Chapter 31: The End of Our Shared Path

If I hadn’t been sitting, I would have fallen over.

Shock coursed through my veins. It left me feeling dizzy and lightheaded.

How could James hate college when it had been such an amazing experience?

Campus life, with its endless array of fun activities, parties, and friends, had been amazing. It had given me joy and fulfillment.

“Are you sure?” I asked.

“Yes.”

His voice was firm. But I wouldn’t hear it.

“Maybe if you approached college in a healthier, more balanced manner you could pull through.”

Maybe if he just approached it from a different perspective, he could graduate. Maybe he could find his place.

He shook his head.

Ok, maybe MIT wasn’t what he wanted. But even as I tried to rationalize his feelings, a cold chill crept over me. I got a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. The thought of James withdrawing from college, of our paths diverging in such a fundamental way, filled me with horror.

I did not want to lose him.

We had shared so much together. The idea of facing the future without him by my side seemed unfathomable.

“It’s not going to work,” James said. He now looked straight into my eyes. “College is only going to get harder and busier.”

“But we’ll get through it.” My vision became blurry.

“~You’ll~ get through it,” he corrected. “But not if I’m here. Just look, you’re taking care of me instead of going to class.”

“I want to take care of you!” I said, a tear sliding down my cheek.

“But your grades are suffering because of me,” he choked. He felt guilty. “I don’t belong here.”

James’s words hung in the air. I felt my heart tighten. I was so sad. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. How could I help? How could I stop this from happening? I didn’t think I could do anything. Before I could even begin to reply, James got up.

He took his backpack from the closet and began to gather his belongings.

“What are you doing?” I asked. Each item he placed into his bag felt like a dagger to my heart. “You don’t have to leave.”

“Yes, I do,” James said. He was packing so very fast. The backpack was filling up. “I’m a distraction for you.”

I wanted to reach out to him, to plead with him to stay, but the words caught in my throat, choked off by the overwhelming tide of emotions that threatened to consume me. I couldn’t bear to watch as he dismantled the life we had built together, piece by agonizing piece. With each item he placed into his bag, I felt a sense of loss and emptiness wash over me.

“You deserve someone smarter,” James said as he zipped the bag shut. “Someone who is more like you. Someone who won’t be a burden.”

My voice caught in my throat as I struggled to comprehend the magnitude of his words. What was he saying?

I was shell-shocked.

For a moment, all I could do was sit there and stare. My legs were jelly. My arms felt numb. My mind went blank.

As James took his backpack off the bed and placed it on the ground, I pulled myself together.

“James, wait,” I pleaded, the words tumbling from my lips in a desperate bid to stop him from walking away. “Are you... are you breaking up with me?”

But James remained silent, his gaze fixed firmly on the suitcase. His lack of response only fueled the rising tide of panic and despair within me.

“I think we need some space,” he said. “Just for a little while.”

I broke down.

Tears rolled down my cheeks in rivers. My shoulders shook and shook and shook.

How could this be happening?

We were supposed to be together, facing the challenges of college as a team. My breath caught in my throat as the sobs tore through me. They shook me to my core with their intensity. I clutched at my chest, willing the pain to stop. It only seemed to intensify with each passing moment.

How could James leave me like this? How could he walk away from everything we had shared without so much as a second thought?

“James, please,” I cried, my voice raw with anguish. “Don’t go yet.”

“I have to…” James said.

“No, you don’t!” I balled my fists. “I can tutor you…”

James let out a laugh, but there was no humor in it. “We don’t have the same subjects, Keily.”

“Then we will ask the professors for extra help!” I suggested.

James pressed his lips together in a thin line.

“We can… we can get you a study club.”

James just shook his head. “You don’t get it. There is nothing we can do that will make me like college life.”

“There is!” I argued. “We just need to try harder. We can find you a private tutor.”

James’s face fell, as if I was completely missing the point.

Desperate pleas and excuses tumbled from my lips in a frantic bid to stop him, but they fell on deaf ears. Maybe if I shifted the attention away from his studies, I could find a different reason to make him stay.

“It’s raining really hard outside…” I tried.

But my words were met with only silence. With each passing second, the realization that he was truly going to leave sank in deeper. It left me feeling more lost and alone than I had ever felt before.

James walked to me, gripping the backpack in his hand. With his free hand, he wiped the tears from my cheek. His touch was so gentle. Yet, it felt as though my heart were being torn apart.

It could never be repaired.

“I have to go, Keily,” he shouldered his backpack. “I’ll leave the car here so that you can get around. I’m going to take the bus home.”

“It’s nighttime… there might not be any buses anymore,” I tried.

“There will be,” he said.

“Don’t leave…” I managed.

“You deserve so much more than I can give you.”

With each step he took toward the door, it felt as though a piece of my soul were being torn away, leaving me feeling hollow and empty inside. At the door, he stopped and turned back.

It gave me a sliver of hope…

“I want you to go and enjoy your college life, and to be the best you can be,” he said.

He closed the door behind him. And then he was gone.

The weight of his absence pressed down on me. My heart shattered. He left me gasping for air as the realization of what we were losing sank in.

This wasn't how it was supposed to end. Our story was meant to be one of triumph and adventure, not of heartbreak and loss.

The room felt suffocating. Each breath I took was a struggle. Memories of happier times danced through my mind like ghosts, mocking me with their fleeting glimpses of what once was and what could have been.

I thought of James and me riding the roller coaster.

I thought of us staying in the master bedroom.

I pictured us when we saw the bear.

I heard him telling me that we should move in together.

I thought of us playing house together.

I thought of him putting whipped cream on me.

We could have had it all. The playhouse could have turned into a real home one day. He could have given me a ring, perfect for me. We could both have gotten jobs and built a life. It could have been filled with love, warmth, and kids.

How could something so beautiful, so full of promise, just be gone?

The pain was unbearable. A relentless ache that gnawed at my soul. Every fiber of my being screamed out in agony. I longed for the comfort of James’s embrace, the warmth of his touch.

But I was alone.

This was all wrong.