Episode 16

Punguzhali Pov:

"Thanks" I heard him.

"I told you right I will be a good friend" i told him like he said to me on that day.

"You are. " he says while walking inside the bathroom.

"Lets sleep. " i says once he back from bathroom.

"Good night"he says.

" Practically its morning. "i says to him mentioning its 4 am in morning now.

He nods at me.

"Am sorry i ruined your sleep.. "he says.

" I thought friends would help in need." i told to him by turning towards his side.

He smiled at me.

And then he turned away from me.

I kept looking at his back before sleeping.

__________

" Dont get me wrong for asking this question. " swapna asked me while we both having our lunch.

"What is it?" i asked her.

"You are loving thiraviam right?" she asks me.

I stopped eating and looked at her.

"W.. What are you s.....s saying?" i asks her.

"Why a... Are you aksi.. asking like that?"

"I dont love him. " i told to her.

I shouldnt be. And i dont love him right. I know mtself. I know i know i wont fall for him.

"Dont lie kuzhali. "

"Wh.. Why am going to lie?"

"Your eyes tells me everything kuzhali. The way its getting life as soon as your eyes spots thiraviam." she says.

"wh.. What are saying?... We are a good friends thats it."

"But kuzhali, you are his wife. "

"Yes. Because we both dont wanted to get married, that is the choice which made us both to get us tied in the name of marriage. But acrually we dont meant for a married couple, but as a friends. He will not see me other than a good friend thats it. "

"What about you kuzhali?" she asks me.

"What about me?"

"Leave about him and his choices. Am asking about your feelings. I know about him, who is still loving his late wife from watever you shared with me. But whereas you dont have any such scenarios, he is your first husband."

"Only on papers we were a married couple thats it swapna. For him its his late wife. He clearly mentioned that. And even i ain't waiting for his love, becuase am not loving him."

She kept looking at me.

"Kuzhali, just dont lie to yourself. You are just convincing yourself." she says.

"Am not convincing anyone including myself." i told to her.

"To this world am nothing but a woman in name thats..."

"Stop this bullshit, kuzhali. I will slap you for sure. Your syndrome is treatable. You can undergoes a operation, vaginal diation or vaginal creatpn and also if you want you can undergoes the uterine transplant. So just dont give me that shit again.."

"But even saying that no one married me right?. So it means once a defective piece would be always...."

"Stop there kuzhali, stop your bullshit. Those peoples are nothing but a illiterate ones, to them they just wanted to marry off their son to some random girl, and they except her to be happy with him and then they expect her to get conceive in just two months and then they want to gave a  grandson or grand daughter. After 1 or 2 year they again wanted one more baby. Thats it. The terrible thing is even the educated people too sometimes tries to ask the couple reagrding the pregnancy, i dont know what they asctually gonna do with that. Here there are lot of couples wont be able to conceive immediately, but those will be revealed only later. And in your case it is reverse, and it is actually having a treatment too. Its upon you whether you want to undegoe those because its your body. " she shouts at me.

"You are a good soul, with your heart. Am damn sure you will live a good life kuzhali. Just wait and watch thiraviam will also accepts you as his wife and you both will live a life which you wishes for.

" I never wished for anything, and please come out of that dreamy land. Because that wont happen. Me and him will be good friends always, nothing less nothing more thats it." she nods as no.

"Dont you want to live a life like otgers?. Like other married couples?" she asked me.

"He takes care of me, so i. We both are good in this way swapna." i told to her.

"Let me put it this way kuzhali. The marraied couples i meant is, about your pleasures?"

I looked at her.

"I think we should be get going inside." but she garbbe my hand and mde me to sit again on the seat. I sighed.

"What about mine?. No one accepted me while looking for a match even i didnt want anyone to accept me because am aware about my situation. Its him who accepted me for the marriage but ne accepted me for my hate towards the marriage or else he wouldnt accepted me in first place. I already planned to live this life in a different way, i might do the same thing but along with my friend thats it. I never thought aboyt my pleasure. Not all the woman are meant for marriages, pleasures... Am not belongs to them thats it. Life doesnt revolve about the things which you asked for swapna, looking back now i got a good friend in this marriage. Thats it, this is enough for me. "

" So you are saying you arent loving him. "

" Yes am not. " i told her firmly.

" Even will you not love him in future too? "

" Yes"

"You will always see him as your best friend thats it?"

"Yes"

"You cant just lie to yourself for prolong saying that you are not loving him. Because in reality you are loving him. Just accept that and let him know about your feelings too. You too needed to get to know what is others undergoing kuzhali. Sex is not only to get conceive, its a pleasure in first place. We knows everything right kuzhali, i dont have to explain it to you. First accept your love, just dont stop your heart from loving him with your congential disorder. Because love has no eyes, it wont look for other appearances, color, their pros and cons. All it knows is the heart. "

"I know you are in dilemma thinking that he wont accept you. But who knows, he will also accepts you soon. Because the base for love is a good undersatnding, care. You care for him and he cares for you. Soon this care, affection, frirbdship everything can turn him to love you. "

I kept looking at her.

"Why am saying this to you is because i know about you in and out kuzhali. You will not ever open up with him thinking about yoir disorder, even if  to love him. "

" Am not loving him. " i told to her again.

" Okay fine, not now. Maybe in future if you love him just let him know about your love kuzhali, just dont stop because of your syndrome. " she says and walked away.

I kept looking at her until her figure hides from my eye sight.

" Am not loving him." i murmured.

" Correct, am not loving him. "i syas to myself again firmly.

_________

" Eat this. " i says to him.

" I wont" he says.

"Are you going to open your mouth or not?" i shouts at him while showing the porridge on a spoon before his mouth.

"I dont like this."

"You havent even tasted it once."

"I dont like it basically. I hate it" he says with his slow voice

"Are you fucking serious thirvaiam?. You are evne arguing with me in your high fever. Just have this god dammit."

"I wont...." i just stuffed the porridge on his mouth instead of arguing.

"Yuck..." he says after having it.

"No i wont eat..." again i stuffed.

"You are cruel" he says.

"I know it." i says to him.

"Hy what are you doing?" he asks me.

"Injection thats it."

"What, no no you shouldnt be giving it..."

"What do you meant by i shouldnt giving it?. We already visited the hospital. You havent had any food the time we visited. Now you had, so this is the appropirate time to give this injection."

"I dont need... N.. Need it." he says with his slow voice.

"Dont play in this thiraviam." i says while showing the injection towards him.

"Its already been two days the fever hasnt reduced yet. Its all because of your carlessness, you are not taking care of yourself." i shouts at him.

"I dont want any injection." he says.

"So mister thiraviam is afraid of injection then."i told to him.

" What n. no...no not like that. Its just that i dont trust you. "

" Are you fucking kidding?. Am a nurse for a god sake. "

" Thats where i doubt you. "

" You. " i shoutd at hin.

"Good thing you got a fever, or else i wont leave you like this after you commenting like this." i told to him.

"Common Thiraviam, it wont pain. Show me."

"No i wont."

"Then accept that you are afraid of injections." i asks him

"No am not."

"Then prove me. " i says by raising my eyebrow.

Hs glared at me.

"Fine" he says and showed me his left arm after rolling his tshirt hand.

"Pull down your trouser. " i told to him.

"What?"

"You heard if right pull down your trouser. " i said to him.

"No.. N.. No" he says.

"This is a stronger dose i cant inject on your arm, so just pull down your trouser." i told to him.

"I wont"

I glared at him while showing the injection.

"Maybe i will visit the h.. Hospital..." he starts.

"Even there i will be the one will be giving the injection." i says to him.

He sighs.

He then stood up and turned around and showed his back towrads me. Then he pulled down his trouser only a little bit.

"Pull down little further. " i says to him..

"Fine" he says with a gritted teeth.

After that i injected.

"It was awkward. " he says to me.

I laughs.

"Rub it for sometime with this cotton" i told to him.

"Common now sleep." with that i made him to sleep, once i felt that he is sleeping peacefully i too lied beside him.

"I.. I love you... I m.. Miss you." i heard some murmuts. Immediately i opened my eyes and looked at my right side only to see him in his sleeping he is murmuring.

"Thiraviam" i called out his name to check whether he is speeping or not.

Indeed he is sleeping as he didnt gave any reply to me.

"I love you" he again says. That felt like he is saying to me, and he turns to my side.

My whole body felt goosbumps.

"I l.. Love you.. S.. So... Mu.. Much shreya" he says again, which showed me the reality check.

Right, he will always love only her.

'Why am i even bothered about that?. For sure i will not love him. I will protect this heart.... "

" Shreya... S.. She took.... Care... Like. Y.. Yo.. You... She is a good soul... Like you.... She she.... You know even she is strict like you.... Whil... While taking care of me... "he stops his murmuring.

" Who is she thiraviam?. Is it me? "

"Now sh.. She.. I.. Is my best fruend... We are friends..... My very good friend."

"Like how we was friends...."

"Me and kuzhal will be.. F... Friends forever... Shreya...."

"Mmmmm" with that he again gone to the deep slumber i guess as he stopped his murmuring.

I smiled.

Atleast am his best friend.

This is more than enough for me.

I just closed my eyes only to reopen it agian, as he put his right leg on me.

'What?' i thought.

I tried to renove his leg, only to be stopped by his hands were he just grabbed me in his arms.

'What happened to this man, arghh?' i thought and tried to come out of his arm. But he just placed his head on my neck.

I felt different sebsation as this is the first time am sleeping like this with him.

"Thiravi...." but i stopped as i dont want to wake him up, as he taken the tablets. For the past two days he havent slept properly. So i left him to sleep like this.

The whole him is on me.

I couldnt even able to sleep properly instead i kept looking at him who is sleeping peacefully on me.

I smiled.

"You are a good person thiraviam."

Authors note:

How was the chapter?

Ask me something i will try to answer :). Got bored guys.

Please do comment❤️

Love yourself💕