"You really didn't have to come." I muttered, stepping out the car and he did the same; but instead of what I assumed, I watched self-consciously as Connor leaned against the closed door held my gaze. "Oh, I-I thought..." I trailed but decided against finishing it when he casually slid off one cigarette and lit it. Of course he wasn't coming in with me, he just wanted to smoke. "Never mind." I bit my lip, turning from him so he wouldn't see the red in my cheeks, and stare at the bar instead.
I'd never been here before. Well, not inside, for what mattered. It was a few streets from where I took the bus to the city. It usually looked simple, just a place where friends met to chat, drink or watch football. Yet, now it stood under a complete different light against the darkness of the street. Faint music was heard from here and I could see people inside, laughing and chatting animatedly.
My stomach cramped. There was nothing I wanted less than to go in there and pick up a 'wasted' Brett. But what were my options? I ignored the reason why the barman thought I was his 'girlfriend' but he called me. I would love to delegate and call one of his friends, but the only number I had was Hunter's and he wasn't picking up. I could also call Julia Ryder but I was sure that was an even worse option that to come here myself.
"Do you want me to come with?" I was startled by Connor's even voice, his eyes on me as I overthink once more and again I flinched from his gaze in shame.
"N-no." Yes. "It's fine. It'll take me barely a minute." I hope. And with that I gathered all the courage I could muster and overpower this uneasiness over one simple, stupid bar.
The moment I crossed the doors I was greeted by the strong scent of humanity and alcohol. Amazing. The very next thing I noticed was how hot it was in here, I felt the heat tickling my cheeks suffocatingly so I opened my coat while glancing around looking for the reason I was there this late. Over all the tipsy people, loud chats and chuckles and the beaming beat I finally spotted the auburn head I was looking for -even tho with this lame lights it looked bright red.
Brett was on one of the stools at the bar, his head low on his bent arm while his other hand fiddled with an empty cup. Just great. The familiar feeling of nerves spike in my stomach. Swallowing, I made my way there while listing what should be my greetings. Each step I took my mind raced, analysing if I was more worried he was like this on a week night or annoyed by this whole situation.
First when I got the call in my chest grew the sudden need to go get Brett and made sure he was taken care of. That instinct, tho, found a higher rival with my common sense, that'd been screaming at me to let some adult take responsibility of this and not get involved. What if Brett got himself drunk on a random bar -luckily not that far from were we were- uh? What is it to me?
Apparently a lot more than I was gonna let myself believe. The mere thought of going home knowing he wasn't in his best state out there got my stomach curling in guilt, so I was left with no more option than go make sure myself he was fine. Even expressionless Connor expressed his distaste at my choice.
Now, I could only cringe at the looks of this den. Certainly wasn't on my top ten sites to spend a Monday night... more likely in the top five worsts.
My gaze travelled from Brett's back to the piercing eyes of the man behind the bar, standing by him. He was a robust middle age man with a grumpy exterior, bald but with a proud beard; bulky arms folded over his chest as he watched me approach with a frown. He was saying something, but I couldn't hear it, whatever it was Brett remained curled over the bar, lazily fiddling with the glass. Something about his defeated form made a pang of sadness spread in my chest.
The barman's eyes didn't leave me as I crossed the distance, fully unbuttoning the coat in the dense heat in this closed place. Here goes nothing. Gulping the knot in my throat, I carefully stood next his stool, not in his personal space, but close enough to be heard over the beaming surrounding. "Hi."
It was then that Brett's body stiffened, almost as if I pressed a button and rose his head from the bar, scowling at me baffled and making my guts churned further. His vivid eyes scanned me up and down, like making sure I was really there. Judging by the hint of dizziness in them I immediately knew he had too many drinks.
His lips parted in shock, but nothing came out and it was the man, instead who returned the greeting. "Alyson, right? We've spoken over the phone."
I nodded, but it was then that Brett's eyes swirled in anger and confusion and turned towards the man. "You called her?"
His disbelief faded into rage at his plain: "Yes."
"You got no right!" his hands clenched the border of the counter in anger. Yep, maybe this wasn't a bright plan after all. I found myself glancing to the door over my shoulder, wishing I would have accepted Connor's offer come with.
The barman gave Brett an annoyed glare. "You were making such a scene. What was I supposed to do, kid? I've told you already you can treat my customers like that. She just keeps texting so I took the chance. It's time for you to go."
"Brett." I called him gently, shy and unsure if this anger was about me being here or me seeing him like that. Very carefully I place my hand over his forearm on the bar. "C-come on, I'll take you home. Yes?"
His gaze fell there, hard, frowning but not pulling away. His skin under my fingertips was smooth and hot, probably from the overheat atmosphere in here. Tingles climbed my arm slowly. Then his eyes met mine again, softening. I took that as a good sign and squeezed a bit tighter, ignoring the narrowed eyes of the owner and silently praying for him to leave us alone.
The auburn stared at me with a weird expression, trying to read me through, but then pouted like a child and shook his head. His attention back on the glass before him. "I don't want to."
There was a hint of vulnerability in his tone that sank into me, clutching my chest. I still yet to know the reason why he was here in the first place, but whatever it was it seemed to trouble him deeply.
"Bre-"
"Yes, you do." snapped the man shattering the small bubble we were in and making Brett glared at him again, tensed all over. "I've already told you to fuck off. Too many times. Don't make me call the cops. I don't need another teen's bravado display now."
Anger spiked in my belly, not liking one bit the way he was treating the boy beside me. It was clear something had happened before I arrived -whatever that teen's bravado display meant-, but whatever it was my insides ignited at how upset this man was making Brett.
So before he could defend anything I turned toward my ex-friend and said: "He's not calling the cops."
"Oh?" the owner gave me a piss-off-look. "Am I not?"
"Go on." I shrugged, faking my conviction at their confused glance. "Call them. But as soon as they arrived, they might want to know why did you sell alcohol to a minor."
The man's face fell as Brett barked out a laugh, "Isn't she clever?" he tried to down the already empty cup and frowned when he couldn't. "Fuck."
"Yeah, yeah, just take him home already." grumbled the owner, his face red -from anger or embarrassment?- as he finally turned to attend the other costumers. Finally.
With an eyes roll I snatched the glass from Brett and lowered it on my other side. "Hey-" but I cut him:
"You've drunk enough."
His arm stretched to take the cup back, but I pushed it further out of his reach. His teeth clenched. "Alyson."
"No." I was glad my voice came out steadier than I felt. "Come on, what's wrong with you?"
"That seemed to be the question, uh?" Almost instantly his mood shifted and my heart somersaulted as his eyes glimmered meeting mine. "I'm always fucking things up, ain't I?" I opened my mouth but was unable to form a word as he blinked rapidly and his voice broke; lowering his face, shoulders down. Was he about to cry? A sense of panic urged me to hold him and comfort him, but I folded my arms to prevent the sudden impulse.
"Brett-"
"Ain't I?" he insisted in that shattering tone I hadn't heard before in him and that broke my heart. His eyes flickered to my forehead and his hand shot up to touch the band-aid, startling me. "Does it hurt?"
I forced myself to swallow, shivers running down my spine at his smooth touch. "N-not anymore."
His brows pinched together, his hand slowly lowering back to his side, fist clenched. It baffled me the feeling of longing it left behind and how it nested in my chest. "I wanted to hit him, Lys."
"I-I know."
"So bad..."
I sighed hesitantly placing my hand on his arm again. "I know." I insisted sweetly, the insecurity I felt vanished his own distress. "But I'm also glad you didn't get in trouble for it."
"That wasn't the first time, wasn't it?" he asked instead, referring to what Noel had done earlier and I felt my my guts trembling. Not now, Brett... From the corner of my eyes, I glanced around, nobody seemed sober enough to pay attention even if they want to but this was taking a turn way more intimate than something you want to discuss on a den like this. And even less with him drunk. "I'm trying, you know? I just don't know what I did wrong..."
"Don't worry about it now, okay? Let's just go." sensing his slump, I tried to smile it away and gently tugged his arm but he shook his head and kept going:
"You used to tell me everything, you know?" Oh no. I'm not having this conversation with him in this state. No way in hell. Brett frowned, half struggling to stay focused half upset and my heart picked up. "We used to be so close, Lys, so much. And then you weren't."
What? Did he even remember he started being a jerk to me? "Don't do this, please. Not here."
"You pushed me away... You're always pushing me away." his fist clenched to the point his knuckles went white at the last part and shook off my hold on him, attracting the attention of the barman who glared and I grimaced.
"You're drunk-"
"As if!" he snapped back to facing me, pinning me with his electric blue eyes. "You think that changes a thing? You still pushed me... you are right now! And it hurts." all air left my lungs, his eyes pained as he stared back at me. My own heart pounded painfully as he drew one uncoordinated hand over his. "Here."
Oh Brett.
"I never meant to." was all I got to whisper, unable to wrap my head around it.
"Well, you did."
"You hurt me too, you know?" I finally managed to regain my voice, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear I sneaked a peak around and realised the small attention -mostly weird looks. My cheeks burned. I lowered my tone to barely a whisper above the music. "We shouldn't talk about this now, but you were the one that cut bounds with me."
"Not true." Brett didn't miss a beat. It was confusing the determination in his tone. How could he lie about something like that? "You pushed me away. You are right now!"
"No. I..." I shook my head. Discussing with him in this state was useless, so the least I could do was reassure him about the accusation. "I'm not pushing you away. I'm tired. It's way passed my curfew and I'm exhausted."
"Oh." he blinked, sensing the change too. His eyes scanned my face and lowered probably taking in all the signs of tiredness: sleepy eyes, dark circles under them, the slumbed shoulders... and he hummed. A new emotion swirled in his expression and all of the sudden he was smirking. I gasped when his fingers locked on both sides of the opened coat and pulled gently, dragging me to step closer... So close I had to hold on his biceps for support, finding myself standing between his knees. With him on the stool out faced were leveled and barely a breath away. "Aren't you a responsible little thing?"
It was really hard to keep up with his mood swings. From sad drunk, to angry glazer to now a boozy flirt.
"I..." my eyes widened at the heat from his body this close and the strong scent of alcohol that hit me. Our noses almost brushing and I had to snap my face to the side. I had to fight back a shudder as his hands that slid around my waist to my back, gently yet anchoring me in place. "Brett."
"What?" he taunted in my ear and I squirmed. "Do I make you nervous?"
Yes. But despites the incredible feeling of him embracing me, I felt uncomfortable more than charmed. He was drunk, he was too touchy. Some years ago when I got this massive crush on him I would be on cloud nine, but now it felt different. Brett'd been nice lately, despites the secrets he still kept, but even if he was sliding his way back in my life, I wasn't sure of anything else. And having him hugging me like this made my chest squeezed.
"Let's get you home, yes?" I pushed at his elbows to create some kind of distance, but he only tightened his arms, pouting adorably. "Come on. You want me to call Hunter?"
"He was here." Brett grunted and tilted his head, resting his forehead on the side of my neck. Oh God. A wave of heat filled me, the sweet ache in my chest throbbing harder. "We just had a fight."
Being surrounded like this by him was really hard. He was hugging me. BRETT WAS HUGGING ME LIKE THIS! So casually as if it was just a natural thing for him to do. And yet... it didn't feel as right as I'd thought. His words lingered between us for a moment before they were able to sink into me. My brows knitted together in confusion.
Hunter and Brett fighting?
They were like the ever present duo, always attached to the hip. Together against the world. Guess that's what got him so down.
My voice sounded gentler when I wondered: "What did you fight about?"
"He was being a dick." Brett scoffed, fisting the fabric from my back. I bet he could hear the frantic pace of my heart at his actions. "He wants me to tell you."
Again, instead of answers his words only left me more confused. And intrigued.
"T-tell me what?"
My heart stopped, breathless as I waited for his answer and Brett shook his head before hiding further in my shoulder. Goosebumps erupted everywhere as he mumbled incoherent things in my skin, lost in his own world.
Seeing he wasn't letting go anytime soon, I kept my arms on his chest, unsure of how to react. Pushed him? Hug him back? He looked like he needed a hug, but my heart and mind had different opinions on the matter and it only confused me further. Finally, my mind won the inner battle and I willed myself to gently push, detaching his hot body from mine. Cold replace everywhere we'd been in contact even in that heated place.
"Brett." With a sigh, I felt all the tiredness, exhaustion and frustration in me took form and gave me confidence enough to carefully tip his chin so he faced me. Our eyes connected making my heart ache.
Disoriented, he struggled to focus, but when he did, instead of answer anything remotely related to what we were talking about, he asked on his own: "Are we friends?"
"F-friends?" but his expression didn't falter. I really want my Brett back. My friend. The one whom I loved and who always was there for me. A lot of things had separated us, but lately he'd been trying to redeem it. And today... today he'd put me first. Over his benefit and reputation. He defended me from Noel. At his unwavering stare contest I felt my chest warming. "Yes..." he smiled. "Kinda."
A lazy smirk pulled his lip, twisting one loose strand of my hair between his fingers and randomly stated: "You're pretty." It came out as a slur but my heart felt like dropping either way.
At my wide eyes, he just stretched his smile, his gaze bright yet blurred. Had I heard that right? I mustn't.
"W-what?" I hated how breathless it came out. He must had noticed too 'cause his lips twisted in a half grin. Had I heard him right?
"You are." My breath painfully hitched in my throat when his burning hand came to cup my cheek and leaned 'till I smelled the alcohol from him, his mouth grazing my earlobe as if it was top secret. "The prettiest girl."
Thousands of shudders formed from there and shudders lowered my neck. Having your long time crush, saying such sweet things must be something out of a daydream; but I couldn't let myself be flattered by something a boozed person said. 90% probabilities that he wasn't even aware his mouth was running.
And it hurt.
I shook my head, deflated. "You're not you right now." I stuttered with a sigh. "Tomorrow you'll regret it all."
He clumsily waved one hand, making me reach out before he slapped something important and I could hear his breath hitching at the contact, eyes zeroing to where our skins met before meeting mine and sending me a dragged smile. "You know what they say." his arm around my back, tightening pulling me chest to chest. "Drunken words, sober heart."
My heart did a somersault at it. "Sober thoughts." I corrected gently but he shrugged it off, leaving a quick peck on the band-aid that stole my breath away.
"Mhm."
My stomach clenched in sudden excitation. I'm damn screwed. And he's gonna regret this so much in the morning. "L-let's just get you home, okay?"
I waited a couple seconds as he thought it carefully before giving me a slow nod. He couldn't exactly walk straight, but still he was way better than I'd thought. As he babbled listing random stuff; somehow, I finally managed to get him to leave the bar, dragged him to Granny's car. His Ford was in a nearby parking lot, I saw it as we drove by and content a malicious smirk just thinking of the thought of him having to make all the way here to get it. His face when he'd realize it would be epic.
I helped him in the backseat, noticing right away that Connor had gotten in the passenger once more and was scrolling through his phone.He was a wall of ice once more, his face unmoving like a brick, keeping whatever he thought of this little detour to himself.
"I've never seen you drive." Brett huffed, sliding on the middle seat clumsily as I closed the door and moved to the driver's seat. "You have a car?"
"It's Granny's."
"Oh, yeah, Granny's," he chuckled, shifting until he found a comfortable position and lifted his head. "You know? I've been thinking and I..." but his voice faded when he noticed Connor in the passenger seat, his mood shifting at once and his eyes narrowed. "What is he doing here?"
I sighed, tired. "Brett-"
"Why have you brought him? You know what? Never mind. He can drive so you keep me company back here." he pouted. Literally, he pouted and my stomach twisted uncomfortably. "I need to talk to you."
I frowned, glancing at him in the rear mirror. "You're drunk. We can't talk right now, I... I'm just taking you home-"
"I don't need a babysitter."
To my surprise and dismay Connor snorted. "You don't say."
Brett's eyes flared, leaning forward and holding on the back of our seats. "You want trouble, Mendley?"
"We're all tired, okay?" I intervened before this sudden tension could escalate. "Let's just get over with this." Connor shrugged and Brett's gaze met mine once more in the mirror, huffing as he let himself fell backwards into the seat, begrudgingly. I breathed easier as the levels of testosterone calmed, turning on the engine. "Buckle up, please."
I was glad he didn't fight me anymore and I drove. The tension in the car was dense. Silence even became too much and I had to reach out and turn on the radio. Brett was the firsts to shrug off this thickness and began babbling once more, now about the soccer team. Connor wasn't someone to make smooth talk so he just tune us out and I nodded and make short answers to the guy in the back seat, my mind torn between the driving and overthinking how surreal this situation felt.
Me, Brett and Connor in a car. It sounded like the start of a joke.
It was past midnight when I finally made it to his place, I didn't know if his siblings were here or not, but judging the turned off light on the second floor, whether they were or not they were already sleeping. Someone was up, though. I could see the whitish light through the salon's windows.
Good. Because Brett wasn't so well there and I would hate to wake any of them this time at night. Nor I felt confident enough to use his keys and let him in myself. That would have felt wrong. Brett seemed to brighten up when he saw his home, straightening and refusing help to walk. But he was just being stubborn. In his state he couldn't discern a straight line, much less get in without breaking anything.
Connor barely acknowledges the stop, keeping himself busy on the phone and I sighed, deciding to take Brett to the door for good measure. I would feel guilty if I didn't make sure he was safe. When we reached the front door, I helped him up the step and decided against ringing the bell, knocking instead. Please, Julia, don't hate me, I thought stressfully as Brett used my shoulder for support pinching the bridge of his nose with a grunt. So much for being 'perfectly fine'. I almost rolled my eyes.
I was about to knock again, balancing Brett's weight so he wouldn't fall, but then the door opened and Julia stepped there. Wrapped in a comfortable yet elegant gown, her slippers and a slightly disheveled hair.
"Well," she narrowed her eyes at his son. "Look who finally decided to show up. Where have you been?"
"Mom." groaned Brett with a grimace, squeezing his lids at the light coming from the house.
"Don't 'mom' me now." her gaze fell on me, severe. "Has he been drinking?"
"Em..."
"What am I even saying? I could smell it before even opening the door." she sighed forcefully and folded her arms with that mother-look making Brett squirmed. "What hapened? He's clearly not able to walk straight."
"I'm literaly right here." snorted Brett.
"You're in deep trouble, Brett."
"Mom, please." he whined letting himself leaned on the doorframe instead than on me, exhausted.
"I said don't 'mom' me, kiddo. Didn't you even think of letting us know you were alive? Weren't you coming back right after dinner? You got me freaking out! And you've come -drunk?! Have you any idea how bad is it for you? End like this?"
"Just happened once."
I zoned out from her lecture, stretching my muscled with a grimace, exhaustion nesting in every inch of my being. God, what would I do to just curl on that same sofa and sleep... The day'd been so long it almost felt as if it had been several. Had it really been just this morning that Noel shoved me? It felt far, far from now.
I just want to sleep it all away and woke up bright and good as new. The mere thought of the fifteen minute trip home tired me.
"And poor Alyson!" my gut twisted when my name was brought into the argument. I felt like I was intruding, head low and daydreaming, and now Julia just brought me right into the spotlight. "You think she deserves to be your babysitter this time at night?" she turned to me, her full mood softening immediately. "I'm sorry, sweetie."
I quickly gave her a tired smile. "Oh, no problem. Mrs Ryder. It's fine."
"See?" mumbled Brett in a raspy voice, rolling his eyes from the couch. "She says it's fine." and gave me a huge boyish smile, so adorable I felt ready to melt right now. My poor heart.
Why couldn't he always be this sweet?
I swear when tomorrow he blame it all on the alcohol my heart would shatter.
"Alright, alright get in already." Julia moved to the side for Brett to come in but he pouted and put his arm around me once more. My pulse doubled in surprise. What the hell? But Julia took him by the ear, making him detached just as quick. "In, I said." she pulled him inside and let go when he was on the other side of the door frame and he brushed it with a pout, sore. I almost laughed at his childish behaviour, but Julia was right there and I doubted she would appreciate it.
His blue eyes met mine again and I waved awkwardly. His features softened in response, but he kept massaging his ear. "Night, Lys. See you tomorrow?"
I nodded, shifting my weigh one foot to the other. "See you."
He grinned drowsily dragging his steps forward into the house and Julia sighed, turning to me once more. "I'm so sorry. You want me to take you home, honey?" she gently brushed my hair, if she saw my band-aid she didn't mention it. "I can tell you're worn out. You poor thing. Let me get my keys and we'll be on our way..."
"No, don't worry." I pointed the car over my shoulder and only then she noticed it too. "I'm on my way. But thank you."
"You sure? It's late..."
"I-I know, but I'm with a friend so I'll be alright."
"Alright..." she didn't look convinced eying the car and Connor with interest before looking at me once more and smile tiredly. "Let me know when you get home, alright? And don't worry your grandmother too much."
She hugged me goodbye and I walked back into the car where Connor hadn't moved a muscle other than his fingers on the phone. Almost on cue as soon as the Ryder's door shut at my back my own phone began bussing in my pocket, the known tune tickling in the night and I slid it out to see Norah's name.
I took it as I get closer to the car. "Hey, Nors. Guess what? You'll never know who-"
"Alyson." she cut in and my babbling halted at her slightly quavering tone. I froze with one hand over the door's handle, but without pulling it open.
"What's wrong?"
"They're fighting again." she sounded exhausted and sad and I got this sudden urge to go there and hugged her tight. "They've been at it for hours, on and off, they've forgotten to even make dinner and I'm feeding on last weekend's snacks I had left here." she sniffled but at least she didn't sound like she was crying. I would die if she cries over the phone. "And Connor is missing again."
"What?" my eyes trailed to the car's window and his careless frame slouched there in my passenger seat. The phone's light was the only source of brighnedss in the darkness of the cabin and it casted shadows on his cheekbones and long lashed.
"Mhm, I've been calling him, but he's not picking up. You were the last to see him. How did it go? He seemed mad?"
Right, she drove me to her place after school so I could check on him after the accident. It felt like it'd been day ago instead of the few hours since that. I narrowed my eyes as Connor, who still scrolling through his phone with that flat expression. There was no way he wasn't aware of her attempts if he literally had his phone in his hand. He definitely seemed mad now. And all the way since Brett came into the picture. He'd shut down since that call.
"I don't know..." I trailed softly, hesitating about telling her he was here but deciding against it at last. If Connor wanted her to know he would tell her himself, yet I was left with this awful guilt in my chest at my choice. "He seemed fine then."
Norah let out a long breath. "What should I do? It's been hours since he last said something. Should I go find him?"
"It's late." I resonate with her, biting my lip as more guilt oppressed my chest. "I'm sure he's about to pop out, don't he always?"
"I guess..." she sighed. "They just keep fighting and- I don't know."
"You want me to come?"
"I... what about Granny?" Mhm... yes, she wouldn't be pleased by it. Not only I was out late one week night without pre-notice, but if I also stay out..."No, no, Alyson, thank you. I guess it's fine..." there was a pause and she whispered next time she spoke: "I think they've stopped now. Or call it a day... Whatever. I think I'll try to sleep too. Damn, just hope that idiot isn't dead by the road."
"He isn't." I blurted before even fully taking the decision to tell her and my chest constricted. I hadn't planned on snitching on his werabaout but this was Norah, and she sounded stressed. I couldn't. I was sorry if Connor wanted to be secretive or whatever, but Norah was my friend, I couldn't just let her worry and all when I knew the truth.
"And how would you know?"
Here goes nothing. "Because he's with me." I rushed and pressed my eyelids together, waiting for her reaction but nothing came. Not for the first second, the second, the third... I counted to ten until I finally get some kind of reaction from her.
"What?" her disbelief would have been amusing if I wasn't half stressing.
"Connor, h-he's with me."
"How-"
"We went to skate, and then... I don't know, we hang out." I bit on my inner cheek. I didn't know why I was feeling this apprehensive. It was just Norah. And it was just Connor. It must be for not having told her sooner. I hate being secretive. I was usually transparent and this situation would have been ten times easier if I'd told her from the start.
"You hang out with Connor?" she repeated and I turned involuntarily to glance at Connor once more. My heart stopped when I found his gaze through the driver's window. Was he hearing me? I couldn't read his blank expression. "It's almost midnight, Alyson. Have you been together since I left you?"
I could feel the blush sinking to the roots of my hairs at her tone. Something between amusement, amazement and suggestion, but luckily Connor freed me from his gaze turning to his phone once more. I let out a quavery breath and casted my gaze to the ground under my feet my hand tightening over the door handle.
"It's a long story." I told Norah, too tired to get into details. "I'll tell you everything tomorrow."
"Oh, hell yes." she was sounding like her usual self once more, concern completely wiped from her tone and instead she sounded feisty. "You got a lot of explanations to do, miss. Now, can you tell my dickhead twin to pick the fucking phone?" I hummed, and she chuckled incredulously. "I can't believe it. Thanks, babe."
"Hey, wait, but are you okay then?" I asked before she could hang up and immediately wanted to facepalm myself. What kind of silly question is that?
"Yeah! I only have my parents' mood to deal with now." she was forcing the cheerfulness, it was painfully obvious but over the phone it was hard to react. "I'll see you tomorrow, yeah?"
"Sure, call me if you change your mind."
"Mhm. Nightie!"
"Night." I mumbled and she hung up. I looked over my shoulder to the Ryder's place, now the lights were all out, accentuating how late it was.
Finally, I got in the car with a sigh, turning on the engine once more. I adjusted the lights and buckled up, sending Connor a little glance, but he proceed to act like I wasn't even there. Or maybe he didn't notice me back? This was Connor after all, he might have gotten locked away in his own world and shut everything else out. "What are you thinking about?" I whispered, but my words sounded loud in the cabin, otherwise only filled with the soft music from the radio.
For an awkward moment I thought he was going to ignore me, or that he didn't hear me; but in the end he shrugged. So responsive. His phone buzzed then with an incoming call and I curiously found my eyes flying there just in time to see Norah's name before he slid the red button and diverted the call to the voicemail. My stomach fluttered, understanding at once the rest of Norah's calls had suffered the same fate. What was that about? She was really worried.
I frowned, but decided to feign innocence in hopes to soothe this sharpness he was having now: "Was it your phone or-?"
"Norah's called." Connor surprised by the straight-forward answer. It was again that tiny less cold, but the emotions sliding behind his walls was... anger. He was angry? At his twin sister? At me? At both? Tense? Furious? Why?
"And you didn't take it?" I glanced at him at the next red light. "Maybe it's important." Please take it. "Maybe she's worried?"
"Maybe she's controlling." he sneered instead slicing my chest at the tone once more.
Honestly, was he mad at Norah's intervention or at me? It sure felt like that anger was targeting me and I couldn't explain the pang it spread across my chest. He'd been weird since I took Brett's call. And the way his eyes glared into mine before had to put the car back into motion confirmed it. Connor was angry at me. The realization twitched my guts uncomfortably.
"What's wrong?" I asked softly, exhaustion evident in my slow tone. Today had been a really long day, a lot of things had happened and after dealing with Brett and hearing Norah's aching tone, all fight left in me was erasing. I was too tired and just couldn't afford more hard emotions before a good reliving sleep. But I couldn't leave Connor mad after everything today. Not when I literally got no clue of the ten steps backwards we seemed to have taken. "Have I done something?"
He inhaled forcefully through his nose, barely giving me a glare before turning nonchalantly to stare out the window at the moving street as I drove to his place. My stomach clenched. I had done something. But what? And why wouldn't he just tell me?
"I'm sorry..."
"Stop."
My fingers tightened around the wheel at his simple, flat command. "No, you stop." I didn't know where did this burst of confidence came from, but I willed myself to continue when I saw from the corner of my eyes how he slowly turned his head to look at me. My face burned at the weight of his gaze, but I hope it won't be seen in this darkness. "I don't know what I've done, but I'm sorry. It's been a weird day and I-I-"
"Stop." he insisted again, but it didn't sound quite as glacial.
I gulped down the dry lump in my throat. "Is this for Brett?" I tried gently, taking the turn entering his street. "I know you don't quite like him... and that it makes you detour this much and all, but I couldn't say no. He was wasted, and sad... He need me to pick him up."
"Why?" his sudden question made me faltered in the little speech I managed.
"W-what?" I parked before his house, the lights were all out so I guess Norah did get to sleep at last, and so must have their parents. The lamppost a little ahead from us and the light of the controls were the only source of light and projected sharp shadows on his cheekbones and lashes when I gathered enough courage to look. My heart did a backflip when my eyes crashed with his but he kept his face neutral, unmoving. Void. And that hurt even more for some reason.
"Why you?"
There was so much venom under his apparent uninterested tone, so much I felt shivers starting on the back of my neck and spread mercilessly down my spine. Why me? Why did Brett ask me to pick him up?
"W-well," I nervously tucked a loose strand behind my ear, unable to hold his eyes. "It wasn't like he called me. The barman-"
"He hurt you." he snapped again, apparently deciding he'd had enough with the silent treatment and I rolled my bottom lip between my teeth, trying to seize this reaction within me at his obvious rage. "You keep letting everyone walk over you and for what? They say, you go. Stop being so weak!"
I flinched. Okay. I certainly wasn't expecting that. I could feel my eyes burning and I forced them on the garage door of their house before us.
Weak. There it was again, that belittling word. He'd called me that before. And probably thought it thousands of times. But I was, wasn't I? I barely felt the anxious way my fingers fiddled or how he looked down at them and made that tiny frown of his, too many emotions locked under those dark iris.
"I don't want to fight." I cringed at how pity it sounded. I didn't want to fight him or in general? Was that why I couldn't even defend myself? This was what this was about, wasn't it? About people 'walking over me'. And, I mean, he wasn't wrong.
Jade tormented me for as long as she pleased, Noel more of the same until Connor here deck him. And Brett... he claimed not knowing what was happening. He claimed he would have stopped it... but he did start it. He turned his back at me, turned the mocking me into a game so wicked people like Jade and Noel assumed it was okay to push it further, he kept the painful pranks -innocent to him, heart breaking for me- up for three years... and yet here I was ready to put all this behind and called him my friend again because he had a couple good months.
Connor let out a long breath beside me, shaking his head almost to himself and brought up one hand to brush his already messy hair, making the dirty blond strands stood however. There was a tension lingering in the air, making it thick and dense as he leaned backwards, taking a few long second before his lips parted: "You need to grow some backbone, Alyson."
A backbone? Yeah, that would save me a lot of problems, but judging by the past almost eighteen years of my existence I was quite familiarized with how I reacted at the slightest problem in the way: I crumbled like a leaf. I could feel my chest constricting just now.
"I don't think I can."
He didn't like my answer. Not at all. But then again, I was the impersonation of weakness and he'd made quite sure I know he loathes it. "You better."
"B-but why?" I shrugged one shoulder, unease, still glaring forward because I was sure the moisture in my eyes would leak if I looked at him right now. "Jade is expelled, and she was the worst of them all. Noel... I don't think he'll be much of a problem anymore. A-and Brett isn't like that anymore."
"And yet none of that is for your doing." I grimaced, shrinking more in my seat at the blunt honesty in his words. "You've let them keep going."
I parted my mouth, ready to deny it, but my voice failed and I closed it again, the apprehension in my chest bubbling all the more. Had Brett not changed his mind, I would still have him on my back, had him not moved things to get Jade expelled she would still torturing me. And it wasn't until Connor literally punch Noel that he face some kind of repercussion on his awful treatment towards me.
Because I was weak. And I would have probably let it happen until I left for college. But what if in college happens the same? Would I let them push me around as well? Will I ever be able to stand my ground?
No one's gonna stand up for you if you don't stand up for yourself.
Was that what thick him off?
Swallowing the lump in my throat, I willed my eyes to lock with his again and more of those weird butterflies swirled under my skin.
"Are you honestly mad at me?" my voice trembled to my dismay and his jaw set, looking away this time and he reached for the door handle.
"No." but he hopped out and slammed the car shut in a way it make it quite clear he was upset. But I didn't know what to do to fix this.
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QUESTION: Do you have any crush?
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