
"J-Jade?"
"Yeah... yes. She was kinda prying and took things all the wrong way... nasty. But as I said, at that moment I felt like it was the best to let them think something did happen." I gaped at him, anger and disbelief swirling in my chest as he scratched the back of his head remorsely. "I thought it would be a win win situation. You could make Brett jealous and I could play the part, you know?"
"No. I don't know. " I stuttered, thinking of how things had spiraled down with Brett from that 'date'. And now on top of that Jade messed further in that lie? I was getting so upset that my words have trouble passing from my ragged mind to my mouth. "You spoiled everything!"
"I know that now. And I'm sorry." he took a step forward but I matched backwards instantly. "I never intended on things going that far but ever since Jade... Well since she's gotten expelled I guess it made sense."
"Sense?" I snarled, so furious I couldn't think straight. So he had spread rumors not to get stuck in the friend zone?
"Yeah, I'm so sorry. Back then I thought it all would only be... I don't know, a meaningless rumor, you know? But then she keep bringing it up, and adding nasty details and I couldn't deny it, you know, because that would mean telling them I lied in the first place. Jade knew and blackmailed me with it. Uh," he covered his face with his hands, I didn't know if out of anger or shame, maybe both? All I know is that my mind was going full speed trying to process it all. "I was a fucking idiot. I am. But I never thought it would escalate this far. I know you won't forgive me... I mean, how would you? But just so you know- that I'm sorry. That I never meant nor intent for this shit to end like this. I am really sorry."
What on earth was happening?
What was he saying? That Jade was the one that impulsed this whole rumor from the start? That she builded me this image since day one? I always thought it was Brett who turned her against me, but what if it was the opposite?
My head hurt.
"Alyson-"
I shook my head, stepping backwards. "I need to go." I rushed, not really up to hear more confusion information I couldn't even contrast. He was sorry? He wanted to apologize? Alright. Holding grudges was pointless seeing we didn't even interact anymore. But anything else would lead me to a conclusion I couldn't prove nor wanted to waste the night overthinking. "I... I guess I see you around."
Not waiting for a proper response I turned around and finally entered the grocery shop, wiping like that most of the headache he jut put me through. Everything about Brett, about Jade... I would worry for them in the morning, tonight I wanted to enjoy myself a bit.
The bell at the top of the door rang when I slid in and even if it was already late it was quite busy in here. The place was small, barely six corridors with not much assortment; but at least a couple more groups were too providing themselves. I recognized some from our high school but Norah's pink hair was easily spotted, driving me straigh to where they stack chocolates and chips as they devate what to pick
"Hey." she grinned at my arrival. "How did that go?"
"Good." I lifted one shoulder, not really in the mood to talk about it much further. "He apologize."
"He did?" Macy's brows shot upwards and Norah's furrowed.
"What for?"
"He..." my voice quivered and I cleared my throat, summarizing: "He spread a rumor long ago. Something stupid that hurt me. Now it's over."
They didn't looked convinced but luckily they didn't press too much and instead we focus on what should be out healthy dinner.
********************
"Bop bop bop, bop to the top! Slip and slide and ride that rhythm!" Norah sang on top of her lungs, mimicking the dance happening on the screen in the floor of her large room, where we'd camped with blankets and our provisions. I sang along filled with melancholy as Macy braided my hair and High School Musical played in the laptop.
Troy Bolton had been my first crush ever. Well, my second. But the first I was willing to admit. I entered high school thinking it all would be like the musical but of course reality was more bitter. And it wasn't only me. Macy had know the song to heart just like myself and apparently Norah was fond of it as well, so it was easy to chose what to put on when the gossiping and foreplay games had warmed us up into fully relaxing.
It was nice. It felt like it's been years since our last sleepover with everything that's happen -and this weird tension between them- and I really missed it. Even if it actually only had been a couple weeks.
"There." Macy grinned proudly sitting by my side as Norah kept on with her dancing and handed me the hand mirror to inspect her job. She'd done two of those complicated french braids that start up my scalp and fell gracefully over both my shoulders, dying on my collarbones.
I grinned, changing the angle to see them properly and the more I inspect the more I liked. "I love them M. You're amazing."
"You're hair is so thick." she shurgged dismissively but for the twitch on the corner of her mouth I could tell the praise fluttered her. "It makes it perfect braiding material."
"Fashionable braiding material." Norah corrected dropping over the pillows before us, panting after her dancing moment and skillfully opening the vodka bottle she'd gotten from the grocery, earning some glances from us. "What?" she filled her half empty coke glass and rested more comfy into the nest of pillows. "I told you I was in need of a drink. Like three hours ago." then grabbed the vase and tilted her head backwards downing it in seconds with a grimace. "Damn, this shit sucks."
"Then why did you insisted in getting the big bottle?" I frowned but Nors rolled her eyes.
"Stop complaining and have a go." she filled too our now empty glasses with that mix as well and slid them in front of each of us, already raising her once more. "We need to loosen up, it's been a hell of a week. Cheers for that."
"Norah, take it easy." Macy bit her lip, concerned as she played carefully with the glass in front of her.
"Yeah, "I chipped in, surprised that she was already done and filling a second round. "It hasn't been that bad, now has it?"
"Easy for you to say." she grumbled digging her elbows in blankets filled with snacks and empty wrappers. "Not all of us had Lover Boy spreading his charms all over the place for us."
I chocked at the bluntness. What's up today with everyone bringing him out? "I-it's not like that."
"Suure it isn't. A hot boy on your tail, being your chauffeur, begging forgiveness... any dom's wet dream, that's it." a violent heat climbed up my neck but she wasn't done. "And yet, here you are. Talking with that guy, chatting with your model."
I frowned, confused as to what this sharp tone was coming from, but before I could comment anything on it we heard a door opening an closing in the distance, cutting the sudden tension. Our gaze flew to the small breach between her room's ajar door. The hallway was dark, we knew both Norah's parents were gone for the weekend so... My heart startled when a darker shadow briefly crossed the gap I could spot from my place.
That must be Connor, I thought, and it confirmed when I heard the shuffling of a couple rooms down the corridor and a light swiching on so it's yellowish glimmer bathed the parquet flooring.
"My brother." Norah confirmed my thoughts shaking her head and I saw Macy eying the watch on her wall, it was pass two in the morning. Nors saw that too. "Don't worry, he was out. He's always when we fight."
"Why did you guys even fight about?" wondered Macy softly, placing her hand on the pink haired's thigh reassuringly. A gesture that didn't go amiss to any of us. She retreated her hand hesitantly, as if sensing she was crossing some line and Norah's gaze -that's fell there the moment Macy touched her- reflected disappointment, her hold on the glass tightening.
"He was being an inconsiderate prick. Like always." she sighed. "But I guess I was a bitch too."
"Are yo still mad?"
"Not really." she shook her head before whining at the movement and resting it on her hand. "I guess we just were too stress with our parents, you know? I can't never stay mad at him for long."
My chest warmed. "I'm sure he's the same with you." I assured her, believing it, but as soon as those words left my mouth, that hint of vulnerability froze in her expression, quickly covering it and pursed her brows. "Whatever." and just like that she was being more sharp than I though I deserve, that hint in her tone took me completely aback -especially because I couldn't remember what I'd done to spike her. It made no sense. She rolled her eyes downing her glass. "So, back to you and your boys."
Oh right, her accusation or whatever it was that I was at once giving hopes or whatever with Jace, Dylan and Brett. Ridiculous. I had been talking a bit with Dylan after the text some days ago, but that was it. And I'd thought she approved it.
"You were the one that kept going on about how I should open up to boys and stuff." I frowned, confused and ashamed as to why would she looked upset about it now.
"I did. But not when you're already seducing somone else."
"I-" My heart skirted. If I wasn't blushing enough before, I surely was now. Seducing Brett? Harldly. True that this week I'd been more responsive, finally deciding to move pass the cold shoulder. He'd been sweeter than usual too, walking me to classes and joking and... well, acting like the old Brett. Making me feel comfortable with him again, and if whether there was still a lot of things for us to work through, at least now it feels like we were moving forward. Slowly, damn slowly, but somehow moving. But seducing him? "I'm not seducing anyone." my voice came out quiet and confused, maybe a bit hurt for the way Macy cleared her throat.
"Nors."
"You are, you just don't realized it." Norah sighed at my baffled look and leaned back in her spot across from us. "Don't mind me. I didn't mean in a harsh way, it's just... if you like them maybe you should chose just one to pursue?"
A pang hit my chest in disbelieve. "I don't like Brett."
The pink haired mumbled something that sounded like 'bullshit' and 'delusional' but didn't clarify it before plastering back her smile, vanishing part of the tension and gesturing towards the cups before us. "Come on. You need them."
"I don't drink, remember?" I reminded her gently pushing mine in front of her. "You can have it."
Norah gave me a playful grin. "Always the responsible one, uh? Say no more." and took it before drowned it no time, making a grimace right after and turning towards Macy that had delicately took hers and was analyzing it carefully. "You got no excuse, Macy-bu. Down it."
Swallowing her hesitation, Macy tilted her head to drink hers and I didn't miss the way Norah's eyes slid from her mouth to the way her throat moved as she swallowed, adverting it just as I thought she would keep lowering. Her hand clenched around the empty cup, glaring the snacks between us for a second before composing herself back when Macy coughed at the burning of the alcohol. "Good shit, isn't it?"
Macy shook her head, nose pursed. "It tastes awful."
"That's how you know it's good."
The new chords of next song played and we turned to the laptop to see Zac Efron adn Vanessa Hudgens on the stage, about to sing one of the best songs ever.
Norah's expression lighten up. "Yay!" she stood, downing the ramaining of her cup and handing it over to me before giving us a puppy look. "Come dance?" I immediately shook my head, too shy for this, and she pouted and looked at Macy with that adorable pleading look. "Please?"
She looked down at her own half-filled vase, fiddling with it as she considered it. "Need some more loosen up here." and smiled apologetically. "But I'll catch you up in a sec. "
"Alright." the disappointment in the pink haired expression was painfully obvious, making me want to reconsider my answer... But it wasn't me who she wanted to dance with. She pouted at us one last time before shrugging and moving to the free space where she could dance freely. "We're soaring. Flying! There's not a star in heaven we can't reach!"
"Don't take it seriously." Macy said softly as Norah spread her arms spinning and recreated the movie scene. I turned to see my friend not taking her eyes out the excentric girl. "She's mad with me so she is taking it out on you."
"Do you like her?" I decided for a straight approach, making her eyes widened, finally tearing them from Norah to me.
"What?"
"Do you like her, M? Because you did, but now it looks like you're holding back."
"I... She's my friend." she retorded, but it sounded forced, like something she'd memorized and not something she was feeling in her guts. "A good friend. It's not worth risking that."
"How do you know that?"
"Really?" she perked one brow and gave me a questioning look. "Are you going to lecture me about that?"
I frowned. "What do you mean?"
"Why didn't you ever told Brett you liked him?"
My heart dropped to my stomach. How could she know that? I never told anyone. "I... That was different."
"Sure." she laughed but it sounded almost sad. The feeling only grew stronger when she drowned the glass, her eyes searching for Norah again. "You know?" she mumbled after some seconds and turned to look at me again. "I used to think you'd end up together."
"What?" Me and Brett? For umpteenth time my heart somersaulted, making me wonder if the topic would ever be approched without me feeling this things. "Why?"
"Oh my... I don't know." she hummed swinging her head softly to the beat, a bit lightheaded already. " You were so into each other it was emetic. But no one ever make a move. You were so frustrating."
"You mean like you and Nors?"
Her face turned crimson red but smiled knowingly. "Exactly."
I shook my head. "That was different, M. Norah is clearly into you and had already made a move. Brett liked Jade, remember?" I felt sick just by mentioning her name, and even sicker at the images of their kissed that suddenly drowned my mind.
"Not what I remember." Macy's voice helped me unfocus from those awful images.
I gave her a scowl. "Then we remember different things, because I clearly remember how they were so easy to turn against me."
"Please." she surprised me by scoffing. "Brett's an idiot, I guess we all agree in that. He was an immature jerk who didn't know how to deal with his shit. But Jade? Why do you think she hated you?"
What? She was making no sense. Jade hated me because Brett did. Just as simple. I knew he didn't anymore, but back then it was so obvious. Why else would he'd acted in such a way with me? And Jade just sided up because that's what she does. She was Brett's puppy up until recently when he boarded schools last semester and she had to take charge. While Brett took that time as a break to reconsider things, she only build up her hate and took it to another level.
Jace's confession from earlier came back to me. What if it was the other way around? Why do you think she hated you?
I shook my head, a pang of hurt lacing my chest in a tight knot.
"I don't wanna talk about this."
"Okay." I was glad when she didn't press the topic. Instead she smirked and slid closer. "So, about Dylan. How is it going with him?"
And just like that the anxiety vanished. I found myself grinning. Ever since those texts Drew forced, we'd been talking a bit and I have to admit I like it. I wasn't sure to what level, but I enjoy our small interactions.
"He's been so nice. And kind. It should be forbiden that someone so gorgeous is also so good."
She chuckled and from there the enviroment became light and carefree, the conversation easy-going. Macy poured herself more of that mix but I served myself juice instead, not really interested in drinking more than that. We kept laughing, losing the track of time as the songs jumped from one to another and the night evolved wonderfully.
At the end of We're all in this together Norah came back, happily letting herself sat on the nest of blankets by Macy... well, almost on Macy.
"Hey." I could smell the beer -when did she got it?- in her breath even from here, so I wondered how Macy managed not to wince when the pink haired leaned alluringly closer to her, twisting one dark curl around her finger. "Would you push me away again if I try to kiss you again?"
Macy blushed but the corners of her mouth twitched as if restraining a smile. "You said again twice."
"Mh, would you?" Nors leaned into her neck and I took the hint.
"I'll just- Yeah." not even elaborating a decent excuse I slid off the pillow-camp, not like I needed one, though.
Maybe it was time for me to refill our snacks's bowl and for them to talk this thing out... or at least solve part of the tension they'd been building lately.
I try to be as soundless as I could, going downstairs to the kitchen where we'd put away all our supplies and took the crackers, but once before the rooms door I heard their low mumbles and halted. Did I really want to go in there and play the third wheel? Mmh...
I took the knob, but instead of barging in like I'd initially planned I peaked inside and saw they getting all cozy, cuddling in the pillows and Macy laughed as Norah talked softly. Smiling to myself, I closed the door softly. Okay, no third wheel. Maybe I could go to the salon and put something on the TV? Make time in the kitchen?
But then it hit me.
We weren't the only ones in the house.
My heart did a backflip as my gaze wondered down the corridor to the closed door at the end of it.
This is a bad idea. A huge, awful, careless idea that would cost me the few points I seemed to had gained with Connor.
You are not everyone, he'd said.
Maybe that would also mean he didn't hate me as much as he claimed to hate most of the people? Despites his natural roughness, he hadn't been mean to me. Not once, if I recalled it well. And we were... getting along lately, right?
Also I was tired and left out so my feet moved before my mind fully made the idea. Just one second. If he's asleep you head right back and busy yourself. But as I neared it, sounds were coming out his closed door. So he wasn't asleep either, okay, that unsettle a whole new lever of cramps withing me. What was the worst that could happen, uh?
But my fist froze milimeters away from knocking, tense in the air. Well, he could get mad you disturbed him in the middle of the night, late hours in the morning already. And to what?
I gulped, closing my eyes forcefully for a second as clarity washed over me and just like that my stomach clenched in realizaton making me snap out the trance tiredness had summed me in. I couldn't seriously be at Connor's door pas 2am. Was I suicidal? Yeah no. I carefully lowered my hand, letting it rest on the knob instead. Maybe I should just head down-
But to my utter horror the moment my hand pressed the knob, instead of finding resistance the weight of it pushed the door that slid open, making me realize just then it wasn't fully closed. Shit. My pulse drummed in my ears, screaming at me to withdraw but it was too late and I was just standing there like a moron facing a dark room. It was poorly illuminated by the light of his laptop screen so him and the headboard where he was resting against so it was easy for my pulse to halt when at the sudden invasion his gaze snapped here and all my already precarious confidence vanished into thin air at the weight of those dark eyes.
Connor didn't look pleased I just appeared there, completely unannounced. But well, it was totally my fault for interrupting like this. His expression, even in the calmness of his room, in this peaceful air, was still void. Just returning my stare as my thoughts ragged but his remained coldy collected and for some reason that spike all the more my heartbeat.
"H-hi." I stuttered in a horrible high-pitched voice. "S-sorry. Um, good night?"
His brow rose letting his gaze slowly lowered to examine me, my attire -only then remembering I was indeed having a pajama party so my clothes matched the deal- and falling wordlessly to the crackers I was craddling to my chest. What would I do to know what was in his head, looking so calm as I buzzed under this scrutiny. I cleared my throat to attract his attention away from my undignified appearance; keeping my voice low, altered by this mesmerizing silence of the late nights, only altered by the muffled movie going on in the next room and the sporadic street sounds:
"We heard you coming back." I tried breaking the ice, but -no surprise- there was no response to that, only the faintest shrug as he turned his gaze back to the laptop, completely unbothered by me there. I gulped the tense knot in my throat. "So, where had you been?"
"Out."
Okay, that's specific. I nodded, going to nervously tuck a strand of hair behind my ear, but freezing when I remembered it was all collected in Macy's braid. Instead, I grabbed on the knob again, trying to find a decent reason to explain why would I be standing in his door in the middle of the night. It would be a thousad times easier if I know it myself too.
"Alright, did you have fun?" I wondered instead, somehow attracting his attention on me again as his head tilted, leaning against the headboard behind him instead of answering me and I shifted at the way he seemed to see right past me. No answer, uh? "Okay, so... I-I brought crackers." I lifted the pack a little, feeling kinda stupid at the movement and quickly lowered it as my face burned. "We were actually seeing a movie but they seemed to... need time on their own. I didn't want to bother them after all that awkwardness when it was finally settling and thought about saying hi if you weren't sleep. Which you aren't. Not yet, at least... Or am I bothering? I just need to leave some moments, I can always go down-"
"Close the door."
My sould dipped to the floor, pooling at my feet in embarrasment and disappointment. "O-of course." I staggered, clumsily fulfilling his demand. How was I even thinking this would end like? I should had-
"Alyson." his voice came again stopping me, detatched and cold, as always but there was also a hint of frustration in his tone. Or was it amusement? I halted, not able to meet his gaze as my lips pouted to conceal the unsettling buzz in me. "Get in and close the door."
My gaze snapped up, flabbergasted. "Oh."
So he wasn't kicking me out yet. That was reassuring. In a way. Right? Wasn't it? Desribing feeling when I was around Connor was extremly complicated. But as I did as he told me, softly sliding the door close behind me, darkness engulfed the room as the only light was coming from that screen. I shifted in my feet awkwardly. I was in Connor's room. I was never allowed here... well I never actually tried, but as cute it was to be here I couldn't really see much in this darkness and now I debate on what should my next move be.
Should I stood there? Approach the side where I spot the silhouette of a chair? Or what I hope was a chair, at least.
That scent that always seemed to follow him, like citric and smoke, was stronger in here, making my pulse fluttered for some reason as I bit my lip wondering my situation. "So..." I started in a small voice, I sounded weak even to myself and cleared my throat to erase that hint of vulnerability I'd learnt to know it annoyed him so much. "What were you doing? Before I accidentally came barging in. I swear I was trying to knock but the door wasn't as closed as I assumed it to be."
"Picking a movie." he kept going through the laptop and I nodded.
"Any idea?"
"No." was his only response.
"Oh, well. We were seeing High School Musical, you know it? The one with songs." Connor gave me a brief pointed look before going back to the screen. Okay, not my smartest comment. "What is it that you like? Humor? thriller? Action-"
"Horror."
Of course. Even considering I hadn't contemplated it, it didn't surprise me once he spoke that single word. It suits him. The only scary movie I'd seen was Annabelle and because Macy took me to the movies fooled. I got nightmares for a month. They weren't for me.
"I see. Well, how do you feel about a snack?" I diverted the topic there, trying to make myself useful because if he get tired of me and I was left to go downstairs by myself it would be a long night. Besides, now I was having flashbacks of Annabelle and the idea of descending that long dark way to the defenceless couch didn't sound that appealing. "I brought crackers, have I told you? We can-"
"Are you gonna stand there all night?" he cut me bluntly making my chest lump.
"No?"
"Then?"
I hesitantly glanced up from the crackers, unsure what he meant. Connor still hadn't rose his gaze from the screen but he shifted to the side to my surprise. He was... inviting me to sit there? Beside him? On the bed?
His mattress was larger than mine, just like Norah's on her own room. They didn't reached the size of a double but were clearly more than my thin bed back in Granny's.
I could feel my face burning and the loud beats of my heart on each corner of my body, but what the hell? We were... kinda-friends? Getting there, I reassured myself. And we would just be seeing a movie. Still it did not calm the unnerving anticipation stirring the pit of my stomach as I shuffled my feet closer. Hesitating every inch and halted when I reached his side. Still, I wasn't important enough for him to look up from his laptop.
Well, this or be the third wheel on the reconciliation going on on the other end of the house.
Very carefully, I let the pack by his leg and kneeled on the corner of the mattress; trying to keep as much distance as I could, not wanting to annoy him. Yet the place was only so big and I halted when our shoulders brushed, attent to any change in his demeanor but there where non. It was as if I wasn't even there. How? His presence was suffocating me.
Maybe you're not that important at all, I reminded myself, a bitter thought that nested in my chest painfully as I allowed myself to sink backwards against the headboard, taking the decorative pillow there and hugging it to my chest. The weirdest sense of disappointment swirling under my skin as a weird tingling spread from that spot where our shoulders would brush from time to time.
Struggling not to let it affect me, I tried to be as detatched as he was, focusing on the laptop too and seeing him scrolling down through HBO, trying to see something that would caugh his interest. And of course, he was on the horror section. Both the covers and the titled on that part were enough to give me shivers and goosebumps down my arms. All gruesome and gore.
"Nice pajama." he suddenly spoke and I blushed, looking down at the oversize, old tee that swallowed my upper boy and reached my mid-thighs. It was washed away and even had a few holes. Really classy. That and a simple pair of old yoga pants under it.
"I-It was my father's." I mumbled, flidding with the shirt's hem self-consciously of my hobo look, somehow feeling like I needed to justify it. "I had a few more. At first I used them because they had his smell and reminded me of them... now I just grew accostumated to it."
"It smells like you."
My gaze snapped up at the sudden comment, but he still not looking at me; only to the screen.
It smells like me. I hadn't heard that one before. I discreetly tugged the the collar and sniffled, trying to be nonchalant but found nothing. And how do I smell? Did he mean it as in I had my own scent, or as in I was spoiling the original memory of the shirts?
"Is it bad?"
His eyes met mine for a brief moment, making my heart stop, but he'd looked away without twitching a muscle of his face in a sec. "No." and suddenly the laptop was on my lap instead, starling me and Connor leaned back against the headboard without a worry in the world. "Pick whatever."
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QUESTION: Any shipname for the couples so far?
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