A deep clearing of a throat brought my attention away from the bodily functions of vampires and back to the impressive shitkickers standing before me. What size were those babies? Size 14? I would have made a crummy shoe salesman, but I could guess they were big and pointy. I followed the slope of the boot up to a leg clad in tight, black leather pants.
Or...at least I thought that was a leg. Judging by the size of it, there's a good possibility it could have been a tree trunk. But, beings there were two tree trunks standing side by side, I am sticking with my first presumption that they were indeed legs. Holy bat-wings! They were gargantuan. This person had a lifetime pass to 24 Hour Fitness and used it...frequently. Massive calves and thighs, bulged in protest to being incased like sausages. Suddenly, I had a hankering for Wienerschnitzel.
My upgraded 2.0 peepers continued the journey up the black brick road taking in the scenery as they tootled along. A tight white button down shirt was thanking Jesus as it hugged a huge flat plain of a chest. It was unbuttoned around a thick, muscly neck, but in a tasteful way and not the Vito sort of way. A hint of olive colored skin and a small tuft of dark hair greeted my gaze. The kind of chest hair that makes you want to twirl the teasing curl around your finger, not the kind that makes you think of Brillo Pads and Wookies.
His massive shoulders were covered in a long black trench coat...yup...leather. They guy was wearing a herd of cattle, but it was sexy as hell. He was colossal and I was getting a crick in my neck from just looking up at him. All that black leather magnified his size, but I am thinking even if he wore a Hello Kitty crop top and a pink tutu, he would still be giant enough to trip over a rock and knock his head against the moon.
For a moment, I wondered if he could do that titty dance most body builders seemed famous for and calculated how many one dollar bills I had in my possession. Before I could process the idea of making it rain, my ogling ran smack into his face. It was then my question of whether or not vampires peed, was answered.
He was burst your bladder gorgeous and I dropped my spoon shovel along with my jaw. His hair was long and black. Not Fabio long, but long enough to put into a ponytail, though I doubted he was the kind of guy who sported pigtails. His face must have been sculpted by the finest artisans. I would tell you who...if I could think of any, but at the moment, my mind was purely focused on his eyes.
They glowed. I don't mean in the romantic drivel kind of way. I mean they literally glowed as if they'd been plugged into an electrical outlet. Who needed a nightlight with this guy around? Those eyes of his looked like two winter icicles glinting in the noon day sun. If I hadn't already been sitting on my butt, the power from that megawatt glare would have dumped me on it in a heartbeat. If I had one...wait...I did have one! Either that or a rodent had scurried into my chest and was trying to break its way through. Whatever was in there, was pounding so hard it made me pant.
"There you are. I have been looking all over for you." His voice was deep. Davey Jones Locker kind of deep. I couldn't place the accent, but the way he gently rolled his "R's" made me weave as if I was about to start breaking out into a rousing chorus of Kumbaya.
Kneeling down, his leathers creaked in protest. Up close and personal, those eyes were a real killer. Yes...they were absolutely dazzling and he was totally melt your panties hot...but those eyes had darkness in them. I bet my next Mexican meal, he'd killed more than old ladies kitty cats.
"What is your name," that voice asked and a sigh escaped my lips.
I tried to think of something coy and flirty to say, but I seemed to have accidently swallowed my tongue. I blinked a couple of times in case my eyes were playing tricks on me, but nope...he was the most handsome man I had ever laid eyes on. Square jaw, high cheekbones, full lips, thick dark lashes and perfect eyebrows graced his carved face. I was immediately transported back to high school and started giggling like a hyena with a snoot full of nitrous oxide.
He smirked at me in that "bless your heart" sort of way before he pulled back his lips and laid a full Colgate smile on me which stopped my giggling in a very unattractive snort. Fangs. Two saber toothed canines were on full display, happily lodged between perfectly straight teeth. An orthodontist dream come true...well...except for the pointy ones.
They were so big! My new dental hardware had nothing on the set of chompers this guy was modeling. You'd think instead of talking all super sexy, he would speak with a lisp around those puppies. So entranced with the length of his tusks, I reached out my hand to touch one causing him to growl at me and a responding hiss hurled itself out of my throat before I could stop it.
We sounded like a Klingon mating ritual.
"What the hell do you think you are doing?" he snapped, scowling at me. "Do you make a habit out of sticking your fingers in people's mouths?" He shuffled back and leaped to his feet in a move so graceful he could have danced the lead in Swan Lake. The mental picture of him in tights about made me swoon. Do women still do that, I wondered briefly. Well, they would if he was around in a leotard.
"Settle down snaggletooth, I was only curious." The harshness of his voice released me from my good-looking guy hypnotic trance and I hid my blush by searching for my long forgotten spoon shovel.
It wasn't much of a weapon, I thought as I grasped it carefully and lifted back into my lap. But, then again, he was most definitely a vampire. One more wiseass crack from him and I will spoon him to death. Wait...that sounded kind of kinky, but you get my point.
"Snaggletooth?" He raised one of his eyebrows at me.
I was immediately jealous. I have never been able to pull off the arched brow without looking like I was having a small seizure. Just one more reason to not like him, I thought getting to my feet.
"Yeah...well...since I don't know your name, I will go with your most prominent feature," I mumbled brushing my butt free of dirt and dead leaves.
Feeling a bit like big brother was watching, I turned to see him ogling my ass as if it was the all you can eat buffet at the blood bank. "Hey, Fang. Eyes up here."
"The name is Drake," he drawled in a velvet murmur while he slowly roved his eyes away from my butt to my face via route of my boobs.
I shivered under his perusal. Okay, he's totally a pig, but give me a break. He was hot and those eyes of his were enough to melt the polar icecaps. And who doesn't love bacon?
Forcing myself to focus, which is no easy task, I assure you. I squared my shoulders and pointed the business end of my spoon towards his chest. The size of it making my huge utensil look like a teaspoon. Whoever thought I would have spoon envy?
"Why are you here?"
"I'm here for you," he rumbled in that whiskey voice of his causing my knees to buckle. He stood with his hands on his lean hips, his trench coat falling open enough to allow me a peek of his shirt and pants clinging to him like saranwrap.
Damn him! He was holding his sexiness against me. Or...um...using that is. He was using his sexiness against me. I gulped and steadied my trembling spoon.
"It's a bit early for Halloween and I'm fresh out of Kit Kat bars." I blushed at my poor choice of words, kicking little bits of leaves and yard debris over Mr. Tinkles's fresh grave.
"You will come with me, now." His eyes glowed more intently, lighting up the area surrounding us as he took a step towards me. His boots crunching ominously. Now I knew what a deer in the headlights felt like.
"Turn down the high-beams will you? You want to wake up the whole neighborhood?" I anxiously looked around for any nosy neighbors.
I loved my Thumbelina home, but seriously, it was set in the middle of the geriatric district and observing my life seemed to be their favorite hobby outside of water aerobics and bingo.
Fang...or Drake...frowned at me. His lovely brow dropping down as if he was trying to figure out complex astrophysics theories. I knew that look. I get it every time I read "some assembly required". Ikea and I are mortal enemies, but they make a damn fine meatball.
He stepped closer to me with dark intensity surrounding him. My spoon rested against his pectorals, right over his heart, but he seemed to not notice how close to a serious pine infection of the worst kind he was about to encounter.
"You will come with me, now," he said more forcefully, passing a beefy palm over the front of my face, tickling my nose.
A pleasant earthy scent mixed with leather drifted past and I sniffed the air appreciatively. He smelled really nice, that was always a bonus when dealing with the undead. Not that I was a connoisseur of dead folks, but I imagined their fragrance wouldn't be near as attractive as his.
"You already said that," I reminded him. "Right before you lit up my yard like Christmas."
"What the fuck?" His eyes popped open wide and I could see a little glimpse of fang as his mouth dropped fractionally open. "You should be under my spell." He waved his hand a few more times in front of my face before I grabbed it.
"You're messing up my hair, Fang."
"Drake."
"Yeah...like that's so much better." I rolled my eyes. "So...if you're done playing Siegfried and Roy, I'll be on my way. Oh...and a word of advice, they have a tiger. If you are going to try and play magician, you might want to consider in investing in one or at least a rabbit or something." I patted his solid shoulder and turned to leave.
"Wait!" He reached out and clutched my arm. I don't know what kind of PMS trip I was on, but I dropped my spoon and whirled around, pushing him away from me. A throaty growl vibrating out of my throat.
Drake flew backwards as if he had a tow rope tied around his middle and someone had hit the gas. He landed hard on his ass out in the street, skidding to a stop when he came against the curb on the other side. I cringed at the road rash that was going to cause on his undoubtedly perfect derriere. Drat! I really needed to get a grip on my super strength. I wonder if Superman ever had this problem.
Feeling like I just poked a grizzly, I picked up my spoon shovel and hightailed it back to my house. I made it inside without a pissed off vampire snarling at my heels and reset the door back in the frame. Sliding the deadbolt into place, I leaned against it and breathed a sigh of relief.
He may be a good-looking SOB, but I've had enough of mysterious men to last me a lifetime. Or, in my case, thousands of lifetimes. Peeking through the blinds like Gladys from Bewitched, I looked to see if he was still out there. Apparently, my Chippendale stalker took the hint and left because the street was devoid of any leather clad snaggletoothed vampires.
Keeping my trusty spoon by my side, I made quick work of putting my kitchen back to some semblance of cleanliness from my earlier over eagerness. Although, there was no hope of reassembling the refrigerator, so I leaned the door gently against it and decided I would have to figure out a way to replace it before Mrs. Myrtle discovered what I'd done. Too bad I couldn't blame it on Fang. If I had been thinking, I could have snapped a picture of him and showed Mrs. Myrtle the fridges menacing assailant. Maybe if I could manage to get one with his shirt off, I might even get out of paying rent.
Laughing, I made my way to the living room to grab my purse and keys. I needed to get to Bed, Bath and Beyond to get my shop on. Those blackout curtains weren't going to buy themselves.
"Hello, Melanie Louise Wagner." Tall, dark and fanged lounged casually on my couch holding my billfold and I screamed like a teenage girl sitting in the front row of a One Direction concert being sweated on by Harry Styles.
So Mel and Drake finally meet! Will they makeup and become friends?
Stay tuned for the next installment of FANGED to find out .
Hey everyone! I hope you enjoyed reading this story as much as I have enjoyed writing it. If you liked it please give it a vote and comments are always appreciated. If you don't see any updates here...check out my other two stories Bending Steele or When Roses Collide.