"Like this?"
"Mm, a little higher."
"Okay... What about now?"
"Better- Good, actually."
"Yes?" I smiled proudly, looking back from Macy to the mirror and examined the work. After almost an hour of her teaching how to properly apply an eyeliner it finally felt good to succeed.
"Yes." she appeared by my side on the reflection, her head popping over my shoulder with a smile. "Wow, now your eyes look even bigger."
A blush climbed up my neck and I shoved her teasingly. "Isn't it the whole purpose of this?"
"Indeed it is." she laughed, walking back towards her bed and dropping there nonchalantly. "Just saying it really looks good on you."
The inner me bloated in content. "Thanks."
"Anytime." she grinned up at me. Laying her weight on her elbows. "Actually, Norah was planning to get you to the mall the next weekend, hoping you'll be inspired by some of the stuff she was going to get herself. But apparently you're taking the initiative and all." I blushed harder. Macy dropped backwards, making the mattress bounce a little. "Can I ask for the sudden interest?"
"I mean, why not?" I cleared my throat, straightening my back in an attempt to appear more confident. "I just wanted to try."
"Sure." she huffed. "A week ago you didn't even know there was such a thing as an eyelash curler, and now you want some tips. But yeah, why not? I'm sure there's no deeper intention behind it."
I squirmed, turning to my reflection once more. "S-so what?"
"Nothing." she chuckled. "But," she smiled, pushing her hair off her face and gave me that knowing look. "About that thing about you and Connor." I blushed to my roots at her tone. "Is it true? I've been meaning to ask you, but with the recent drama and all..." I almost grimaced at the mention of Jade's return. She'd kept her distance since that threat the first day, buy me felt awfuleverytime I get to share the same room as her. Just knowing she's in the same building got my nerves having a stroke. But the girls were always around. And, surprisingly, so was Connor. He would wait by my locker and walk me to class. Silent, but there. And that was heart warming itself. "Norah said you spend the whole afternoon together and didn't come back until late night. "Norah was damn confused about it this morning. Have you talked to her?"
"Not yet."
"Well, I'm sure she's gonna give you a mouthful."
"Uh, look, why don't you go sweet talked her into going easy on me? Tonight, maybe? At some point during the date you might just, like, drop it?"
Oh, right, these two were having the very first hang out with them being an actual couple. A date. But for the calm way she was taking it, I could tell I was more ecsatic about it than Norag was. How? Macy was always so collected, so serene. Against Norah's craziness.
Yes, the pink haired girl and tried to dig in whatever kind of friendship Connor and I were having, but I manage to dodge the most inquiring digs. Not because I didn't want to answer, but because I didn't quite know how to. But I knew the moment she gets a good hold of me -without rush, or Jade or literally any other topic I could use to distract her- she would demand a full report.
Macy chuckled. "Yeah, can do that." her phone beeped and she took it lazily, raising her brows. "Speak of the devil..." but her grin melted into a slight frown as she read the text.
"What?" I wondered, putting away all the make up stuff she'd so kindly lend me. "What does Norah say?"
"She'll be coming a little later." Macy clicked her tongue, typing back. "First date and she's already in trouble."
"I'm sure she'll compensate."
She giggled, blushing. "She will, I'm sure." more texts arrived at her phone and she rolled her eyes. "Connor is missing again."
"Oh."
"Mhm, apparently Norah had to cover for him and has been trying to contact him ever since." I pursed my lips. Missing again? Macy whistled. "Damn she's pissed."
"I'm sorry."
"What? Why are you sorry?" I shrugged and she shook her head, typing back. "Don't apologize for stuff that isn't your fault."
I bit my inner cheek, nodding, but she was already busy texting back and forth with Norah. Don't apologize, fight back... seems like everyone more or less came to the same realization. I was too weak and complying.
I sat on her desk chair, making it spin a couple times as my mind ragged. What was up with this man? Always going their own way, not reporting to anyone. Norah was having a hard time with her parents situation, and the fact that Connor only seemed to want to detach himself as much as possible only added to it.
Seeing Macy was too busy texting her with that grin on her lips -as if they weren't about to see one another in a few moments- I slid my own phone out and scroll through my texts to Connor's contact.
The only texts there were both that I typed from his and my phone. There hadn't been more interaction veia smoartphone since then. I could feel my heart limping as my fingers ghosted over the letters, hesitating. But, what the hell? One text won't harm anyone.
ALYSON: I haven't seen you at school today, and Norah is ready to rip your head out. Little advise: STOP avoiding her or I'll fear for your well being
That was it. I held my breath once it was sent, regretting it right away. What if he thought I was being noisy? Controlling as he says Norah was? What if he regrets the friendship altogether and step out of it?
Okay, calm down. All in all, he'll probably just ignore it.
I stared at the screen for a long minute, but nothing. Of course. If he isn't answering Norah he must be busy.
"Whatever." Macy scoffed dropping her phone one the other end of the bed and getting into a sitting position, her long ringlets falling like a halo around her face and shoulders. She was an exotic in such a collected person. No wonder Norah had it bad. Yet her expression turned wary as she looked at me and tucked on curl behind her ear. "Look, Alyson... I know this is something you don't want to talk about, but how are you coping with Jade back?"
There it was again, the awful feeling of dread clutching my chest. "Well," I lifted one unstable shoulder. "I hadn't been ambushed by her since that first day."
"Ambushed?" Macy face shifted from concern to anger in a matter of seconds. "That bitch. What did she do? You said she just went 'a little overboard'." she quoted. "What was it really? I heard she was... " Macy cut herself and reached out to grab my hand reassuringly. "Never mind, are you okay?"
"I- Yes. But I'm sure she threatened me."
Her dark eyes narrowed. "What do you mean?"
I shook my head, going over and over that crazy conversation we had by my locker. "She... Pretty much she said I messed with t-the wrong person. And was being all fake and I thought she was... That she was going to-"
"Hey," she pulled me off the chair and next her in for a quick embrace, and despites how vulnerable Jade's memory made me feel, Macy calmed me down almost instantly. Her hands rubbed my arms spreading warmth and haunting away the icy sensation the blond always seemed to install in my veins. "It's fine. Nothing will happen to you again."
Connor had said a similar thing that day, but nothing had stopped Jade form getting to me before. And I still felt like crying everytime I remember the accident in the changing room.
"What if it happens?"
"It won't." she assured. "I'll stick by your side every second if I have to."
"Really?"
"24/7."
A wave of gratitude filled me and I found myself relaxing enough to let out a shaky laugh. "Don't you think Norah would get jealous then?"
Her eyes rolled, but I could see a light blush painting her cheeks. "Not more than some guy I know." she joked back, content I wasn't that freaked out anymore.
Actually, as I cool down and let my blood flue go back to normal I realized my franticness and panic was instinctively after what Jade'd put me through in the past. Thinking of it calmly, there wasn't really much she could do, right? Despites scaring me, which she was so good at.
Maybe she could make some people believe she was an angel and it was all a misunderstanding, but the ones that matter knew what really happen and had -at her own words- put her under a close vigilance. She could mess with my head all she wanted, but the thing was that a stunt like the beating at the changing room was rather not likely to happen again. I wouldn't risk meeting with her either way, but I need to calm down.
"Wanna put on a movie?" she wondered and I nodded, moving to sit by her against the headboard as she took the controller and turn on the TV in her room. A TV in her room. I swear if I didn't love her so much I would die from envy. She had the looks, the brains and the wealth. A whole package she was.
We put on some old western, Macy's guilty pleasure, and sink into the bed with the lights out. I was half into the movie and half dozing off, not at all as a fan of this as M was and last night late shift was finally paying off. But was suddenly shot full awake when my phone buzzed over my stomach, making me jump out of my skin and scaring her as well.
"Damn, girl." my friend groaned dropping back against the mattress. "Don't do that again. You scared me to dead."
"So exaggerated..." I snickered but picked the phone up nonetheless and my heart picked up when I saw it was a text from Connor. I could feel my heart up my throat in anticipation as I unlocked the screen.
CONNOR: ok
I almost huffed out loud. Ok! That was his elaborated answer. I didn't know why I expect anything else in response, yet there was a bubbling in my guts and I found myself typing back immediately.
ALYSON: What are you doing?
I thought it would take him another hour to come out a response, but to my surprise it came quite quickly.
CONNOR: things
Of course.
ALYSON: such as?
There wasn't an immediate response this time, and as I reread it, I worried that I might be pushing too much, seeing how unwilling he was about sharing a kind of personal details. I shook my head and decided to try another approach.
ALYSON: Are you coming to the old church later?
CONNOR: no
Okay, a pang of disappointed spread like fire in my chest. But it melted into something entirely different when a new text appeared.
CONNOR: what are you doing?
I squirmed in my seat, content that he was asking. Was it out of politeness? I didn't know, but having a somewhat civil conversation with Connor got my chest swelling.
ALYSON: Seeing a movie with M, but she has a date in about an hour with your sister so I was hoping we could go to skate?
CONNOR: busy
ALYSON: With?
CONNOR: so many questions...
I blushed and caught Macy looking at me inquiringly, but I shook my head and she went back to the movie.
ALYSON: You're going to the wager-swaps again aren't you?
To fight?
Again, there was no response. I guess I did ask too many questions, but can you blame a girl? He disappears, skips and get in trouble. And now that I knew he was actually putting himself in such situations for quick money I couldn't help the lump in my throat. Skating was fine, I guess, it wasn't a big deal when we went there. But fighting? I still yet to know the details of that and wasn't even sure I wanted to dig much more.
Sounds like something that the further you stray from the best.
After a couple of minutes I typed again, biting on my lip.
ALYSON: Would you tell Norah you're ok?
She's worried for you.
It was only radio-silence and I could tell this was beginning to annoy him. I was being too noisy. But if he was texting me, he as well could type 'I'm fine' or whatever to Norah so the girl wouldn't worry. I bit into my thumb nail, staring at the screen as my heart picked up.
ALYSON: please?
I didn't want him to get upset and close up all the more, but what else could I do. I was worried for him too. For both of them.
Seeing he wasn't going to answer I sighed, about to drop it back face down over my stomach and focus on the movie but then it buzzed in my hand.
I greedily looked at it and a wave of disappointment washed over me when I saw Brett's name. Uh? Disapointed by Brett reaching out for me. Now that's a first. Disappointed in Brett trying to contact me?
BRETT: I need to show you something REALLY important. Can you come over??
I had re-read it probably over ten times now, but it still amazed me and puzzled me. What could Brett may want to 'show' me that was that urgent it couldn't wait until tomorrow? Or 'till Monday, seeing today was Friday already.
Macy took a handful of the crackers between us and when she noticed my sudden confusion looked up with a frown. "What?"
"It's..." the words faded. What was I going to say? A weird text? I shook my head, dispersing the daze and slid my fingers across the screen. "It's just Brett."
ALYSON: What is it?
I raised my gaze just in time to see the look in Macy's eyes. I furrowed my brows. "What now?" I wondered and she shrugged one shoulder, as if saying 'I ain't saying anything'.
Ever since that night where I picked him from the bar my relationship with Brett had been... weird. He tried being nice, he was kind and grinned at me when we crossed paths, but I could tell he was also embarrassed. He'd apologized and looked remorseful and ashamed, it was written all over his face. Also, since now I also spend time with Connor I was barely seeing him. Despites the natural charisma of our current golden boy, he pretty much avoided spending time with me. He wasn't popping out every corner like I'd grown used by now since his return at the beginning of the semester. Did I miss him? I didn't know...
Yet the times we did interact, Bretts was determined to make it up for the past years and prove he meant what he said. That he was sorry.
My phone beeped.
BRETT: wouldn't be a surprise if I told you
can you come or not?
A knot of anticipation clenched my guts. I bit my lip, hesitating for a second before letting my curiosity get the best of me. I glanced at the clock on Macy's wall, seeing either way it was already almost the time they had the date.
"What?" questioned the girl glancing at me curiously.
"What time are you gonna get going?"
She too glanced at the clock and cussed, getting up and toward her wardrobe. "As soon as I get dressed." she held one hanger on each hand, showing me two different dresses and I gestured the blue one. She nodded, putting away the other. "Norah will be here in ten, more or less."
"Then why did we put on a movie you knew we wouldn't finish?"
"Uh, to pass the time?"
I giggled, shaking my head. "Okay."
ALYSON: Alright
Coming now, then.
BRETT: waiting, then
I wasn't aware of the little smile in my face until I noticed Macy's pointed look. I quickly wiped it away.
"Brett got something he wants to show me. But wouldn't tell me what." I explained, feeling lightheaded with all the options running through my mind.
"Mysterious." she hummed. "Are you leaving already, then?"
"Well, yes? I thought you'll be quite busy now and in all honesty, I don't want to play the thrid wheel when Norah gets here."
Macy chuckled, dropping all her make up stuff back on the dresser. "Relatable. Call me tomorrow, yeah? I'll want to ramble about it." she grinned and I chuckled back. Hugging her goodbye and leaving the house still with that weird ease.
I glanced down at my phone, still no texts from Connor tho. I pouted in frustration. I guess he was ignoring me too now. That's what you get for being a busybody. Opening his chat I typed slowly, hesitating and rewriting five times before settling for.
ALYSON: I'm sorry for prying. I didn't mean to upset you.
If you do go to the fights it's your business
And sent. I breathed in easier somehow. Please, don't let him get mad at me for something as stupid as this, I silently prayed making my way towards that known part of the neighborhood I came to know at some point as well as my own: towards Brett's place.
When I was little I came here almost daily, several times each week, then I stopped that tradition for years, and yet now I found myself down that path once more, int he reddish light of the sunset and the cold wind swirling around me making my hair and clothes fly.
The pessimist in me struggled to take charge and tell me Brett's finally gonna tell me he's done with me. That he's done dealing with me. But I forced that awful voice down. No. He wouldn't do that only a few days after establishing we were back at being 'friends' or friendly or whatever that was. Right? But I was mouth dried and slightly trembling in anticipation by the time I reached Ryder's lovely home.
I knocked. Each time my knuckles met the wooden surface felt like a pang in my chest, expecting the worst.
Julia Ryder came to the door, confused, yet her face immediately lighted up when she saw it was me standing there. "Alyson, dear. Come in. Brett's taking Bolt out for his walk, but he'll be back in no time."
"Oh." why would he sent me that text if he wasn't even here to receive me? Now I look like an idiot...
"Actually, it's perfect you're here. Come see what I've found." Julia made me drop my backpack by the door and happily pulled me into the living room. In the coffee table before the couch there was one of those family albums with pictures. This had a bookmark pooping from the top. Julia made me sit, a huge smile as she took the album and pull it to her lap. "Since you were here the other day I began thinking about you and Brett, you know?" I blushed as she laughed fondly, her fingers tracing the side of the album. "I was thinking back when we went to these vacations together, you remember? What a great summer, uh? And, here." she opened it and the picture marked made my heart grew warm with longing and melancholy. "Look what I've found."
It showed Brett and I in that camping so many years ago. Both our families had gone for the whole summer to this place. I remembered this summer. Certain moments more than others. It was the summer I realized I love Brett more than any other of my friends, but didn't understand it then.
I carefully took the picture and inspected it closely.
My seven-year-old was smiling brightly at the camera, not-caring one tooth was missing, and my arms were wrapped around an also grinning Brett who had a huge ice-cream in one hand. Brett's stare was on the old me and I shuddered as I remember the kind of warm looks he sent me those days. The kinda looks that made me fall for him.
"Yes." I smiled shyly at the memory and muttered. "We were pretty close."
"Pretty close?" Julia snickered. "You were inseparable. He followed you everywhere." she laughed tenderly as I blushed more. "Just like a lost puppy. We knew then you got him fallen head over heels for you." My heart halted at her statement and I quickly put down the picture, embarrassed.
"I don't remember that."
"Well, I do. The poor child was so obvious... Your mother and I were sure you were going to end together."
My startled gaze rose to meet hers. "You... you did?"
"Ah, darling." she cupped my cheek. "Your mom was convinced. She joked about it all the time when you left to play or whatever you guys did all those times."
I smiled sadly, the longing in my chest crushing me harder. The memory of my mother was so precious yet so painful... like I wanted to evoke it yet keep it down at all cost. What I really wanted was to have her here.
"And that's the second thing." Julia turned back to the album and pass to the next bookmark as I struggled to compose myself. Come on, Alyson, you need to get over yourself. Don't make a scene now. But all those thoughts vanished into nothing when she handed me the next picture.
There they were. Both, my mother and father, sat on one of those beach bars; dressed in light, fresh clothes, the way they hairs were slightly disheveled and damp indicated they probably were taking a dip in the ocean not too long before the picture was taken. My dad's hand was over the table, half locked around an almost empty drink while my mother's fingers were outstretched to caress his. And between their bodies stood seven-year-old-toothless-me. In a green sundress and my arms looped on both their necks, smiling cheekily at the camera.
My eyes watered as I scanned their grinning faces. I didn't remember that photo being taken, but I could almost sense them in my arms, feel the sea breeze and heard their soft laughs. I could almost experience that moment again. A moment of joy and love. A moment I couldn't even remember.
"I wanted to give it to you." Julia spoke softly, yet I flinched away, embarrassed she'd seen me like this.
"I-I'm sorry, I just..."
"Hey, it's okay." I felt her sliding closer and she made me look at her, wiping away my barely unlashed tears and her motherly gesture only made my heart flutter more. "I cried for them too, at times. It's okay. You must miss them badly and it's okay." she smiled but it was a sad smile. "I'm sure they'll be happy to see who you are now."
I blinked fast, feeling more water forming again in my eyes. "Y-you think that?"
"Of course." she petted my hair and let it fill me with warmth, only then realizing the sad hint in her eyes too. "You look so much like her."
I formed a shaky smile. "Thank you."
"Don't mention it." she gestures to the beautiful picture in my hands. "And keep it. You should totally have it, dear."
The cracked of the front door snapped us out this little dense bubble of emotions and memories. I look down at the picture one more time, happy Julia'd given it to me and opened my bag to carefully slide it into my folder.
"I'm back!" we heard Brett's call right before Bolt came barking to our legs. Julia stood, clearing her throat and straightening herself while I wiped all the remaining tears I had just as Brett entered the living room. "I've seen Alyson's bag- Oh, you're here." he smiled. "Great." but then noticed how down we look and frowned. "What's going on?"
"N-nothing." I forced out a smile and got up as well but it didn't fool him.
"What's wrong?" In a second he was by my side, eying me up and down looking for whatever it was that got me like this. My heart stirred at his worried, frowning face.
"We just got a little emotional remembering past memories." cooed Julia calmly.
Brett looked at her, down were the album was resting on the coffee table and seemed to understand. When his eyes turned to me once again, they were gentler. "I see." and took my hand, leading me to the stairs muttering a quick goodbye to his mother. Once in his room, he softly shut it and cupped my face drowning me in those burning blue wells. "Are you sure you're okay?"
I diverted my gaze, uncomfortable at what I found in his. "I don't need your pity."
"It's not that." he dropped his hands, sounding hurt I said that and my stomach twisted. "I just worry for you."
"D-don't." I took in a shaky breath, hating hurting him so I recomposed myself and took his hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. "I'm sorry. We were talking about my p-parents and..." my voice cracked, getting emotional again. He squeezed back and tugged me so next second I was in his arms. I buried my face in his shoulder, letting his embrace brought warm back inside me. Fill the aching void in my chest. "I'm sorry." I repeat against his shirt.
"I'm sorry." he pressed his cheek on the top of my head tracing circles in my spine. "And not in a pitiful way. My lost wasn't at all like yours, but I loved them too."
I smiled at the melting sensation in my heart of hearing him say that. "I-I know." I let his comfort soaked me for a couple more seconds before composing myself back up and awkwardly pulling away. So much for not making a scene. "So," I chuckled, trying to brush the previous tension away. "What is it you wanted to show me? Please let it be something good."
He grinned back. "Oh, you got no idea." I watched him move to his desk and took a thick envelop. When he turned to me again, he had this barely conceiled excitement, genuine spark in beaming in his eyes. "I..." but he smiled almost anxiously and brushed his nape. "I don't know how to begin."
Curiosity bit my insides, making me tilted my head. "What is it?"
"I... Fuck, don't get mad at me, okay?"
That wasn't exactly what I'd expected some good new to start. My brows knitted together in hesitation, nerves cramping me. "Why would I?"
"Just... listen first, okay." he gestured for me to take a seat and I carefully did on the hem of his mattress, watching him spin the swivel chair before his desk so it was facing me and plopped down as well. Pushing himself closed with his heels and fiddling with that letter. "Do you remember... the last day of junior year?"
I immediately tensed, not having expected that approach of all the ones playing in my hyperactive imagination. "Yes. You broke my camera." I voiced, feeling the frustration and hurt as if I was living it all over again.
Not only that camera was probably the most expensive possession I owned, but he also erased my potential scholarship since I couldn't fulfill the desmonstration I had prepared for them.
Brett flinched, looking down at his hands. I could tell reviving it wasn't a pleasant experience for him either and again I wondered how was that the end of something that apparetly was good.
"It was never meant to happen, you know?" his voice quavered and he cleared his throat. "I was nervous because I was about to leave for that course and would be away for so long... I wasn't prepared for that. I wanted to... I don't know, leave on good terms, I guess? It obviously didn't turn out as I planned, but I was just supposed to mess with you a bit. Stupid, harmless. But then it fell and I ruin your chances and..." his words faded and I forced myself to look away, biting my bottom lip to prevent all those bad feelings that consumed me back then to come again.
"I get it." barely, but I believed him when he said he didn't mean to actually cause that mess. "But what does any of that have to do with this?"
His electric blue eyes found mine again and as usual, I felt this twitch in the pit of my stomach. His evident regret only making it more noticeable. "I know I fuck up, okay? I knew you were meeting those people and applying for the scholarship and I blew it all up." he gulped. "But when you ran away, I saw the... the broken camera there and I took it just in case. You didn't hear me out, so I couldn't give it back and I thought I had done something irreversible..." I shifted on my spot. Well, he kinda did. I'd lost the chance. I was hanging on this Nebraska opportunity because USC was way far beyond my reach without help. "So I keep the SD card and when they got a hold of me for my application I kinda send it..."
My heart skipped a beat. He what? This time it was me who snapped my gaze up to meet his, startled and confused. Had I heard right? No. I didn't dare to believe so, but his slow growing smile was there...
"W-what?"
"Your SD." he repeated. "It's still got your shots. You never gave me the chance to give it back. So I took it upon myself and with the right amount of pressure they accept to look at it."
I gasped, bringing my hands to my mouth.
"You didn't." Was that even viable?
"I did. And you know what? They agreed and, well." he shook the envelop making my wide gaze shifted over it. "They've answered."
"Impossible."
He let out a short laugh, holding the letter towards me. "Don't know what exactly this says, but summarized, they love them and accept to give you a chance to enter their summer program."
I gawked at him.
"They didn't."
"They did."
"No way."
"Better start believing it, Lys." he mustered amusedly pushing the envelop in my hands.
Trembling, I ripped it open and my eyes rushed to scan over the words. 'Dear miss Alyson White, we're pleased to announce you-'
Too much. It couldn't be. It was too perfect to be true and I felt my heart about to burst.
Brett got up again, going to his desk to take his phone and went through it. "They'll be here in a couple weeks I think they say... Yeah." he announced finding what he was looking for. "So you can prepare a proper presentation and win them over, impress them."
So it was true then. He did it. I didn't realize I was smiling 'till he mirrored my grin.
"But how...? You-?" I couldn't even talk properly. My mind in frenzy processing everything.
Something shone behind his eyes and he looked away placing the device back in the wooden surface. "Well, uh, it actually was my fault you couldn't get to that chance so... So I thought that this will make it." he looked down scratching the back of his nape. " I- I know it's not the same, but the summer course could be linked with a scholarship as well."
I blinked, something warm was filling my chest and I felt about to explode. He... he was mending the whole camera disaster. He was giving me an opportunity -a golden opportunity- to follow my dreams. Yes, this wasn't the straight scholarship chance I got last year. This was better! I might get a course and then the scholarship. Was this for real?
Brett surprised me further when he spoke again: "I've already talked to Loui and he was happy to lend you the Studio two Sundays from now so you can perform it or whatever there. We also can bring-" He couldn't finish his sentence 'cause I suddenly jumped on him and threw my arms around his neck, squeezing him tightly.
"Thank you, thank you, thank you!"
He gasped in surprise at my sudden outburst, but quickly recovered and hugged me back, leaning back against his desk. I felt his heart forcefully hammering in his chest, pounding against my own. He let out a shaky breath and buried his face in my hair. In my glee I only realized the intimate of this position when I felt his nose brushing my jaw line and gave me goosebumps.
I reluctantly peeled myself from him and smiled shyly. "Thanks."
"Don't mention it." but instead of letting go he kept his hands on my hips, mine over his chest and the heat between us enough to make my cheeks red.
I lowered my gaze to his shirt and focused there instead of his eyes. This close and with this building tension I didn't trust myself. "So," I cleared my throat, struggling to analyze his words and not how his palms spread warmth even through my clothes. "You're going to USC?"
"Not likely." His hummed vibrated through me since we were this close, making this feeling in my guts sparkled, magnified. "They haven't reached out yet, ad the ones that had said it all depends on the game against Richmore."
I frowned and tilted my head, still focused on the pattern of his shirt knowing this was a safer turf than those blue orbs that burn through me. "What do you mean?"
"Well, I almost got it all verbally agreed back in this intensive I took last trimester. But they want to see me actually play, how I work in a team and if it's not all technical, you know? And since Richmore is our hardest rival they found it suiting to sent the scouts, then." he said it easily, but there was an undertone there, a choked end that hinted he wasn't as confident as he wanted to project. "It's either USC or Berkeley. They're the ones that have shown interest."
Next week's game against Richmore was definitely something big. Not only everyone expected it almost as if it was some Big League game, but also the coach was super obsessed over it and pressure the players. I mean, sure, it was important; but, really? And now turns out for Brett it was also major for his future. And he was nervous about it.
Pushing pass this stupid insecurity I gathered enough courage to manage a nonchalant smile and look up again, my chest shuddering immediately as he was already looking at me. "You'll do fine. You always do."
"Yeah?" he tilted his head, eying me in a way that made my stomach churn in sudden excitement at the barely inches between us. "Would you cheer for me?"
"I-if you want me to..."
He smirked and brushed my hair out the way. "I do." My heart stopped when his gaze fell on my lips and the world seemed to blur around.
All I was aware was the way his hand pulled my waist while his other cupped my face, spreading liquid heat everywhere of my being. My breath hitched as his eyes darted a couple more times between mine and my mouth before they settled for the second, growing darker.
Is he going to kiss me now? Would I allow it? The weirdest feeling of awkwardness and insecurity swirled on the corner of my mind. I'd never been kissed before, and even if a long time ago I'd swoon about Brett taking my first kiss, now I found myself uncomfortable with the idea. Some dark eyes flashed in the back of my mind and the suddenness of it shocked me, making me dizzy enough for him to get closer.
My breath sucked when I realized he's stepped directly in front of me, and his hand gently cupped my chin, his eyes burning my lips, but my mind kept going in repeat. All I could think about were dark eyes, not blue; bleached hair, not auburn, and that weird, tiny way his lips curbed whenever he attempts to smile... My eyes widened as Brett began to lean in and my heart drummed crazily-
Only to drop down to my stomach when a knock on the door startled and froze us. "Brett? Doors open, remember?" I burned in embarrassment at Julia's knowing voice from the hallway, stepping away in such a rush I almost tripped.
He... he almost kissed me!
Opposite to me, Brett rolled his eyes, looking amused and beaming. Maybe frustrated? "Whatever."
"Oh, and ask Alyson if she's staying for dinner. It's kinda late."
"I-I really should g-get going. B-but thanks." I answered -more like stuttered like crazy.
I could hear her light laugh, "Alright then, darling." and fading steps.
He almost kissed me. He almost kissed me. My God! He almost kissed me-
Somehow I managed to tear my eyes from my fiddling fingers and met his smug yet somehow tender expression. He smiled at me and reached out for my hand, but I stepped away, confused beyond believe at how wrong it all felt, and it was then that his smile faltered.
"What's wrong?"
"I..." but my voice faded, my stomach twitching awfully. Brett Ryder, my long life everpresent crush, had been seconds away from kissing me. Why they hell am I thinking about Connor?
I shook my head, but it didn't go away.
"Lys-"
"I need to leave." I rushed, neglecting how flustered I was. His face fell. "I need to go- yeah, thanks for this and... I-I'm sorry." still overwhelmed I rushed out of there, barely stopping enough to wave Julia goodbye.
Suddenly the house felt too small and I was suffocating in it. As soon as the cold air from outside caressed my face I felt like I could breathe again, but didn't dare to stop until I was several streets down. What the hell? Would he had kissed me? What the hell? This was Brett, we'd been on a constant roller coster, he was after girls like Jade. We weren't even fully friends yet. And he would have kissed me?
The world spin as my mind ragged and I brushed my hair stressfully.
Why? I'd been in love with him for the longest time, crushing after the impossible. And now is when he decided I was worth a shot? Was that pity? I shook my head, dizzy.
The sky was dark now, the streets nicely lightened by a lamppost and the last memories of winter flew away with the breeze as it blew.
My first instinct when I calmed enough to think clearly was to call someone to talk, but both my friends were on a date. And my only other friend was Connor. That is so depressing.
Already knowing the result, I still pull out my phone to check if I got a response from my last text to him. Surprise, surprise, here were none.
I sighed shakily, loneliness only adding to this rush of confusion and despair. Despair? Why? He only almost kissed me. My first kiss. It was shocking, but why was I having such a big reaction? I felt like crying.
I shook my head. Get over it! And focused back on the phone.
ALYSON: Take care, okay?
I was about to put it away, not even expecting a reply now, when a new text came and my heart skipped a beat making me re-read it several times just to make sure I was getting it right.
CONNOR: Wanna come?
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QUESTION: Would you rather time-travel forward or backward?
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