Chapter 67: chapter 67

SRUTHIMy heart goes out to Madhav. I can’t even imagine how it must have felt to have one of your parents hate you. I received both my parents’ love when they were alive. I place my palm on his jaw gently and look at his eyes. I can see the pain in them. It breaks my heart to see him like this. He looks so vulnerable and raw. I can picture the abused boy wanting to receive love and warmth. I can see the regret in his eyes as he recounts killing his father. My finger traces the little scar above his left eyebrow. The one he got because of his abusive father. He sucks in a sharp breath and I see the exact moment his guards go up, “To answer your original question, I heard more than half of your conversation with Vinod. He may be wrong about many things, but he was right about one thing: I may harm, Sruthi.”He is pushing me away. I can see that easily. He let me see a vulnerable side to him and is now scared of my judgment. So, he is pushing me away. I give him my genuine smile and say with utter conviction in my voice, “You wouldn’t harm me.”He hides his surprise well before asking, “How can you be sure? You saw how easily I can take a life and yet you are convinced that I wouldn’t harm you.”“Some things can only be felt and cannot be explained in words. I know you are a deadly assassin with lethal skills. I agree I was scared of you when you killed that kidnapper with one stab. But, never once have I ever been scared of you harming me. I feel safe with you.”Madhav shakes his head, “Don’t be delusional.”I move my arms up and wrap it around his neck. He smells so nice this close, and I feel things I have never felt. I lean close to his ear and whisper, “I am not being delusional. I can see what you are doing. Don’t push me away Madhav. You can be vulnerable with me. I am not going to judge.”“Why? Why can I be vulnerable with you?” his voice is a hoarse whisper. There is a plea somewhere in it. His eyes have that desperate look he had when he pulled me into his arms. I want to know what he is pleading with me for. To his question, I go with the obvious answer that comes to my mind.“Because we are husband and wife,” I reply.His grip on my waist tightens, “Is that all?” His deep hoarse voice sends a shiver down my spine. “Yes,” I answer in a breathless voice. He mutters something but I don’t catch it because my mind is busy focusing on his fingers that are drawing small circles on my shirt. I can feel the heat of his finger through my shirt. I need something to occupy my mind other than the thoughts of his fingers. “What happened after you stabbed your father to death? Was your mother taken to the hospital?” I ask remembering him stopping the story in the middle. Something tells me that what happened after his father died was what made him into an assassin. He guides me to the couch and makes me sit down. He looks at the wall clock. It is dinnertime and I know I should eat my dinner and take the medicines. “I will get you the dinner,” he says completely ignoring my question. With a sigh, I nod my head. ❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥“Here are your tablets,” Madhav says handing me over the pills that I have to take. We are sitting on the living room couch side by side. I had my dinner. A heavy silence hung between us while we both chewed our food. I take the medicines without any protest though I loathe the very taste of them. I know they are essential for my recovery. When I am done taking the tablets I look at Madhav to find his gaze already on me. “Do you see me differently now, Sruthi?” Madhav asks with a raised brow. “Do you pity me?”I shake my head at him, “I don’t see you differently nor do I pity you. Knowing about your past changed nothing in our relationship. What you told me makes me understand you a little more.”His smile is slow as he asks, “Only a little?”I nod my head, “I can understand why you did what you did. But, I still don’t know what pushed you to choose the profession you do for my brother.”I wait for him to open up but then realize how indifferent I am to his feelings. He had gone through a lot and recounting them would take a lot of his energy. He opens his mouth like he is going to say something but I put my finger on his lips to stop him from talking.“I am sorry for being nosy. It is okay. You don’t have to tell me, Madhav. You have already opened up a lot to me.”He shakes his head and I remove my finger, “I think it is better to get the things out of my chest. I don’t think I will have the courage to tell you these things another day. Can you just hear me out?”It is the desperateness in his voice that makes me take his hand in mine. I give him a nod as my thumb draws small circles on the back of his hand. With a sigh he continues, “I didn’t realize what I had done until my rage subsided. I panicked after realizing what I had done but it was too late to do anything about it because my father was already lying dead on the floor in a pool of blood and my hands were covered in his blood. Before I could accept what I did there was loud knocking on the door. “It was the ambulance driver I had called. He was there to pick my mother up. I had two choices in front of me, Sruthi. I could escape through the back door and hide and leave my mother to die or open the door and let the world know what I have done. I knew even if I hid, I wouldn’t be able to stay safe for long because they would easily find me. Besides, saving my mother was my top priority. So, I opened the door and I still can’t forget the disgusted look the ambulance driver threw at me.”Madhav looks down at his toes. His voice breaks a little and I realize how hard it is for him to tell me these things. Instinctively, I wrap my hands around and pull him towards me. He doesn’t hesitate to lean into my touch. “The police were called and I was arrested, Sruthi. The court held a trial and I confessed to killing my father. I told the police how he treated me and my mother. The wounds on my body were evidence of his abuse. I received a juvenile sentence of two years for what I did. My mother was under the government’s care. The unborn baby in her womb died and the police told me that she was in great distress about what happened. I begged the police to let me see her once before I was sent to the juvenile. They took pity on me and took me to see her in the hospital.”He pauses and draws in a few sharp breaths. I don’t interrupt him and wait for him to continue. When he does, his voice is cold and distant, “When I went to see her in the hospital, my mother threw a tantrum. She yelled at him for killing my father. She was ashamed and disgusted to see my face. I tried to explain to her what happened when she was unconscious but wouldn’t hear anything of it.“Her last words to me were, ‘I don’t care what he did to you or me. You shouldn’t have killed him, Madhav. No matter how harsh he was with you, he was your father. I am ashamed to think that I raised a killer. Even if he put us through so much torture, he still loved me and for that sake, you should have tolerated him. He would have accepted us one day eventually and we all would have lived as a happy family but you killed him. Now, I have no one by my side. You are a monster who killed his father. You deserve the jail sentence.’“The lady police officer who escorted me to my mother’s room interrupted my mother’s monologue, ‘Madame, mind your words. The boy was abused just because you refused to give a complaint. He had tolerated a lot for you. Can’t you at least ask him how he is doing?’“My mother narrowed her eyes at the police lady and snapped at her, ‘In my opinion madam, my husband is—I mean was far better than this monster I gave birth to. At least, he didn’t go around killing people. Take him away from my sight. I don’t want to see his face hereafter. Give him life imprisonment for what he did. I am afraid he would kill me too one day like he did to his father.’”WHAT THE HELL?How can someone be so delusional and toxic? Okay, since I don't have the habit of beating around the bush, let me confess it. I hate Madhav's mother will all my heart. How can that woman be so heartless? Tears stream down my face. My heart squeezes in pain for Madhav. I hug him tightly. “That was so mean of your mother, Madhav,” I say in a broken voice. He looks up at me and wipes the tears rolling down my face. “If I ever get a chance, I would put some sense into her head.““It is okay, Sruthi. I am over it now,” he says in a soft voice.I shake my head at him, “Idiot. I should be the one consoling you and not the other way around.”He grins at me, “What did you call me?”“Idiot. You are such an idiot. How have you been carrying this weight around you for years.”“Are you angry at me?”I shake my head, “No, I am angry for you. You didn’t deserve anything that happened to you.”Madhav shrugs, “Life is cruel to some of us. Neither did you deserve to watch your parents get murdered before your eyes nor did Vikram deserve to be falsely accused of murder and sent to jail. It may seem cold of me but I am grateful that  Vikram was falsely accused. If he hadn’t been, I wouldn’t have met him or you.”“How did you both become friends?” I ask curiosity burning in me. I knew Vikram made a good friend in prison but I don’t the details of it. “No one talked to me in the juvenile because murder is a big crime at that age even for boys in the juvenile. Many of them were inside because of petty crimes. Vikram and I were in jail for the same reason. I was serving a sentence because I killed my parents and your brother was serving a sentence because the world falsely accused him of killing both his mother and father. We both were given a cell to share and we hit it off quickly. Unlike many other adults, your brother asked me why I killed my father. He listened to my story patiently. He was the first person to ever look me in the eye and treat me like a normal human being. “I was pretty heartbroken when he was released. He was the only person who was close to me. After he left, I was lonely in the jail. The other inmates never cared and I never cared for them. I was released a year later and I had nothing to do. Nowhere to go. I cut all ties with my mother in the hospital. A police officer once told me that she had moved out of the city. I had no one to turn to or no purpose to live for. I was contemplating to take my life and that is when your brother found me and offered me the opportunity to become his assassin. I agreed without a second thought.”The silence between us is heavy filled with the shadows of what he went through. My brother was correct. Madhav had a tough childhood. I would have lost my mind if I had been in his place. I can’t even imagine the amount of regret and guilt he must have felt. I hug him tightly, “I am sorry for all the times I have hurt you with my words.”“It is okay, Sruthi. I liked arguing with you.”I pull back to look at him, “What?”He nods his head, “Somedays, I hardly feel human with no emotions. Every time I returned after a mission, I would feel empty with no regrets or pride for what I have done.  But, you make me feel things.”I grin at him, “Glad to know that.”❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥