Once the swirly, whirly crap ceased, I found myself floating. Buoyant in a sea of tranquil darkness. I know, it sounds rather poetic coming from the likes of me, but hey...it was the best way I could think of on how to describe it. This was some undocumented freaky shit. I couldn't see a blasted thing, and I couldn't feel anything either. It was if all my senses had permanently left the building. But, oddly enough, I wasn't wigging out about the fact I was suspended in nothingness like a chunk of fruit in a cup of invisible Jell-O. It was actually...kind of calming in a weird sort of way. As if every bit of stress in my life had simply vanished, and there were no more worries. No more fears. No more suspicions. No more damn vampires insisting I put a crown on my head. Here, in this mass of absolute emptiness, I was calmer than I've ever been. Hell, if I could bottle this sensation up, I'd make a fortune.
I was lazily doing the backstroke in the inky blackness, when a thought suddenly occurred to me. I had felt this way once before. Stopping my homage to synchronized swimming, I sat bolt upright. Or at least I think I did. It was hard to tell. For all I knew, I could be hanging upside down, but that wasn't the reason my heart was trying to pound its way through my chest. That was purely to blame on this new awareness. I had definitely felt this way before...when I became an unwilling member of the not really dead undead club. Ermagerd! Did that mean I was actually dead this time?
I whirled my head around in a panic, desperate to see something. Frankly, it was a humongous waste of time. There was still nothing to see, and it only made me feel slightly dizzy in the process. If I were dead, where the heck was the tunnel of light everyone was always yammering about? Where were my angels? Where were the chubby cherubs and their damn harps? A small sob broke out of my throat. Where was Elvis? If I had shuffled off the mortal coil, I should at least be able to see the King of Rock!
I wrung my hands nervously, my mind rambling a million miles an hour on all the things I should be seeing, but wasn't. Looking down at my fretfully knitting digits, I became disgusted with myself and stopped. Only weak heroines in outdated romance novels wrung their hands. I was a fashionable, somewhat capable, mildly intelligent woman of the modern age. We didn't uselessly wring our hands.
"You slimy bloodsucking bastards!" I screamed out into the obscurity. "If you stuck me in purgatory, I am going to come back and haunt every one of you vampire assholes and rip your fucking heads off!" That's right, contemporary women replaced the impractical squeezing of our hands with loud, obnoxious cursing mixed with random threats of violence. I don't know if it was any more useful, but it sure as shit made us feel better, or at least it did me as I sat there seething in the chasm of space. All sense of my earlier calmness long gone.
A low, rumbling chuckled filled the dark void. "Now, Hotness...that is something I would willingly pay money to see."
More of the rich laughter floated around me, wrapping me in a blanket of warmth, and I sleepily closed my eyes. It was the type of sound that drew you in, and automatically made you wish to hear more of the exotic tone. It also made me suddenly want to stick my toes in the sand while I sipped an offensively overpriced sweet rum drink in an excessively decorated pineapple.
Before I could stop myself, I was swaying slowly and about to burst into a chorus of Don't Worry, Be Happy when, again...something occurred to me. Popping my eyes open wide, I realized I had heard that voice before. Huh...who would have guessed purgatory was the place for all sorts of strange déjà vu?
I dredged through my memory trying to recall his name. I was great with faces, names...not so much. Time seemed to crawl by as I flipped through my rolodex of people in my mind. Fortunately, I didn't have to go too far into the alphabetical list.
"Bob?" I called out hesitantly.
"I see you have not forgotten me."
A light swirl of white smoke engulfed me, lifting me higher and tickling my nose. Unlike at the Motel STD, it didn't smell of weed this time. Instead, it smelled of a deep, aromatic cedar and spice. Like an expensive cigar or elegant pipe tobacco.
"You were hard to forget," I said, sniffing the air appreciatively. Instantly, all my anger leeched out of my body, and I relaxed once again in my buoyant bubble. All thoughts of going Poltergeist on the vampires fading into the puff of smoke. It was bizarre, I couldn't see him, but I was aware of his nearness. It was if he was standing right beside me, but not. If I hadn't been so chilled-to-the-max, I probably would have found it way more unsettling than I did at the moment. "Where are you?" I asked, not really caring as I started to dog-paddle through the darkness.
"I am everywhere," he answered, his voice eerily close.
I could feel his words like a hot breath on my face, yet I still could not see him. But, mysteriously enough, I could sense the smile on his lips only inches away from mine. An odd electric jolt shot through me, starting at my breasts and sliding wickedly over my flesh until it ended, pooling in the passion pit between my thighs. My eyes fluttered closed, and I swallowed hard around a groan. Inside my mind, my hamster ran double time in his spinning wheel of intelligence to come up with something to say, but all I managed to come up with was a garble of incoherent words which ended up stretching into a lengthy moan worthy of an Adult Video Award.
"Come to me, Hotness."
Slowly, my word began to spin, gaining momentum with each twirl, and I frantically threw my hands out to stop it, but it was no use. My body continued to spin as if I had been caught in a tornado, tilting and twirling out of control, and I had to bite my lip hard to keep from hurling. I whimpered as an intense sense of vertigo sucker punched me, spiraling me downward. Just when I thought I was going to die...again...from being on the worst amusement park ride of all time, I landed with a soft thump.
Once I finally felt like I wasn't about to replay the split pea soup scene from the Exorcist, I bravely cracked one eye open. Both of them flew wide when I realized I was resting in the middle of a massive round bed, covered in yards of red, shining silk. A bright beam of light from no distinguishable source illuminated it like a stage. A little yelp broke free from my lips as I scrambled into a sitting position.
It was then I noticed my clothing...or lack thereof. Instead of my cool vampy ensemble of leather, I was now wearing a skimpy black corset which was little more than scraps of flimsy fabric sewn together trimmed with red lace, and completed with a matching pair of booty shorts. There was even a garter belt encircling my waist connected to lacy black stockings. The robe I tried to gather around myself, was nothing more than a see-through afterthought, and nothing close to resembling functional apparel. The shoes though, were...totally awesome! A pair of gorgeous Manolo Blahniks in a sleek pointy-toe mule, crafted from buttery-soft suede with tuffs of fur on top, and teasingly lifted by a slim kitten heel encased my delighted feet.
I couldn't contain the squeal of pleasure escaping my lips, as I lifted one foot and then the other to admire them. I may be dressed like some hussy in a centerfold, but the shoes were absolutely amazing.
"Do you like them?"
His voice reverberated like a crash of thunder, pulling my attention away from my beautifully enhanced feet.
"What?" I asked, glancing up at the form suddenly standing in front of me. Surprise had me dropping my jaw in what I am sure was an undignified manner only suitable for catching flies.
Gone was the Bob from the nasty Motel-No-Tell. Instead, an entirely different version of Bob stood before me. An incredibly hot, sexy, and mighty fine-looking version. He was immaculately dressed in a fancy black suit, perfectly tailored which hugged a chiseled body I had never noticed before. The silky red shirt he wore underneath, matched the bed linens, and was unbuttoned enough to give a tempting glimpse of the smooth, dark skin of a well-muscled chest. Ungluing my eyes from the sexy expanse of skin, I noted he no longer had the dreadlocks. Now, his hair was done in long, shiny box braids which hung down to his lean waist. The bristly goatee had been replaced with a thin line of hair following the contours of his face, almost a perfect whisper of where a beard should be. Holy Moses on a pogo stick! He hadn't exactly been an eyesore before, but now...I gulped...he was freaking HAWT.
"The shoes, Hotness. Do you like them?" He moved closer to me, placing his hand under one of my kitten heels and lifting it. Even his chocolatey eyes seemed to have changed, becoming lighter and flashing golden in the strange lighting.
The grace of his movements made goosebumps dance along my skin. He seemed like a shadow. The exquisite darkness of his ebony skin swallowed up the light, filling me with an indescribable need to remove more of his clothing to observe more of it. Maybe touch it...taste it...feel it against mine. I gasped at my naughty thoughts, but my dismay did little to calm the thrum of desire beating through my veins. Crawling backwards, I pulled my foot out of his grasp. I needed to put a little more space between us. Like maybe a state or two. The alarms were clanging away in the back of my head. This was wrong...unnatural. I didn't belong here. And I sure as hell shouldn't be feeling this way about him.
"W...who are you?" I croaked out, pulling the flimsy robe tighter around me. A futile attempt to try and distract myself from the elegant line of his jaw, those appealing eyes, and the indecent grin on his full lips he wasn't even trying to tamp down.
"You know who I am."
The intonation of his voice was sultrier than Marvin Gaye, and rolled over me in soft waves of hot lust. Not necessarily unpleasant, but distracting as hell.
I shook my head in attempt to rattle up some thoughts that didn't include things of a sexual nature. "I know you're Bob, but you don't look like Bob." Okay, so much for not sounding too stupid or anything. I tightened my mouth, suddenly becoming impatient with myself. "I mean, you don't look like the Bob I remember. Come to think of it, you don't sound like him either." I mean, he did, sort of. The Caribbean twang was still there, but somehow...it was softer, more refined. It was still full of steel drums, crystal clear oceans, and sandy beaches, but it also held a note of sharks, pirates and voodoo.
A small chuckle came from his dreamy lips. "Would you prefer if mi go back to speakin' dis way, Hotness?" he asked, leaning forward and smiling down at me. The flash of his two golden teeth sparkled in the light, adding to his exotic sensuality.
Sweat began to bead on my forehead, cool and clammy as my pulse started to flutter rapidly from his nearness. "No," I squeaked out. "N...no...that's not necessary."
His smile changed from smarmy to a Cheshire cat smirk. It was one of those smiles brimming with untold secrets, and hinted he was about to lay some intellectual brainteasers on me that I would never understand.
"Noh care how hog try fi hide under sheep wool. Mi grunt always betray mi."
And there it was. The stupid, mysterious riddle and the reason I hate cats. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"It means, Hotness, it doesn't matter how much of a disguise someone puts on, their true self always surfaces."
"And what is your true self?" I asked warily, once again clambering across the bed in an attempt to distance my raging hormones away from his sexual pull.
His lips pursed in amusement as he watched me struggle, his eyes flicking over me. "I am simply Bob." A husky chuckle followed his statement, sending shivers scattering down my nerve endings. "You can scream it the same, backwards or forwards...going or coming."
"Wow. Believe it or not Bob, I'm strangely not reassured by that." I finally gave up making rounds on the bed, and flopped dead center in the middle. Hunching my shoulders, I crossed my arms protectively around my waist in a losing battle to try and cover myself, and to hide the fact my nipples were standing out at full attention, begging for his mouth and touch.
"What can I do to assure you I mean no harm?" He smiled down at me with a sugar won't melt in his mouth expression.
"Yeah, see...with the way my luck has been going lately...that's not going to happen anytime soon, bucko," I muttered. "But you can try by telling me what you are. I know you aren't a vampire." His nose wrinkled as he made a sound of disgust in the back of his throat. I narrowed my eyes up at him, bluffing myself into thinking I wasn't affected by his handsome physique, and failing miserably. I was practically drooling. "I...I don't think you're an immortal," I stuttered, licking my suddenly much too dry lips. "And if you're human, than I'm a monkey's Uncle." The last bit of my speech was said on a breathy sigh as he inclined closer into my personal space, brushing a lock of my wild curls away from my flushed face.
"Well, you are right about one thing, Hotness," he rumbled in my ear as he took a long draw of my scent. His nostrils flaring slightly.
"A...and that would be?" I swayed unsteadily, clutching the sheets to anchor myself to keep from falling against him as his unusual fragrance enveloped me. I shut my eyes, feeling my body begin to burn hot enough to fry an egg.
"You are not," he murmured, brushing his lips in a feathery caress across the shell of my ear, "related to any monkeys." Pulling back, his mouth twitched into another smug grin.
"See? Not even in purgatory does anyone answer my questions," I whined on a shiver. Lifting my hand, I scrubbed at my ear as if I could remove the heated feeling left behind from his lips.
"Purgatory?" He reared back slightly on the heel of his highly polished Gucci shoes, his perfectly groomed brows jumping to the top of his forehead.
"Isn't that where we are?" Lifting my hands in exasperation, I let them fall with hard thump as I glared at him. "Those blood sucking bastards drained me dry, and now I'm dead!" I leaped up off the bed, pacing around it as my temper began to boil. "Not only did they murder me, but do I get to go to heaven and meet Elvis for sacrificing my life so his royal pain in my ass could live? No!" I pounded my fist against the mattress while I continued making laps. "I get to spend the rest of eternity dressed like a damn Playboy Bunny!" A bunny with nice shoes, part of my brain reminded me, but I ignored it. As much as it crushed my soul, shoes were not going to help me out of this bizarre situation.
I was in the middle of another tour around the spherical bed when I was caught up in two very well-muscled arms. Looking up, I felt like I had been sucker punched in the stomach when my gaze collided with his. Bob's dark eyes went from teasing to melted desire in a heartbeat. Luckily, he was holding me because my knees suddenly liquefied as thoughts of hot sex, naked sweaty bodies writhing together in fierce pleasure flooded my brain, drowning my poor little hamster in a wave of intense yearning.
"This is not purgatory, Hotness," he said, his voice gruff. "And you are most assuredly not dead." His lips touched mine, in a brief kiss. A gentle pressing which had me clinging to him like a piece of gum stuck on the sole of his shoe. "I brought you here."
"What...?" I gasped, my brain scrambling to make sense of what he was saying, but all I could think about was the hard body I was pressed against. The strong arms holding me. The way those eyes of his kept looking at me with that hot sensual intensity. The more I stared into them, the more lost I became. The more lost I wanted to become. My lips were inching leisurely towards Bob's when suddenly a visual of Fang invaded my thoughts. Ermagerd! Fang! With a hard shove, I pushed him away with a strength only Fang's memory could give, sending him tottering backwards. "Brought me where?" Quickly, I stepped back putting more distance between us.
"You are in my realm, the where of it doesn't matter."
"Yeah...well...that makes about as much sense as cargo shorts," I snorted. "Which, seriously, no man, woman or child should ever be caught dead wearing." He took a step towards me, and I held up my hand to stop him. "Oh no you don't. You keep your sexy-on-a-stick self over there. You're funky little seduction scheme isn't going to work on me."
"Oh, it worked, Hotness," he said, tossing a row of his braids over his shoulder and sending me a smoldering look that made my boy shorts so wet, I needed to cross my legs to hide the damp spot I knew had to be showing. "It worked very well." His voice turning into a throaty purr.
I wrapped the robe tighter around me. "Well, it isn't working anymore." I plastered a wide smile on my face, locking my quivering knees into place before I could swoon. "So you can just send me home now."
"You're lying."
"Hmmm...let me think." I drummed my fingers lightly against the side of my jaw. "Do I sit here and bask in the glory of your over inflated ego, or walk over there and kick you in the nads until you decide to let me go?"
Bob was silent for a long time, his arms crossed over his chest with one hand rubbing the bottom of his chin as if he was deep in thought. I continued to stride backwards until I was standing on the opposite side of the bed, certain I had never felt so uncomfortably awkward in my life. And I've had plenty of awkward moments to reflect on. For instance, the classic making fun of someone only to find out they are standing right behind you, I've done that a million times. Or when I am checking myself out in the reflection of a dark car window only to realize there's somebody inside it, that's always fun. Then there's my all-time favorite, deciding it's safe to let out a silent fart, but it comes out sounding like machine gun fire and all eyes turn to look at you in horror. Yup, I knew all about awkward moments. For the most part, my life has basically been one long awkward moment between birth and death, but this one...yeah...this one tops them all. Only seconds ago, I wanted to boink Bob's brains out, and the only thing that stopped me was thinking about my kind of sort of mate who at this very moment could still be laying on his death bed for all I knew.
The thought I had suddenly turned into a wanton hussy for basically a man who was a perfect stranger...while still having the hots for Fang, filled me with shame. But, at the same time, if Bob over there laid one more finger on me, I wouldn't hesitate to do things with him on that mattress his memory foam would never forget.
"Tell me one thing, and then I shall let you go." He glided the few steps to the bed, placing his palms against the soft mattress and leaning forward against it, so I got a full shot of his intoxicating stare.
I exhaled slowly, my eyes darting away from his. "Fine, ask away."
"You don't want to be his mate, and you are dead set against becoming Queen...so tell me, my sweet Hotness, why did you save him?"
I froze. Drat. How did he know? Was it plastered on some billboard somewhere?
"That's none of your business..."
"Don't patronize me, Hotness," he said coldly. "It took a lot of effort and time to set this little meeting up, I expect at least an answer for my work."
"I...I didn't want him to die," I answered truthfully. Yes, I could have told him I loved him and all that blah, blah, blah, but for some reason, I wasn't willing to admit that out loud yet. At least not until Fang admitted it first. Yes, I'm fully aware how childish that sounds, but get over it. After all that I have been through, I'm entitled that one little, teeny, weeny privilege.
Again, he was silent for a moment before he stood and gave me a wink. It wasn't a simple blink of one eye, this wink exuded a wicked, decadence that oozed sex from every pore of his being making me feel things I shouldn't. A tight moan escaped my lips.
"I will accept your answer...for now."
The simple statement started a nervous flutter in my belly that bloomed into a churning of alarm. Was that some kind of warning?
"We will see each other soon, Hotness," he said, backing away and giving me a short bow. "Until you dream again..." His voice wasn't as strong as before, but the regret was unmistakable. Bob's image began to flicker like a television set needing the rabbit ears adjusted.
"Wait! What do you mean dream?" I called out after him, but it was too late. He was gone, along with the bed, the clothing...everything just vanished and I was left floating alone. Double drat. "You promised to send me home!" I yelled out to the darkness.
"All you have to do is wake up," a voice with a Caribbean lilt said, sounding far, far away.
"What?" I looked around, for what I had no idea. The air around me turned into a swirling grey mist and for the first time, I felt a small twinge of fear as something took hold of my arm and started to fiercely shake me.
"Wake up."
"Wake up."
"Oh, for fuck's sake. Wake up, Red!"
Violent shoving brought me out of my stupor, and I blinked my eyes open only to find Fang's icicle eyes hovering centimeter's away from my own.
"Aaarrrgghh!" I screamed, my heart leaping up into my throat. Giving him a hearty push, I moved his mountain sized frame out of my face. "How many times do I have to tell you guys to not do that!" I muttered, rubbing my eyes. When the fuzzy feeling finally left and my pulse calmed, I looked around to find I was back in my vampy clothes, laying on Fang's bed safely tucked away in his chambers, and not floating in a dark abyss. Sighing, I flopped back against the pillows. Oh good. No sexy lingerie, garters, or super sexy Rastafarian. A small grunt of disappointment at the loss of the shoes left my mouth, but other than that, I was as happy as a cucumber that it had been nothing more than a weird ass dream. Shame about the shoes though.
"Why do you smell of patchouli?" Fang asked, his eyes narrowing into two icy slits.
Author's Note:
Hello my FANGED Fiends!
Well now...look who has returned, our good friend Bob. Anyone care to guess who or what Bob is? And what does he want? Will Mel fall for his charms or will Fang make her see the truth? Stay tuned to find out!
I hope you enjoyed this latest installment of FANGED, and if you did, you will consider giving it a vote. I have been thoroughly enjoying your comments, and always appreciate your input. As you know, I have been too busy trying to play catch up to answer them all, but I want you to know that your voice is still heard. :)
If you don't see any updates on your favorite vampires here, please feel free to check out my other works Bending Steele, When Roses Collide, and Steal You Away.
As always, thank you so much for reading and for your patience. You guys are the best!
Sincerely,
K