I still remembered how I felt the first time my parents anniversary came and they weren't here. It was, as always, early January. Usually my mother would woke up early to prepare a lovely and delicious breakfast before my father had to leave for work. I barely saw him other than weekends since his work schedule was too occupied. But on their anniversary or our birthdays we always started the day together.
My parents were never rich people, we sometimes even live by the day, but they always made up things out of no were, so with simple flour and a bit of apple my mother would made us the greatest dessert ever. It could easily pass as a 5 star restaurant. Or at lest that what I remember.
After their accident now three years ago, their marriage anniversary started rather depressing. Like today. Me and Granny decided to visit them before school and she even sugest to go have breakfast on the small cafe at the courner. But it still didn't compensate their lost. I missed them like crazy, I mostly had accepted that they're gone but sometimes it felt like their hole would never be fully closed. Like today.
So when I entered my fist period I already was in a sour mod, no matter Macy's hugs or Norah's charade. They helped, yeah, but what I needed was something that was crashed three summers ago.
The first hour passed in a blur, I forced myself to take notes but in my head I was far, far away. If that stupid car crash had never happend, how would be my parents now? Would my father finally had been promoted? Would my mother ever lost her hard accent we all but her loved? Would we still be living on that small flat over the flower shop?
I guess I'd never know and that pained me deep inside. Like burning that never stopped.
Turning on the autopilot, I entered almost the first Economy's class and immediately took one of the seats in the first row. This fist days it was very important were we decided to camp up since it would became our place for the rest of the trimester. I made myself comfortable as people began to arribe, appreciating how I saw perfectly the board and was close enough to listen everything but not too much so I would had to dislocate my neck in order to see the blackboard. Just perfect. Well, guess something good could come out of today.
It wasn't really a surprise the spot next to mine remain empty. As you could imagine, I wasn't exactly a popular person and nobody eager to remain socially alive would willingly come this close. Even tho it kinda hurt, I'd get used to it with the course of past years. Especially last trimester. Nobody wanted to get dragged under populars rage, no matter how good the seat was.
So when I saw Norah cheerfully passing the door's frame my mood immediately lighted up. She smiled quickly spotting me and began making her way here. Great, the fact that I mentally prepared myself to be alone yet another class didn't mean I much rather have her with me. Before she reached the chair, though, a sudden voice stop her.
"That seat's taken."
My stomach fell and we both turned in disbelief to the one who talked. Not that I needed to, I'd recognize him anywhere: Brett freaking Ryder.
Norah looked a little startled. "Oh, sorry, I didn't know."
And she continued towards the back with me being too baffled to make her stay. Instead I saw how Devil him-self put the chair backwards and slipped into it like he owned the place. Our eyes locked and he sent me his usual smirk.
Brett's gaze traveled across my face, like he was memorizing every detail and I felt damn self-conscious and embarrassed. My cheeks started burning when I saw all the attention on us and moved my hair to hide me. I couldn't actually blame Norah for leaving me since she didn't know that was Brett. The girl'd never seen him before, but I couldn't help to inwardly cursed her.
I tried to hide my shaking hands from his sight, completelly clueless at what was his intentions with this.
"What- What are you doing?" I asked confused. Didn't he get anything from our last chat? I wanted him far away from me. Why couldn't he let me stick to my plan?
"I'm doing things right."
I scowled at him but he just kept staring. Like that explained a damn thing!
"You can't sit here." I tried a different angle but in response he just rose an eyebrow.
"Can't I?"
"No, you can't." I stated firmer this time. That's it, Alyson, show confidence and they'll respect you... or at least that's what that web site said. "You need to move."
But far from intimidated his sky blue eyes shone with amusement.
"Make me, Giggles."
Was he for real? I clenched my fists 'cause it seemed so. He was slouching on the chair, lazily playing with his key chain. He was not moving and we both knew I couldn't make him.
"Fine." I hissed packing back my things and standing up. "I'll leave."
"Going somewhere Miss White?"
I turned to the professor, Mrs Goldin, who had just entered and was looking at me with pursed lips. Her small and filled figure facing me completely.
"Sorry, Mrs. I just... I-"
But reality hit me as I kept glancing the classroom and noticed that all the seats were taken. All blood drop out my face. I was stuck there. Unless I wanted to skip that class. Really tempting.
"Yes, Miss White?" encouraged me the teacher.
Disguising my shaking I stiffly sat back down and cursed my luck.
"Nothing, Mrs. Excuse me."
She nodded and I hid myself behind my hair again from my classmates whispers. What this things always happen to me?
"Come on Giggles." Brett leaned to whisper to me and the small hairs in my arms rose. "I'm not that bad."
I grunted in response. Praying his interest in passing the assignature overpower his need to mess with me and made thing easier. He already had screwed my first chance to get and scholarship; he wouldn't messed my second, would he?
A shaky breath escaped my lips as I spread my things over the desk, completelly aware of his nearness and stare on me. The class hasn't even started and he already managed to got me on the edge. He really had to sit there?
This is gonna be a long hour.
And it really was. I could feel his stare on me all the time, getting my nerves in anticipation of his next move. Would he throw my pens? Scratched my notebook? Kick my chair so I fell and everyone laughed? It's not like he hadn't done that and worst before and my muscles were beginning to hurt from tension.
His constant useless remarks in order to get a reaction out from me didn't help either. Ignoring him wasn't really succeeding, in fact I could sense he was getting tired of my lack of response. One, I came her to learn; and two, didn't he get I didn't want to talk to him?
Apparently not.
"You know I don't deal well with people ignoring me." he half warmed, half teased after another stupid remark about whatever Mrs Goldin was explaining. Provably was nothing important but I still copying everything in my paper. His comment made me shudder 'cause I know it was true. "Hello?" at that Brett poked me on the ribs and the sudden contact -even tho it wasn't harsh- made me jump, my heart throbbing wildly up my throat. His brows perked up at my reaction. "Woah, calm down will you?"
Easier said than done.
Finally managing to calm my pounding heartbeat from that rush of adrenaline, I shook my head realizing how ridiculous this whole situation was. "Listen," I sighed, carefully massaging my skull to numb the throbbing I felt there. "Today I'm not really in the mood to endure you. Can you just please, please, torment me any other time?"
"Torment you?" he laughed in disbelief, something unreadable crossed his eyes; but then stopped after some seconds, grewing serious as if realizing something. "Oh, shit, I'd forgotten. Is it for your parents, right?"
I frowned at him, baffled. How did he- Oh, right his mother.
Back when his son and I were still close and my mother was alive, Julia Ryder was like an unofficial aunt. She was practically the only one beyond my grandmother there after the tragedy happened to supported me. She helped a lot with the funeral, with the papers and me moving with Granny. Mrs Julia was always nice and gentle... I really couldn't understand where Brett come from.
I shook my head, getting rid of that memories. Not really feeling like talking about it with him of all the people, I just made a small shrug; swiftly back to copying whatever Mrs Goldin was writting on the board. None sense about what percentange of the evaluation would be where, but that gave me an excuse not to focuse on that Brett was right there.
"How are you doing?" he asked quietly, in a tone that all but guarded me further. Since when did he care? Well, he obviously didn't, so why pretend to? He was up to something, I knew. Struggling to figure him out I lifted my shoulders again but that seemed to frustrate him. "Is that your answer for everything?" he snorted and my guts tightened as I shrunk in my seat.
"No..."
He snorted, mumbling something sharp under his breath. Luckly I didn't get to hear what. I was sure it would make me felt all worst.
For the next moments he actually left me alone, which was an achivement itself, but when the teacher anounced half our mark will be upon small projects we'd eventually had to do with the person on our side I felt again like I might die from cardiac arrest. Me and Brett? Work together on something? I most certainly would fail this subject. And there would go my chances to go USC, lost forever all over again. This couldn't be happening.
I saw Brett's smirk from the corner of my eye. Innevitably I turned only to find myself frozen at his cocky expression and immediately knew I must do something. So when the teacher asked "Is there any question?" my hand trembly rose up. "Yes?"
"Can I have another partner?"
That wiped off completely the smug expression from the player by my side, quickly replaced by a frown but I ignore him. I knew for sure there would be a lot of girls more than eager to had this hour with him. For me, tho, it would only be a torture that lead me to more misery.
Mrs Goldin blinked, taken aback by the question. "Mh, well if you found someone willing to change places..." some gasps where heard from those aforesaid girls, already melting at the possibility; but at my side Brett huffed.
"Not happening."
Two words. That was all it took him to forbid everyone to exchance places with either me or him. I could tell by the disappointed female sounds and the unanimous boys' silence.
Why? Why why why? I couldn't let him ruin this for me as well.
I cleared my throat. "Can I work alone then?"
Some snickers were heard from the back and the teacher gave me now an annoyed glance. "Very funny, Miss White. Now stop disturbing." and just like that she shifted to another question, dismissing my drama completelly.
"What was that for?" he grunted upset as I held my head with one arm bended over the table, defeated. I just shook my head, my guts clenching in anticipation as I resumate writting what Mrs Goldin said in order to kept him out my mind. But, guess what? Brett wasn't having that. "Lys." this time accompanied his irritate snarl suddenly taking the pencil from me and I flinched away immediately. His eyes darkened dangerously. "Why are you like this? I haven't done anything now."
"I-I..."
The loud bell saved me from answering and faster than I ever been I got all my stuff collected and within seconds was bolting out of there with the pulse roaring in my ears. A relieved sigh left me.
Man, that was a close one, I thought keeping all my belonging on the locker and heading down the hall ways as it began filling with loud students to my next period. Thank God nothing really happen.
********************
My phone beeped in my pocket and I slid it out.
NORAH: have you seen connor?
MACY: Nop...
ALYSON: No Y?
NORAH: the idiot got into a fight
or so they say
he isnt answering me and idk
I frowned down at my phone. Connor got into a fight? That didn't sounded like him... well, it did, but his distaste for humanity usually presents as impassive glares and coldness. Not actual fights. I wondered what could disturbed him enough to actually react. I hadn't actuall treat him a lot -no one has other than his twin- but the times I did he was like an ice-block. A cold wall of apathy.
I closed the locker carefully sliding the bag over my shoulder just as the phone beeped again in my hand.
MACY: Maybe he skive?
NORAH: maybe...
idk
my mother will kill him if he get in trouble again
ALYSON: Don't worry about it now <3
Macy's name appeared typing a reply as well; but too caught up in my own world, I bumped into someone's chest and almost fell. Starled, I clashed against the lockers by my side, my phone dropping at once with a nasty cracking sound. Oh no. I dropped to pick it quick, ignoring the snickers by some of the students passing by in that half empty hallway. With my heart up my throat I took in the small scrape at the top of the screen. Well, at least it wasn't big.
"Well, well." I froze at the known voice of Noel Whickman, any relief I might had felt previously erassing as I stood again very hesitantly, peaking up at his mocking face. "Little freak finally by herself, that's more like it."
Yeah, remember when I said that 'most' of them play the innocent card? Noel was 'the other part' of them. He was kinda sadistic and openly demonstrate how bad he loathed me. I didn't know the reason, but he was my first hater; back from the very start. But well, by now I'd get used to it. As if Brett and Jade weren't enough to keep me over the edge constantly, Noel complete the tormenters' trio. And he was the worst of them. Brett hurt my heart, Jade was merciless, but Noel... Noel was cruel. Back when we were little and all friends, Noel was still the jerk he was nowdays, openly hating me for whatever reason I never knew and making sure to push me down at any given chance.
You would had thought him and Brett would hate each other knowing how much they would fight each time he mess with me back when Brett was still my Brett, my protector. But despites those fights, truth was that they somehow bonded with those harsh treatments. They mutual love for soccer kinda help them get along too, especially when they both made it to the varsity team. Needless to say Noel was more than glad to join my group of bullies once we did split and he actually enjoy my suffering.
What he meant by 'finally by myself' was that ever since the trimester had started in the beginning of the week, Brett seemed to appeared everytime I turned a corner. Two of my classes, on the hallways, even in my free period. We happened to share the same free period and he decided to spend his bothering me. Right, he hadn't openly done anything yet, but it was just a matter of time. He was trying to get me to relax so when he come out with whatever it was he was planning it hit me double hard.
Anticipation was killing me. And I hated it.
"What?" teased Noel tilting his head at my silence. "Cat got your tongue?"
Most like it.
I lowered my face, avoiding Noel's mocking grimace and tried to walked pass him. Unfortunately, he didn't felt like letting it go so easily so his arm was suddenly stretched before me, palm against the near locker and blocking my path. My stomach churned and I gulped.
"Guess what?" he said in a mix of disgust and taunting that made me inwardly shudder, nothing good can come out of this. "Yesterday I went to that shitty taco restaurant and my least favorite waitress wasn't there." he faked a pout but I just shrugged, staring hard at my feet. "What? They've finally realized what a useless clumsy monkey you are and fire you?"
The disdain and racism in that comment was like a kick on my guts but I bit my inner cheek struggling to appear enough uninterested for him to let it go. Ever since New Year my shifts had changed, but its not like I would tell him something like that.
The TacoBell where I worked was pretty popular here and it wasn't rare for some of my classmates to attend on my labour hours. Thank God, most of them leave me alone and since there were a very strick policity on the local they couldn't actually messed with me, but everytime my turn matched with the cheer squad or the soccer team they would make everything possible to make me work double. Return they plates uncountable times, purposely dirty the tape, change their order on the roll... and basically made fun of me because I was productive and actually had a job.
That mature they were.
They would eventually find out what hours I work now but I wanted to doubt their maliciousness went that far. Either way, I wasn't going to make things easier for them so I didn't respond Noel.
"I see." the dark tone in his voice got me tensing. Whatever that ever comes after that tone always ended bad for me. "In that case you won't mind if I-"
"Okay," I almost jumped out my skin when suddenly a gentle arm wrapped around my shoulders and guided me forward, pass Noel. "Why don't you leave her alone?"
I recognized the voice immediately. Hunter Jamerson. Aka Brett's best friend since kindergarten. I know what you're thinking, since everyone in his group hate me he must too, right?
Well, Hunter is the exception of that rule.
He aways got a smile ready and never made fun of me other than while joking among ourselves. When he witnessed something been done to me he usually stepped in, like he just did right now. Out of the popular group, there are the ones that loathed me -Brett, Jade, Noel-, the ones who didn't give a shit, and the ones that were actually nice -Hunter and her lovely two-year-girlfriend, Lydia Hammel.
Noel frowned at him as the player tugged me away the crowded hallway and my probably about to be next humiliation. "Way to ruin the fun, Jamerson."
"Fuck off, Whickman."
People's 'oooh' filled the hallway and I could sense his glare on the back of my neck. I couldn't begin to explain how grateful I was when Hunter didn't stop 'til we were way down the next corridor and only then he let go and smiled apologetically down at me, walking by my side.
"He's such a dick, ignore him."
I nodded. "Thank you."
"Don't mention it." he waved it off but stopped me when he noticed I was to turn towards the library and not the cafeteria. After Jade's little prank the other day I had to change my rutine and began eating in there. Norah and Macy knew something was wrong but I didn't want them to stress over my mess so I just tell them a lame excuse and urged them to keep going the cafeteria. The last thing I wanted would be for them to be screwed as well.
"I don't really feel that hungry." I mumbled, he didn't need to know I will discreetly eat when Mr Gail won't be watching.
Hunter didn't buy it, tho.
"Was it for what happen the other day?" I gulped, shaking my head but his narrowing gaze indicated me he knew the truth. "Listen, Jade can get a bit carried away sometimes, and as I said Whickman is a douche, but you can seat with the rest of us." he purposed and the small hairs of my back crawled at the thought. 'The reast of us' mean half of the soccer team, which included Brett obviously. This time I shake my head harsher and he frowned. "We all aren't like that."
"I.. I know. You're always nice to me." I sent him a small thankful smile and he lifted one shoulder, dismissing it completely.
"I'm not the only one."
"Yes," I sighed tiredly. "You are."
He gave me a confused look, but before neither of us could say something else that buried me more in self pity I waved him goodbye and made my way upstairs in search for some peaceful time.
********************
I was bored beyond believe. My phone was refusing to turn on ever since it dropped. Maybe I did call it a victory too soon. The screen might had barely been scratched but if something within it had broken...
A groaned of frustration swirling in my lungs but I bit my tongue pushing it down as I moved to the next aisle in the back of the library. In my deep boredom and need to fill the time until last period started, I been forced to be original and decided to go and seek for the perfect book, scrolling through the rows taking a random book, leafed through it and move to the next one. How pathetic could I be?
But hey! There was no Brett in here. No Jade. No Noel... At least in this quiet place isolated form the rest of the school where I was seen as an easy target I could at least relax, right?
Sighing to myself I took a new volum, a thick one that weighed a tone and through the hole it left on the shelf I got a peak to the continuous aisle. Wow, on the other side were more books pilling up, no surprise there; but before I put the heavy book back in place I caught a glimpse of -a head? on the bottom of this improvised spyhole. I stood on my tiptoes for a better angle, leaning closer and feeling like in a movie.
It was Connor, Norah's brother. So here was where he's been hiding, uh? He was sitting on the floor, with his back against the bookcase and scrolling through his phone with a light frown. His hair was messy, as always, falling however beyond his ears. It was some kind of dirty blond, bleached. You could tell by how dark his bows were instead. He usually wear dark clothes, baggy hoodies or his leather jacket and booths... And I had more confidence than he had facial expression. Meaning: none. The more I'd seen him expressing was through glares and monosyllables. And almost solely to Norah, to everyone else he barely care enough to glance our way.
What was it what Norah's said? That he got into a fight? Standing further in the tip of my toes I saw the bruises in his knuckles, making my stomach dipped. Must be true, then. But what could get him rilled up? I mean, yeah, he hates everthing and everyone, but an actual fight?
Too distracted trying to get the pertect view I didn't noticed the book slipping off my fingers until it was too late and it obnoxiously slammed against the floor, harshly, echoing even louder as it vibrate across the silent place. At the loud thud Connor's gaze snapped up and my heart halted as we locked eyes.
Shit.
I ducked instinctibly, cursing inwardly at my own stupidity right after. What kind of childish moronic move was that? He'd already seen me!
I pressed my forehead against the cold bookcase, my pulse drumming harshly in my ears as my body grew hot. I just couldn't stop embarrassing myself, could I?
Well, considering I been busted, the best I could do was go there and explain I didn't mean to come out creepy? Oh my God. The mere idea made me wanna crawl in the floor and die but worst would be just let him made up his own conclussions, wouldn't it?
That if he lets you explain. Might as well shut you down like he's done so far.
Taking in a deep breath, I composed myself enough, deciding for the lesser devil and hesitantly straightened again, daring to peak a glance after another second and my heart drummed wildy in anticipation. What was my surprise when I found the spot empty.
My lips parted, bewildered. Where... Where did he go?
I leaned closer, but saw no sight of Connor anywhere. I must had creeped him out for good. Why did I always ended up coming out as weirdo? Sighing, I reached out to return the book to its original place, blocking the spyhole and making me feel stupid. Here goes nothing. Defeatedly, I spun around to head back to my table, done with this stupid seeking I was playing; but what looked like a simple plan failed quickly as I almost stumbled into someone leaning against the other side of the aisle, barely a few feet from me.
Connor Mendley.
Up this close, the height difference was obvious as ever, making me feel tiny as I had to tilted my head up to met his face. And it was not a happy face. His arms were folded, glaring down at me with that cold harshness so characteristical in his persona. As I stared back those deep dark eyes I realized mortified that he must had been there for a while, probably seeing my previous stunt.
"S-sorry." I squeaked out and cringed at my own voice. "I-I didn't mean to spy you or anything. I just didn't expect to find you -anyone here." I gulped, but he made no attempt to speak or relieved my stress. His gaze remained cold and unbothered but fixed on mine, like peeling off all my layers. "Norah's been looking for you." still no answer, only my whispers broke the thin peace of the library making it seemed more delicate even. "S-she said you got into a fight, and was really worried. You should call her, or text her or... or-" Unable to keep holding his impassive glance I lowered mine and spot the bruised knuckles again. My guts stirred. "I guess it's true then. Y-you did fight those guys." no response. "You must be really brave. They say they were both jocks. Did they hurt you? I heard-"
"Why are you still talking?" his head tilted.
"Y-you know, smooth talk and all that... but Norah was really worried. And I-I mean, who wouldn't? Were you scared? Those guys aren't exactly small, I would had been scared if-" My rambled died down as he suddenly stepped forward and startled I matched it back, my shoulder blades brushing the irregular surface of books as his hand pressed the shelf behind my head.
"You're always scared." I couldn't tell if it was an accusation, an insult or a mere observation. His tone did a poor job helping me descipher his intention behind it but something about those three words sliced deep within me, like acid. Ice nesting in the pit of my heart as he hit too close to the nerve.
Connor's eyes narrowed negligibly at my wide ones, scaning me up and down for the fleetest moment as those dark orbs swirled in emotions he never cared enough to exteriorize. They all mixed in a hot turmoil and I only managed to identify one: Anger, he was angry. That I pry about his stuff? That I suggest he might had been scared? The previous said fight? About it all?
My lips parted, but I no longer found the words as I struggled to snap out this little shock at both his reaction and this sudden nearness. But he was right. I was always scared, always expecting the worst... and it was sad to say I still manage to get caught by surprise. Speechlessness purged through me like the worst realization. Such small words and yet he moved something burried deep down.
Why?
Up this close I noticed too a faint bruise marking the skin over his left eyebrow, I noticed the black ink peaking from under his sleeve, the little mole under his Adam apple as I lower my gaze unable to keep up this staring contest... And I noticed too a feble scent of -aftershave? Whatever it was, tugged at the knot in my guts as I hugged my middle, vulnerable at how he in one sentence succeeded in peeling all my layers and left me exposed and drained. I didn't know how or why, only that it unsettled me more than it should.
As I glared at his mole, feeling my eyes stinging for that same unknown reason, he blow out an almost exasperated breath, making me shuddered as it frazzled my forehead and my lids pressed close. One tear dropped, igniting this despair in my chest all the more. I could control it anymore. I was scared. Now, then, always. I was pitiful, uh?
A muscle in his jaw jumping. "Go."
And I did. At the moment I didn't care about his fight, his bruises or Norah's words. I needed to get away before I made a fool out of myself even more.
I ducked under his arm, more than ready to put distance as I couldn't comprend this stupid effect and for sure didn't want anyone to see me getting vulnerable over one spoken truth. One that wasn't even spoken in rage or hatred, only desinterest and somehow that seemed to make it worst. I picked my bag on the fly as I passed the table, wiping the first tears that dared to drop and decided I would spend the rest of the lunch period in the bathroom again.
Guess everyone had it against me today.
********************
QUESTION: Where are you from? <3
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