xii | sunshine

key:

ishita / jai

Ishita couldn't act as if everything was okay. She was usually quite the pro at it — masking loneliness with unwarranted enthusiasm and zeal, patching up her fractured heart with strips of cellophane and forcing her tired body to be energetic until she had mini black outs in her room. She didn't know what was different this time. Ishita felt like a horrible person.

She sipped the little whisky left in her glass and glanced at her phone. Ishita hated that she had worried Sahana to the point she was blowing up her phone non-stop but she needed to not talk to anyone and drown in the silence for a while. She muted the phone and took another sip when she could hear footsteps becoming louder and louder in the almost empty restobar.

Ishita spared a careless glance to the side to assess the new customer. She blinked when she realised the person had stopped right next to her and that the person looked awfully similar to the man who was the source of her current discontentment with life.

"Are you stalking me?" she asked.

Jai sighed, his crinkly white shirt not sitting well with his perfect persona. "Can I sit here?"

"I don't recall you asking for my permission last time."

"Last time was different."

Ishita raised an eyebrow. "How so?"

Jai took a seat. "I'm here to talk about something else. I went to your apartment but I couldn't find you there. Sahana told me that you haven't been out drinking in the night since you've joined my company. She was unsure if you'd be here but I had a feeling you might be."

"Congratulations for being right," she said, sipping the remaining alcohol. "Do you want a reward?"

"Ishita, can you please for a minute just listen to me without throwing your witty sarcastic comebacks at me?" Jai asked. There was a desperation in his voice that Ishita recognized, mostly because it was similar to the one swirling in her chest.

"Okay."

Jai propped his elbows on the table and weaved his fingers together. He unwove them and again intertwined them together, only to later hide his hands on his lap. "Um, I just wanted to properly apologize to you for yelling at you like that. I was inconsiderate and harsh. I should have taken it easy. Not that this is an excuse but my parents called me just a while before the incident to inform me that they set me up for a blind date this weekend. I was frustrated and I took it out on you which is not at all acceptable."

"Jai—"

"No, listen to me, Ishita. I know I might come off as cold and arrogant but I am actually not. I am extremely introverted and like to be by myself. It takes time for me to warm up to others. I am misunderstood and I've not cared about it until now. I want you to know me for the person I really am and understand that I could never be intentionally rude to you. You've got to trust me on this. Just give me some time. I'll do better," Jai said, his palms now flat against the table.

Ishita was shocked. She didn't expect these words to come out of Jai's lips. And his face... his eyes looked so vulnerable and deeply honest. She wasn't familiar with this side of Jai at all but she appreciated his willingness to open up to her. It occurred to her that it wouldn't be fair if she kept her thoughts to herself.

"Jai... I-I've been regretting what I did," she started, "I should've been more careful. I mean, it's not like you didn't give me a grace period. You gave me time to get used to the job and I shouldn't have used my lack of experience for the job as an excuse. Because it was I who promised you that I could pick up any skill and be good at it. It wasn't fair of me to forget that and instead be ungrateful to you for giving me the job. I know you wouldn't have given me such a big responsibility if you didn't trust me to do well. I feel like I failed you." Ishita looked down and felt like she couldn't move her eyes from her empty glass. She couldn't meet his eyes. She was too ashamed.

"And I am someone who really cares about the work I do, no matter how significant or insignificant it is. I respect the work culture and the ethics. But I feel like because of our relationship being personal and then becoming professional, our boundaries blurred and unclear. If it was any other boss who yelled at me, I would have taken it without any complaint or retaliation, sulked in my seat or cursed you in my head and moved on. That's what employees do, right? They don't question their boss or call them assholes," she said, forcing a weak laugh that sounded more like a cry. "I took advantage of your tolerance of my behaviour and took it too far. I am sorry, Jai. I feel so horrible. And I shouldn't have rejected your apologies, whatever the form it was. I was too angry to see sense and now I do. I am so sorry."

Jai didn't utter a word for a few minutes. His silence scared her.

"I respect your perspective of things and I accept your apology, although there's no need for me to forgive you. I was never mad at you, Ishita. Do you forgive me?" he asked.

"Jai, there's nothing to forgive. You have the right to get mad at me. It was I who fucked up."

"No. It was a very simple matter. I overreacted and I am sorry. Can you forgive me?"

Ishita sighed. "Fine. I forgive you. Happy?"

He smiled and leaned back. "Very."

"I-I was also thinking," Ishita began, "we should stop texting each other in private and keep our relationship professio—"

"No."

Ishita glared at him. "What do you mean No?"

"I won't allow that."

"Why not?"

"Just because."

Ishita rolled her eyes. "Give me one good reason. Otherwise, I am not considering it."

Jai was thinking, calculating, mapping out consequences. The day they had stayed late to finish up some work, they had found a miscalculation in the records that could lead to problems in the future. His face resembled that of that day. The vein near his temple as he pressed two fingers right below it. Suddenly, he pushed his hand into his hair and then pulled it back. He was frustrated.

"Jai—"

"I feel less lonely when I talk to you."

There was a deafening silence that followed after his admission.

Ishita couldn't think of anything to say. Jai was being open. So open she could see the little lonely boy trapped behind expensive suits and cuffed with fancy watches. She could see the rips of loneliness in his heart held together with cellophane tapes. She could see him and realise how similar they were and yet so different.

Without thinking, she reached forward, took his hand and squeezed. "Thank you."

Jai responded by never letting go of her hand.

"So, you have no issues with me calling you an asshole everyday?" Ishita asked in an attempt to make the conversation light hearted.

"I'd like to think it as a heart-warming slap on the face." A rare smile appeared on his face.

She chuckled. "I didn't know you were such a positive ray of sunshine."

He leaned back and an easy smile took over his face. "You don't know a lot of things about me, astronaut."

are you planning on showing up for your date?

shoot

i forgot about that

i didn't see it on my schedule

i wasn't sure if you were going so i didn't update it

i have to attend. it's the only way to keep my parents from nagging for a while

okay but you have lunch with the CEO of Forest and Co and after that you wanted to meet with the creative team. is that still on?

yes that's important. i can't postpone that. will i have time to go home to change?

since the date is at 5:30 in the evening, and it takes around 15 mins to reach the cafe, you have 15 mins to get changed. nope, you won't have time to go home.

i can cancel the date if you want? i'll be very polite.

no, i have to make it. i can't deal with my parents.

then how are you going to make it?

can you do me a favour?

as long as it's not sexual

ishita

sorry, had to re-establish that

ishita!

fine fine tell me

can you go to my house and pick up a change of clothes?

you trust me to go to your house, go through your wardrobe and pick your clothes?

unless i shouldn't?

no no i can do that. easy peasy.

okay then. that's sorted

thanks ishita

no problemo

a/n: so so sorry for the long wait. i have good reasons, though. my city was hit by the cyclone and it was one nasty week for all of us. had to live without internet, electricity or water for two days which sucked big time. but we braved through it and we are slowly going back to normal. similarly, cellophane will also be going back to its normal, which is updates on alternative days.

spoiler 1 --- jai has added the self-help book on apologies that ishita sent to his reading list.

spoiler 2 ---  f e e l i n g s will be causing havoc in our two favourite people very soon ;)

lots of love x