Episode 21

***Alert: a boring chapter ahead with 3k plus words. Its a third update in a row, so please do read before two chapters❤️***

Punguzhali Pov:

"It all feels like a pure dream thiraviam." i says to him while playing with his shirt button where we both were lying on the bed, and i was on him.

"But its not Kuzhal"

I smiled.

"You sure right you love me right?" i asks him again.

"Am" he says while kissing my palm.

"How and when you st... S. Started to love me?. Am not getting it." i asks him.

He smiled.

"I dont know maybe i would have started to love you, when i seen you licking the chocolate syrup on your fingers. Maybe be i woukd have started loving you, after seeing your childish behaviour. Why not maybe after spending time with you might be." he says.

I sits on the bed.

" Tell me clearly. "i asks him.

" Am not getting it, you are not speaking with me for almost 3 weeks, and now you are saying you are loving me suddenly. I think you are not loving me, you are just saying you are loving me because you dont want to hurt me right? "i asks him whereas my tears were started to roll down my cheels.

He laughed and wiped my tears.

" No kuzhal. Am loving you " he says and again pecked my lips.

" Then tell me the truth. You was hell bound to not love right other than shreya. Then how comes you accepted me?"

"Tell me. My head is spinning. Please tell me."

He smiled.

"Please"

"Okay i will tell you or else you will not even allow me to cuddle with you. " he says while making me to lie on his chest who is now sitting on the bed.

I looked at his face.

"The moment whne you opened up your love. I really felt you betrayed me since our married happened on the basis of your hatred aboit the marraige. But after a year you changed your mind."

"I was devasted on yoir love. If only you didnt loved means it would be like any other days you and me would have spent our days with our endless talks with our friendship. But unluckily it was not like that, as you started to looked me in different way."

" I couldnt able to see you, your cries yoir pleadings everything started to hate myself. Thats why i stopped meeting you. "

"I thought it woukd be better if we both stopped talking meting forever, but 1 week before i happened to meet a old man when i was sitting on the park...."

Thiraviam pov:(Flashback)

"May i know what is the reason that you are sitting here from the morning son?. You look very sad for some reason, son. I did seen you on morning when i came here for a jog and now its 5 clock in evenging, even now you are here. " i heard a voice.

I looked up only to see a old man.

"Nothing unlce. " i says and turned away, but soon i felt a presnce beside me. I looked only to see him taken his seat on the ground beside me.

"Had a fight with your wife?" he asks.

I nods as no.

"Then?

I kept mum.

" Sometimes sharing with someone may give you some relief." he says to me.

"My wife is in love with me." i says to him after few mins.

*Laughs*he laughed.

I sighed.

"Then what is the problem young man. Making to fall a woman is the real task, that too if its a wife it will be very tough task then wha..."

"But i love my late wife so much. I cant love another woman and i cant imagine my second wife on my late wife place. I cant give her the place which is only meant for my Shreya. " i told to him.

"oh now i got it"

"Did your wife asked you to give her place?. Did she ever asked you to treat her as same you treated yoir late wife?" he asks me.

There was a silence.

"No woman will ask like that. And even no one will like to be other's replacement. So it means she doesnt asked for a replacement, instead sge would wanted you to give her a new place in yoir heart."

"Even i had a two marriage, as my first wife was died. I got married for second time upon my parents insistent, and i was not at all planned for second love. But not all the things are happening according to the plan right. Without my knowledge i started to love her. Even like you i was confused to accept the love for second time. But eventually i did because i cant live without my second wife. Leave about living. I couldnt even abke to think about living without her for a day then how could i able to live without her for a life long. "

" Even if my selvi my late wife sees me, she would be happy. "

"I was like you sitting on the park, thinking that how can i accept my second wife. I was just frightened to accept the love for second time thinkibg that am betraying my wife. I even refused my love at her saying that i aint love her but the real truth is i was on love with my second wife at that time its just i refused to acceot it. You think about your second wife what is her mistake in this?. Why she alone should be suffered on this without getting any love?. "

" Even your first partner wish would be the same, that you should move on."

" Move on my son, live the life if not for you atleast for your wife. Because we dont know what all she missed in this world. "

" Ask yourself whether you care for your second wife or not. Whether you would be able to live without her. Ask yourself whether you would be able to live without seeing her, conversing without her?. " he asks me.

I just closed my eyes.

Her image is all i seen.

Her smile, her happiness. Her twinkling eyes soon when it meet me.

'Am not looking as her my love at all, she is my friend thats all. ' i said to myself.

'I cant accept her as my love right'

'Yes i cant'

'I wont be able to love her. I cant. I cant love anyone other than my shreya right.'

'I cant betray my shreya' i thought to myself.

"Just one thing young man. Dont ever think that you are betraying your first wife and let your wife slip from your hand. Because your late wife will also want you to move on. And loving your second wife will never meant you are betraying your late wife."

" Just answer me this one question. What if its a role play, like instead of your wife you was died then what would you think?. What would you wish for whether your wife to move on? Or she shoukd not? . That is the answer which you are looking for. "

" No partner would wish for other one misery. Everyone wanted to see their partner's happiness even if they are not present with them. So do consider your second wife in my opinion. "

"And there is nothing wrong in love happening for twice."

"Just show her love." he says and tapped my shoulder.

________

"Am not loving her right."

"Yes am not"

"Its just care."

"Becase we are friends thats it. "

"For sure am not loving her." i kept murmuring to myself.

"No anna you are loving anni." i heard a voice. I looked back only to see ajay.

"Uhh?" i sounded.

"I said you are loving her." he reitrated.

"No, am not. And when you started to consider her as your anni?" i asks him in a angry tone.

"The moment i felt my mistake" he says.

"After hurting her, now you are calling her as anni." i says to him.

"Yes, i hurted her. I didnt supported her. I myself called her as barren woman with you many times even with her too. Even i didnt stoped others from bad mouthing her when everyone was calling her as not woman. Am deeply regretting it i aint a man right" he says.

"I should ask her to forgive me. "

"But i myself knows that i shouldn't be forgiven."

I just looked away.

"I myself told her many times that she is not suitabke for you, thinking about her outer appearance, her syndrome everything."

"But now looking back, even if i stopped your marriage with her and if married off you to other girl you wouldnt been this happy anna. Last few months all am seeing is your smile. Am seeing in home anna, every day. Which is very new to me."

"You completely changed anna."

"Am hearing lately your laughing sound anna. Which was lost before 10 years with shreya anni. " he says to me.

I closed my eyes.

"I know anna, Punguzhali anni loves you. Everyone can see and can guess it."

"She is nothing but a angel to you anna. I heard from aunty that how much she was mocked. How much she was suffered, she endured. How many relatives have tortured her. But regarless of everything she just wanted to spread happiness. I could say she is a strong woman from watever heard from aunty. "

" She already suffered a lot. Please accept her anna. Give her happiness like you are giving already. "

" Even she needs to learn what is love anna. "

" Atleast you know it, what is it love with shreya anni. But whereas for her you are his first husband, she may married you because you too opposed for marriage. But now she wanted a love from you anna. You already lived a life omce, but poor she havent anna. "

" Show her what is love. Show her how married life would be. Show her your love. Show her your affection.

"Mainly dont lie to yourself Anna, because you are loving her. Ask your heart truthfully. You are loving her, its just that you are not accepting it. Think aboit everutging and face her. Please sto hiding from her. "

"And dont think that by loving punguzhali anni you are betraying shreya anni. Because you are not. Betraying means living with two woman at the time." he says with a wink and walked away after hugging me.

___Flashback Ends___

"After that day too i tried to convince myself saying that am not loving you. But then swapna met me" i says to ger.

"What swapna?" she asks me.

"Yeah"

Flasbback.

"Am sorry i bothered you a lot to meet you once. " swapna sahs.

"Its fine. "

"Anna please. I hope i can call you as anna."

I nods at her

"Kuzhali is loving you so much anna. I know she already opened up. And now she is crying like a log, saying that her world is ended as you are stopped speaking with her."

That bought smile on my face but i quickly hided it.

"Look anna atleast for you it is a second marriage but when comes to my babe... I mean kuzhali, her is first marriage. Please anna she was very hell bound on first to not gst married. She herself thought that she is uncapable for love, marriage. In her dictionary she hate these words of marriage, love, like, crush just because she thought she is incapable for these because of her syndrome. "

" But then you happened to be her husband. Even at first she used to scold you a lot, saying that he is very bad guy... Oh shoot... Erase it.... Where i was, aghh yeah.... When the months passes her face also started to glow. I haven't seen her in that state the girl who never smile for anything started to look like a baffoon after starting to converse with you. "

" Now that girl told me that she loves you but she afraid of opneing up her love saying that it will ruin your friendship with her. So she never wanted to open up the love. But then again it was me who asked her to open up a lot of fime. But then madam somehow got some courage as she got to know that she cant hide from you. With that she opened up only to get your silent treatment. Now she is looing like a corspe who is walking around the hospital. Please anna understand her love. "

" She always used to say that she was not meant for love and marriage. Dont prove her right anna please. "

" She suffered a lot. You are her happiness key. Please make her happy. "

"I dont want to impose my opinon on you. But if you do love her please accept it. You know she is a very good human being."

"That soul was already tormented by many people words. Please dont tarnish her with your silence too. Please speak with her atleast. "

"Only one thing anna, just because your first wife died doesn't meant love shouldnt be happen for second time. Even your shreya wouldnt want you to suffer. She would also want you to happy."

"You dont have to give your late wife place. All kuzhali wants is a different place. She will never wanted you to forget your late wife and love her."

"And dont miss her, she is a gem. She already yearned for many things in her life, but she didnt got anything. She yearned for her dad love, for her period , to feel like a woman, to have a child, to get married,  to get a friendship, and now she is yearning for your love. "

" Pleae dont let her yearn more. And one thing anna accept her only if you wnat her. Only if you really love her. I just said in start that show her what is love as you atleast already felt it. I meant in the way, accept her onky when you love not accept her thinking that she is your responsiblity. " she  says and walked out after bidding her bye.

________

I just kept myself idle in some other place to process everything.

" Am i loving her? "i asks myself.

" Am i? "

" I like her as a human. But love am not sure. " i murmurs.

'If you are not loving then why did you worried about seeing her cries?

Why did you took her everywhere?. What is the meaning of hugs every now and then?' my inner self started to argue with me.

"Those are just o.. Out of friendship"

' Oh then why did you missed her so much for 1 and half month for not able to see her.'

"Th.. That i... Yes she is my best friend right. "

'Oh just because you are her friend you felt really bad for not having her even in your sleep beside you right. Just accept that you are loving her god dammit. And did ever missed your other friends like this? Not right. Which means she is special to you.'

'Will you shut up, you have to support me. As you are me"i shouts at myself.

" Bu.. But if i lo.. Love her means t.. Then that meant.... Betraying shreya right?"

' Did you forget ajay words. Betraying means loving two woman at the same time where having a illicit life without letting other partner knowledge."

"Agghh"

"No am not loving her for sure" i told to myself...

____Flashback ends___

"Days passed, my heart really started to cry for not being with you your sadness, thought about those silenced days where you was not conversed with me before proposing me." i said.

"I couldnt able to live without seeing you, withoit hearing your voice. Many days i visited the hospital just to see you from afar, just to get your glimse. Even heard your voice, by calling you from other mobile numbers.

Even then i tried to lead a life without talking with you. But it was just started to get complicated for me.

Because i understand that i need you. I need you in this life, i couldnt even able to imagine living without you. At the end i understand i cant live without you. Because i understand that i started to love you a way back but its my mind which doesnt allowed me to love you as i thought loving you means betraying Shrey because of this i refused to accept you. As that old man said i just asked myself whether i would be bale to live withoit you, that is the moment i know i cant as i love you. That moment i stopped refusing. "

"So now am here, after made up my mind to propose you. I first let out everything to my shreya before her picture."

"You meant to me a lot"

"Shreya was, is will be my love always. I can't forget her. But the same time i cant live without you. I need you too. I love you kuzhal." i says to her who is crying in my arms.

"I understand one thing, i love you so much even now i love shreya so much."

"You have to thiraviam. Afterall she is your first wife. " she says to me.

"One shouldnt forget the true love. Just because she i cant ask you to forget all her memories. If i ask something like that means am nothibg i wont even considered as human being at all. All i need is your love thiraviam thats it. I never want to be her replacement. And i cant be her replacement too. Because am totally different from her, as everyone is different right. I want a real place in your heart not her place. I cant fill her gap, but instead i can create a new place thats it. "

" I know in future you will tend to miss your late wife at any time, and that is normal. I cant just like that ask you to forget her right. Then its  wrong. For me you all is i need. Your presence, your care, your affection, your love. I would be there with you, forever. I would sit with whenever you felf sad and you want to talk about your previous life with shreya, even whenever you wanted to cherish it i would listen Thiraviam, because am your better half. "

" You are not her replavement kuzhal. No one can replace her too. You are special to me like her, you are my wife now. I dont know how to put it.... But all i can say is am not seeing you as her replacement. I love you a lot" i says.

"Shhh"

"I love you too. I never thought that one day you will accept me. "

"I thought am not meant for love. But you proved me wrong thiraviam. You proved me wrong that even this congenitally disordered woman are meant to love."

"Dont speak rubbish kuzhal. Never call yourself like that. You are worth more kuzhal. " i says to her while rubbing on her cheeks.

"No thiraviam, i was grown up hearing this all my life. That i wont get a man, even if i get one he wouldn't get any happiness from me. I was devasted at that time, because in my early age i got to know that i wont be having the love life ever in my life. Because no one will accept me for appearance itself, then my disorder. "

" Before seeing you , my mom looked for many matches but everything vent out in vain. It was you who accepted to marry me eventhough its for our own reasons. Even my dad did lied. Even once my marrisge was cancelled right at the manamaedai. I was the hot topoc at that time. All i faced is rejections in all the matters in my life . So i thought you will also reject me, but you acceoted me. And now you accepted my love too. What else is needed?. Am so happ......"

I sushed her lips with my fingers.

" Enough of our talks. Lets sleep come kuzhal, am feeling really tired withoit you i cant even able to sleep. "i says to her.

With that we both lied on the bed properly, by sleeping in each other arms.

"I love you "i told her before closing my eyes with a smile on my face. Even her face is also having a smile.

Author's note:

Thank you all❤️

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