Chapter 100: Chapter Forty-Five

Andrei

I had wine and cheese delivered and brought it into the bedroom, a room I never wanted to leave.

And that was the problem.

The minute you expose every vulnerability you have to someone, you give them every fucking tell and you can’t hide, and you don’t want to because when they accept you, you feel safe.

And I felt safe.

With her, I felt the safest I’d ever felt.

And I both loathed and loved her for it.

She had no idea the power she had, the struggle I was dealing with in trying to stay sane and not tell her the whole sordid mess I was in.

Because I knew it wouldn’t end the way either of us wanted it to, I knew if I fought for her, she could die. I wouldn’t risk her life. Only mine.

They wouldn’t accept her.

I was hers.

She was mine.

“You’d tell me, if something was wrong, right?” Alice took a long sip of wine and stared at me over the glass rim. “Andrei?”

“No,” I said honestly, my voice felt cold, off. I was protecting her. I was doing the right thing. “I would not.”

Her eyes narrowed. “Can I ask why? Do you still not trust me?”

I loved the way her eyes flashed with anger. God, I loved it even when her anger was directed at me. Damn it, I was gone, wasn’t I?

“Because telling you too much puts you in danger, so no I won’t tell you if something’s wrong because I want you to trust me to protect you the only way I’m capable of protecting you.

Her shoulders slumped as she looked away. “You put it back on.”

“What?”

“Not your gloves, and I can’t explain it, but it’s like when you were with me, you’re with me, mind, body, soul, and then afterward you just slipped into something not you. Something indifferent.

I hung my head. “Come here.”

She didn’t move.

I set her wine on the nightstand, moved her plate, and pulled her into my arms. “What if I told you we have twenty-four hours? Would you panic or use them?”

“Both.”

I felt my body seize with the truth as I slowly glanced over at the clock by my bedside. I did the mental calculations. I hated math. I hated this war. I hated everything but her.

“We have eighteen. Eighteen hours and this ends, not because I want it to, but because it’s the only way to keep you safe. Forgive me, please, for wanting you too much.

“Forgive me for wanting it to be you, my one and only lover. Mine.”

She turned in my arms and pressed her face against my neck. “Why?”

“I can’t tell you that.”

“What do you mean?”

I sighed as the truth fell from my lips. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t lie to her face. She had taken that from me too. I was glad. I didn’t want to be known as a liar like my dad.

I was glad she had taken away at least one mask. “I’ll be sending you away.”

She reared back and slapped me across the face. Deserved. Very much deserved. I flinched, but I knew she needed to get it out, so I faced her again and waited for another slap.

Tears filled her eyes.

I gripped her hands between mine and rubbed my thumb across her skin. “I will not apologize for keeping you safe.”

“You can keep me safe!”

I felt my face fall, my facade crack. “Dorogaya, not from this, not from this.” Tears stung my eyes.

They made me hate my own bloodline, both of them, they made me hate despite the love staring back at me. But I couldn’t start another war. This one... I knew I would not win.

They would have to choose.

And it would not be me.

“Why?” Tears streamed down her cheeks. I caught them, damning myself to Hell that I was the reason for them when I swore I would never let that happen.

“I can’t tell you that either. Just know it’s for the best. I’m not doing this lightly, Alice.

It slipped.

The I love you.

I didn’t think she would notice it.

Instead, she launched herself against me sobbing. “I love you too much to let you go.”

“And I love you too much to see you killed.”

“You promised!” She beat against my chest. “You promised you would kill me if it ever got to that point! You PROMISED!”

I froze and then I pulled away and tilted her chin toward me. “What did you just say?”

“You.” Her lower lip trembled. “Promised.”

An idea formed as I took her mouth with mine. “I’ll never let you go.” I pressed her palm to my chest, to the scarred A while I pressed my free hand to hers. “Never. Never.”

“Never,” she repeated as she shoved me down against the mattress and straddled me.

I gripped her thighs; she’d be bruised in the morning.

I’d mark her with pleasure again and again.

I pulled her closer, and then she moved onto me.

I thrust up the minute she sank down.

“More,” I growled.

She was beautiful the way she rode me, the way her hair hung like a curtain giving us privacy when our bodies moved with each other.

The most beautiful thing I would ever see was this.

Us.

Together.

I jerked her down as our pleasure built, I sucked her bottom lip, bit down, and moved to a sitting position, wrapping her legs around me as her body convulsed tightly around me, sucking me dry.

“It’s going to be okay,” I found myself saying and believing. “Trust me.”

“A monster.” She nodded as she kissed me again. “I always wished they would save me. Don’t let me down.”

“I won’t,” I vowed.

And for the first time since feeling abandoned by every spiritual being ever worshipped.

I prayed.