The first thing I noticed when stirring awake was the swinging sensation, like I fell asleep on a cloud. Or a boat. It took me a few more moments to realize I was indeed resting over Connor's chest, raising and falling with his steady deep breaths. The air passed his lips and collided with my forehead, making me dizzy and the weight on my back was his arm. Mine were pooling aimlessly on his sides and my legs were straddling one of his. A large amount of our bodies were tangled and I found my heart doubling its beat as I grew more conscious.
My eyes fluttered open, slowly, heavily, and as expected, I immediately recognized Connor's room. The thumping of his heart, steady and loud against my ear is like a melody luring me to peace as I woke up more and more.
Raising my gaze pass his chest I noticed the laptop and the rest of last night snacks on the chair that's been dragged closer to the bed. By me, I remembered slowly. Once again, Connor had fallen asleep during the movie so I got to tiptoe and put everything away before laying on the furthest end of the bed, trying not to bother him. I clearly must have moved at some point.
There were soft sunlights coming from the window, but when I tried to look further to glimpse at the alarm clock in his night stand the movement got Connor stirring and I froze, hoping he wasn't waking up. Or for him to.
I wasn't sure.
The other time I'd spend here I also somehow ended cuddling Connor, almost like it was only natural and was drawn closer. A part of me wanted for him to open his eyes, saw me there and take in his unfiltered reaction. But at the same time, I was terrified by it. Scared of being pushed away once more when we'd made so many advances the previous nights.
I smiled to myself thinking back at it. I liked that. Connor was usually closed off and cold. I had gotten accustomed to his rude ways, but last night he let his walls down and let me in. I saw something more than the carefully built façade he'd put up through the months we've known each other.
"I thought you were so fucking cute."
"You make me soft."
I almost shivered just remembering it. He thought I was cute. And he just admitted it. Just like that. And I didn't know what to make out of it. If he thought so back then, could it be that he still felt it now? I don't think these were things that would just go away. And even if I would have never put myself in the spot of being considered something as endearable as 'cute', he'd say it himself. And by own choice.
Nothing has forced him to say something like that and still he had said it. And Connor didn't peg to me like someone that would play games. So he must have really thought it.
And then we had a beautiful night, having the snacks and some more pleasant talks. We talked for way too many hours, for so many that I lost count at what point we fell asleep, an it wasn't like usual, I wasn't the only one that makes contributions -most of them, for sure, but not all. And at first I thought it might have something to do with the beer, but to be honest, he didn't look altered by it. Maybe he was right and he just felt comfortable.
I really hope that was the case, because if all the advances we'd make were with him intoxicated, then it would be like stepping back several steps at once.
Without realizing I'd begun tracing the dark ink of his arm with my fingertips as I recalled all that. The soft texture of it was altered by goosebumps and my stomach twisted. He was reacting to my touch. And it was then that I noticed his deep, long breaths had chanced. They were shallower now, and his heartbeat wasn't as calm either against my ear.
I slowed my movements, but he didn't openly react and something in me make me keep going, feeding in the small reactions of him as I kept on with the smooth traces. His skin was soft, but his muscles under it were firm even relaxed. The results of all the skating and fighting. And that only ignited that soft heat within me.
My heart burst in my chest, and I pleased to realize that his was speeding too. Not even close to how mad mine was, but considering the collected person he was, that was a huge fact itself.
I knew he was awake, and he for sure knew I was as well. Yet none of us make a move to put an end to this. What were we doing?
And almost as if reading my mind, after a few seconds his chest rumbled as he spoke. "What are you doing?"
My toes curled at his morning voice, deeper and huskily than usual, and right against me, I felt the vibration of it travelling to every corner of my body.
"I don't know." I mumbled back, honestly. My finger stilted for a second before resuming the lazy patterns across his skin. "Do you want me to stop?"
For a long moment I was sure he would ignore the question, remain silent or say that yes, he wanted me to bloody stop. But instead those seconds stretched as he let me keep up with it and finally whispered: "I don't know."
From the angle I was, I couldn't see his face, I couldn't even see if his eyes were open or closed. But I felt how his jaw ticked and I could practically visualize his frown. His breath got shallower and fast and he tensed, making me halt.
Connor didn't openly tell me to stop, but I could read between lines and I rather stopped on my own than to be told off. I really didn't start the day getting pushed away or humiliated.
I tried sliding to the side, slowly and carefully, but the moment I moved left I felt a budge pressing against my stomach and he groaned, tensing his hold on me. I gasped, pressed against him and feeling my insides melt that he was hugging me... only that this wasn't a hug. He was keeping me still. "Don't do that."
Oh my god, that's his... Oh my God!
After the first second of startled stiffness, he was quick to let me go and I rolled off him, burning in self-consciousness and he groaned.
"It's a morning thing." Connor put the pillow in his lap, but it was too late. Even in my buzzing embarrassment I saw the pink in his cheeks, baffling me with that soft blush. This was by far the most altered I'd seen him ever.
"I'm sorry."
"Why are you sorry?"
"I... I'm... I just am."
He scoffed, getting off the bed and I still couldn't find the strength to meet his gaze again as I heard him moving out the room and into the hallway. Only with him out of the room, I allowed myself to drop backwards against the mattress once more and let our the breath I'd been holding.
It was a morning thing, he said. Could be, for all I know. I didn't have brothers or many male friends apart from him, so I was totally clueless at this stuff. Not like I would ever grow the guts to ask about something like that.
Pushing the covers off now that I wasn't feeling like hiding anymore, I shuffled got out the bed, feeling the huge shirt falling pass my hips to almost my knees and I realised it's rolled up during the night. I blushed in embarrassment, seeing the yoga pants did little to nothing in concealing the shape of my legs.
I couldn't be more embarrassed, feeling the old after leaving Connor's embrace and the cold air as I stand. The fluttering in my stomach didn't stop. Just thinking that I at some point had fallen asleep cuddling him, was enough to leave me hot and bothered. Not to mention the morning thing.
"Ugh." I brushed my face, stressfully. What is wrong with me?
Making sure he was confined in the bathroom at the end of the hallway and slid my way to Norah's room where I'd kept my clothes last night and change back into them. I would love to shower too, but I wasn't confident enough to use someone else's shower, so instead I took all my stuff and found my way down to the kitchen.
The house was silent and the morning clear light leaked into the carpeted floor like liquid. I stepped into the kitchen, a little embarrassed I took in everything we left on the sink last night, too tired to clean it, and now it was all pilling there. We did make quite a mess. And since we didn't take care of that and we didn't start the dishwasher, there's little to none tools.
Needing to get rid of this rushing adrenaline I proceed to clean it all. After all, that was the least I could do after robbing the Mendley's kitchen. I wiped the plates and put them in the dishwasher, starting it right away, satisfied.
My eyes stick to the coffee machine for a second, but then I realized I got no clue if Connor even drink coffee or how he liked it. I opened the cabinet and saw the last couple of mugs were: at the very top.
Of course it wouldn't be anywhere more available. No way, that would be too easy.
I bit my lip and stood on my tiptoes, feeling the hem of the top rolling up my stomach and the cold counter's surface against it. I pressed my free palm on the border of it and stretched my arm and spine further, but only manage to graze the bug with the tip of my fingers, tapping it closer slowly. When I almost got it, tho, I felt a presence right behind me.
Connor. I hadn't heard him come, but the citric scent announced him and known tingles mercilessly spread across my skin. I burned when one of his hands rested around my left hip while the other effortlessly reached for the mug.
I spun in his grip, almost shuddering at the feeling of his fingers brushing against my lower back as I turn before casually resting on my other hip, and shyly peering up at him. He's changed too, and now was in his black jeans and dark green hoodie with a weird simbol printed on the front. I was sure it was about another one of those groups he liked, but I couldn't be sure of which one. But, well, it wasn't like I could pay much attention to his attire when Connor stood so close, all in my personal space; staring back at me with an almost soft expression as he held me the mug.
"Not only you're very sensitive, you're also tiny as hell."
"I'm not!" I defended blushing, but my heart fluttered as he kept his hand there even after I took the mug, Connor just brought that hand to the counter at my other side and tilted his head, amused.
Really? Everything that happened yesterday, this night... even this morning. And this is what he chose to say first conversation we had? But at his unwavering stare I felt the word vomit bubbling up my chest, needing to say more.
"I mean, I'm short, but not tiny." I asserted, hoping that my firm tone would prove my point, but it only sparkled more the amusement in his eyes.
"Can keep you in my pocket." there was teasing in his tone and he actually smirked a little at my narrowing eyes. "What are you doing today?"
The sudden question took me completely aback.
"I need to pick up my grandmother for the mass and the I have work at the Studio." I informed and he nodded. "Do you wanna come?" I couldn't help it, the words just came out. "I-I mean, if you don't have plans. I don't mean that that you might don't have plans I know you're a busy person, and you probably had tones of those. You, know all a bunch of people standing there and hearing the sermon, but it can be calming you know. Peaceful and freeing, but I guess you'll find it boring you don't... You know what? Never mind. And you probably don't even like the idea. Actually, it's an awful idea. Forget it."
"To mass?"
"I know, never mind." I brushed it off, blushing and had to tear my gaze from his because it was becoming hard to deal with this mess in my chest when he looked at me like that. Like what? Yeah, that I would like to know too. It was some kind of emotion, like endearment, but I couldn't be sure.
All I knew was that this crush I was developing was turning harder and harder to deny. Or maybe it was just that now that I had a name for this emotion, it all was becoming more real.
"C-could you get the other one?" I pointed over my head where the other lonely mug rested and his gaze shifted there.
I held my breath when he moved to take it, bringing his eyes back to mine while he leaned, closing the distance almost unbearably, bringing his chest barely inches away from mine and for a long second his lips hovered over mine. I could tell his eyes grew darker there for a moment, but just as fast he'd gone back to an appropriated distance and practically shoved me the mug.
I watched, baffled how he took the previous one from the counter behind me and turned to the opposite cabinets wordlessly.
Had I done something? Was he triggered once more of he just loves to drive me insane?
"I had fun. Last night." I blushed when his eyes met mine again, but forced myself not to look away this time. Smiling while nervously tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. "Thank you for inviting me. And for letting me stay."
He just shrugged, but I felt the tension lightening as he gestured with his head to the table.
Swallowing down the lump of unsaid emotions ravishing my chest, I took a seat on my usual stool whenever I came here, biting my lips as he moved around picking stuff. We had the remaining cinnamon rolls, a half empty box of cereal, orange juice and milk.
I laced my fingers together and settled them on the table as memories from out last breakfast here came rushing to my mind. Back then Norah offered me the cereals and he got worked up when there were none for him after, so I'd learned my lesson by now.
Almost as if reading my mind, Connor slid the cereal box closer to me and I glanced at him, surprised, only to have him shrugging again. With my heart picking up at the simple yet meaningful gesture, I managed a smile.
"Thanks." I served myself a bowl as he took the cinnamon rolls instead. "So, what plans do you have for today?"
"Not sure yet. Depends on my mood."
"And what mood is that?" the only response I got was one blank stare before he turned back to his breakfast. I couldn't help but noticed once more the bruises forming in his knuckled. I was glad to see that the split of his lips was a lot less swollen than it seemed yesterday when it bleed. Now it was barely a scab, not even swollen. And same with the little wound in his brow. "Well, I hope this is a good mood. After all, you had a stressful day yesterday, and you better take it carefully now."
He sighed forcefully through his nose. "I'm fine."
"Yeah, right. I know. But still, take it easy. I remember this one time when I got hit with a swing and that hurt pretty much. I spend the next day sitting every five minutes because I keep getting dizzy-"
"You probably had a concussion." he deadpanned. "And how the hell you get hit by a swing?"
Good question. "W-well, there's no need for the curses. You do that a lot, have you noticed? And so on, I just happen to be walking by it... and it kinda hit me." I blushed at his look. "I'm clumsy! you know that. And also I was little. Brett and I were in the park and we thought it would be fun to chase around the swings."
"Red heads are crazy."
I gave him a side glance, not believing he just stated something like that, but Connor just returned the look. "Your sister's hair is pink."
He shrugged, unbothered. "And she's the craziest of them all."
I laughed. "I guess I can't argue that. But whatever my point was that you did hit your head yesterday. Or rather they hit your head. You should probably take it slow and be patient."
"This isn't my first time, Alyson. I got this."
"Okay." I squirmed in my spot, detecting the aggravation in his voice. He hated it when I try to look out for him. He stuck Norah to being 'annoying' for it and I was afraid I might be following the same path despites everything. "I'm worried about-"
"Worried about me." he finished for me in that bored tone that only proved my point. I was getting on his bad side going on like this. Yet there was a spark of humor in his eyes. "One would think you like me at this point."
I choked on the milk, amusing him further. "W-what?" I screeched once I stopped coughing and unable to keep up with both this hurricane within me and the fact that he was voicing my sentiments like that I got up. "I don't even know where this is coming from."
"I hear no denial here." he exulted as I put away my bowl, not really hungry anymore with this nervous knot my stomach had turned into. Was I this transparent? Bringing all my will power to remain calm outside, I almost had a heart stroke when warm fingers laced softly around my wrist and I turned to see his little -almost not there- smirk. "It's pretty obvious."
My head spun, embarrassment and self-consciousness choking me. And his touch burned even if it was gentle and soft as a feather. I was almost sure he could feel my rapid pulse against his fingers and read it clear in my face. Why did I have to wear my emotions on the sleeve? I wish I was hard to real, mysterious, like him. But no. Here I was being exposed by the very last person I want to know this completely unrequired crush. And yet Connor was just... speaking about it like this.
"L-like you're someone to talk." I tried to snort, but my anxious anticipations were too damn noticeable. "You're the one t-that had a m-morning situation or whatever!" my stutter got my whole sentence felt way more against me than him.
I expected him to shut down, to storm away like he did in the bedroom. I even expected him to blush a little like he cutely did back then, but the only one with a reddening face was me for ever bringing that up again.
He scoffed. "Still, no denial." I bit my lip as his gaze fell to where he was still holding my arm delicately like noticing for the first time. But instead of letting go he let his hand slid slowly to mine as he slouched back against the chair, looking back up at me and smiled lightly. "And you keep blushing. That's cute."
"C-come on." I looked away, inevitably thinking back to last night again.
You were so fucking cute.
But now he wasn't altered by the beer, or sleepy or hungry or whatever that might have confused him to tell me so last night. And he was still holding my hand. Could I even call it that?
It felt more like he was holding my fingers, fiddling lightly with the black ring on my thumb. His ring I'd completely forgotten about. But the moment he leaned against the back of the chair I stepped forward to maintain that contact.
I was probably just proving him right and that might be the reason why his mouth tugged upwards a little.
"It's fine. You are. Ask Ryder anytime."
And just like that all blood rushed back to my cheeks. Because last night -for some stupid, demential reason- I also act unlike myself and told Connor how Brett almost kissed me.
"Connor." I went to pull my hand from his but he then decided to grab on it more than just symbolically, preventing me to. "I told you nothing happened."
"So Ryder got cockblocked."
"N-no!" I burned at his slag. "You don't even know him. He just got back and you're new. Why do you even hate him so much?" he shrugged. "He's not as bad as you make him out to be."
"No?" that seemed to spike something in him, making his eyes squint as he stood too. I had to crane my neck back at the change of angle, but I forced myself to keep up with the eye contact. "He's the same shit as Wickman. As Jade."
"He's not-"
"He hurt you just as much. He left you. He allowed this shit to happen, because, what? He got jealous? He's the same shit or worse." I was about to protest some more, but he spoke again. "Photographic memory, remember? I saw him kissing Jade the day she attacked you and then coming to me for explanations." he snorted, more aggravated the more he spoke and I felt this sickness in my stomach.
He barely ever talked this much, and this emotionally. I mean he was still cold, but there was actual anger and frustration in it. And it was sinking straight to my bones.
"He didn't know!" but it sounded weak to my own ears. Maybe Brett didn't press the trigger, but he did set the scene for them to come and tormented me. He and Jade did kiss that day when I was attacked. He'd liked her for years and pushed me down instead.
"Spare me."
I shook my head, stepping back and only as my hand slid back to my side I realized we were still holding hands. There was a sudden emptiness at the lost and I crossed my arms for protection. "Why are you even getting this worked up? This had n-nothing to do with you."
But that only seemed to anger him more and he stepped closer. "Why? Because I fucking-"
"Hello!" new voices interrumped us from the front door as it got opened and in came Mrs Mendley, dropping her coat on the hanger and straight to the kitchen. Connor put some distance between us right before the woman entered the room, backing into that mask of boredom and inexpressiveness. Me, on the other hand, was sure I still looked altered.
I'd never been good with hiding my emotions. So having someone who I just started admitting to have a crush on getting bristled with you for an still unknown reason was triggering in some level. At least I wasn't crying, and knowing me, that was a huge win.
"Good morning, sweetie." she kissed his cheek and I didn't know what was more surprising: that he allowed such a sweet, tender move or the pink of his ears as he grumbled back a 'morning'. "What's this?" her greeting turned into concerns as she spoted the cut on his brown and lip, but Connor pushed her hands away.
"I'm fine. Just fell off the skate."
"Oh, Connor, you need to be careful." he shrugged and her eyes found mine then. "Alyson." she greeted with a smile, not able to hide her surprise as she scanned the rest of the kitchen. "I thought Norah said the sleep over was at Macy's."
"Y-yes, her and Macy were. I'm here for, er, Connor."
Her brows shot upwards glancing between us in bewilderment and shock. "Oh really?" Connor rolled his eyes as Mrs Mendley set her inquiring gaze on him. "Didn't know you two were friends now." To my further mortification Connor's only reaction was a shrug and I wished the earth would split and swallow me so I could scape this situation.
Once the initial disbelief settled down, his mother looked rather amused. "Well, isn't that nice? So you stayed the night?"
"So?" finally spoke Connor in an unimpressed tone.
"Oh, I don't know, maybe it would have been nice of you to let us know someone was staying." there was a hidden hint in her tone, between humor and a warning and I almost gasped audibly at the insinuation.
"W-we just put on a movie and fell sleep."
"Now did you?" her head tilted, like I just cracked the biggest joke and settle her eyes on Connor once more. "What movie?"
"Alyson." nodded Mr Mendley that entered the kitchen just then and saved me from his wife's stare, but he showed just about the same emotions as he took in my presence there. "I didn't know Norah was staying after all."
I blushed again as the woman rolled her eyes. "No, Pit, she's here for Connor."
"Really?"
"We're going." Connor's fingers clasped around my wrist and he tugged me after him out the kitchen.
"But we just got here!" protested his mother, but it all fell on deaf ears as Connor had decided it was enough and tugged us through the living room. I guess it was a good thing I had changed and packed everything already, he didn't look like he was in the mood to wait as he picked my stuff on the go and I barely managed to balance it as he passed me my hoodie and purse. "Connor!"
"I'm out." he announced just like that and exited the front door, closing it behind us.
"It seemed like they had something to say-"
"Can you not?" he huffed and I sealed my lips, clenching my hold on the hoodie before realizing it was indeed too cold and slid on it. As he sighed forcefully and slid his hands through his hair.
"You okay?" I asked the eternal question with this man. "Okay, don't answer. You're gonna say you're okay and you're not; so if you're really not going to tell me the truth, I rather you would just choose to ignore me altogether and don't go for the 'I'm fine' thing, because then I know you would be lying and it'll mess me up." I rushed, out of breath at the end and my face burned but it was true.
I saw him glancing at me from the corner of his eye, before shaking his head and tilting it back in a huff.
I assumed he was just going to do that, ignored me. And I preferred it over the false reassurance when it was evident he wasn't dealing with this as good as he claimed.
"It's just..." he started, but cut himself and groaned in frustration. "They got away for a couple days. No texts, no calls not a fucking note, and here they're back and wanting to play it like nothing happened?"
Norah's told me this escapes and breaks they take so regularly were to a try couples therapies, but there was no way I was saying something like this to him. I was sure he was more than aware of it, and if he wasn't, it was so not my place to meddle.
"Whatever." he scoffed standing straighter and brushing away those little demonstrations of stress. His hair so messy I could barely stop the urge to run my fingers through it. "So, are you doing something today or not?"
"The mass, remember? And then I'm off to the studio." I explained, listing my usual Saturday routine. "Again, you can come if you want." I repeated as he never got to answer me when I first purpose it.
"And do what?"
"I don't know. Have you ever been to a church?" he looked at me like I was speaking mad and I giggled. "Come on, why not try it?"
"Why do?"
"You don't have to convert or anything, just come and see what this is about."
"I'm sure the place would burn the moment I step in."
My eyes widened at his deadpan before a baffled laughed escaped me. "Don't worry, I promise if the crusifix start turning I won't hold it on you."
He smirked too, his eyes still somewhere in the distance, but his mood had successfully eased. "Come on, I'll drop you home."
The walk home felt way too short for some reason, like I couldn't stretch the minutes enough no matter, I probably pierced his eardrums with all my babbling. But one thing I noticed about Connor, just like I'd grown used to his little to non verbal communication, he'd gotten used to my extra intensity in that same area.
It felt like I could talk about anything and he would listen. I love it. And for some weird reason he likes it too, at least enough to have fallen into this routine where I talk and he listens, where I faltered and he protects me... Where he finally and slowly allowed sweet things to slip in pass his high cold walls. Like midnight snacks, sweet talk or just a sense of security that embraced me when I was with him.
Yeah, I had a crush.
But there was nothing I could see that would prevent it from growing, and Connor made it so difficult to drive me through it with his mixed signals.
We reached Granny's place sooner that I intent and I entered as he waited on the front porch, lighting a cigarette.
"Hello?" I entered slowly, atent to any sound and they directed me straight to the kitchen where I saw Granny having his morning toast and coffee. She was still in her pajama and housecoat.
"Good morning there." she smiled, sliding up her glassing and carefully folding the newspaper. I kissed her cheek. "How was the girl night, uh?"
Oh, uh. This is when my chest tightened because I remember I'd told her I would be staying at Macy's. I hate lying to her. I can't lie to her. "Here's the thing. I was going to have a girls night, but there a change of plans in the last minute."
"Is that right?" she hummed and I fiddled nervously with my purse. "And what were the new plans then?"
"Yeah... Macy and Norah were actually having a date, you know? First big date and all. And I really didn't want to be the third wheel. So, you know Connor?"
"Norah's twin brother?"
"Exactly! That one. So I went out with him instead and we decided it would be... uh, more appropriate if I stay with him instead of disturbing the girls. But it was too late to call you about it and since I would be here in the morning I didn't want to wake you up for such a thing."
"How considerate of you." my heart speed, waiting for a reprimand, but instead shrugged after the firsts seconds. "And how did it go?"
"Great. I-I... Sorry, aren't you mad?"
"Why should I be? I would appreciate knowing where you are but you say it was late and I trust you not to get in trouble. Unless it isn't as appropriate as you're claiming it to be?"
"Of course it is!" I blushed at her raised brows and she laughed, taking the newspaper once more.
"Then it's fine. Just make sure I am informed properly next time. Once can be for bad planning, but twice won't be so innocent." I nodded and she dismissed me looking down at the paper. "You might want to change, I guess? Go on, I still have to finish this and get ready as well. Had you had breakfast?"
"Yes, don't worry. I'll go prepare then."
I wished I had time to shower, but not when Connor was waiting downstairs and we were about to head to church at any moment. Instead, I changed into a pair of tight jeans, a cable-knit pullover and flats.
I wiped the slightly smudged make up from yesterday. I'd totally forgotten about it, but luckily I wasn't such a mess, only a little blurred at the corners of my eyes. I watched myself in the mirror, hesitating for some long seconds before taking my new eyeliner and repeating what I'd learn with Macy. It had some kind of magic effect, like I felt prettier like this, more confident in myself. I just hope I'd make it good and not clown-like.
Quickly going through my stuff I took the tote bag and put in the camera, my folder and everything I would be needing for the studio later on. Giving myself one last glance I climbed down the stairs and to the porch. A huge part of me was sure Connor would have bailed by now, but he was on the porch's bench. Still smoking without a care in the world, using his legs to swing it softly.
I couldn't help but smile at the warm flow his presence there awoke in my chest. "I thought you would've abandoned me already."
"I'm still not going to the church."
"Oh, that's okay." I move before him, griping to the wooden railing with one hand as I took him in. His slightly disheveled locks, his sharp jaw, the healing cut in his brow...
"Do you always stare at people like that?"
I quickly looked away, my face heating. "No..." too late I realized I just admitted being staring at him and my guts tightened in embarrassment. From the corner of my eyes, I saw his head tilting and to save what was left of my pride I turned, facing the railing instead and folded my arms over it and glancing at the neighborhood ahead. Why am I always so awkward? I wish I was as outspoken as Macy, or as confident as Norah... or as beautiful as Jade. Then I would know the right steps. Then I would actually have a chance. But no. I was little, awkward me. "I'm sorry."
"What for?" all of the sudden his hands gripped on the railing at my sides, his thumbs grazing my elbows as he did so and sending a nerve-shattering chill everywhere. He wasn't touching me, but the nearness was so numbing I feel my limbs tingles and my heart sped.
"F-for making y-you uncomfortable. I d-didn't mean to stare." I bit my lip, shrinking more over myself at the weird warmth that spread as I felt his mouth in my ear and his breaths down my neck. "I tend to get distracted and then I stare... but not like stare-stare, more like getting zoned out while looking at something. Not like you're-" Okay, stop talking! "Never mind. Just feel free to cut me if I bother you. I know I can't be annoying."
"Who says that?" he intervened then, his frown noticeable in the apathy of his careless tone and again, I shuddered as his hot breath hit the sensitive skin of my neck.
"Besides everyone?" I giggled nervously, only then realizing what I'd just admit and biting my lip to halt more humiliating confessions.
"That's bullshit." he surprised me by stating and I looked up then, barely managing to hold his stare over my shoulder for a second, before the dark intensity there churned my guts making me drop it and nod instead, tucking my chin down self-consciously.
I counted the seconds until he said something else, but Connor withdrew back into his shield of indifference. I saw as his hands tightened on the railing and I took my chances to spin. Just like an hour ago in his kitchen, I find myself in his embrace -kinda. He was in my personal space, overwhelming all my senses and making me dizzy.
Connor eyed me just as carefully, leaning closer and making my stomach flutter at the extreme nearness now. All I could focus on was his face, his deep dark eyes and felt the sweet way my heart lumped. Torturing me blissfully.
His brows perked a little when I stood still, probably expecting me to cower like I always do, but what was there to cower from? This was Connor. And at this point the goosebumps he awoke in me were anything but scary. A whole new feeling tugged at my muscles as I mixed with his body heat, his acrid scent, the soft way his breathing hit my lips...
It was like a dangerous dance with him. He pulled me closer, lure me in and then stepped away only to step back in right before the embers had cooled down. As if he fed in this unfulfilled tension. Of this constant push and pull. And now he was pulling.
His head tilted. "What?" I shuddered as his other hand lightly brushed my hip. "Am I making you nervous?" He leaned closer mixing our breaths and creating more of that buzzing in my chest. "Are you-"
I couldn't even explain what happened next. All I knew was that something in me clicked and the next think I know I'd closed my eyes and stepped on my tiptoes, pressing my lips to his.
A feather like touch that spread warmth through my whole body. An aggressive spark shuddered down my spine. Of shock at my own boldness. Of glee. A liquid pleasure that burned and consumed my senses and bones for the second it lasted.
The moment this second erased I noticed his breath hitching and realization hit me like a train. I pulled away, extremely self-conscious and with a thrashing heart.
I've kissed him! I've stolen a kiss from Connor Mendley.
My first kiss.
And he was looking down at me in shock, his mouth parted as if to speak but no words came out. The most expressive I'd ever seen him, for sure. My face burned with shame as I untangled my unconscious grip on his hoodie, unable to hold his gaze anymore, and pressed myself further against the railing, almost tripping at the lack of space to cower away.
"I-I... I d-didn't mean..." You didn't mean what? You totally aimed to kiss him. I almost choked in embarrassment and if my face got any reader it would burst in flames. What had I done? "I'm sorry, I'll j-just... I-"
But saving me from an excuse, the front door opened and out came my grandmother. "I thought I heard you out here." she closed the door and locked it. And almost as if sapped out the bubble with the newcomer, Connor took that as his hint to step away, still not uttering a word and retreating back to his cold façade. My heart ached along with the shame. "Are you ready? I don't want us to be late."
I nodded, gripping on her arm as we made a quick scape to the car and ignoring her weird look and how she waved Connor goodbye for the both of us. I wasn't even able to look at him. And I couldn't even fully breathe until I was in the vehicle, door shut and moving away so he was just a blurred dot in the rear mirror.
Bur still this rush wouldn't leave me alone. I touched my burning lips with a shaky hand. What had I done?
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QUESTION: Are you one to take the first steps, or you wait for the other person to make their move?
Hey! Here goes another chapter! I hope you're liking it so far. They've kissed! Who saw that coming? And who thought Alyson would be the one to make a move? Let me know what you think <33
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