"Do you think she is avake, yah?"
"No. She has been making dat noise now for hours."
"It reminds me of moose from home."
"Yah, only louder."
"Dat is a good yoke, Sven."
"Vhat is good is she doesn't smell like them, yah?"
"Oh yah! Do you remember Uncle Oaken and dat time he ate the fermented lutefisk?"
"Yah! Dat was a bad night for everyone."
"Maybe if ve poke her, she vill vake?"
"I don't think dat is a good idea, Sven."
"But I made vaffles!"
My eyes began to flutter open at the magical word...waffles. Or at least I thought it was the magical word. I mean, I never won a spelling bee or anything, but I was pretty sure waffles was spelled with a W and not a V. Deciding I was still too groggy to worry about it, I blinked my eyes open and screamed my bloody head off.
Hovering over me an inch from my nose were two faces. Now granted, they were smiling, handsome faces attached to two twin, blonde haired, blue eyed men...but give me a frigging break. Didn't anyone respect personal spaces anymore? Usually, I would have to say waking up with two great-looking men would rank right up there pretty high in the fantasy department. Except these guys were beyond pale and for a moment I thought I was seeing identical ghosts. Even their eyes were a watery, transparent blue, like a pair of faded jeans that had been washed way too many times.
"Holy Moses on a pogo stick!" I gasped out, sitting bolt upright and grabbing the covers to my chin. "Don't do that!" I ran a trembling hand through the tangle of my hair and quickly snagged my fingers in the knotted mass. "Who are you?" I asked, giving a yank to try and disengage my hand.
"Hello," one of them answered, still grinning from ear to ear at me. Obviously, my less than cheerful greeting had no effect on them. "My name is Sven and dat is my brother, Olaf." Sven nodded his head towards his exact replica whose grin grew even wider, if that was at all possible. I swear, if he smiled any bigger his face would become unhinged. One thing I did notice in my somewhat fuzzy state was that both men were lacking pointy teeth.
"Immortals," I groaned, rubbing my knuckles against my eyelids as I tried to clear the fog. Leave it to me to be woken up by two guys who looked like the Swedish masseuses every woman daydreamed of, but sounded like the Swedish Chef Muppet.
"Yah!" Both Sven and Olaf responded, nodding their heads enthusiastically. "Ve are here to serve you, your Majesty."
My hands stopped in mid-scrub. Majesty? I turned and stared at the whole lot of holly jolly still standing by the bed. I paused again. Bed? Grasping the handful of red, satin bedsheets, I held it out and frowned at it, trying to figure out where I was and how the hell I got here. My eyes darted around a massive room painted a dark, charcoal grey, lit with about a zillion candles flickering soothingly at their posts and filled with warm, brown leather couches and chairs. The lush, richly carved wooden furniture looked like it should belong in a museum or gracing Buckingham Palace. It was fit for a King...
A cool breeze passed over my breasts and I realized I was only in my lemon yellow bra and panties. With an embarrassed yelp, I yanked the covers back up to my chin. I was sitting in the middle of a gigantic bed reminiscent of the one back in the underground penthouse. Apparently, Fang had a thing for humongous beds, passing over your typical California King in favor of mattresses in the size of ample acres. There was no doubt...I was in the rat finks lair.
"Did...did you two undress me?" I asked the two Wonder Twins as they continued to look at me with utter reverence. It was a bit unnerving and creepy to the max.
"Oh no, your Majesty. His Majesty is the one vho put you to bed," Olaf replied somberly, shaking his head, which was a nice change from all the nodding from earlier. His hair was so blonde, it almost looked white and flopped around on the top of his head as he continued to vigorously shake it.
"Yah, ve vould never lay a finger on the Queen's personal person," Sven agreed, matching his brother's movements so they looked like a duel set of bobble headed blonde dolls.
"Great...just great," I grumbled, flopping back onto the pillows. I wasn't sure if I was happy at the knowledge the deranged doppelgangers didn't see me in my skivvies or pissed that Fang had taken the liberty. A sigh left my lungs in a rush. I hated waking up in strange places, but not as much as I hated his Majesty at the moment and the fact he took my clothes off only added fuel to the fire burning in my belly. That blood sucking swine was on my permanent shit list from now until...I gulped...eternity. Drat! That was a long time to be stuck with someone you couldn't stand the sight of.
"Your Majesty?" One of the Ikea twins interrupted my thoughts making me cringe at the title.
"I am not your Majesty. My name is Mel, got it?" I snapped.
"Yah, Majesty Mel," Olaf said, breaking into yet another smile.
"No...no...it's Mel Majesty," Sven corrected, slapping his brother upside the head and then they were off. Both arguing and slapping and shoving over which ridiculous royal designation they should address me by.
I groaned and rubbed my temples, trying to ease the headache starting to form. I had forgotten how insanely cooperative immortals were after having spent so much time with the annoying Courtanya. Speaking of missing murderous minions...
"Where's Bubbles?"
The twins stopped smacking each other long enough to turn confused eyes towards me.
"Bubbles?" they asked in unison, their faces blank slates.
"Courtanya." I said, dragging out her name as I sighed. "She's an exasperating little minion, stands about yay high." I held my hand out at her approximate height...give or take a few inches. It's not like I ever whipped out a measuring tape and got her exact measurments. But given the blank stares I was receiving from the Swedish bork brothers, I might have to start putting up missing posters.
"Oh...yah." Sven suddenly turned bright red and busied himself by straightening the covers on the bed, which was rather stupid considering I was still in it. Or at least I thought it was Sven. I had to confess, now that they had moved from their original spots, I couldn't tell which one was who.
"Where is she?" I asked again. Suddenly, I remember the other brothers. Sinclair to be exact and his not so approving reaction to my...ahem...new station in life. My heart skipped a beat and I gnawed on my bottom lip as panic swamped me. Had something happened to her?
"She has been assigned to the kitchen," Olaf or Sven...or whoever the hell he was answered. "She did not take the news of hearing about Mel Majesty becoming his Majesty's Queen very vell."
"She's not the only one," I muttered to Sven. At least I think it was Sven. If I stayed here too long I was definitely going to have to get name tags for these two.
"Yah, ve had to take the knives avay." Olaf shuddered. "And the forks...spoons...anything dat vas pointy."
A giggle slid up my throat. I could only imagine the mayhem she was causing. After all, I hadn't exactly taken the news well either. The thought wiped the amusement off my lips. Folding my arms over my chest, I scowled up at the ornate ceiling. What was I going to do about that scum sucking vampire? The lying lout tricked me into becoming his Queen. Wasn't I already having a hard enough time adjusting to being a plain, old, ordinary vampire? Okay...so I wasn't technically old...but you get my point. My young age wasn't going to change the fact that most of the vampire kingdom wanted to see me dead. Now I had a even bigger target painted on my chest for old Druilla to stick her stakes in thanks to Fang. Was it really necessary for him to dump this little surprise on me? And who the hell had a crystal chandelier hanging in their bedroom?
I groaned and slouched further down in the bed, throwing the covers over my head. Every time I thought about it, my head spun. A week ago I had been trying to finagle a day off from Mr. B so I could go BOGO to my heart's content...now I was Queen of the vampires. I didn't know how to be Queen. Hell...I couldn't even file my taxes on my own not to mention TiVo was still a complete mystery. I kept recording everything but what I wanted to actually see. Though I have to admit, I was getting sucked into Dora the Explorer. That bitch could find anything.
"If only she could find me a way out of this mess," I muttered under my breath.
"Ah...you are awake, moya solnishka."
My body jerked at the sound of his deep, resounding voice and I peeked over the covers. When our eyes locked, a strange surge pulsed through me like a sonic boom in my veins and I swear...I about vibrated off the bed. Spooky, weird and definitely one for the books...but not exactly totally unpleasant.
The two Abba rejects immediately bowed so deeply, their white-blonde locks polished their shoes. "Your Majesty," they crooned together.
Rolling my eyes, I snorted at their sickening display. Fang leaned causally against the entryway into what I assumed was an extension to his bedchambers, his eyes glowed brightly across the room as a slow sensual grin stretched his lips. My brain wanted to rip the smirk off his handsome face like a rabid chimpanzee, but my body didn't seem to want to cooperate and my mutinous heart started to thump in my chest in hard pounding beats. I shook my head and tried to take a steading breath, but all I could smell, feel and see...was him.
Granted, he did have a way of doing things that most people would consider so simple, yet the way he did them were sexy and supremely male. He would lean a hip against a counter in a certain way and my mouth would go dry or he would stand in a doorway holding onto the molding above him with his carved muscles stretching and flexing as he watched me and my lady parts would squeal with delight.
And right now with the way he was looking at me, I wanted to become a sex addict with him in the worst possible way and then try to cure ourselves with immersion therapy. He appeared freshly showered and somehow...more regal than ever before. His hair was a finger temptation hanging down in a shiny, midnight blanket, parted at the widow's peak and falling softly over his immense shoulders. It wasn't helping matters that he looked like sin in a frosty, blue silk shirt tucked into those body molding leather pants he seemed to prefer.
My inner hussy liked those pants too and she desperately wanted to get on her knees and repent all of her sin. And quite possibly, commit a few extra while she was there.
"Sven...Olaf...if you would excuse us, please," he commanded, his eyes never leaving mine.
"Yah sure, your Majesty." The two Swedish meatballs about rolled over themselves to get out of the room.
Er-mah-gerd! Vhat the ferk? He was about to send away the only two things keeping him standing there and me safely tucked away here. Not to mention my chance at waffles!
"Wait!" I sat up in bed, scrambling to stop them and keep the covers from slipping. Not an easy task to perform with everything made of satin. The suckers are slippery. "I think they should stay," I huffed, slipping and landing in an undignified sprawl.
"And why is that?" Fang asked.
"Because, you might need witnesses to your murder," I grumbled, tugging at the sheet wrapped around my leg like a kraken only to send myself plummeting backwards.
"I will take my chances," he drawled. Turning, he faced the twins. "You may leave." And with that...the two scurried out of the room leaving behind only a whiff of maple syrup in their wake.
"Who died and made you King?" I snapped, watching my vaffles walk out the door. Ahem...I mean waffles.
"That would have been my father," he replied drily, pushing himself out of the doorway and prowling into the bedroom.
"Oh." Drat! Bad choice of words on my part. I made a frustrated tisking sound in the back of my throat to express my annoyance and impatience while I flopped back on the bed. "You know, for a lying leech, you are awfully smug." I crossed my arms over my chest and gave him a smidgeon of an eye roll. I didn't want to take my eyes off him long enough to do a full-fledged socket twirl as he moved towards me. The slutty side of my mind enjoyed watching him walk with that powerful glide of his. But the nervous, twitchy side observed his lithe, graceful gate and coiled strength like a jackrabbit watched a hungry coyote.
"Lying leech?" He arched an annoying eyebrow. "Isn't that a little overly harsh, Melanie?" Fang asked as he folded his large frame into a leather chair not far from the bed. "After all, I did try to warn you."
The way he said my name made me shiver. Nobody could say my name like he did. First, people hardly ever called me Melanie and nobody could say it with such an opulent, delectable accent like him. He said my name in a way a shopaholic talked about a 50 percent off sale and it was distracting as hell.
I shook my head to release the cozy cobwebs the sound of his vocal soliloquy caused. "Warned me?" I sneered. "You didn't warn me about anything you blood milking mosquito!"
"Not true." He shook his head slowly, crossing his legs and steepling his fingers on top of his knees. If my insult had bothered him, he didn't show it. "Back in the tunnel, when you offered your vein, I distinctly told you it was complicated."
"Complicated?" I squeaked, my eyes popping wide in shock. "Quantum physics is complicated! This is far more than complicated! You...you...didn't say anything about bonding...or...or mating!" My voice rose higher with each word until it hurt even my own ears and I winced.
He let out a long suffering sounding sigh. "Again, untrue, Red. After I received the gift of your blood, I told you I would be forever, permanently and eternally bonded to you," he reminded me calmly, shrugging a shoulder.
Too bad calm wasn't a word in my vocabulary at the moment. "How was I supposed to know that would mean I would be strapped to you for the rest of my life?" I leaped out of bed, fighting the sheets until I was finally free and started to pace around the room. "If you think I'm going to sit back and be some happy little homemaker, bucko, you've got another thing coming."
"Somehow I doubt anyone would mistake you as a happy homemaker," he muttered.
I spun on my heel and stalked over to him. "Are you implying I can't be a homemaker? Because, seriously pal, you don't want to go there." I leaned over and poked him in the chest. "I should have you know the one day I took Home Economics is still being talked about to this day." True...it was because I burned down half the classroom with a flaming meatloaf, but he didn't need to know that.
"So are you agreeing to be my Queen?"
"Argh!" I threw my hands up in the air. "No! I am not agreeing to be your anything! Do I look like a Queen?" I yelled, stomping my foot. "I don't even know what a stupid Queen does other than get her face plastered on postage stamps nobody uses and does a stupid wave on top of a parade float. Or, worse, gets her head chopped off! It's not fair! You can't expect me to...to...go along with this! I don't know the first thing about being a Queen, Fang, but I do know one thing...I am not anyone's mate. Especially not yours! You tricked me and you used me and...and...you suck!" I ran out of steam and to my horror, my bottom lip began to tremble. Spinning around, I made a mad dash for what I hoped was the bathroom. Hallelujah! The porcelain gods were on my side and I was right. Slamming the door hard behind me, I locked it and with a rattling sigh, leaned against it just as the tears started to fall.
"Melanie...," his voice rumbled low and husky through the heavy, carved door and I could sense him leaning against it on the other side. It was if I could almost feel him...feel his warmth...through the thick wood.
"Get lost, Drake. Go find some other bimbo to lie to." Brave words. But as I fell to the floor in a weeping puddle of lemon yellow, I didn't feel the least bit brave. I felt lost, scared....and alone.
Author's Note:
Poor, poor Mel. Will she ever accept being Queen? For that matter, will anyone? Stay tuned to find out!
I hope you enjoyed this latest installment of FANGED and if you liked it, you will consider giving it a vote. I love hearing from you and comments are always appreciated. If you don't see any updates here, feel free to check out my other works Bending Steele, When Roses Collide and Steal You Away.
The next scheduled update for this book is September 9th.
As always, thank you for reading!
Sincerely,
K