Chapter 33: Don't Hold Back

The look of shock on my face was hard to hide. I quickly jerked away from him, wincing as my hair ripped from his fingertips. Without looking back up at him, I walked past him to my room.

Grabbing a change of clothes, I headed to the bathroom, shutting and locking the door behind me in case he had any ideas of being invited in still. What the fuck had I been thinking? Demons lied to get what they wanted. They manipulated. Blaze wasn’t some knight in shining armor. He was the fucking devil.

I made it all the way into the shower before I started crying. Why was this happening to me? I wasn’t strong enough to deal with my feelings for him alone. I needed to talk to someone, but who? Who would listen? Who would understand?

Blaze confused me. He was the king of mixed signals. I didn’t know what was real and what wasn’t.

The tears that were running down my face were ones of anger. I was mad at him. Mad that he would betray me. Me. The only person besides his sister who was trying to help free him.

Maybe Blaze was the bad guy in all of this. Maybe he belonged in chains. Even as I thought it, it didn’t feel right. Blaze had held me when I needed him. He had scared Collin away. He had….

He had used me.

Stepping out of the shower, I dried off, changing into some shorts and a t-shirt. I still had the towel wrapped around my hair as I opened the door and walked out, heading to the living room in search of Blaze.

He was right where I thought he’d be. In his chair. He had changed into some dry clothes while I had been in the shower. He wore a fresh pair of jeans, and his white button-up shirt remained undone.

Facing him, I crossed my arms. “Just because you are a demon doesn’t mean you can treat people like shit.”

“Prince,” he said. “I’m a demon prince.”

I cut my eyes at him. “You are an asshole.”

He smiled. “I’m glad you are finally noticing.”

“Stop.”

Blaze arched his brow, “stop what?”

“Why do you always do this? Every time I get close to you and you think you have shown too much emotion, you do this.”

“And what is it you think I’m doing?” He asked.

“Pushing me away,” I said, looking down. “You push me away.”

He laughed, “whatever you say.”

Before I even knew what I was doing, I had thrown my comb straight at his head. He ducked, and it missed him, of course, but I did feel a little better. Would have felt a lot better if I had hit him in the damn head with it.

“Have I upset you?”

I took a deep breath, “fuck you.”

“You have.”

I groaned done with our whole conversation. He reached out, grabbing my arm and pulled me down in his lap as I went to pass him. “Don’t hold back, little witch. Tell me how you really feel.”

“I hate you,” I muttered, trying my best to escape his grasp.

He laughed. “You don’t, but you should.”

Wrapping both arms around me, he grabbed my hands, making it near impossible to struggle against him. “Listen to me Riley, because I’m only going to tell you this once. I do not want you to submit to me. I can be the asshole you think I am, but I will not betray you unless I have no choice. I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t want to break you more than you already are.”

I stilled in his arm, his grip loosened when he realized I was done fighting him. “Didn’t know you cared,” I said sarcastically.

Blaze sighed, turning me in his lap so that I sat sideways. He shook his head. “You are mad about what I said. Just because I fucked you doesn’t mean I have feelings toward you. But it doesn’t mean I don’t either.”

“You confuse me,” I admitted.

“I don’t want you to want this. Whatever this is you feel toward me. I don’t want it.”

“Do you think I wanted this? I didn’t ask for you.” I tried to jerk free. “You say you don’t want to break me, but you are no different than…”

Blaze arms tightened around me again as I tried to get up. “Damn it Riley, I want you ok. I admit it. Why do you think I was so pissed when you disappeared? Why do you think I tried to find your stubborn ass? Because I care. I care ok. And I don’t want to care, but I don’t know how to stop.”

I turned, looking at him. He shook his head. “I will only end up destroying you, Riley. Once I’m free from Wumbert, you need to release me and forget you ever met me.”

“I don’t want to forget you. I don’t want you to leave.” I looked up at him. “Why can’t you just stay here with me? You don’t have to free yourself from Wumbert if I don’t release you.”

“And what happens when you die, Riley?” He asked. “When you die, your mark stays with you and I automatically go back to the Wumberts. I can stay with you. I can sit here and watch you grow old and I won’t be able to do a damn thing about it.”

I looked down. Whatever foolish notions I had about us had been successfully destroyed. Tears ran down my eyes and before I could lift my hand to wipe them away, his were doing the job for me.

“Before I leave for good, I’ll make sure Collin never bothers you again.”

Nodding, I didn’t know what to say. How to respond. I wasn’t worried about Collin. I was upset because I knew soon Blaze would leave and never return. He’d walk right out of my life and forget I ever existed. The best I’d get is being a footnote in his history.

Blaze pulled me back, tugging at the towel in my hair. I closed my eyes as my wet hair fell around my shoulders. “Promise me you won’t do anything else stupid?” he said.

Laying my head on his shoulder, I sighed. “Promise me you won’t leave without saying goodbye.”

He wrapped his arms around me. “Riley…”

“It’s not that hard. It’s a simple promise,” I said.

He sighed. “I promise. When the time comes for me to leave, I’ll let you know.”

I closed my eyes, trying to hold in the tears that were threatening to spill. Was it possible to love him? I was pretty sure I did, and I wasn’t even sure why. He was moody and grouchy. Stubborn and rude. But he was my demon.

Blaze rubbed my back. “You know there is no other way for this to go.”

I looked up at him, pulling his chin down. His lips met mine softly at first, then demanding.

I needed him. He helped pick up and mend the broken parts of me. If he left, I feared I’d never be the same again.

“Didn’t anyone ever tell you not to play with monsters?” Blaze asked, leaning back and looking up at me.

“I was always attracted to the monsters.” I admitted.

Blaze smiled, shaking his head. “Can’t say I’m surprised.”

Shrugging, I looked over at him. “I bet you never thought you’d get stuck with someone like me.”

Lifting his hands to smooth my hair behind my ear, Blaze shook his head. “Out of you and Wumbert, I’d pick you every time.”

“Gee thanks,” I said, rolling my eyes.

Blaze lifted his hand, rubbing his thumb across my lips. “If things go bad between Wumbert and I, I’ve asked Petra to watch over you.”

“But…”

“Just long enough to make sure no one connects you to me and that your asshole ex-husband has given up on thinking he can come and go as he pleases.”

I frowned. “But I can summon you back to me if something goes wrong.”

Blaze shook his head. “Kyler may not know my name, but he knows how to kill me. It takes a lot to kill a demon, but it’s not impossible.”

My stomach dropped at the thought of something happening to him. “Don’t go Blaze. You are risking everything for nothing.”

“Nothing?” He yelled. “My freedom is not nothing.”

“I didn’t mean it like that,” I said. “You know what I meant.”

“Then say what you fucking mean,” Blaze said as he stood up bringing me with him. Once my feet hit the ground, he turned his back to me. “I’ll be gone for a bit…”

“No.”

He turned to face me. “No?”

“If you go, I’ll call you back each and every time.”

Blaze narrowed his eyes. “Riley.”

“Don’t leave me,” I pleaded. “You can’t be mad because I want you safe. I don’t want to lose you.”

I’d told him those exact words before and, just like last time, his anger deflated. The demon did have a heart, it appeared. One he kept hidden, but it was there.

Walking over to me, he pulled me into his embrace, kissing the top of my forehead. “Damnit Riley, you fool. You should want to get rid of me the first chance you got. In fact, you shouldn’t have summoned me back. You were free.”

“I don’t want to be free. I want you.” The admission was a little easier this time around. He already knew I wanted him. He had admitted to me he wanted me. Yet it still stung knowing that whatever we had wouldn’t be enough to hold him.

Shaking his head, Blaze cussed at the heavens. “I don’t even like humans.”

“You like me,” I said, wrapping my arms around his waist.

“I tolerate you,” he whispered, pulling me closer to him.