ALYSON: how is it going?
I bit my thumb, watching the text get sent my heart picked up when he got online and started typing back.
CONNOR: good
ALYSON: Take care
CONNOR: u2
I rolled my eyes. As if it was all the same. I was currently in the front row of the bleachers, watching the famous match between Clayton High and Richmore, and he was going back to those activities of his. For how he avoided talking about it, I believed tonight Connor was going to the fights, not the wager-swaps, and that left a bitter feeling twitching my stomach.
To be honest. I wasn't that sure about neither of our plans tonight. His for obvious reasons and mine because, in all honesty, I'd never been one to come to the varsity games. Luckily, Lydia was by my side. Since she knew Brett asked me to come, she offered to come together and I couldn't be more glad. Macy was away for a family event until tomorrow and Norah had plans with her friends from their last school. So, me? I wasn't someone with many backup friends and I dreaded the idea of coming on my own. But here was Lydia, not only kind and beautiful, but also my guardian angel.
I could see why she was so liked, her charisma was overwhelming. Like Hunter. Like Brett. Guess that kinda was the thing about popular kids, the had this... halo.
Even as she screamed her lungs out when Clayton almost scored again. "Damn! That was close." she cheered with the rest of the bleachers as I slid my phone back into my pocket, clapping too, as the players resumed their positions and the ball was back into movement.
It was so loud in here, and considering we were in the front row, it felt as if the noise surrounded us and drown my thoughts. Clayton was fine, they were at its top, but Richmore was also playing it hard and the players were already sweaty and frustrated as both teams were yet to score.
Brett was easy to spot, both from her funny hair color and for the five printed on his game kit. The same five that was printed in the sleeves of the jacket he'd given me and asked for me to wear. I was still unsure about this. The huge cloth was comfortable and cute, warm against the night breeze of mid April, but at the same time... it didn't feel that right that I was wearing it. The white and blue colors of the varsity team were too light, and it was lacking some scent of smoke and citric.
My heart squeezed. Brett is just a friend, even if I'm... whatever I am with Connor, there no damage if I put his jacket, right? It's not that big of a deal and he asked. Connor didn't look thrilled by the idea, but he gave me that usual shrug and acted like it couldn't bother him less. As if he didn't know that by now I could read through him, but what was I supposed to do? It was just a jacket. And Brett asked.
I get so mesmerized watching him across the field that the roaring from the next score came to me almost as if hearing it from underwater. I saw as the team hugged and congratulate each other just as the referee signed the end of the first part.
"Well, that was exciting." Lydia leaned to whisper, even tho I don't think anyone would heard over the loud crowd around. Swallowing the growing bubbly sensation in my stomach I sent her a shy smile. She laughed. "Are you hungry?"
I nodded as the players made their way out the field and towards the changing rooms I guess. "So... What do we do now?"
"We got fifteen minutes. Usually I go to grab something to snack and then drop by before they jump in again."
"Mm," I nodded again. "Sounds good."
"Yeah," she chuckled, taking my arm and pulling out our seats. "Let's go."
Our 'snacks' were a coke, a soda for me and a bag of Cheetos. Moving within this mass of people made me feel vulnerable, and I wrapped the large jacket closer around me to no used. Maybe because it was probably Brett's jackets what was attracting attention towards me.
We walked pass the Richmore side quickly and Lydia guided us down the corridor between the bleachers, several guys were around chatting and relaxing. The redhead waved them as we pass, but go straight to the end of it, where the chatter was louder and more of them stood around. The door at the back was the changing room and I prayed for her not to drag us there. God knows how must that stink. Luckily I recognized Hunter at the end of it, talking with a couple other guys as they recovered.
"Honey," Lydia closed the distance between them and circled her arms around his shoulders, kissing his cheek while I glanced around to no sign of Brett. "You were so great out there."
He smiled up at her from his sitting position on the bench and pulled her closer by the hip. "Thanks."
"You two as well." she easily sat on his thigh and grinned at the guys Hunter'd been talking to. "Those losers didn't see what was coming for them."
"Yeah, but they are tough as hell." grunted the one I think was called Gabe.
"Well," I cleared my throat, "You're still winning."
Truth being told, they were way better than I expected. I mean, Clayton was a good team, but the matches against Richmore were usually when we cracked. And now with this last score, we were even and the blue team had gotten most of the ball possession so far. That must be why things had become a bit rough this past minutes.
"Yeah, but they didn't take it well." huffed Hunter as if reading my mind. He frowned. "I'd never seen them this aggressive before."
"Me neither." nodded the third guy, attracting our attention to the slight bruise under the hem of his shirt that was on display as he tugged it upwards.
My eyes widened. "This is from when you fell?"
"Nop. This is from the kick that made me fall." he corrected with a humorless smile.
"Damn." Lydia voiced my thoughts, shifting to get more comfortable with one arm across Hunter's shoulders. "Those jerks better keep their hand to themselves or they'll have to handle me."
The guys laughed and Hunter kissed the side of her head, calming her down; but I got a bit worried. I hope this was just a slip and Richmore didn't really decide to take such a strategy now that Clayton was proving to be a greater rival.
"So," I cleared my throat and Hunter dragged his eyes to me. I could feel the tip of my ears burning. "Where is Brett?"
He looked up at me with a knowing look, not really helping my nerves. "Coach wanted to introduce him to the scouts before the next part, and then he went to say hi to his parents." he informed me and I nodded.
Right, I'd seen Mr and Mrs Ryder on the higher rows of the bleachers. I waved at them when catching their eyes, but they were too far to actually interact. I was happy they were here to support Brett but at the moment a cold wave of disappointment washed over me at the lack of his presence. I tried to conceal it the best I could.
"Oh."
We shared our snacks with them, but in short they were called out to the field again to warm up after this little break. Once out my eyes immediately met the blue ones I'd been looking for, finding them as if pulled by a magnet. Immediately, my face reddened at having been caught staring, but he just waved at me and I awkwardly returned it. He was nonchalantly talking to one side of the bleachers, listening carefully to what the coach was saying.
I'd seen him fall a couple times wrestling for the ball, but nothing that seemed serious. But then again, I didn't think that other guy was hurt and yet he was. Maybe Brett had been harmed like him? Some bruise? Some lesion? Oh my God, what if the scouts-
"Hey," Lydia nudged me towards to the side so we get out the way of the out-coming players back to the field and stretching out. "Don't look now, but Jade is looking this way."
My blood froze and all my worries about Brett disappeared in a second. Looking back at her wide-eyed. "W-what?"
The girl nodded, glaring something beyond my shoulder. Her tongue clicked. "Now she's sending me a nasty look. If she thinks I'm gonna back down..." but then her lip curved. "Nop, she's given up first." I dare to glace there and saw the cheerleaders crowding for their next performance. Lydia turned to look at me. "What's up with her? I know you said before that it's all fine, but has she annoyed or bothered you in any way? You can tell me."
"No, it's just... well." I lowered my face, tucking a stray lock behind my ear. "She's never liked me. But she hasn't done anything since she's back."
Lydia made an 'are you serious' face. "Jeez, it's great to know after her jealous bitch scene and having been suspended for it, she was controlling her meanness. Sooo good to know." then she noticed something else beside my shoulder and her eyes snapped back at mine, a hint of franticness in them as she took my wrist and made me look at her. "You need to tell Brett about Mendley."
"W-what?" my eyes widened. Hadn't she agreed to let me manage this on my own pace? But she looked almost nervous as she looked between me and the field. "I will, just not now."
Not in the middle of his big game. In front of the whole school. That would be embarrassing, especially because he might as well respond with a 'congrats' or 'and you're telling me because?'. Humiliating myself publicly wasn't my aim today.
I shook my head, and Lydia sighed. "Alyson... I'm not supposed to tell you this, but you need to stop him."
"Stop him from what?"
But she shook her head and returned behind my back, excusing herself softly before heading to where Hunter was leaning against the side of the bleachers stretching. Way to talk cryptically. What was I supposed to stop Brett from? And by telling him about Connor. I couldn't even visualize yet how that conversation would go. Would he care? Would he not? Would it be awkward? It most certainly would be awkward.
But why the insistence on telling him? Lydia'd told me so when I asked her the other day who had she told, and she let it drop casually a couple days ago, and now. But why?
Things were... odd. Once more I couldn't really tell the motive, but Brett wasn't the same. I mean, the same he'd been after him coming back. He was all hugs and smiles and weird looks that made me wonder if there was something on my face. A part of my mind reminded me of that almost kiss in his room, but he'd denied it meaning something.
Whatever other thought I could have on the matter never fulfilled since another voice startled right from behind. "Hey."
I spun around, meeting those bright blue orbs that got me tongue-tied and my chest heaved at Brett's small smile. "Hi." do I really need to sound so breathless? I cleared my throat and conjured a grin, my fingers fiddling nervously. "What did he say?" I asked, pointing where he'd left the coach.
Brett's smiled stretched in pride. "He's happy. He said we were doing a good job so far and the scouts also were super nice. I guess that's kinda their thing to be but still..."
"Oh, I'm sure they were genuine." I waved his dismissal. It wasn't like Brett to play down so I could tell he really was nervous about this whole thing. Understandable. "So they like you."
"I think so. They say if the second part went as smooth as this it be a piece of cake."
"Really?" the bubble in my chest increased and I felt like floating, almost jumping up and down in excitement. "That's... that's great." Brett nodded, opening his arms and I grinned, stepping into them and feeling like I was five years again while getting engulfed in the familiarity of being in his known embrace. "I'm so happy for you!"
He chuckled tightening his arms and after the first second there was some shift in it. I could feel it like a weight in my guts and I couldn't tell I actually liked it. I let go of him, but he kept his hands on my waist, keeping me close and stretching that bubbled.
'You need to stop him.'
And there it was again, that look that churned my guts. The same look that he gave me in his room. My heart picked up. It can't be.
His gaze travelled up and down my attire, sparkling. "You're wearing my jacket."
Yes, and now it suddenly felt suffocating and heavy. But I smiled. "You asked me to."
"Right." his smile was addictive, so clear, yet it felt wrong, misleading. I couldn't stop comparing. I knew it was mean, and it was inappropriate, but his eyes were too blue, his smile was too carefree and he was about an inch shorter, yet his shoulders were broader.
Stop this, he's your friend.
Is he? Why is he holding you this close then?
But as I lectured myself, Lydia's warning came back again: 'You need to stop him.'
"Well," I gulped with a small grin. "So it's going well, isn't it? The couch is happy, the scouts are too... And you?"
"Maybe." his hands slid to my back almost without thinking and pushing us even together. His breath was fanning my face and making my heart lurched to my throat. My mind went overdrive over all the ways where I could gently pull away without creating a scene. "I'm happy you came."
"Well, you asked." I repeated moronically and something twirled behind his eyes.
I couldn't name what I saw, but was definitely something strong and intimidating. Chills ran down my spine and let my knees a trembling mess. I'd wanted to be looked like that for so long, a few years ago I would have died if he'd given me that look, if he'd hold me like that and made the rest of the word disappear... but now I felt like I was suffocating; seeing something I couldn't quite understand coming this way when everything in me wanted it to halt.
Was I being irrational? We were friends, physical support wasn't that weird, and we'd hugged a lot in the past... But it was Brett, I couldn't thrust him, nor myself with him. Or could I? Was I just imagining it?
It seemed like I wasn't when he leaned and pressed a kiss on my temple. A soft, loving gesture that made my heart squeezed a bit because it felt like it wasn't just that.
"Brett..."
"Yeah?" he whispered against my skin, tracing a soft line down the side of my face and then kissing my cheek, my whole body went stiff in his hold.
"W-what are you doing?" I hated how weak it came out, completely baffled and in shock.
"I'm happy you're here." he smiled, pecking another spot and this time I moved my face to side, my thoughts a complete mess, but he took that movement as an invitation and I felt his lips grazing my skin on his way down to my chin and his hands tangled behind my back. "I'm glad you came for me."
My heart was picking up. This wasn't good. I felt like I could literally have a heart attack if he moved that final in separating out lips and I finally connect my thought enough to snap out the shock and pushed away, breaking the hold. "Brett."
"What?" He frowned as I hold on the side of the bleachers, watching around and feeling intensely grateful everyone was distracted with the cheerleaders' number being performed.
"What..." my voice faltered and I had to try again, my knees shaking as if I just ran a marathon. "What are you doing?"
"Lys." he stepped closer, that intense look now giving me cramps because I got a bad feeling about all this. He almost kissed me, again. Was he going to deny it again now too? What was his deal? "I was going to do this later, but you were so receptive."
Receptive? I mentally scoffed, but outside I couldn't move more than to blink, completely confused. "Do what?"
"Lys." he took my hands tugging me closer, looking deep into my eyes, between rushed and anxious. "I should had done this before, I know I hadn't behaved the best, but I like you. I like you so much. I think I've always had and I can take it anymore."
'You need to stop him.' My eyes widened. Was he proposing? No freaking way. I could feel an aggressive blush creeping up my neck as unsettlement tightened its hold on my guts. "Stop."
"What?" and just like that it was as if the wonder that had clouded his eyes a second ago was wiped off by disbelief and growing vexation. I shook my head, taking one step backwards, awkwardly uncomfortable.
"I'm flattered..." I began, my mouth dry and my mind like a cloud of cotton. "I-I'm just confused. Y-you like me?"
"You must have noticed." he frowned, frustrated, but I was shaking my head again and that only made his mood soured more. "Of course you have. Come on, Lys, stop playing hard to get."
"H-hard to get?"
"You know I like you. I get you the scholarship, I pick you in the mornings." he was getting more and more bitter as he went on and I felt my stomach twitching. Was he throwing that in my face? " I practically spell it for you the other day in my room, I almost kiss you-"
"You said you didn't mean it!"
"And now. You're here. You're wearing my jacket." he pointed at it and suddenly it weighed heavily on my shoulders. "You knew I was asking you here on a date and you came."
A date? "I did not know that." I frowned, taking another step backwards, my chest tight and his eyes clouded with hurt and anger at once. "I'm here as a friend. I thought you were driving me as a friend. And you said what happen in that room was a mistake, that you didn't mean that." I fisted my hands into fists, hopping with all my might he couldn't see the red heat in my cheeks or tell how my heart was going ten miles per hour.
"It was obviously a lie, Alyson!" And now he was yelling at me. I flinched, hoping we weren't getting anyone's attention. After all, we were half hidden from the view and the main interest was now in the ongoing cheer performance, so hopefully this little nightmare was only being witnessed by me. Brett fumed in enraged denial even as he tried calming his outburst and took a step, forcing his features to soften as he took my hand again. "I like you, okay?" even that smile felt wrong. Wrong wrong wrong- "And you like me. I know you do." it didn't matter that I was shaking my head, Brett didn't even seem to see me. "We can just-"
"I'm kinda with someone!" I rushed as a last resource and he halted, his grip on my hand tightening.
A second passed. Another stretched, and then it came his breathless: "W-what?"
I could feel my heart growing tough and the familiar burning behind my eyes. Why couldn't this happen three years ago? Why couldn't this happen within the last three years? Why did Brett have to come and tell me he's apparently like me all this time at the very moment I was finally moving on with the harmful, childish crush I had on him?
I took in a deep breath. "I'm with-"
"I heard you the first time." he snapped and let me go abruptly, his face unreadable as he slid his hands through his hair.
I bit my lip, holding my elbow in efforts to do something with my hands and repeat in my head over and over again everything that led us to this point. I was still struggling to process that apparently Brett was into me. How? Why?
Brett shook his head, he was looking at me like he couldn't believe me, like he'd never seen me before. And it did something in my guts that I didn't like one bit. "But you're wearing my jacket."
"You asked me to, Brett."
That seemed to snap something in him and his shoulder squared, his lips pressing into a thin line. That serious, angered expression only activating bad memories. "You've been leading me on."
I frowned. "I have not. You denied what happen in your room. How was I supposed to know you didn't mean that? W-we're friends."
"Some friends we are." he snorted and I hate to see his side of him after these past months when he'd manage to convince me it didn't exist anymore.
"I loved you, Brett." I stuttered, and his rage faltered for a moment. I gulped, deciding to swallow my insecurities and just spit it and hope for the best. He deserved to know, and I deserved to let it out. "I once did. For so long. But you weren't there." he flinched, but I didn't let it stop me now. "When I needed you, you weren't there. You paid your frustrations on me and made me feel small and dispensable. Maybe you didn't know about Jade, but you encouraged her behaviour. You left me. And you suddenly came back, all brand new and decided to give me a second chance? That now you like me and just think I shall nod and agree?"
"Who are you with?"
"Brett." I huffed in frustration now as well. "Are you even listening to me? It's not even a-about who I'm with or if I'm even with someone else, it's about me not-"
"Who?"
Uh, what does it give? "Connor, okay?" his name on my lips felt dirty at the moment. I didn't want to taint him with whatever toxic mist that would come out of this. Whatever toxic react I should have seen coming. And I hadn't. Not by far. "Connor Mendley."
His eyes widened. "You're with that creep?"
My nails bit into the palms of my hands. "Stop it." but it was as if he didn't even hear me.
"I should have seen it coming. I keep telling myself..." he shook his head. Hurt, confusion, vexation, shame... emotions keep piling in his expression, as if he was feeling all them at once and I wanted to feel bad for being the cause, but he was making it damn hard for me to sympathize with him. Brett lifted his hands in the air. "I can't believe you're doing this to me right now."
"Me?"
"You know what this night means. What's at risk. And y-you're telling me this now?"
Whoa, how is this my fault all of the sudden? It felt like a knife twitching my heart with guilt and self-consciousness. Wasn't he all sweet and cute a minute ago? How could he change so much over... over a rejection?
"Brett-"
"The scouts are watching, there only half of it left and you... How can you be so selfish? And you call yourself my friend?"
Selfish? I could feel the tears already gathering behind my eyes. Of course he would turn this so I was the culprit. He did the same three years ago. He was Brett Ryder after all, if something didn't go his way it was the world that had to accommodate his necessities.
And if he decided to come, act nice, and decided he liked me; he didn't even consider the possibility of me not returning the feelings anymore. Two options: I'd been so obvious in the past that he noticed all along (which might as well be very true), or he didn't even care enough to notice what was precariously built between us now was the remains of a broken friendship fabricated all over again.
And for the way his eyes squinted at me, Brett was blaming this all on me.
With that in mind and the yells from the coach for the players to get ready, I forced myself to tear my gaze apart and it almost felt like a physical relief.
We heard his coach calling them all over and I almost flinched, ripped out this little bubbled we'd created just for the two of us. A bubble that seemed intimate at first, but that now was suffocating me in a mix of confused, destructive thoughts.
Suddenly the air was annoying cold and the environment was filled with whistles and the roaring excited crowd. I dared to look back at Brett and saw his face twisted with... disappointment? Right before he covered it up and put his permanent smirk back on.
As if nothing happened.
He nodded his mated that were gesturing for him to approach, his voice strain as muttered under his breath, only for me to hear. "Thanks a lot, Lys." for once, my nick sounded poisonous instead of endearing and I felt even worse. "I hope bidding on my future is worth it."
And with that he was off towards the field for the second part.
At least no one seemed to have noticed the drama, or the girl about to cry on the verge of the bleachers. As if invoked by my thoughts of public humiliation, my eyes casually wandered to where the cheerleaders where after their performance and my stomach dipped at the sight of Jade, watching Brett as he moved on the field. An expression so longing and human I could take it on top of everything and spun on my heels. I headed for the parking lot as the roaring of the match got lost behind me, tears spilling out as soon as I was on my own.
********************
QUESTION: Rather be resentful or naive?
IMPORTANT!! NEXT CHAPTER IS ALREADY OUT AS WELL <33
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