Chapter 29: Behind the Smile

It was over.

Stepping out of the exam room, I let out a deep sigh of relief. I was done with the math tests—at least for a while. It felt as though a great weight had been lifted from my shoulders. The past stretch of exams and projects had been grueling. They pushed me both mentally and emotionally.

But I seemed to thrive under pressure. Who could have guessed that? I’d made it through the workload and I felt good about each and every test that I wrote.

As I made my way down the hallway, my thoughts turned to James. I was worried over how he was faring with his own tests. He had been under immense pressure. He’d been up late every night to study. This determination both impressed and concerned me.

He was studying a lot. I only ever saw him behind his desk.

But he wasn’t eating.

And he wasn’t sleeping.

“Hey, Keily!” a familiar voice called out, pulling me from my thoughts. I turned to see Charlotte, hurrying over to join me.

“Hey, Charlotte,” I greeted her and stopped walking so that she could catch up. “How did you find the mathematics exam?”

Charlotte let out a dramatic sigh, her expression mirroring my own weariness.

“Oh, you know, same old story,” she replied, her tone tinged with exhaustion. “That was brutal. I swear, I thought my brain was going to melt right out of my ears. And I loved it!”

I chuckled at her dramatic flair. She was so smart. I knew she’d do exceptionally well in this exam—and all over her others. A lot of students left the exam hall with long faces, while Charlotte practically skipped out of it.

“I know you aced it,” I told her. We began walking.

“You can’t possibly know that,” she said.

I quirked a brow, “Yes I can.”

We fell into step together, commiserating over the challenges of the past few weeks as we made our way to the campus courtyard. It was close to James’s test room… Amidst the chatter of fellow students and the rustle of leaves in the breeze, I couldn't shake the nagging worry that gnawed at the back of my mind. Was James okay? Did he know the answers to his test?

“What’s bothering you?” Charlotte asked. “Was the test that hard?”

“No, it’s not mathematics that I’m worried about,” I said and sat down on a bench. I put my elbows on my thighs and rested my head in my hands.

“It’s James, isn’t it?” Charlotte asked. She knew me so well!

“Yeah,” I admitted as she sat down next to me.

“He’s been so stressed out lately. We live together but yet we don’t spend any quality time with each other. I think his schedule is too busy. All he does is study and drink coffee,” I admitted, unable to keep the concern from seeping into my voice as I glanced over at Charlotte.

Charlotte’s expression softened with sympathy, her eyes filled with understanding.

“I’m sorry to hear that,” she said, placing a comforting hand on my shoulder.

“He also doesn’t give me any details about his exams. If I ask him how they went, his answer is always ‘fine’.”

“Maybe he doesn’t want to bore you with anthropology details…” Charlotte tried, but we both knew it was a stretch.

A moment of silence passed between Charlotte and me, the air thick with unspoken concern. Charlotte liked James and I knew she also cared about his well-being.

“Have you tried to get him out of your apartment?” she asked.

“I try to get him to go for walks with me,” I said. “But, when we went, he was always in a hurry to get back and return to his studies. And then the walks stopped.”

“Okay, he is clearly tense…” Charlotte said. “Maybe you two should go for a couples massage.”

As a student, I didn’t have a lot of money. But that was a good idea. And if it would help James, then I’d absolutely do it.

Or maybe, I could be the masseuse and rub his shoulders…

“Thank you, Charlotte,” I murmured. “I don’t know what I would do without you.”

Charlotte returned my smile with one of her own, her eyes warm with understanding. “Of course, Keily,” she replied, her tone gentle and reassuring. “You know I’ll always be here for you, no matter what.”

I was touched by her words and so grateful to have her as a friend. College was amazing. I felt like the friends I met here would stay for a lifetime.

“I’m going to wait here for James,” I explained. “I need to make sure he’s okay.”

“I understand,” she replied and got up from the bench. “I’ll see you later, okay?”

I watched as Charlotte made her way down the path, her figure disappearing into the bustling crowd of students. Left alone with my thoughts, I settled into a comfortable position on the bench, my gaze fixed on the entrance to the exam room.

I waited patiently for James’s return.

Tik…

Tik…

Tik…

The door opened.

And there they were.

I observed the anthropology students filing out of the exam room. Where was James? That’s not him… that’s not him… I don’t know him… I don’t know her…

There he was!

I could immediately tell that something was wrong. His dejected expression struck me like a blow to the chest. His usual confident demeanor was nowhere to be found; instead, his shoulders slumped, his gaze fixed on the ground. His entire being radiated defeat.

He looked depressed.

But how could that be? James used to be so happy. He used to have so much energy. He used to be full of life.

Clearly, something had gone terribly wrong.

And it happened gradually. I’d watched him slowly go from happy to sad. From energized to tired. From social to self-isolating.

The lines on his face showed me how disappointed and frustrated he was. Looking at him made my heart feel tight.

I sat there, basically frozen. I’d never seen James like this before. And, honestly, I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know how to handle the situation. I struggled to find the right words to offer him comfort. Asking him if he was okay wasn’t working…

My heart ached for him. I knew how hard he had worked, how much he had invested in his studies. To see him in such a state tore at my soul.

Silently, I willed him to look up. I wanted him to meet my gaze, to let me in so that I could offer him the support he so desperately needed. But he remained lost in his thoughts.

I got up and walked to him.

When he saw me, I noticed the sudden transformation that came over him. His previous despondency seemed to change in an instant, replaced by a bright smile. His slumped shoulders straightened, and there was a spring in his step.

Did seeing me make him feel better, or was he faking it?

“Hey there,” I greeted him.

“Hey, Keily,” James replied, his smile widening as he met my gaze. “You waited for me?”

“Of course I did. How did the exam go?” I stood in front of him.

“Great. It went great.”

I paused, unsure if I should call him out. I decided to approach the situation gently. “You looked pretty down earlier…”

James’s smile faltered slightly, a flicker of vulnerability crossing his features before he regained his composure.

“Oh, you know, just feeling a bit tired,” he admitted. “But hey, all that studying paid off.”

I regarded him with a mixture of concern and skepticism, my brow furrowing slightly as I weighed his words.

“Are you sure?” I pressed gently.

James hesitated for a moment, his gaze dropping to the ground before meeting mine once more.

“I am tired,” he confessed, his voice quieter now. “But I really did give it my all. And I appreciate your concern, Keily.”

Feeling a surge of affection for him, I reached out to squeeze his hand. I was here for him and I chose to take him at his word.

“Well, how about we take it easy for the rest of the day?” I suggested with a smile. “We can go home, order some takeout, and watch a movie or something. What do you say?”

James’s eyes brightened at the suggestion.

“That sounds perfect,” he replied.

We began walking back toward our apartment. We walked slower than usual and we didn’t talk. That’s when James stumbled.

“Are you okay?” I asked.

“Hmm… yeah.”

I dismissed it, thinking he’d probably stumbled over a pebble. We continued walking.

And then James collapsed.

Oh my god.

JAMES?