Chapter 98

Nikami POV

"So, can you please just fight with us?" I asked Yasachu, being cuffed up on a wooden chair as she glared at everyone around us. Even until now, trying to make her be in our group for such a long time, I still don't know how to feel in this situation.

The protagonist, the one who is supposed to be the right one, the one who's full of cheer and brings everyone around her to smile is made like this. A glaring, dead eyed, crazed girl who will hurt people for her own desires.

"But why?! Why do you have to? Why do WE have to?!" She screamed out, choking on her tears while she whined.

"Please, Yasachu. You're not in your correct mind." Shukona spoke beside me, frowning as she glanced away in shame. Shukona didn't like the commoner, that was for sure, but seeing her like this is... Bitter. It makes her stomach turn.

"Yasachu, listen to me. You are the only person that helps us a lot. You are one of the only light users of this academy since the other is the one we need to rescue. Yasachu, please," I paused, leaning forward in her chair and locked eyes with her, "Do it for me. I love you." I pleaded, kissing the side of her neck.

I cringed internally, balling my fists as I closed my eyes while pulling my face away from her. Saying those three words out of my mouth to take control of her actions had given me an internal migraine. The beat of my heart quickened, adrenaline rushing in my veins. My legs were about to fly.

"Re-really?! Haah... Haah...Okay! Of course I'll do it! Anything for you!" Yasachu's mouth opened wide, drool dripping from her chin as she smiled at me. So icky, so disgusting, so dirty. I froze in my spot, unable to look away at the girl who was squirming in her seat, panting with a red perverted blush on her face. She rubbed her legs together, looking up at me while she stuck her tongue out and exhaled hot air from her mouth.

"Sh-shiromoru-sama... Can you please untie me...? I-I want to smell yo-I mean... Hug you... I-in a very, VERY deep embrace..."

Disgusting.

Disgustingdisgustingdisgustingdisgusting-

SLAM!

The door boomed, making me jump in place and snapped out of my trance. Whipping my head over at the door, I noticed that Raijin wasn't around there anymore.

"Rai-"

"I'll go get them." I walked outside, leaving the two senpai's, Shukona, and the knight inside, closing the door behind me lightly. I'm sure they can deal with Yasachu while I'm away.

"Rai." My gaze was set upon the girl that had her fist on the window, stepping close while she glared at me.

"Shut up. Get away from me." The gloves on her hands made a trail of smoke, clenching it while her blue eyes became glassy.

"Rai, I understand why you're upset, but I don't see why you're acting this way. You know that was just a lie-"

"And so what?! Do you think I don't know you lied to me too? I'm not as stupid as you think I am! I know you're just indulging me in my fantasies, I know you're dating me because I am the only one who can stop you from turning into her!" Spit flew out of her mouth, yelling at me while she faced me.

"What...? No, Rai, you don't understand. I really do appreciate you, that was only at the start and-" I froze up, stumbling on my words as droplets of sweat came down my face.

"So you WERE using me? Ahahaha! Nika! Nika, listen, I really do appreciate it. Thank you for lying to me, you know how crazy I am for you! Sure, you could have gotten feelings... But I seriously doubt that." Raijin ran her fingers through her hair, chuckles mixed with sobs. I bit my lip, standing my ground and not getting near her.

I want to embrace her, I want to caress her hair and tell her that I love her. But she told me to not get near her, and if I did that I would just be betraying her trust...

"Rai, please. So many times I have given you my affection, that was just to make her accompany us. I adore you as well, can't you see? You're the only one who came running to my side to comfort me. Raijin, I'm yours. You know that don't you? I don't know why you're being like this, being so emotional about such a small thing." I faced her with my chin up, deep into her sharp watering blue eyes.

"And you're being fucking insensitive! I knew from the start that you did everything because you just wanted to be yourself, because you do everything for the sake of what's the proper response! And if you really fell in love with me because I just sometimes comforted you, I know you aren't that easy!" She yelled out, face turning red while she screamed. She paused to take a breath, panting to calm down.

"Because if you were, then you would have fallen for Shukona. You know what, I'm done. I don't want to lie to myself anymore, I don't want you to lie to me anymore. I'm facing the truth, you've always liked me as a friend." Her voice lowered, cracking as she twisted her body and started to walk away.

"Wa-wait-" I reached out my hand, but she only growled, "Don't run after me."

"..." I just stared at the red cape that was blurring, getting smaller the more I stared. For the first time, I was left speechless. Unable to think, unable to move. To think the one who has always chased to save me, turning her back on me. The fact that the one I love the most, the one who was holding my hand and melted away my worries would be the one telling me to go away.

Feeling the way I do, it really isn't fair.

Is this what she has been feeling when she looks at me?

After god knows how long I've been staring into nothingness, a small gentle whisper escaped someone's mouth.

"Nika?" Shukona said, taking a step forward and tilting her head to see my expression better. There wasn't anything falling down my face, yet, why does it feel colder than usual? Shukona took notice of this, wrapping her arms around me and pushing my face against her chest.

"I heard yelling, did you two fight? I understand why he's upset, and I know why you did that too... Maybe you two can have some space to think for a while, reflect on yourself okay?" The frostbite on my neck and forearms gleamed against the sun from the window, my body motionless and frozen.

"I know you're worried, I know you're guilty. But, Nika, please look at me," Shukona cupped my cheeks, shifting my gaze to look up at her. She smiled ever so slightly, caressing my hair and continued what she wanted to say. "Forgive yourself before asking for forgiveness, guilt is something that eats you up inside, so no matter what he says in the future, that little poison in your head will always come back. Please don't risk that, better yourself if you can't let yourself be forgiven."

"..." I stared at her, a lush warm light green contrasted my oozing toxic eyes. The water that used to be frozen boiled up, melting down my face. She closed her eyes and patted my head, whispering sweet nothings into my ear while I shook and gripped her clothes close to my body.

"Shukona," My voice cracked, speaking with in sobs and whipped my head to face her, "Please, comfort me. I-I don't understand, this gripping force in my chest. It hurts, it hurts, please... Please... Kiss me... Make me forget this horrible situation like you did back then." I begged her, wrapping my arms around her neck and pulling it down. A smile stretched my face like it was rubber, bound to give out any second.

"Wh-what?" Shukona took a step backward and tried to push me off, yet I continued to pull myself towards her. Shukona opened her mouth, gasping while she turned red. She resisted, shivering at my skin caressing her neck.

"Please... Shukona, I lo-"

She forcefully pushed me off, with her strength I stumbled backwards, landing on my lower half. I stared up at her with a daze, blinking at her actions. Why did she do that? Doesn't she love me? Why would she push me away when I was asking for her? I don't understand.

"Shiromoru Nikami... Do you really think I'm that low? Nika, listen to me, I have standards." Shukona crouched down and cupped my cheeks while I was still wide eyed.

"You're clearly trying to just... Run away. Why are you being like this? You're not like this. Nika, you're always in the lead, the one leading into trouble with a plan. I get that you aren't the emotional type, but did you really think I'd do such a terrible thing because I have feelings for you? Nika. That's not how emotion works, that's not how any of this works. Emotions aren't something you can just exploit because they drive us. I understand now why Raijin was mad at you. Did you say something along the lines of I only did it so she could come with us. And now, not knowing why it hurts so much, you're trying to stop it with a more pleasurable emotion. I am Shukona Amatarini! I am not a replacement! I do not let my emotions get the better of me! Because I want you to not suffer, and these temporary feelings would only rotten the core of the relationship of you and who you truly love." Shukona saw right through me, gulping my denials.

I don't understand.

I don't know why I'm feeling this way.

I don't understand why I am like this.

I don't understand anything, I don't know anything.

"I want to stop this."

"Nika?"

"This isn't a nice place. I didn't ask for any of this, yet everything is my fault. I just wanted to be happy, I just wanted to do what I was meant to do. I just... Wanted to feel like I belonged here. I want to be needed." I chuckled, puddles of hot tears fell down on the ground while I shook my fists, hugging myself while I lowered my head. I remembered what conversation me and that masked girl talked about in the tower.

You know! That little dance of yours is what made me do this in the first place. You changed Shukona, thus you changed the plot. And here I thought that I was bound to my fate! You changed everything! I cannot change my character, but I can change the characters around me! You gave me hope! That I can snap out of the red puppet strings of fate! That's why I want to kill that placeholder of a main character! So when I will kill the world, I'll free the three of us! Don't you agree?

"Everything... Is my fault... If I just stuck to my character... If I just went along with everything, if I just didn't do anything and stayed on track... This tragedy shouldn't have struck..." I panted, trying to catch my breath.

If you disappeared, everything would be so much better.

"If... I wasn't here to exist... Then the main character would have fixed everyone, then everything would have been fine...This butterfly effect wouldn't happen, everything wouldn't have happened so early and us being not ready..."

Just give up. Everything isn't worth it, you're just making things worse. But it isn't too late to return, if you want peace, then just join your predecessor. Go back to where you belong, which isn't here. It's not like that Haiki person would ever want you back anyway, just double down and at least let me fix this.

"Nika? I-I don't know what you're talking about, but this isn't your fault, this whole situation was unavoidable." Shukona was quick to comfort me, holding my shoulders while I kept my gaze on her. Her face became blurry, melting together, I didn't know who I was looking at. This green haired girl in front of me... Who was she again?

"I... Don't belong here. I'm sorry for everything. I'm giving up, I can't take this." I heard more voices from the door, but I simply stood up while the floor danced below me, cupping my forehead while I pushed the tall girl away. My sweat mixed with my tears, making a salty ocean of regret. I softly chuckled while taking more rapid steps backwards, lowering my gaze and focusing it to the floor.

"Finally. She's gone. How annoying. Thank you for your self sabotage." I lifted my face up, taking out a handkerchief from my pockets and wiped all of the vile liquids on my emotionless complexion.

I could only get back when that prince was gone, now that she has no hope, I can continue what I wanted to do.

"You..."

"Ara ara, where's Nikami-san?"