"Thirty minutes to sunup," Courtanya announced from the back of Gizmo like a doomsday clock.
She'd been chirping how many minutes until Fang went flambé every five minutes or so for the last two hours and I seriously wanted to smack her in the forehead in hopes of hitting the snooze button. If I could magically produce a hotel, motel...hell...a cave at this point, I would have. But all I could see for endless miles was either farm land or forests. Trust me, if I could have pulled a Hilton out of my ass right about now, I would have. If anything just to shut her up.
I glanced over at Fang, but he didn't seem the least bit worried about his impending death by UV exposer. He sat there with his head slightly tilted to the side so he wouldn't bang it on the roof every time I hit a dip or pothole, looking out the windshield. The ugly cut he had received on his cheek from Nico-lame's swords was long gone. In fact, he didn't have a mark on him. The only evidence that he had been wounded at all was the red patches of blood stains on his Sasquatch t-shirt. Apparently, I wasn't the only one with a speedy recovery system. He must have felt my eyes on him, because soon those diamond eyes turned to me.
"What's up, Red?" he asked.
"The sun in 29 minutes," Bubbles piped up from the back.
"We are almost there, Courtanya. Please refrain from telling us when the sun rises," he growled over his shoulder.
"Yes, your Majesty," she crooned.
I sighed. It never failed, she listened to him but continued to ignore me like I ignored speed limit signs. I was at a total loss as to how deal with her. Were we friends or foes? On one hand, nobody was more shocked then me when I opened my eyes only to discover she had saved me from being filled with more holes than a salt and pepper shaker. Plus, she had been sitting in the back of Gizmo and hadn't tried to kill me once since we shoved her back there. Those all sounded like positives, right? You would think my little murderous minion had turned over a new leaf.
But, then there was the other side of that leaf. The one that was usually covered in sticky bug sacks and excrement which was the reason for the leaf to be laying decaying on the ground to begin with. That was the naughty side of her who was always mocking, making rude comments or just being your general pain in the ass. Like now, I thought as I peered up in the rearview mirror. Bubbles was squirming away in the back, masticating her bottom lip until it bled. She was itching to tell me another couple of minutes had passed. It was as if she held me personally responsible if Fang went up in a blaze of glory if I didn't find shelter soon.
"Turn here," Fang said.
Jerking my eyes back to the front, I spotted the small paved road he was pointing at in the nick of time to make the turn, sending Bubbles rolling in the back like a bowling ball. My grin at her groan was quickly wiped off my face when I saw the most dilapidated motel I had ever seen sitting in the middle of nowhere being slowly swallowed up by the forest. If you could even call it a motel. By the looks of it, it made the Bates Motel look like a five star resort. A shiver worked its way up my spine as I pulled to the part of the building which had the crooked neon Office sign hanging in front. Only...most of it was burnt out and it really only said OFF in glowing red letters that flickered and hummed ominously.
"This is where we are spending the night...um...I mean day?" I asked, my voice taking on that strangled tone murder victims in horror movies usually get right before they are slaughtered.
Fang shrugged his shoulders and frowned out the window. "It's not the greatest of accommodations, but it will do." He turned and flashed a smile at me. "Besides, I know the guy who owns it."
"Of course you do," I muttered under my breath as I opened my door and got out. "Why couldn't you know the guy who owns a Radisson or Hilton? Hell, a Motel Six would be better than this dive. At least they leave a light on for you. This place looks like the only thing it's going to leave you with is a bad case of bedbugs."
"Where's your sense of adventure, Red?" Fang threw a heavy arm over my shoulder and guided me towards the front door. Or what would have been the front door, if it had actually been there. Instead, there was a crisscross of yellow police tape and piece of plywood with a doorknob.
I held up a dangling strip of the bright yellow caution tape. "Tonight has been adventurous enough. I don't think we need add walking into a crime scene into the mix."
He lightly brushed the tape out of my hand. "That's been there for years," he said calmly, giving me another one of those bless your heart looks. "Bob isn't big on maintenance."
"Great," I grumbled as Bubbles huffed up behind us.
"Thanks for letting me out of the car, devil spawn," she hissed in my ear.
"If I had wanted you out, I would have opened it," I told her, rolling my eyes at her slur. I had been hoping she would stay in the car, I could have used the break from her constant presence and I was half tempted to shove her back in...through the unopened window.
But, as my eyes followed the many, many strips of police tape, I had a sudden change of heart. Quickly, I decided that maybe, having her here wasn't such a bad idea after all. I nibbled on the inside of my lip as I followed Fang under the tape and through the plywood door. If anything jumped out at me wearing a hockey mask waving a carving knife, I was totally tossing in Bubbles as a distraction. Yeah...yeah...I know. That's so incredibly cruel of me, but seriously, you haven't just spent several hours cooped up in a car with her. Trust me, if you had, you'd probably be thinking the exact same way I was.
The first thing that accosted my senses when we walked in was the dirty, orange, 60's shag carpeting stained with various degrees of the color brown. The second...was the cloud of marijuana smoke which left everything else in a gray haze. There were general shapes of what I assumed was a sofa and some kind of plastic plant in the corner, but it was really hard to tell in this fog. I sighed. For all I knew, it could be a dinosaur.
A purple one. I big, friendly, lavender T-Rex who sings how much he loves me and how we can be one happy family. A dopy smile tilted up my lips and I started humming and swaying to the catchy tune. Man...I was hungry. I wanted a Diet Coke and flaming hot Cheetos and pickled herring. Wait a minute...did I even like pickled herring? I shrugged my shoulders. Who cares, it sounded delicious and even better if I had some mint chocolate ice cream to go with it. Oh...and if I could eat it all off of Fang's fabulous abs with my new buddy Barney that would be the cherry on top. Ooooo...cherries...
"What's the matter with you?" Courtanya asked, looking up at me.
"Nothing, why?" I said, smiling down at her. She was so cute. Like a teeny, tiny Smurfette. Only she wasn't blue and wasn't wearing a white curlicue hat. But, oh my GAWD...wouldn't she look adorable in one. I so had to get online and find her a hat.
Bubble's hand flew out and slapped me across the face. I could see it coming, or at least I thought I could. There were several of them, so it was hard to tell. Needless to say, my reaction time was a little slow all of a sudden.
"I will not wear your pagan ritualistic clothing," she hissed.
Blinking, I rubbed my sore cheek and realized everyone was staring at me. Bubbles with pure hatred and Fang with a look like I had grown a second head. Drat! I hate it when I think I'm thinking something only to find out what I've been thinking, I actually said out loud.
"What is a Smurfette?" he asked, cocking his head to the side as he tried to puzzle it out.
Seriously? The first chance I got, I was tying his gorgeous ass down and forcing him to watch the hundred years of television he obviously missed.
"I would rather you tied me down for other reasons," he drawled, waggling his eyebrows at me while Courtanya gagged.
"Oh for cripes sakes!" I muttered. Embarrassment and Bubble's slap snapped me out of my drug induced stupor as effectively as if I had stuck my head in a sink full of coffee. Coughing, I stomped up to the faded yellow Formica counter and dinged the sad little bell covered in cobwebs. The sooner we got our rooms the sooner I could put this endless night behind me.
I didn't have long to wait before a tall man strode through the beaded doorway that separated the front desk from the back. Tall was an understatement. This guy made Shaquille O'Neal look like munchkin. His dark skin a sharp contrast to his white teeth smiling down at us, two of which were coated in a twinkling gold, but none of them pointy. Under a black, red, green and red knitted cap was a massive length of dreadlocks which brushed his lean hips and a pair of black wraparound shades covered his eyes. The silky texture of his skin only broken up by the bristly goatee hanging off his square chin.
"Drake, ma mon! Wah gwaan?" He reached out a long fingered hand and slapped his palm into Fang's doing some kind of complicated patty-cake moves that would have impressed all those hand slapping rhyming bitches back in school.
"I've been better, Bob," Fang answered with a smile, flashing his pointed teeth.
Obviously, Bob was in the know as to what and who Fang was. Was Bob an immortal? I looked closer, but I couldn't tell. If he was, he acted way different than the rest of the minions I had run across.
Bob threw his head back and laughed. A deep throaty sound that drew you in and made you smile. The heavy Jamaican accent rolling off his tongue made me think of sandy beaches, steel drums and rum drinks.
"I don't see you suffera too much, mon. You have two sweet honeys with you and mi have plenty of ganja. Life is good, mon."
"Indeed it is," Fang said looking at me and giving me a little wink that made me hotter than the peppers Peter Piper ate. After making me blush, he looked up at the dust encrusted clock on the wall, the hands clicking closer to sunup with every second that passed. "We need a couple of rooms."
"Well now...you are in luck, mon. Mi happen to have da honeymoon suite available." Bob started rummaging around behind the desk and pulled out a key attached to a block of wood. Literally...a block of wood the size of a 2x4.
"Don't you have more than one room?" I asked, still wondering why anyone would attach a room key to a piece of lumber.
"Naw, Hotness," Bob said, shaking his head and smiling his golden grin. "The babylon come by and closed tree of mi rooms."
"Babylon?"
"Dat would be da police to you." He leaned across the counter and lowered his glasses enough for me to get a glimpse of two brown eyes the color of dark chocolate surrounded with lashes so thick he could have swept the floor with them. "But mi have spare room in mi bed," he purred.
Oh my. I didn't know if it was the smoke, his accent or those eyes you could get so lost in you'd need Google Maps to get out of them...but for a moment, I wanted to do that thing Meat Loaf wouldn't do for love with him.
"We'll take the suite," Fang growled, stepping between Bob and me, breaking his hypnotic hold. Handing me the timber key combo, he jerked his head towards the plywood door. "Why don't you get settled, Red while I finish up here."
"In other words, he don't want you getting a taste of all dis," Bob laughed, pushing his glasses back up his nose and reaching down to cup his crotch. "But you only have to push nine on da phone, Hotness and Bob will be more dan happy to be at your beck and call."
Officially embarrassed within an inch of my life, I grabbed Bubbles by the wrist and steamed out of the office. I took a deep inhale of cool fresh air once my feet carried me far enough away from the smog of the weed and it effectively knocked the last of the cobwebs out of my head. Feeling better, I started looking for our room, dragging Bubbles behind me. The motel wasn't overly big, six units altogether and sure enough...three of them were decorated with more police tape which made finding our room relatively easy. It was the one that wasn't a meth lab.
Lifting the log up, I managed to fumble with it and unlock the door with more peeling paint than actual door. Feeling anxious about what laid ahead, I shoved a complaining Bubbles in first. After the day...or um...night I've had, I was more than willing to throw her under the bus first if there was anything nasty waiting to attack in the darkness.
When I didn't hear any sounds of murder and mayhem happening, I stepped inside and clicked on a light. Bubbles, for once, was as speechless as I was. More of that mysteriously stained orange shag carpeting greeted us...along with enough wood paneling to give Paul Bunyan a hard on. A monstrous bed took up most of the space in the room, its mattress sagging in the middle. To add to its shame, it was draped in a polyester nightmare of a plaid comforter with a little dirty pom-pom fringe. The torn bits of it dragging on the floor. I shuddered and turned away from the horrific memorial to vintage porn sitting in front of me.
The rest of the room was rather bare. Just an old dark wood desk with one lamp with no shade, only a bare bulb and a big box television which had knobs to turn the channels. Knobs! The freaking thing had been made before the invention of the remote control. I shook my head in disbelief, thinking I would probably be more comfortable trying to sleep in Gizmo.
Just as I was about to run out of the room screaming, Fang stepped in and locked the door behind him using his fancy hand mojo. Holy Moses on a pogo stick...I was trapped in this nightmare. It was then in my desperate bid for escape that I noticed something.
"There's no windows," I said, turning in a circle to make sure I hadn't been mistaken.
"No," Fang said, setting a brown bag on the table and lifting what was left of his shirt off. "Bob prides himself on privacy, which works in our favor and keeps me from going up in flames."
"You are most brilliant," Bubbles chirped, clapping her hands. Clearly, she approved.
"Thank you, Courtanya," he sighed tiredly. "We might as well try and get some rest. The sun will be up..."
"In three minutes, your Majesty."
Groaning, I walked over to the disgusting bed and picked up a pillow. With a smile that would have melted sugar, I pelted her in the face with the damn thing.
Author's Note:
Hello my FANGED Fiends! So...they have finally settled in for the night. Just the three of them. Will it be a cozy night or will chaos ensue? Stay tuned to find out!
I hope you've enjoyed this latest installment of FANGED and if you liked it, you will consider giving it a vote. I love hearing from you and comments are always welcomed. If you don't see any updates here, feel free to check out my other works Bending Steele, When Roses Collide and Steal You Away.
The next scheduled update for this book is July 29th.
As always, thank you for reading!
Sincerely,
K