I didn't have any time to dillydally, I needed to find Dr. Kleinrosebroom pronto and see if he could undo the voodoo that had thrown me into this vampire stew. I stopped in mid-buckling of my boot. Drat! I was rhyming again. Why was it Fang always brought out the Dr. Seuss in me? Rolling my eyes, I decided I didn't have the time to contemplate my sudden poetic capabilities, and I quickly put on the other shoe. Getting to my feet, I was about to make a mad dash out of the closet when I caught sight of the cute, red suede booties in one of the full-length mirrors.
A small sigh of pleasure purred out of my lips. Pointing the toe of the boot, I twisted it in several directions while I revered its reflection. Yeah...yeah...yeah...I know, I was supposed to be in a hurry, but sometimes you just had to stop and admire the beauty of a great pair of shoes, or in this case, boots. After all, I was a typical red-blooded single working girl who enjoyed leisurely afternoons at the mall where 50 percent off was a siren's call no woman could resist. Finding the perfect pair of shoes to go with a superb outfit was my equivalent of discovering the Ark of the Covenant. Thanks to the collection of designer shoes from floor to ceiling I now possessed, I put Benjamin Gates's little Knights Templar treasure to shame. Who needed dusty old relics nobody has ever heard about from long lost history when you had the newest Monse contrast ballerina shoes!
An unwelcomed thought came charging into my head like a herd of stampeding elephants with maracas in their trunks. If I managed to get the Doctor to rectify my current condition, did I get to keep the shoes? A sharp ache hit my chest as if someone had plunged a blade into my heart. No more vampire-itis could mean no more shoes along with no more Fang. I had to throw a hand out to stop from swooning into a puddle on the floor when a fierce wave of despair broadsided me from out of nowhere. Was I really willing to throw it all away? My eyes moved to the beautiful display of sumptuous shoes, and then back at my own crestfallen expression.
My mind screamed in horror like Edvard Munch's painting at the thought of leaving the delicate beauties behind, but not nearly as much as my heart cried in agony over the idea of never seeing Fang again. No matter what I told myself or how much I tried to deny it, the fact stubbornly remained like a stain on white carpeting. He may be a big, pop-culturally challenged, walking talking leather wearing fashion victim, but it didn't change the circumstance that I had fallen hopelessly in love with the gigantic lug. My heart started to pound and my breath caught in my throat. It was true. I captured my lower lip between my teeth to keep from screaming out in frustration.
I was so filled with tangled emotions, I wanted to cry. But, even if I did, it wouldn't change the fact Fang didn't feel the same. He didn't love me back. Yes, he wanted my blood. Yes, he wanted my body, but unfortunately...he didn't want my heart. Sad green eyes stared out at me from my reflection, and I frowned at the sorry expression. The whole thing was totally whack. Look at me. Who wouldn't love this, I wondered, turning a little in the mirror as I scrutinized my image. I was kind of hot in the right light, sort of sexy on a good hair day, and had a fantastic sense of humor which was borderline genius. Who else could have come up with the mastermind idea of exchanging the public restroom air freshener with a blow horn? I don't care who you are, that shit was funny. Pun intended.
Wasn't that what men were looking for these days? I had read enough tabloids in my day to write my own research paper on the subject of what men wanted. I knew the 21 mind-blowing sex moves, along with the 50 kinky sex moves if the first 21 weren't enough. I memorized men's six secret sex spots, and studied the 75 crazy sex moves that will keep men thinking about you all year long. I snorted. I disagreed with at least six of those moves, but the point was...I was well educated in what men were looking for in a mate. They wanted a self-confident woman who knows what she wants, who can communicate clearly, who is drama free, has a great sense of humor and, most importantly, likes sex. Lots of sex. And, apparently, knowing the seven ways to blow his mind should keep a girl firmly at the top of the greatest catch list.
I struck a pose in the mirror that was so vogue, it would have made Madonna pull a hamstring. Screw Fang. I was definitely worth a swipe right. I may not be able to cook, and let's face it, I loathe anything that had to do with cleaning, but I'm certain my high expertise in sarcasm and raiding the Macy's clearance section makes me a rare and precious gem any man worth his salt would be thrilled to call his own.
Giving myself an air kiss for luck, I turned on my sassy heels and marched out of the bedroom with only one purpose...to get to Dr. Kleinrosebroom and have a vampire-dectomy. With a new outlook on life, I swung the door open and screamed until I felt something pop in my brain.
"Where the hell have you been?" I panted, once I was certain Bubbles materializing out of thin air and scaring the crap out of me hadn't given me a stroke.
She made a sound that was suspiciously like a snort. "I don't have to answer to you, demon spawn."
"Hey! I thought we were past all the name-calling you ancient scrawny-assed blonde excuse for a hobbit."
She shrugged a shoulder. "I agreed to maintain his Majesty's purity from coupling and completing the mating ritual with a foul mottled eternally yammering she-devil. I said nothing about friendship or swearing fealty to you," she said reasonably.
"Bitch," I grumbled under my breath, running a hand through my hair to flounce my curls over my shoulder. It was then I noticed the usually immaculate Courtanya was...rumpled. Narrowing my eyes, I took in her crinkled beige capris and pink sleeveless sweater, which, if I wasn't mistaken, was on backwards and slightly skewed. Her typically sleek, blonde hair looked as if it had been hastily brushed with a leaf blower. "What have you been up to?" I asked, this time my voice taking on a warier lilt.
For the first time since I opened the door, her Bambi colored eyes met mine as she scowled at me. But, I could detect a bit of edginess peeking through the usual disdain she normally threw my way.
"None of your business," she hissed.
The defiant tilt of her chin might have fooled some, but not me. I may not be a farmer, but I could certainly smell bullshit at 50 paces. Which, oddly enough, turned out to be Mason as he came bounding around the corner.
"Courtanya! There you are," he wheezed as he jogged up next to her. "I feared I might have lost you." He smiled down at my little minion with a simpering, watery regard that made my skin crawl.
He hadn't changed a bit since the last time I saw him in the spooky cabin in the middle of the woods. He wore the same lumberjack apparel of a flannel shirt partially tucked into a pair of overly pressed jeans, boots and had the same puppy dog gaze I had remembered. Only this time, it was oozing adoration towards Bubbles. Oh...jeezus...ick! My stomach rolled as I started to put two and two together, and I groaned. I so did not need this right now.
"Mistress!" he yelped as he finally noticed me standing there. Immediately, he grasped one of my limp hands and dropped his head to our clasped palms. "Such an honor to see you again."
"Hello there...Mason," I muttered, yanking my hand away from him. Upon closer inspection, I could see his shirt was miss-buttoned, and his blonde hair was in the same disarray as Bubbles. That could only mean one thing. Either they had both been taking a stroll through a hurricane or Mason and Bubbles had been sitting in a tree, K. I. S. S. I. N. G.
I hurped trying not to hurl.
"So...you two..." I closed my eyes and breathed through my nose. "Are ...um...together or something?"
"Yes, Mistress!"
"NO!"
Mason threw an arm around a less than pleased Courtanya's shoulders, despite the fact he practically had to bend over to accomplish the task. Bubbles was extremely short, and well...Mason was extremely tall. You do the math on how the logistics of that relationship was going to work, frankly, it made me ill just thinking about it.
"Well, I'm glad that's settled," I said sarcastically, giving them a tight smile. Though, I'll be honest, it did my heart good to see Bubbles's obvious discomfort at public displays of affection.
We stood there in uncomfortable silence. Mason beaming, Bubbles probably scheming 101 different ways to commit murder, and me heaving. Not literally of course, but it was tough to swallow the idea of my diminutive deadly minion in the throes of passion with Mason. I cringed picturing just how their hair must have gotten messed up. Holy Moses on a pogo stick, I wasn't ready for this kind of reality. I had only recently learned that immortals where even capable of having...you know...sex, and I wasn't remotely prepared to have the subject shoved under my nose. Spinning on my heel, I was about to walk away from them just to save myself from not having to think about it when something occurred to me.
"Mason, why are you here? I thought you were caretaker of the safe house?"
"I was, Mistress," he said solemnly, his brown eyes turning sad. "But the Elders are on the rampage, and are hunting down anyone who might be harboring you or Master Drake. They have destroyed so many homes, including the cabin. If not for Master Lucien calling to warn me, I wouldn't have managed to escape, but I was unable to stop them from burning my home to the ground." Mason's chin wobbled, but he continued. "I was able to rendezvous with Master Drake. We had been tracking fellow immortals who had been forced from their homes when we got the news the prestigious Dr. Kleinrosebroom had been discovered. In our attempt to save him from the Elders soldiers, we were ambushed and Master Drake took a fatal arrow to his chest."
My heart lurched painfully at the memory, and I felt the need to sit down. "Yeah...yeah...yeah...I remember," I said, waving my hand to stop him from giving me any more details. "But that was just the other night." Drawing myself to my full and unimpressive height, I put my hands on my hips and gave them both a disapproving prudish frown. "Aren't you two being a little hasty in jumping into a relationship? You only just met for cripes sakes!" I looked over at Bubbles and waggled my finger at the tip of her nose. "You don't know anything about him, missy." Ugh. I sounded like one of those sitcom moms, but I suppose, since I was responsible for her, I had to be the heavy. Fortunately for me, she was like a godzillion years old, so at least I didn't need to give her the birds and the bees' speech. Or...crap...I sure as hell hoped I didn't.
Suddenly, a realization hit me like a well-aimed dodgeball to the face. I was responsible for Bubbles in more ways than just worrying about her sexual education, which, dammit, was probably more advanced than mine. If I leave...I swallowed hard as my eyes skirted over to her...then she was as good as dead. I closed my eyes, and tucked my chin to my chest. The prickling of a headache was starting to tap at my skull. Rubbing my forehead to ease the annoying pain, I breathed out a heavy sigh. Adulting sucked, and to make matters worse, Fang wasn't around to see me being all grownup and shit.
"You are as dense as a brick of lead," Bubbles huffed. "That was four days ago."
"Four days ago?" I whipped my head up wearing what I was sure was a whatchu talkin' 'bout Willis expression.
Bubbles's lips pressed into a hard white slash. "You've been out cold for days now. Unlike his Majesty, I wasn't about to hover over you and watch while you snored the walls down."
"I don't snore," I griped, trying to comprehend the fact I had somehow lost four days of my life. Wait...Fang hovered? "He really stayed?" I asked, adding another item to my growing list of what the fuck.
"Oh yes, Mistress," Mason bobbed his head, dancing on his toes in his excitement. "The moment Master Tallon pulled the arrow out of his heart, he leaped off the gurney and scooped you up in his arms, carrying you straight to his chambers. He refused both food and drink while he remained faithfully by your side attending to you even though Master Tallon thought he should be resting. When you did not recover, he became inconsolable. That's when Master Tallon suggested you may need to take a vein. He didn't waste a moment, but sliced his own wrist and cradled you in his arms while he dribbled his blood into your mouth. It was very romantic." He gave Bubbles another one of those vomit inducing looks.
It may have been a little romantic, but it was also slightly nauseating, I thought, trying to ignore the fluttering of butterflies in my belly. Fang had taken care of me when he had only been moments from death himself. My head spun as I tried to make sense of it all.
"You still have not mated then?"
Bubbles flat...and somewhat judgy...statement snapped me out of my tailspin. "That's none of your business," I snapped, stomping off down the corridor.
"I'll take that as a no then," she said, happily skipping alongside me with Mason drooling at her heels like a faithful puppy.
"I don't want to talk about it," I said firmly, charging forward as if I was a bull chasing a red cape.
I may not have wanted to talk about it, but I certainly thought about it...a lot. Not to mention, if Sven hadn't had such impeccable bad timing, I would have eventually banged him like a pinkie toe on a coffee table. Only it would have been a far more pleasurable experience. Probably the most intense sexually gratifying experience of my life. Because, let's face it, we were talking about Fang. The man with a voice so deep, and rich, it carried all sorts of unspoken erotic promises. Not to mention he was a hulking, gorgeous male specimen with a face that was a work of art that deserved to be framed. Preferably with my legs. A sharp shuddered racked my body, making me stumble, and have to catch my footing.
Shaking my head to dispel the visual of his dark head disappearing between my parted thighs, I continued down the corridor with a forced determination based on pure stubbornness. I had to start thinking with my brain and not my desolate lady garden. I refused to be in love with a liar and I wouldn't have sex with someone who didn't love me. No matter how much he wrung my heart or rang my bell. Which, let's face it, slapping my bell clacker wasn't necessarily a major feat on his part. I'd been in such a dry spell when it came to sex, that the only thing getting repeatedly slammed in my bed was the snooze button. It was only natural that he would arouse...urges.
"Where are we going?" Bubbles asked, relieving me from trying to convince myself I was doing the right thing by ending my vampirism.
"To see Dr. Kleinrosebroom."
"Why do you want to see him?"
"Because, I have a plan."
I could feel her glare of skepticism boring into my back even though I didn't stop to witness it personally.
"Is it a good plan?"
Probably not, I thought to myself.
"It's a plan," I muttered. It was all I could come up with because, right now, my mind was like someone had emptied the kitchen junk drawer onto a trampoline with a half a dozen naked midgets hopped up on sugar bouncing around.
Author's Note:
Happy FANGED Friday my Fiends!
Sorry it's posted a bit late today, but I have been busy dying eggs, baking bread, and getting ready for Easter festivities. :)
I hope you enjoyed this latest installment, and if you liked it, you will consider giving it a vote. I am off to go spend a long weekend with the relatives, so I will be looking forward to reading your comments when I need a little break. LOL
I want to wish every one a happy, peaceful Easter filled with marshmallow peeps, chocolate, and family. :)
Sincerely,
K