Fang made a grab for my keys, but I snatched them away in the nick of time and he swiped nothing but air.
"Too slow," I mocked, dancing out from his reach.
"We don't have time for this," he growled, the shadowed anger of his eyes made me gulp and step further back. He really was intimidating when he went all Fright Night on me.
Sheesh, I don't know what he was so pissed about. It was my house that got blown to smithereens. If anyone should be having an attitude right now, it should be me.
"You disrespected the wheels, dude. That means you don't get to drive." I shrugged. Seriously, it's car ownership one-oh-one.
"Give me the keys, Red."
He focused his icicle peepers at me. His pupils dilating to tiny little pinpricks as they began to sparkle and glimmer like diamonds until they were at full maximum wattage.
I was impressive. They glowed like one of those neon light sticks you snap and shake at parties and raves. Not that I ever attended a rave, but I loved glow sticks when I was a kid. I once spent a small fortune on a box of them and danced around in the house in nothing but brightly glowing neon colors and my underwear to Karma Chameleon. Okay...that was last week. Don't judge me.
As remarkable as they were, it was Fang who was wasting our time. I rolled my eyes at him. "You're super-duper I'm your master mind meld trick doesn't work on me, remember?"
Two shots fired over the roof of Gizmo and splintered into the trunk of a nearby tree. Thanks to his spotlight scrutiny, they figured out there was two less weenies roasting on the bonfire. I scrambled with the keys and unlocked the driver's side door, diving into Gizmo faster than the Duke boys could slide into the General Lee.
Rolling down my window, I jerked my head towards the passenger side at a still fuming Drake. "Get in!" I hollered, while pulling on my seatbelt and jamming the key into the ignition. I didn't have time for his "me man...me must drive" testosterone temper tantrum.
Petting the dashboard, I murmured encouraging words to Gizmo to please not be finicky and to start. Twisting the key, my baby roared to life and I breathed a sigh of relief as Drake finally crammed himself into the car.
It was rather comical to see over six foot of vampire stuffed into a Gremlin. Even after he shifted the seat as far back as it would go, he was still kissing his kneecaps and his shoulders were smashed up against mine. Driving in this kind of close quarters was going to be interesting.
A giggle bubbled up from my throat while I looked at him all contorted with his head at a strange angle to keep from busting through the roof. For a brief moment the opening scene of the Flintstones buzzed through my brain. You know, the part where Dino pops his head up through the fur covered top at the drive-in? Yeah...that's kind of how Fang looked, only his head wasn't coming out of the top of Gizmo. The only way he would have been able to drive was if I had a moon roof.
"Comfy?" I asked innocently.
More gunfire erupted, sending little tuffs of dirt flying over the hood of Gizmo.
"Just fucking drive," he snarled.
"Aye, aye Captain Canine." I gave him a little salute and tried to grab the gear shifter which was lodged into the side of his burly thigh. No matter how much I wiggled, I couldn't fit my fingers around the knob enough to put it in gear.
"Any day now," Drake hissed at me as he cranked his head around to look out the hatchback. "They're coming...and fast."
His fidgeting pinched my fingers and I yelped, yanking my hand away. "I don't need the commentary news flashes! What I need is for you to skootch your ass over so I can put Gizmo in gear!" I yelled back, watching the dark figures approaching through the side mirror.
He wiggled and the whole car heaved and groaned from his efforts, but it gave me just enough room to clutch the shifter and throw it into first. Gunning the engine, I took off spinning the wheels and fishtailing across the yard. Sending bits of grass, rose bushes and gravel spewing towards the approaching bad guys. Bullets zinged and whizzed by, sparking off the asphalt as I turned hard, jumping off the curb and hit the street.
"You know, you can miss leg day at the gym once in a while," I groused, shoving the gear shifter into the meaty part of his thigh.
Stomping on the accelerator, I put Gizmo through his paces as I cranked on the wheel and careened around the corner, throwing Fang against the door with a resounding smack.
"Sorry," I muttered, with a quick apologetic smile as I punched it and shifted it into third.
"Are we being followed," he asked, rubbing his head.
I glanced in the rearview just in time to see a blackout SUV monstrosity barreling down the street behind us. Their high-beams tagging my bumper like that story I read about on Clinton Road in New Jersey were a phantom ghost truck chases people off the road.
"That's affirmative." I glanced over at him nodding my head, just in case he didn't hear me.
"Kill the headlights," he barked.
"What? Are you nuts?" I turned wide eyes towards him. "It's freaking night out!"
"Watch the road!"
I jerked my attention back to the road just in time to avoid hitting a parked car, but Gizmo's front end obliterated a bike rack sending ten-speeds and mountain bikes sailing over the top. A dainty Barbie bike with flowing pink streamers sat on top of the hood like some kind of demented motor mascot.
Drake rolled down the window and reached out, grabbing the thing and flung it behind us like it was nothing more than an annoying twig. A sad ding-a-ling from the bell clanged as it bounced off the road and got creamed under the wheels of the suburban breathing down our neck.
"You are a vampire, Mel!" he shouted.
"Yeah, so?"
"You can see in the fucking dark!"
"Oh...yeah." I fumbled with the switch and turned the lights off. Sure enough, I could see everything perfectly. It's like I had my own pair of night vision goggles permanently attached to my corneas.
"Can this thing go any faster?" He glanced over at me, shifting in his seat shoving his elbow into my ribs while he pulled out his gun.
Grunting as I was shoved against my door while he fished around for gun number two, "I can if you stop smashing me," I answered. My voice muffled because my lips were smooshed against the glass.
"Sorry," he grunted, rearranging himself so I could sit straight.
"Hang on Fang, this could get bumpy."
"As if it's been a smooth ride thus far." He rolled his eyes. "Just don't get us killed, Red. The last thing I want is for the scribes to write in the manuscripts he died in a piece of shit Gremlin."
Narrowing my eyes at him, I trounced on the brake and sent him flying to French kiss the dashboard. When he disengaged his lips from the glovebox and glared at me, I simply raised my shoulders and gave him a "Whoopsie."
My little retribution for his slur against Gizmo cost us and the SUV was practically sitting in my backseat. Well...it would have been, if I had one. I ground Gizmo back into gear and introduced the gas pedal to the floor.
I knew I couldn't lose them in the straightaways. As much as I loved my car, the little six cylinder was no match compared to what that beast was sporting under the hood, but I was more agile and had a tighter turning radius. Taking full advantage, I screeched around the corners like a rabid jackrabbit and eventually managed to pull out in front.
"Can you shoot them or something?" I snapped, throwing Gizmo into a tight right.
Drake grabbed onto the door handle, but was overthrown by the momentum of the turn and ended up huddled against me. Not helpful.
"How the hell do you expect me to get a shot off when you keep tossing me around like damn tossed salad?" He flashed his fangs at me as he grimaced through another corner, grabbing on to the seat-belt strap for dear life.
"Fine, I'll just have to lose them my way then."
"I'm afraid to ask," he bellyached, heaving forward as I slammed on the brakes to avoid hitting a cat. Yes...I am aware of the irony of not turning fluffy into road kill, but...who knows...I might have just saved my next meal.
"No Chance Bridge," I told him, grinning. With a jerk to the left, I headed towards my destination.
"That's a foreboding name for a bridge."
"That's because there isn't one."
"What do you mean there isn't one?" His eyes flashed wide, briefly lighting up the interior of the car in a ghostly glow.
"There's no bridge. That's why they call it No Chance Bridge. You don't stand a chance of getting across," I explained, gritting my teeth as I took a turn a little too hard and Gizmo became a two wheeler.
"Fuck!" he exclaimed.
I'm not sure if he was upset about the no bridge thing or it was because his head dented the ceiling when we dropped back down on all four wheels.
"Relax Fang, I've got this."
I cranked Gizmo through a tight turn and floored it again. Shooting down a narrow ally, I darted out the other side, cutting off a delivery van and pointed Gizmo's overbite towards a long inconspicuous stretch of road.
The SUV, who only had been slowed up a little from the van, managed to make its way through and was barreling down on us once again. I watched the speedometer creep slowly up towards 100 mph, praying Gizmo could take the strain and promising the best gas I could find if he just hung in there.
"Get your gun ready, Fang!" I shouted over the din of Gizmo's high pitched whine.
He held one up, his face pale in the moonlight. "I'm afraid to ask, but what's your plan?"
"At the end of the road there's only two options. A hard right turn or over the edge."
"I assume we are turning right?"
I rolled my eyes. "Duh! It's a hard bend and at these speeds I doubt they can make it. When I throw the emergency brake, can you shoot their tires or something?" And make yourself useful instead of bitching like the worst backseat driver known to mankind.
I really, really wanted to add that last part, but I figured now was not the time.
"Oh sweet Jesus!" Fang was no longer looking at me, but at the huge chasm in front of us, his foot punching frantically on a brake pedal he didn't have.
Smiling, I hunched over the wheel and pressed the accelerator until I feared it would go through the floorboards.
"Get ready!" I yelled, exhilarated as we flew towards certain doom.
Fang tore his fingers off the dash long enough to roll down the window. I'm not much of a religious fanatic, but I could have sworn he did the sign of the cross before he nodded at me.
"One...two...NOW!"
I grabbed the emergency brake, jerking it back and cranked on the wheel hard, sending Gizmo into a slide James Bond would have had a wet dream about, two shots firing out the window at the same time. I couldn't see if they hit their target, I was too busy trying to keep us from going off the edge.
Letting go of the brake, I shifted hard and punched the gas. Gizmo's tires spun in the loose gravel before finding purchase, rocketing us forward and out of the way as the huge SUV plummeted over. It sailed in the air rather poetically in a beautiful swan dive before gravity took hold and it plummeted into the rocks below, exploding in a ball of fire that shook the ground.
"That was awesome!" I gasped, fist punching the air as I pulled over to the side of the road and did a little happy dance in the seat.
Fang looked at me like I had lost my ever loving mind, opened his door and fell out. Scrambling to his feet, he sprinted to the edge of the cliff, guns drawn.
"Party pooper," I mumbled.
Taking my time and giving Gizmo's hissing hood a gentle pat, I rambled over to join him. There was no need to hurry, I'm pretty sure nobody could have survived a 2,500 foot free fall with nothing but a suburban strapped to their backs.
Drake stood there, the wind billowing out his leather trench coat and long hair, gun pointed at the ground. His eyes were focused on the burning, smoldering mass of mangled metal as I walked up to him and peered over the edge.
"Where did you learn to drive like that," he asked quietly.
"Grand Theft Auto." I shrugged. Didn't everybody?
He turned and faced me, his perfect brows drawn into a frown. "You learned maneuvers like that from a children's video game?"
"Oh...that. I saw that in a movie once." I rocked back on my heels and grinned up at him. "I've always wanted to try it."
"You risked our lives on something you saw in a fucking movie?"
"Hey, it worked didn't it?"
He shook his head in disbelief, turning it back towards the carnage below. "You are one fucked up human."
"Not anymore Fang baby." He jerked his head up and looked at me. "I'm a vampire now." I flashed him a full canine smile.
"God help us."